Forbidden: Part One – Chapter 13

Well, I meant to deliver that with more tact, but there you go. I hid my face, expecting them to start yelling at me at any moment.

After Dave dropped me off at my apartment yesterday, I ran inside, piled up all the blankets I owned, and buried myself underneath. I’d just gotten settled when Sam called to let me know someone in his network could get me suppressants. Apparently, an Alliance doctor had been traveling but was returning to town and bringing suppressants with them. I’d burst into tears on the phone. I blamed my surging heat hormones, but the reality was I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have someone who cared for me like Sam did.

Suppressants wouldn’t stop my heat at this point, but taking them meant I wouldn’t be forced to choose between having sex with alphas to satisfy my heat or being in excruciating pain that could leave me with permanent damage. I knew the simplest way to avoid conflict was to go along with what Cam, Theo, and Ben expected and have sex with them during my heat. A part of me loved their hands on me and wondered what it would be like to have them see me through my heat. But the thought of having sex with three practical strangers, three alpha strangers, especially while I was most vulnerable… My stomach clenched with nausea. I couldn’t do it. But what if they rejected me because I didn’t want to have sex? What if they disregarded my wishes and did it anyway?

I jumped when Ben finally broke the silence.

“What do you mean, gorgeous? What about your heat?” He quickly added, “We never want to pressure you, but I’m worried about your safety in your heat if we don’t, you know…”

“I’ve found a way to get suppressants. They’ll dull the heat enough so I can get through it,” I said carefully.

It wasn’t until this moment that I realized I hadn’t thought this through. Telling them I wanted suppressants gave them even more ammunition to use against me. Even though they had said they weren’t angry that I had been on them, I couldn’t quite believe it.

A quiet growl rippled through Cam’s chest and I tensed, ready for him to lash out at me. The growl abruptly stopped.

“Sorry, sweetheart,” he said. “The idea of you suffering even a little bit puts me on edge. I just want you to be okay.”

I wasn’t expecting that response. It was enough to make me brave enough to uncurl slightly and make eye contact with them. I inhaled sharply when I saw their expressions of care and concern. I searched their faces for disappointment or anger and couldn’t find any. Somehow, this was even more unsettling—I didn’t know what to do with their reactions.

“I don’t want to make things hard for you or disappoint you,” I almost whispered. “But we just met and…” I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

Theo shifted to sit on the coffee table in front of me.

“Angel, just breathe. Everything is okay. None of us are mad at you. We want to support you.” Cam and Ben murmured their agreement.

Theo held his hand out to me, allowing me to decide whether to take it. I waited a minute to see if he would grow frustrated by my hesitation, but he sat patiently. I tentatively reached out until my hand was resting in his. My building panic and tension dissipated at his touch.

“Who is the suppressant supplier?” he asked, giving my hand a squeeze.

“It’s a doctor my friend knows through the Alliance. They’ve been out of town but are supposed to be back tomorrow. They’re going to call me to set it up,” I whispered.

I didn’t want to share too much, especially not Sam’s involvement, in case they turned around and reported me. Although the longer I was with them, the less likely it seemed they would betray me.

Cam brushed my hair back from my face. “Okay, sweetheart. We’ll help you get the suppressants. No one will push you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. No sex unless you want it,” he said firmly.

“We’ll do some research and see how we can support you through a suppressant-assisted heat,” Theo said.

“I don’t think you’ll be able to find any information on it,” I said. “The government removed all of that stuff from the internet.”

“Ahh, but you now have a hacker at your disposal,” Ben said with an easy smile. “We’ll get the information and do whatever we can to make you safe.”

Relief washed through me, and my eyes grew heavy. The intense conversation, all the stress I’d been through, and a string of sleepless nights were finally catching up to me.

“You look done in. Do you want to take a nap?” Cam asked.

I felt like I should say no, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I couldn’t remember the last time my body had been this relaxed. Their scents drugged me and turned me boneless. Cam stood, holding me tight to his body. I tried to force my eyes open, but instead, I pressed my face into his chest. I was vaguely aware we were walking through the house and going upstairs. I wanted to see what the rest of the house looked like, but I was too comfortable, too sleepy, to look around.

A door clicked and Cam set me down on a bed, his hands lingering for a moment before he let me go and took a small step back.

“This is… um… your room. Sorry it’s not better. We’ll fix it up,” Cam said, his voice gruff as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Without his hands on me, I was suddenly wide awake. I opened my eyes and took in the room. Even though it was sparse, it was nicer than anything I’d ever had. I could tell they had made an effort to get what I needed for my heat—the bed was massive and piled high with blankets and pillows and string lights crisscrossed the ceiling.

Cam, Ben, and Theo stood near the bed, shifting from side to side as if nervous about my reaction. Cam scowled at the room as if it had personally offended him. I’d never been in a situation before where alphas wanted to please me, and it made me feel powerful.

“The room is great,” I said, stroking one of the soft blankets. The three of them puffed up, looking thrilled by my assessment. I had to stifle a grin at how easy they were to please.

A haze of awkwardness settled on the room. None of us knew what to do next.

“Um, could I have a few minutes to myself?” I asked. I desperately wanted to change out of my horrible dress and needed some space to process everything.

“Of course,” Theo said. “We’ll be downstairs. Just let us know if you need anything.”

They filed out of the room slowly, as if they were forcing themselves to leave. When the door shut behind them, I felt empty. I pushed myself off the bed and walked to the suitcase someone had brought up. I quickly stripped off the too-tight dress my mother had gotten me, frowning at the marks left on my skin, and dressed in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I looked around, at a loss for what I was supposed to do. I should feel relieved that they’re gone, right? This was what I wanted—time alone to process. But as I took in the room, I felt deeply alone.

I glanced longingly at the bed. My omega pushed me to wrap myself up in the bundle of blankets and start nesting. The urge was stronger than it had ever been now that I was going into heat, but part of me still resisted. If I made a nest, it would make my heat real, and I wasn’t ready for that.

Resisting the bed, I walked over to the wall of blackout curtains, curious to see the view. I pushed them aside and saw that the windows were actually French doors leading out to a private balcony. The nasty voice in my head spoke up again: You don’t deserve this room. As soon as the alphas see how defective you are, they’ll kick you out. I closed my eyes, resting my forehead on the cool glass door pane, and wished I could be kinder to myself.

I hesitated before grabbing my phone and slipping onto the balcony, sitting on one of the plush outdoor chairs. The balcony looked out over the back of the house, revealing a magical wonderland of a courtyard. Pale pavers surrounded a serene pool, and roses climbed on a brick wall towards the back. It looked like something out of Pride and Prejudice. Trees provided shade around the perimeter, and a large wooden dining table and chairs sat next to a fire pit and outdoor kitchen.

It was an unusually warm day for October. The sun was shining and a slight breeze played with my hair, wafting the scent of wild roses over me. I had been so overwhelmed when we pulled up this morning that it hadn’t truly registered how gorgeous this home was. I could picture myself waking up in the mornings and enjoying coffee on the balcony or curling up in one of the lounge chairs by the pool to read.

A burst of anxiety shot through me as I realized I was already envisioning myself in this home, bonded to these alphas. What if I let my guard down and they hurt me? I quickly dialed Sam’s number.

“Josie, are you okay? Why the fuck haven’t you answered my texts?” Sam asked, sounding pissed.

I bit my lip and saw I had eighteen unopened texts from him. Oops.

“Sorry,” I said. “I’ve been a little busy.”

Sam took a deep breath. “Didn’t mean to snap. Are you at their house? What are they like? How are you doing?”

I opened my mouth to answer him and a choked sob came out instead.

“Have they hurt you?” Sam all but shouted. “That’s it. I’m coming to get you out. This whole thing is fucking ridiculous.”

“No, wait, it’s okay,” I managed to get out. “I don’t even know why I’m crying.”

“Are you hurt?” Sam asked.

“No, it’s actually… good? I don’t know. I’m so confused.”

“Take a deep breath, Josie-girl, and tell me what’s going on,” Sam said.

I heard Gerald in the background asking who they needed to kill. Gerald was the kindest, gentlest alpha I had ever met. If not for his scent, I would never have guessed his designation. Hearing him make threats in my defense eased the tightness in my chest.

“We got here this morning. My parents were awful, of course, but they weren’t here that long. The alphas—Cam, Ben, and Theo—have been really kind. The house is beautiful. It’s in the historic district and all brick and covered in roses. They showed me to my room, which has its own balcony because, apparently, these guys are like super rich. So that’s where I’m sitting now.”

Sam didn’t say anything for a minute. “I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I don’t give a flying fuck about the architecture of the house. Tell me why you were crying and what the fuck is going on with the alphas.”

“I’m scared,” I said softly.

“Scared of what?” Sam roared.

I had to be brave and tell Sam everything or he would try to organize a rescue attempt.

“I feel more comfortable with them than I ever have around alphas, except you, of course. They’re funny and kind and I’m really attracted to them. I didn’t even get freaked out when Cam held me in his lap. I thought I wanted time alone, but now I have it and I just want them to be here with me. Oh, and they said we’re fated mates and want me to stay and bond with them.”

There was another long pause before Sam finally responded. “That all sounds… good.”

I started tearing up again. “But what if it’s all a lie and once I trust them, they’ll turn around and hurt me?”

Sam let out a deep breath. “You, more than anyone, have the right to be cautious about trusting alphas. I also know you have great instincts. What’s your omega telling you?”

“Oh, she’s thrilled about everything and trusted them immediately,” I said. “But I don’t know how sound her judgment is.”

“I think pretty sound,” Sam said, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Do you believe in fated mates?” I almost whispered.

“Yeah, I do. I don’t trust anything the Designation Government has put out the past few years, including whatever bullshit research they’ve published. Fated mates used to be pretty common. I remember you reading quite a few romance stories about them,” he said, his voice teasing.

“Yeah, well, those are just stories,” I mumbled. But he was right. I had always dreamed of finding my mates, and most romance books featured them heavily. “I’m literally living out one of my fantasies right now. Three super hot, rich alphas who happen to be my mates and have an amazing house and are super nice and supportive. So why am I so terrified?”

“Did you tell them about what Glen…”

“No,” I said quickly. “I can’t… I don’t want to.”

“You have nothing to be ashamed of,” he said sharply.

When I didn’t respond, he sighed. I imagined him sprawled across the couch in the living room I had only seen in our video calls.

“I think you’ll need to tell them, but the timing’s up to you.”

He was probably right, but I couldn’t think about it right now. No matter how often Sam told me what happened wasn’t my fault, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was dirty because of it.

“So… the house is in the historic district?” Sam prompted, taking pity on me and changing the subject after I still hadn’t responded.

I grinned. “You would love it.” I paused for a second before dropping my voice, even though I knew no one could hear me out here. “I still want the suppressants. I’m not ready to go through heat with them.”

“They on board with that?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Or I’d have to fucking punch them. Mates or not, you’re still your own person. My contact confirmed that the doctor will call you tomorrow. They’re being cagey and not telling me the doctor’s name, but my contact assured me they’re reliable.”

“Thanks, Sam. I couldn’t do this without you.”

“You know I’m always here for you. I know how hard it is for you to trust your omega, but just try to follow your instincts, okay? Just because it feels like something bad is going to happen doesn’t mean it will.”

After I hung up, I was overwhelmed by the sudden urge to be with my alphas. I walked back into the room and stood by the door, my hand on the doorknob. What now? Could I just go downstairs? What if they didn’t want me around right now? The thought of them rejecting me froze me to the spot. And there I stood, unable to take a step towards them.