Forbidden: Part One – Chapter 2

I collapsed on the couch in a tangled mess, my body shaking. A metal spring from the cushion dug into my back, but I couldn’t find the energy to move. I clenched my phone in trembling hands, fumbling as I tried to dial Sam’s number.

I was supposed to meet the black market supplier two days ago for my suppressants, but they didn’t show. Sam arranged for me to meet a different supplier last night, but they didn’t show either. This was the first time I was without suppressants since turning eighteen… with the exception of the two years I spent at the Designation Academy. I had been too starved and stressed to go into heat then. But now, every second without my suppressants felt like I was hurtling towards a dangerous edge, facing a fall I wasn’t sure I’d survive.

The phone rang and I bit my lip, wondering if Sam would pick up this late. I exhaled the breath I didn’t realize I was holding when I heard his groggy voice on the line. A pang of longing shot through me—being without my best friend for the past year was agony.

“Josie, where the fuck have you been? I’ve been calling and texting you all day,” Sam hissed in a low voice.

“I’m sorry it’s so late,” I blurted out, my throat tight. “I ran out of money to put minutes on my phone, and I was just able to reload it.”

“I don’t like you being out on your own so late.” I heard rustling through the phone and Gerald’s sleepy voice asking Sam what was happening.

“I don’t like it either,” I responded, trying not to sound defensive. Suddenly, all the terror of the day caught up with me, and I choked out a sob.

“Fuck, Josie, please don’t cry,” Sam said.

“Sorry,” I responded, trying to contain my tears. “Just a lot of alphas around today.”

My phone beeped, and I saw Sam was inviting me to a video call.

“Answer it. I need to see that you’re okay.”

I snorted, unsure how my blotchy, tear-streaked face would be convincing, but I did as he asked.

Sam’s face came into focus, illuminated by his phone’s light in the dark room. Just seeing his face eased the lump in my throat. Sam was all warmth from his dark brown afro, brown skin, and deep, caring eyes. No one made me feel as seen or cared for as he did.

“No one hurt you, right?” Sam asked, a hint of panic in his voice.

“No, I’m fine,” I said, but the words felt false on my tongue. “Except… I’m in withdrawal. If I don’t get suppressants, I’ll go into heat soon.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m so sorry, but I don’t have good news,” Sam said, keeping his voice low. “I spent all day trying to find another supplier, anyone who might be able to get you pills or injections. We got news this morning that they arrested the guy you were supposed to meet yesterday. The black market communication channels over here must have been infiltrated because the cops knew exactly where to find them.”

A shiver worked its way down my spine as I realized how easily I could have been caught if the cops had waited a bit longer to arrest the dealer.

“Josie, I don’t know what to do.” Sam ran his hand over his face, and I heard the exhaustion and desperation in his voice. He always did everything he could to protect me.

Helplessness covered me like a suffocating blanket, and a panic attack clawed at my chest. I needed to get up and move. My muscles ached as I forced myself up and started pacing the dark living room.

“I’m so sorry. Please believe I’m trying everything I can.”

“You don’t get to feel guilty about this,” I choked out, my throat painfully tight. “I wouldn’t have survived this long without you. None of this is your fault.”

“Fuck, please promise me you won’t do anything desperate. Maybe we can get you out, get you into Sol.”

Omegas had the same rights as betas in Sol province, one of the many reasons the Designation Government prohibited us from traveling there. In rare circumstances, bonded omegas could move there with their packs, but I’d never heard of an unbonded omega successfully leaving Luna province.

“Luc said my scent is already changing,” I whispered. “I have mandatory blood work scheduled in two weeks. I think time’s run out on me.”

Sam was silent, his face unreadable, but I thought I heard his breath hitch as if he was crying.

“I hate this. I hate them all,” he said suddenly, eyes wild.

I started at his raised voice, tripping on the corner of my rug and slamming my shin against my side table. Fuck, that hurt. I collapsed back on the couch, rubbing the aching spot on my leg. The pain was grounding, cutting through a bit of my panic.

Gerald murmured in the background, and his hand appeared in the frame, soothingly running up and down Sam’s arm. Gratitude overwhelmed me that my best friend wasn’t alone. Sam might have more freedom as an alpha, but he had his own secret—his alpha roommate, Gerald, was his romantic partner.

The Designation Laws not only curtailed every freedom omegas formerly held, they also made clear what sorts of relationships alphas could have, and same-sex ones were firmly forbidden. Gerald had lived on the opposite side of the province, and the two met on a secret online network and fell in love without ever seeing what the other looked like. They had planned to form a pack and move in with each other after college, but then Sam’s father found their text messages. He threatened to report his own son to the authorities unless Sam left Luna province, all to protect the family from the supposed shame of having a gay son. Fortunately, both Gerald and Sam were offered jobs in Sol after they finished their engineering degrees. It meant an opportunity for them to finally be together.

“I’m going to keep asking around. I’m sure there’s someone in the city who can get suppressants. Please don’t give up,” Sam pleaded. “It would kill me if you did anything to hurt yourself. I need you to promise you will not do anything desperate.”

Last year, after two torturous years at the Designation Academy, I had been forced to return to my parents’ house. I’d terrified Sam when he’d visited and found me curled up in my dark bedroom, wanting to die. He had been prepared to give up his job, risk being arrested, and lose his chance to be with Gerald just to make sure I was safe. I had flat-out refused, unwilling to let him ruin his chance at happiness for me. We’d finally agreed on a compromise—he worked a loophole in the law that allowed me to move into his vacant apartment as long as his name stayed on the lease and he continued to pay rent. The Designation Laws didn’t forbid omegas from living on our own; we just weren’t allowed to sign a rental agreement, hold a bank account, or have a job.

I missed him so much it hurt. He was the only one in my life I could trust, and I hated that he was so far away. I hated that I would have to navigate this next bit alone.

“I promise. I won’t give up,” I said, trying to sound braver than I felt.

There was a long pause. “Maybe you can find a good pack.”

I scrunched my nose at him.

“I mean, it’s a long shot. But you still get the final say in what pack you choose. You never know; you could find a great fit. There are… good alphas out there.” Sam’s voice sounded almost strangled.

“How hard was that to say out loud?” I asked with a laugh.

Sam and I grew up surrounded by the worst examples of alphas. My childhood fantasies of joining a pack of strong, handsome, loving alphas had been effectively stomped on and set on fire by my upbringing.

Sam laughed. “Yeah, okay, it felt like shit. No alphas are good enough to deserve you because you deserve the fucking world. I just want you to be safe and happy.”

“Thanks,” I said, rubbing my aching chest. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, so much. I’m going to keep looking for options. We’re going to talk every single day. No retreating from me, Josie.”

I promised Sam I would stay in constant communication before hanging up the phone, the silent darkness enveloping me.

I sunk down into the couch cushions. I’d been putting off the inevitable for the past five years. While part of me had always known this day would come, I had hoped the world would change before it did—the Designation Laws would be repealed, omegas would be allowed access to suppressants legally, and we wouldn’t be forced to join with alphas when blood tests revealed our first heats were imminent.

The unfairness of everything threatened to overwhelm me as I thought of the horrible community I grew up in, my childhood friends whose alphas had forbidden them from spending time with anyone outside the pack, and the news stories of bonded omegas being found dead in the bay and their packs never investigated. I wanted to do something with all my fear and anger, but instead, I curled up on the couch and lay there frozen until the first rays of sunlight crept through the window hours later.