Chapter 24

Lucas

No one ever tells you how hard it is after giving birth. I thought after giving birth to Tobias, I will miraculously get my body back and feel less insecure, but no, I feel more worse about my physical appearance than before.

I look myself at mirror, poking my belly pooch and running my fingers over my scar underneath my bellybutton. " I'm never getting pregnant again ." I mumble after a few seconds of frowning at my stomach .

" Are you sure? He's a cutie!" Nathan walks in the bedroom, holding Tobias in his arms . Whose face instantly lights up when I meet his handsome face .

" Yeah, one is enough." I pull down my sweater . I have been wearing and buying a lot of baggy clothes lately . I don't know why, hiding underneath them makes me feel a little better about myself.

" If you say so!" Nathan starts rocking Tobias in his arms.  His small cute giggles filling the room . I go back to what I was doing, picking up deserted toys on the floor and dirty clothes.  Weekends are no longer my favourite . The work I have to do just drains me .

It has only been 1 year, 1 year and trying to go to the gym . Nothing has changed . Nothing . Though, I must say, I lack consistency . Especially in the morning when Nathan tries to wake me up for his morning runs . I always hit him with a pillow then go back to sleep .

" Are you listening? ?" I feel a pair of  arms around my waist . I instantly elbow Nathan off me . " Ouch! That hurts ."He groans but i don't pay no mind to that .

" What were you even saying?" I turn around so he wouldn't surprise me again . The thought of being touched, any way sexual, repulses me at the moment.

" That .. I'm going out with Wylder for a few drinks ."

" No, you are not ." I hold up my hand when he tries to say something" Don't, please . You are not going, that's final Nathan ."

" That's unfair, I have been working my ass off the whole week . I deserve this break from parenting."

" What was I doing the whole week then? Slacking off? You can't have a break from parenting Nathan . The minute we decided to have this baby, was the minute you gave up you-"

" You only get to go to school, come home and sleep whenever Tobias sleeps . I never do that , I'm always up , either doing some work or looking after Tobias for you ." Nathan whispers harshly. His eyes burning with anger .

" I can't believe this , I should have known better, I should have listened to Joshua when he warned me about you!"

" What did you just say?" Nathan grips my arm but I yank it out of his tight grip . Walking away, wiping my falling tears in frustration .

He doesn't get to play the victim here . Does he even know how hard it is for me to look after Tobias after school? Especially when I have assignments and homework due the following day . I hardly have time for myself, I don't even remember the last time I took a long warm bath without Tobias crying out for me .

***

" How has being a dad treating you?" Joshua asks while holding an excited Tobias in his lap .

" I feel like with each passing day, I'm losing my mind ." I smile over at Tobias . He can't stop stealing glances over Joshua, squealing in excitement whenever Joshua blows raspberries on his cheek .

" I can imagine, with school and everything . " Joshua glances over me" Are you sure you are getting enough sleep? "

" No...just that . Nathan and I have been fighting a lot lately . " I admit, running my hand over the soft blanket on top of me .

" Oh what have you been fighting about?"

" You know, everything . He's been complaining about how he does everything for us while ..." I half shrug . I don't know how to feel, last night's fight was the first and Nathan slept in the guestroom for the first time since we started living here .

" Well, he's supposed to be doing all of that for you two . He's the one that knocked you up after all!" Joshua state , sounding rather upset .

" I just wish I could...help you know?" I look over Joshua . " Maybe dropping out and looking for a job, or something?"

Joshua looks at me like I have suggested the craziest idea ever . "No, you are not doing such a thing . You are already doing enough Lucas . Where was he last time Tobias was sick? At work! You had to do it all by yourself . He didn't even come home and check on you two . He .."

Joshua breathes out heavily, putting Tobias on the carpeted floor . " Let me grab both of something to drink ."

I nod in understanding . I can sense how furious he is . The whole situation is upsetting, I agree . I wave my hand over Tobias, who just giggles at me while playing with his car toy on the floor .

" I don't mean this in a bad way, but don't you think you and Nathan rushed this 'living together ' thing?" Josh enters the room with two cups in hand .By the smell of it, I can only assume that it's coffee.

" I'm starting to think so too." I mumble, laying back on the couch " it doesn't matter now, There's a baby involved ."

" Doesn't mean you should be stuck in a loveless relationship" Josh says, but how he says it sounds rather harsh .

" What about you and Wylder?" I shoot him a look when his face goes blank .

" Everything is fine ." He then hands me the cup of coffee, turning to the muted TV across the room .

I can sense that there's more to it but I just keep my mouth shut . Josh is not the type of a person to pour out his problems to anyone. He likes keeping things to himself . Trying to get him to open up would be pointless.

***