Chapter 51

NATHANIEL

I hold my hand up for Lucas to take . " Noooo , it's getting windy and I'm sure the water is cold!" He whines but I pull him off the ground anyways .

" Then I will make sure your feet don't touch the water and you are warm!" Before he could ask how, I pull him towards the loud sea.

We have already eaten and talked more about our lives than the past few years.  Tonight's conversations are flowing so effortlessly, I wish I could have done this sooner.  However I'm glad it's happening now.

We start to walk side by side, brushing against each other so often as we watch the sky turn into night .

Very often, I find my eyes running over Lucas' face while he's looking at the sky full of stars and the ocean that seems to mesmerize him . And if I'm being honest?I don't think you realise that you love someone until you do . I think that is what makes it so beautiful. There's no loud screeching, halt inside of your heart , no neon sign that suddenly lights up and lets you know that you have found your favourite person. No, I don't think it works like that .

I think it's quiet and calmer like how I feel right now while looking at him . Everything feels serene, peaceful and I almost want to laugh at myself because in the midst of all this chaos with Axel, I still want Lucas in my life . I want to fight for him, for Tobias, for our future together.

" Have you ever looked in the mirror?" I blurt out the words that occupy my mind .

" Uh--what?" Lucas turns to me. His questioning eyes searching mine in confusion.

" You are the most beautiful man I have ever laid my eyes on . The best thing that has ever happened to me in a long time." I tell him with no hesitation because that's the truth, all of it .

Lucas gulps , shaking his head a little as he steps back.  " I don't -- I don't know what to say ." He whispers softly. His cheeks turning red at my smirking face.

" You don't have to say anything. " I take his hand into mine, liking how it fits perfectly . " I just wanted you to know." I add .

He shyly looks down at our joined hands . " I wish we could stay like this forever. "

" Me too." I say quietly. We go back to looking at the sea as the waves crashed.

" Why is such a beautiful place deserted?" Lucas glances to me " I mean, I expected to see some people." He explains .

" Oh" i say in realization" This part of the beach is owned by James.  It's the backyard of his beach house ." I motion towards the huge dark house I think Lucas hasn't noticed yet .

" How did you get James to agree to this?" His mouth twitches into a smile when I just shrug.  " Don't tell me you didn't ask him before we came here?"

" Oh I did!" I simper. Thinking of how James bluntly refused when I asked , the thought itself makes me simper even more .

" And?" Lucas nudges my hand . Looking at my face , waiting for a reply .

" He said no but--"

" Nathaniel!"

"'What doesn't ki-- " I stop dead on my tracks ." You said my name out loud?"

" Yeah? I did" Lucas seems too oblivious. He gawk at my shocked face . " What's happening?" He squints at my joyful face .

" You freaking said my full name !" I point out . Not getting why he doesn't get it . He seems to pounder over it for a while until he finally realises what I mean .

" Nathaniel?" He mutters again playfully, that only brings a smile to my face and I wish he could say it over and over again. It sounds so perfect coming out of his mouth. So right. It has been a long time since someone used my full name . Almost everyone has gotten used to calling me Nathan .

" You never told me who named you Nathaniel . Was it your mother or father?" Lucas' question snaps me out of my little world .

I look from the sea to him , hesitant on whether I should tell him or not . I want to but whenever I think of my parents . A part of me breaks a little . I loved them so much and I lost them so young .

" It's a funny story actually...." I trail off . Thinking of how Mrs. Kevens used to narrate it to me every single night before bedtime . Stories about my parents were my bedtime stories growing up.  It was the best time of my life.

" Well, I would love to hear it ." Lucas beckons besides me . I nod, my mind drifting back to the first time I heard Mrs. Kevens told me about it .

" Well, Mrs. Kevens was my mother's best friend . They grew up together and even went to the same school and everything . When my mother got pregnant, she was ecstatic . She wouldn't stop talking to me in her womb.  She even thought I was a girl ..." I let a small laugh at the thought . Lucas squeezes my hand a little, urging me to continue .

I sigh, swallowing down the lump in my throat . " So when my mother went into labour . My father was by her side every step of the way. She went into labour for hours, my mother even confessed that she might have pooped while trying to push me out . Although the nurses told her she didn't, my father insisted that he saw it!" I shake my head a little with a faint smile . Recalling how Mrs. Kevens used to say how my father had no filter. He said anything that popped up in his head.

Lucas giggles beside me.  " I can imagine how embarrassed your mother was!"

" Oh she was more than embarrassed.  " The smile slowly fades away as I dig deeper into the memory " Then I finally came out . I wasn't crying or anything . My mother was so scared , she even started praying silently while the nurses tended to me. Even when the doctor announced that I was a boy, the room was too silent to show any sign of excitement or joy . " I breathe out heavily. Closing my eyes at the memory.

" ---After what felt like hours without me showing no sign of life . My mother cried out to hold me . My father was right beside her. Not knowing what to even do himself.  The nurses couldn't do anything more to bring back to life, as they thought I was dead . A still born . So they placed me on my mother's chest, watched as she caressed ....and talked to me silently, telling me to wake up...." I can imagine how scared she was. I know that if It happened with Tobias, I wouldn't be able to hold back . He's my world .

" And what happened?" Lucas whispers, staring at my face with interest .

I smile down at him" I opened my eyes and started to cry . My mother was in tears, even the nurses and the doctor were so touched by the moment . That's when my mother knew that Nathaniel was the best name for me. I was, after all, a gift for her from God. The name just spilled out of her mouth without hesitation . It was perfect for her son, for their son ." I start chewing on my lower lip. I don't want Lucas seeing me like this. I haven't cried since forever and I'm not about to cry now.

" That is such a beautiful story ." Lucas surprisingly throws his arms around me.  The warmth itself and how tightly he holds on to me makes me melt completely in his embrace .

I suddenly remember being very little and being embraced by my father. I would try to put my arms around my father's waist, hug him back. I could never reach the whole way around the equator of his body; he was that much larger than life.Now that I have grown up. I wish I could have another chance to hug him, one last time. I would do anything to have just a few moments with him . I squeeze my eyes shut , and try hard not to even think about anything sadder.  Instead I focus on Lucas, burying my face in his shoulder, inhaling the warm feeling that reminds me of home, peace and love .

After what felt like eternity, Lucas finally pulls away. Not stepping away from me, he looks up to me.  I get lost in his brown eyes that speak to me without having to hear him directly from his mouth, I don't realise it until I feel two cold hands cupping both of my cheeks. Placing a small quick kiss on my mouth and shyly stepping away from me.

I touch my lips , the tingling feeling of how quick and sweet the kiss was brings a smile to my face . "'Wh-does this means we are moving to the n-next stage of our lives?"I wonder out loud . Gaping at Lucas .

" Perhaps, yes. I want us to be more than  Lucas and Nathan. I want us to be in a relationship whereby our main goal is to get married . That's how sure I am about us. " Lucas mumbles . His eyes only focusing on the horizon. You would think brown eyes are just brown eyes until you fall in love with someone with brown eyes.And that's how I feel at the moment, in love .

***

We ended the date with me in Lucas' bedroom . I escorted him in here . We tried being as silent as we could when we entered the house. It was almost midnight and  Tobias was already in bed. We checked on him on our way here .

Lucas plopped down on his bed " This was the best night ever!" He said in awe.  I joined him, nodding at his words .

We silently stare at the flat blank screen across the room on the wall . The TV he hardly ever used but I planted it on his wall anyways .

" Do you want to go on a date with me again?" I asked . Holding my breath as Lucas kept silent beside me .

" Yeah, I would love that ." He whispered after an unbearable pause . He swiftly stood up , pulling down his pants right in front of me .

" Uh--" I cleared my throat. Unsure of what to make of the situation ." Should I lea--"

" No." He kicked away his pants then his shirt followed . He kept his gaze from meeting mine .  He then did the unthinkable, he took a seat right on my lap .

" What are you doing?" I ask . Not quite liking the fact that he's literally on his boxers right on my lap, the sight itself makes me wanna run my hands all over his body.

" I want to be close to you ..." He tries to get me out of my shirt but I don't compile.  " Don't you want that?"

" I do but not like this. "

" But I want to...this time I'm sure . " He nibbles down my neck . His hands roaming under my shirt . My body shivers slightly, feeling like the war inside me is slowly dispensing.

" Lucas i--" I groan internally when his hands pressed down my hard on. Fuck!

My head spins when he crashes his lips onto mine.  Resting my hands on his exposed warm hips . His hands move from my wood to my stomach, pushing me down slowly on the bed without breaking the kiss. Any fight that I had in me about now not being a good time evaporates out of my mind, only the thoughts of how Lucas feels above me makes me want to ravish him all night long .

The groan I have been holding rumbles out of me as he climbs on top of me . His firm thighs straddles me. " Let me do this for you . I want to make you feel good ." Before I could understand what he means, he already has me on his soft hand, stroking my shaft tenderly. My heart takes off in a fast, pounding gallop. Making me realise how much I missed his touch .

I should stop him . I know I should but I can't think straight . He's so warm, soft and smells so good  . His hands move eagerly over my shaft and before I know it, he has my pants pulled down. Reality kicks in real fast when I feel the cold air hit my naked lower part.

" Lucas..." My voice is low but yet Lucas manages to hear me. His lustful eyes meet mine " I just don't want to rush it ." I confess .

" It's just a blowjob ."Lucas reassures me with a smile.  " I promise I won't go anywhere further than that ." He gently grabs hold of my shaft . The surprise makes my breath hitch .

" Okay ." I finally utter. Lucas immediately goes down on me . He starts to kiss down my length. I try to suppress the moans and groans coming out of me . Clenching my toes in ecstasy when his head bobs up and down. I feel like my lower half is on fire, a familiar feeling starts building up inside my stomach.  I start to thrust my hips forward, meeting Lucas halfway with a groan .

I don't know how long we go on like this but my eyes start to water and my vision blurs as I cum right in his mouth . Lucas doesn't miss the chance to suck me clean . I just stare at him in daze as he crawls up , kissing my forehead then laying over my chest with his arms around my torso . Before I could say anything, Lucas starts to drift off. His droopy eyes meet mine one last time before they close. I'm just left there staring down his face with so much warmth in my heart . My eyes falling to the full lips that were around my shaft a few minutes ago, that only makes me fluster. What did I do to deserve such a beautiful human being?

***