31: To Celebrate Being Young And Dumb

"We need to celebrate!" A booming voice called from behind Sam and me, causing me to jump. Technically it was lunchtime, so it wasn't all that early. But I was tired and easily irritable, so I turned to face the person with a scowl.

It was Dennis, who seemed as chipper as ever as he waltzed over to us. We sat at the usual spot in the courtyard, Sam and me on one of the benches. There was plenty of space between us, but it didn't even matter. The entire school already took its sweet time staring at us in bewilderment whenever they caught us in the same vicinity without arguing. People really couldn't fathom that our aversion to one another seemed to drift away. If only they knew the truth.

"Celebrate what?" I asked in a monotone voice, staring at him with confusion. What the hell did any of us have to celebrate anymore?

Dennis repeated my words in a mocking tone that sounded nothing like me before he sat down on the edge of the table. "The fact that this is going to end soon."

I glanced at Sam. "What's ending?"

"The crazy shit we've all been dealing with?" Dennis explained like I was a child, then he held out his palms as he carried on with his absurd ramblings. "I think, since it's finally coming to an end, we should all get drunk as fuck this weekend and party likes there's no tomorrow. Because there really might not be a tomorrow, so let's have fun while we can."

Those words, despite how enthusiastically he expressed them, left a sour feeling in my stomach. I got the urge to throw up, because the anxiety I had been doing my best to push to the side recently crashed into me like a tidal wave. We had no idea what was going to happen on Monday. The fact that Dennis could be so casual about potential fatalities was only unsettling.

"We'll be fine." Sam told him, but I got the feeling that he was saying it more for me to hear. Like he could sense my sudden panic.

"Either way, we need to party like crazy!" Dennis declared with even more vigor, speaking like an immovable object. "I've been asking around and there's this party happening on Saturday. We're absolutely going."

"You mean Chloe's party." He didn't sound pleased in the slightest, and to be honest, neither was I. The last person I wanted to interact with more was Chloe, especially after the awkward kiss and then that weird fight with Jocelyn. There was no way in hell she would even let me come along with Sam & Co.

"Yup." Dennis nodded without a second thought, eyes lit up as he likely imagined himself drinking and finding some pretty girl to sleep with.

However, Sam quickly shattered his hopes with the shake of his head. "I'm not going."

Dennis frowned. "Why not? She's your cousin."

"I'm mad at her right now." He replied sternly.

"What are you mad at her about? Since when do you get that upset with her?"

Sam bit his lip, frowning in a way that was more Sawyer-like than usual. "She's been extra frustrating recently and I really can't deal with it at the moment."

Dennis was not pleased to hear his aversion, groaning like a child that was told they couldn't get a toy at the store. The two of them had an interesting friendship. I knew that Sam was closer with Dennis than Brian and Caden, but I could never exactly figure out why. Dennis seemed to only really care about women, alcohol, and being a himbo. Maybe it was his fierce loyalty that drew Sam to his side, because they definitely seemed to have that in common.

"I'm not going to make you." Dennis sighed. "But can you at least consider it? You will probably barely see her all night, and it's the only interesting thing happening this weekend."

"Maybe." Sam pursed his lips. "She might not even let me in her house."

"She will if Sawyer comes along."

Hearing my name mentioned, I furrowed my brow. "What does this have to do with me? Why would she be more inclined if I was there?"

"Because she's super into you." Dennis replied as if the answer was obvious.

"I'm pretty sure it's the opposite after what happened at the last party."

"Trust me, she'll just be pleased that you're even thinking about her enough to come to the party. She probably won't even come onto you with the hopes of making you jealous."

"Who won't come onto Sawyer?" A new voice came from behind me, startling me. But I knew immediately that it simply belonged to my best friend. Her tone was curious.

"Chloe." Dennis told her before I could shush him.

"There's no way I'm letting that bitch near him after the stunt she pulled!" Millie yelled exasperatedly, plopping down on the bench with a huff. Just as I predicted, she was not at all pleased by the idea of entering Chloe's domaine.

"She's having a party this weekend, do you want to come with?" Dennis ignored what she said with ease. "We're going to party like there's no tomorrow. Plus the richer the host is, the nicer the booze."

"You are also rich." Sam unenthusiastically replied, gazing at Dennis with a complicated expression. "Why not host the party?"

"My parents would end my life and you know that. Why don't you?" He countered.

"I don't want a bunch of randoms in my home. Who knows what they'll do to my prized collections."

"Then it's settled, we must go to Chloe's." He spoke with pure certainty, an immovable object with a smug expression. I didn't exactly feel excited by his proposition. The last thing I wanted to do was play diplomat and pretend to like Chloe even the smallest amount. There was zero amiability between us, and I was not interested in creating some.

Sam was clearly in deep thought over the matter, properly contemplating the logistics of the situation. I didn't really enjoy parties all that much, though spending it with Sam didn't sound all that bad. However, I could already feel the inevitable dread of potentially winding up somewhere without him. What if Chloe was pushy again? It sounded easier to simply avoid the scenario altogether.

"What is everyone talking about?" A happy-go-lucky tone broke everyone out of their thoughts, and I definitely didn't need to turn around to know who was speaking.

Joining us fashionably late was the missing half of Sam & Co. Caden took a seat across from us, and Brian was only a step behind him just like always. Joined at the hip was an understatement when it came to those two. It was relieving to see them perfectly back to normal, since few things seemed to remain normal in our lives nowadays.

"We're going to Chloe's this weekend to celebrate being young and dumb." Dennis informed them, entirely ignoring the argument that was exchanged in favor of making his own rules.

"Yay! I love a party." Caden grinned, immediately excited.

"The rest of us have not decided if we're going yet." Sam rolled his eyes at Dennis.

"Semantics." He waved his comment off.

"I don't think I want to go if she's there. She pisses me off." Millie scowled, looking at me for support. "Surely you guys think it's wrong how she acted towards Sawyer. And the way she responded to me telling her off about it left a bad taste in my mouth."

"You what?" I blurted, not entirely invested in this conversation until this moment. When the hell did she do that? No one ever bothered to share this information with me.

Millie looked at me with an expression that indicated I was stupid. "Why would I not give her shit for it? I said I was going to yell at her, and I always keep my word."

"You never told me about this. What did you say?"

"I called her pathetic and gross for thinking it was okay to force herself onto someone. To which she said I was ridiculous for thinking that she would ever have to do that. So I was like well you literally did. And she was like you're just jealous." Millie waved her hands around while she spoke. "And Jocelyn was there, so she was trying to defend her as well. Saying something about misreading the situation. But, like, it's not your fault that she couldn't get the hint."

"I can't believe you went and did that." I felt pretty embarrassed knowing that this conversation ever happened. It was sweet of her to defend me so vehemently, but I never asked her to go out of her way over this. "It wasn't that extreme, she just kissed me."

"Sawyer, you always insist that things don't bother you even when they obviously do." Millie replied. "And what kind of friend would I be if I didn't give her a piece of my mind?"

Suddenly, Dennis spoke up with a smirk on his lips. "I've got to admit, Millie. You are a force to be reckoned with and it's pretty cool."

Something about his tone unsettled me. Was he flirting with her? "What do mean by that?"

Dennis held his hands up in defense. "I just mean that she's a good friend."

"Sure you do." I muttered.

The last thing I needed was someone as incapable of commitment as Dennis getting too close to my best friend. Millie was not like him, she wouldn't be able to remain unattached even if she tried. Just like it was her job to defend me even when I wasn't around, it was my job to protect her from freaks like Dennis.

"Well, thank you, Dennis." She straightened up in her seat, making me a bit nervous. "I am a phenomenal friend."

"Millie, I think we should hang out more." Caden said. "I like your vibes."

For some reason, Caden saying something like that didn't bother me much. He didn't strike me as the type who would try to get too close to her, and he seemed to be fairly innocent. And a part of me was actually somewhat relieved to see Sam & Co. becoming closer with Millie. One day they would all inevitably find out about Sam and my's relationship, and I was hoping that it would be easier for all of us to integrate into a proper friendship. Especially because Millie deserved to have more friends than just me.

"I like your vibes too." She smiled warmly, and I could sense the excitement within her. Neither of us got out much prior to our involvement with this group, so I could tell that she was happy for the change. Unlike me, she was a somewhat social person. Millie struggled with being alone and longed to find comfort in others. Previously, I was enough for her. Now I was leaving her to drown on her own.

I felt like such a shitty friend, even if it wasn't necessarily within my control.

From there the conversation carried off into other random topics. My thoughts trailed off into oblivion, grappling with the different facets of our future. Monday could be the end, or it could be a new beginning. Perhaps nothing would change. How well could we continue to adapt? The anxiety constantly eating away at me was going to leave me hollowed out, and I had a strong feeling that I wasn't the only one.

I glanced at Sam beside me. Those bruises on his face were horrific. His friends seemed to run out of things to say when they learned about them. We were all running out of responses, falling into a sick complacency that shouldn't have been possible. It seemed that we could only get hurt so many times before it simply became our fucked up normal.

And we were reaching that threshold.

•O•O•

Rewrite Hope here to say that this chapter had me stuck for literal monthhssss ! Idk why but it was killing me trying to write it. At least it's done now.