chapter 23

Chapter 23MishalI felt so good after speaking to Sana on the phone. Only she was the person who understood me and my emotions so well. I could never thank God for letting her be in my life. Just when I turned off the bedside lamp and lay down on the bed to catch up on some sleep, my phone beeped again. Who could be calling me at this hour now? I wondered, and I reached out for my phone only to find an incoming call from Daniel. Why was he calling me at this time? Unfortunately, I could not stop myself from answering his call, no matter what day or time it was. I could ignore the rest of the world except for him.‘Hello?’ I answered, my heart pounding against my ribs. ‘Mishal?’ he said, his voice breaking. It was very unusual of him to call my name accurately. Most of the time he would call me Mitchelle.‘Yes?’ I asked, worried. ‘Can I come over?’I was appalled at his question. He had never said this to me before. ‘What happened? Is everything okay?’‘I don’t think so I’m okay. I need you, Mishal. I just need to be with you. Please, can I come over?’I sighed, contemplating what to do next. Having him in my room at this hour could spark controversy or land me in some major trouble. If I sat down here and thought of the repercussions of what could happen when someone saw him in my room, I could never follow the advice Sana had given me earlier. I would not think of any negative consequences and would only focus on things I liked doing. And, right now, I wanted to let him in my room and be there for him. He needed me. I needed him. So why should I let myself worry about stupid consequences? I decided I wouldn’t think about it too much and only follow my heart. I breathed into the phone. ‘Yes. You can come over.’He ended the call without responding, and I instantly got off the bed, reaching for the balcony window. As soon as I came out on the terrace, I made sure to switch off the lights there so nobody could see us together. When the lights went off, I turned around and caught Daniel’s glimpse from his side of the terrace. He looked like a mess, his face pale and his hair disheveled. My heart leapt out as soon as I saw him in such a condition. Our eyes locked with each other’s for a brief moment before he jumped over the wall and landed on my terrace. Without thinking much, I reached for him and helped him stand on his feet. He held me by my shoulders and stood on the ground, making himself steady. ‘Come inside.’ Holding him by his arm, I ushered him inside my room before anyone caught us standing together on my terrace. Once we were inside, I was quick to close the balcony window in fear of getting caught. As I shut the window, I realized my hand was still holding his arm. His skin was warm against my touch. Warmer than normal. It was as if he was boiling up. I faced him, curiously putting my hand flat across his forehead to check if he had a temperature. Much to my surprise, his forehead felt hot to touch. ‘Daniel…’ I said, deeply concerned. ‘You are running a fever.’He looked into my eyes innocently. ‘I think it’s better you should rest…’ I held his arm and made him sit on my bed. He held my hand, looking into my eyes as I hovered above him, worried. ‘There’s nothing to worry about. I’m fine.’‘No, you’re not fine. You are sick, and you need rest.’He sighed, defeatedly shaking his head. ‘Mitchelle…’I made him lie on my bed, put the quilt over him, and adjusted the pillow underneath his head so he could rest well. I hovered above him again, whispering into his ear. ‘Lie down and sleep. I’ll go and get some medicine for you.’As I began to slide away from him, he caught hold of my hand and pulled me towards him. We were only a few inches apart, our eyes and lips only a few inches away from each other. I was close to him so much so that I could smell the fragrance of the cologne he was wearing, hear his heartbeat, and feel his breath against my neck. All parts of me were melting from inside, and he had no idea about it. He whispered against my lips, his breath intermingling with mine. ‘I don’t need any medicine. I just need you.’For a second I thought he was going to kiss me so I closed my eyes in anticipation. Except that he didn’t. I realized if I kept my eyes closed for long, he would know what I was thinking, so I opened my eyes quickly. ‘Please lie down next to me and talk to me. That’s all I ever need.’ He slowly reached for my face, caressed my cheek, and finally tucked my hair behind my ear. I slowly nodded, breathing his scent in deeply. The lights in my room were already dim, so I did not have to turn off any lights. Hesitant, I got into the bed and sat down next to him. Daniel was too tall that I was worried there would not be enough space for him on my bed. But I was wrong because my bed wasn’t small for him—it was just about his size. My heartbeat accelerated when he held my hand. His skin still felt warm against mine. Before I could ask him to take some medicine, he inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, trying to relax. ‘I convinced myself not to come here…but I couldn’t stop myself,’ he whispered, looking at our hands. I leaned against the headboard, rested my arm on the pillow, and listened to him, my other hand still in his grip. ‘Why couldn’t you stop yourself?’He shifted his gaze to me, his eyes boring into mine, and whispered, ‘I did not want to be alone.’I pressed my lips together. ‘Well, you’re not alone now.’He rested his head against my shoulder, making my heart skip a beat. ‘Do you know why I left Pakistan a few years back?’After knowing what topic he was about to broach, I readied myself to hear all he had to say. Before this moment, I had not seen him talking about those days… or that incident in particular. But, before this moment, we had not been this close to each other. ‘I… I don’t know much,’ I told him, pretending I did not know much. He sighed. ‘Fariha put a false accusation on me by saying I tried to assault her physically.’I feigned shock. ‘What?’He breathed. ‘Yes.’‘How could she do that? And why?’‘She wanted to become my girlfriend, and I turned down that offer… So she went against me and took revenge by accusing me falsely.’I became quiet as memories from the past flashed before me. I could not help but feel mortified at how I agreed to provide a false testament against him. It’s not like I had much choice; I was helpless. ‘Everyone in the family turned against me, including Khalid Butt. Apparently, someone came out in the front and testified against me, proving that I had physically assaulted Fariha. That testimony itself was enough to make the entire family believe I was the culprit. I wonder who that fucking person was who gave a false statement against me. I still have not been able to find them.’I gulped as I heard him say those words. His words for that person contained so much wrath. I wondered how he would react when he came to know that person was none other than me. He would feel betrayed and hurt. He continued, making me come out of the trance. ‘Khalid Butt left no fuckin’ chance to humiliate my Mum. She felt mortified because I had stained her name, her upbringing. Even though she believed in me, she could not do anything to protect me from everyone. Had I stayed here, it would have become difficult for her to save her home, her second marriage. So, she decided it was better if I did not live with her and her family. She called my Dad and told him that she was sending me to him… I was forced to leave Pakistan and move to Australia to live with my Dad… who I did not share any sort of bond with.’I listened to him quietly as I stroked my fingers on his hand. ‘I had a terrible time growing up in Australia with my Dad and without Mum. I had never spent a single day without her, so when I had to live without her, I was completely devastated… It was as if my life had lost its purpose… its meaning. I was on my own despite my father being there.’‘How is your relationship with your father now?’ I dared to ask him because I still did not know if it was my place to ask him questions about his personal life. ‘I’ve always shared a distant relationship with him… Never been too close with him. In the beginning, it was terrible, but over the course of some time, it became better if not good.’‘Okay…’‘His wife and his two daughters, they’re lovely.’ A smile crept on his face as he mentioned them. ‘I’m close to them, especially my step sisters.’I smiled. ‘That’s lovely.’He lifted his head off my shoulder and gave me a sidelong glance. ‘I have had a tough childhood, Mitchelle. A traumatized one. The fake accusation took a toll on my mental health, and it still continues to haunt me even after so many years.’I nodded. ‘I don’t know what they think of me now… Whether they still see me as the culprit.’‘Did Fariha never clear your name in the family?’He shook his head. ‘I don’t know… I never asked her or anyone else. I never had the conversation with Mum as well. I came here only because she needed me.’‘I’m glad you came, though.’‘Is that so?’ he asked, raising a brow. I nodded, my lips pressed together in a thin line. ‘Do you feel better now?’He rested his head again on my shoulder. ‘A lot better now.’A few seconds passed, and silence ensued between us. I closed my eyes and opened them again, his head still resting against my shoulder, my hand still intact in his hand. I realized I would not get any better time than this to confess the truth to him. I had to tell him the truth sooner rather than later. With a heavy heart, I began. ‘There’s something I need to tell you, Daniel. I was that person who gave false testimony against you and solidified Fariha’s accusation. I was the one who came out in the front and told everyone I had seen you assaulting Fariha with my own eyes. I am sorry I did not have the courage to tell you about this before. Perhaps I was too scared to lose you. I hope you can forgive me for what I have done. I hope you forgive me.’ After saying this, I shut my eyes and held his hand tightly. Tears began to roll down my cheeks. It was only after a few seconds that I realized I did not receive any response from Daniel’s side. Wiping off the tears with my other hand, I looked at Daniel only to find him asleep. All my effort was in vain. My courage—my truth went down the drain. He never listened to any word I had just said because he was already asleep. Could my life get any worse?DanielMy eyes fluttered open; I peered around a strange room where I had awoken and realized it did not belong to me. The bed, the duvet, the room, the bedside lamp, the curtains, and the wall nothing seemed familiar. I shuddered with shock as I looked down on my arm and found Mishal resting her head on top of it, sleeping peacefully. It suddenly dawned on me that I had slipped into her room last night. I wondered how she let me in. Why she let me in. For a moment, I could not believe this moment. I could have never imagined sharing the same bed as her, being so close to her, and let her sleep on my arm all night. A small smile played across the corner of my lips as I stared down at her innocent face. A few strands of hair managed to escape from her bun and fell across her face. Slowly, I reached for her face and tucked the hair behind her ears, careful not to disturb her sleep. She moved a little, but she did not wake up. I did not know if I could ever get the opportunity to see her from this close, so I wanted to make the most of her beautiful sight. I closely observed her arched brows, her straight, small nose, and her rosy lips. Seeing her rosy lips reminded me of this something. It seemed like I had touched them, tasted them. All of a sudden, it appeared like I could feel the texture, taste, and warmth of her lips. And just I recalled that I did kiss her the night she came into my room. I wondered if she was still mad at me for that. With careful hands, I reached for her lips, which were slightly parted as she slept. Before I could touch them, my cell phone beeped inside my pocket. I retreated my hand back and reached for the cell phone in my pocket. Only after looking at the cell phone screen, I realized it was only 4 a.m. An email notification from my supervisor lingered on the phone screen, demanding my attention. I figured it was best to check his email later when I was in my room. I stared out of the window and noticed it was still dark outside. I reckoned that there could not be a better time to escape from her room. Anyone could catch me if I came out of her room in broad daylight. Slowly, I began to retreat my arm that was tucked under Mishal’s head for a long time. I did not want her to wake up, so I managed to free myself slowly and rose from her bed. I reached for the balcony door, and before I stepped outside, I gave a last glance at Mishal, who was still sleeping peacefully in her bed. I wish I could stand here and watch her sleep all night, but I could not. I was not lucky. I had never been lucky. I figured leaving her like that might frightenfrighten her. So, I decided to leave her a text message,, so she knew when I left. I fished my phone out of my pocket and typed a text for her before heading out. ***I came back into my room and quickly took off my shirt. I badly needed a shower because the temperature was rising day by day. I picked up the remote control and turned on the AC before stepping into the washroom. I stood under the shower, and the water cascaded down my naked body. I closed my eyes, and all I could think of was Mishal. Her innocent face, her child-like features, her rosy cheeks, and lips… I opened my eyes, and her face was gone. With every passing moment, I felt becoming attached to her… I felt becoming closer to her. I failed to comprehend whether developing feelings for her would do me more harm or more good.  Wrapping the towel around my torso, I walked into my room only to find it a bit cooler than before. Thank God for a thing like air conditioners. I dressed up in a casual t-shirt and khaki pants and sat down on the bed to check my email notifications. The first email was from Kevin, my supervisor, with the subject line ‘DFAT Flight is Available!’DFAT provided Australian citizens with special flights, helping the stranded ones reach their home country amid the COVID-19 crisis. Since Australia had closed down its international borders, getting a normal flight was next to impossible. Only citizens and PR holders could get an entry into the country. I clicked open the email to read its contents. Hi D, Trust you have been well. This is to inform you that a DFAT flight from Istanbul to Darwin is coming up ahead. I suggest you grab a seat for this flight as there is no information on the other flights. Most of the flights are being canceled due to flight caps. The company can book the flight for you on your behalf, and rest assured the cost of the flight is paid for. Let me know if you’re interested in booking a seat for this flight. The company awaits you. Awaiting your response. Best, Kevin. I closed the email tab and heaved a long sigh. The best way to get back sooner was to book a seat for this flight. I may not get a better opportunity than this one. It was better to take this flight instead of waiting for others to go through. I replied to Kevin instantly, asking him to go ahead and book the seat for me. I opened his email again to check the schedule of the flight. It was supposed to take off right after five days. That indicated I had to leave for Istanbul a day before the slated flight. It also meant I had only three days left. Three days left to spend with Mishal. Three days left to tell her how much I loved her. Three days left to know what she felt about me. Three days left to know whether or not we had a possibility of having a future together… Fuck! Why did I have to go through hell and feel so damn miserable? I threw away my cell phone on the bed and lay down. All I could think of was Mishal. Thinking about her, I closed my eyes and fell asleep. A few minutes into the sleep, the flashback of the night when she stepped into my room flashed into my mind. I remembered Mishal coming into my room and watching me drink beer. I remembered when she told me she had no feelings for Hammad. All she thought of was me. All she cared about was me. Her voice reverberated in my ears. ‘I only have true feelings for you, Daniel. I haven’t felt for any person the way I feel for you. I hope this proves everything, and you believe me.’Then, I remembered her saying, ‘I can’t ever lose you, Mishal… Never ever. I want you all to myself. Does… does that make any sense to you? I do not know what it’s called… infatuation or love… whatever it is… I feel something strongly for you… and I can’t just let go of…’Ánd then, I remember her closing the distance between us and planting a kiss on my lips. I opened my eyes and sat up on my bed, beads of sweat trickling down my face. Despite the AC working in the room, I was still sweating. I could not believe what I had just remembered. Yes, she kissed me that night. I kissed her back with the same intensity and passion. We both kissed. It did not just happen in the spur of the moment. It happened because we allowed it to happen—we wanted it to happen. It wasn’t forced. It was deliberate. She confessed she had feelings for me. I confessed I had feelings for her. Then, what was still keeping us apart? Why were we still not together? Perhaps it was because of me. Or I’d rather say because of my weak memory. I could not remember the exact details of that night because I was drunk. But now my memory was back. I remembered everything. I may have hurt her a lot by not remembering everything, but now I won’t hurt her anymore. I would tell her right away how I felt about her. I would tell her how much I loved her. I still had three days left. I could make the most of these three days. I could make her mine.