chapter 22

Chapter 22MishalDaniel dropped me back home. Throughout the journey, I was silent. Daniel did not say anything despite looking at my side every now and then. He knew he had annoyed me, so he was being careful. He was too naïve not to understand what had made me annoyed at him. I was not annoyed at him for bringing up Hammad’s name in front of me. I was annoyed at him for not remembering the significant details from the previous night when I was in his room. How could he forget that I confessed my feelings to him? How could he forget that it was me who initiated the kiss? Did alcohol really make you forget everything? No wonder it was termed as such a vile thing in society. When I returned home, I found Amma and Khadija curled up on the sofa in the TV lounge, engaged in a serious conversation. Khadija called out to me as soon as she saw me appear in the TV lounge. ‘Where have you been?’ Khadija asked, gesturing for me to sit down next to her. I sat down next to her. ‘I was out for groceries.’‘With whom?’ Amma asked, an accusatory expression on her face. ‘Daniyal,’ I said, slightly fearful of Amma’s reaction. Amma looked at Khadija and then at me. ‘Khadija, please tell her to stop roaming around with guys now and focus on the proposal we are considering for her.’I felt the earth slip beneath my feet. ‘What proposal?’Khadija calmed down Amma. ‘Amma, please. Don’t bother yourself. I will talk to her.’I was shocked. ‘Talk to me about what?’Khadija patted my hand. ‘I will tell you.’I snapped. ‘Tell me now!’ ‘Amma, you go inside and check up on Hamza. I’ll talk to Mishal.’Amma puffed. ‘You better talk to her soon then.’Before I could say anything else, Amma stood on her feet and retreated into her room. I targeted Khadija again. ‘Can you please tell me what the hell is going on?’***I paced the room nervously. It was impossible to believe that my sister and mother could cook my marriage story behind my back with me having no idea about it. ‘Can you please sit down on the bed and listen to what I’ve got to say?’ Khadija pleaded, gesturing me to sit beside her on the edge of the bed. I huffed, wanting to unleash all my anger on her. ‘How could you betray me, Khadija?’Khadija frowned. ‘I never betrayed you!’‘Then what’s this proposal story about?’‘Jahanzeb has recommended someone for you. Faiz. He claims Faiz could be a perfect match for you.’Another blow. ‘Please ask your husband to stop recommending guys for me. I can do this job on my own.’Jahanzeb, Khadija’s husband, recommended proposals to Amma ever since he became a part of my life. In the beginning, I did not pay much heed to it, but when it became frequent, I started becoming annoyed by it. Jahanzeb was better off my sister’s husband only; he did not have the right to decide things for me. ‘Trust me, Mishi. This time Jahanzeb’s recommendation is not bad. I’m saying this because I have seen and met Faiz myself. He’s decent, educated, settled, and from a respectable family.’I rolled my eyes, still not being able to absorb the absurdity of the situation. ‘Faiz is everything a girl can dream of. Trust me.’I shook my head slowly in disbelief. ‘I can’t believe you’re saying this, Khadija. You off all people should know about my feelings, my emotions…’Khadija stood on her feet and faced me, crossing her arms across her chest. ‘If your hint is towards Daniyal, then you should know what you’re saying. You should know you can’t have any future with him.’I gulped, scared because somewhere, I knew she was right. She stifled a laugh. ‘Heck, future. That guy hasn’t even told you that he loves you. Isn’t it?’For a moment, I wanted to tell her that Daniel does love me. He does have feelings for me. Otherwise, he would not have expressed his true feelings when I stepped into his room last night. Though he was drunk, I knew he was speaking the truth. They say people speak the truth when they’re drunk. So I know he was being honest with me. He may not remember what he said to me last night, but I heard him clearly. He could never play with my feelings. He could never lie to me. If anything, I was the one who was keeping things from him. Right from the beginning. Taking a cue from my silence, Khadija went on, ‘I know you don’t like Hammad. Even Amma knows that. That’s why she can never insist you marry him. But, she cannot reject every good proposal that comes for you, Mishi. She’s your mother. She worries for you. She wants you to get married, settle down with a good man, and have kids. She wants to see you happy.’I sighed, closing my eyes. ‘She’s our single parent. She has to free herself from this responsibility.’I opened my eyes. ‘What are you implying, Khadija?’She held me by my shoulders. ‘All I’m saying is, please do not reject this proposal right away. I would suggest you meet Faiz yourself and then decide. We won’t pressurize you if you don’t find him suitable enough. We will do as you say because it’s your life, and the final decision will be yours only.’I considered what she said. ‘Okay?’ she asked. I nodded in agreement. Khadija took me in for a hug, and I held her tightly against my arms. ‘And what do I do with my heart that only beats for him?’ I asked as I embraced my sister. ‘Just make your heart understand by saying that some people can stay in your heart, but not your life.’I closed my eyes tightly as a tear trickled down my cheek. Daniel, you will always be in my heart, if not in life. It’s a promise. ***I couldn’t fall asleep that night. I kept turning on and off the lamp, unable to sleep. I may not have agreed to marry someone yet, but I knew I had consented to meet and consider someone for marriage. This was the first step toward a lifelong commitment, and I did not even know if I was ready for it. I may not have thought about a future with Daniel, but it wasn’t like I could never think about it. After what happened between us the other night, I was hopeful for a future for us. There was just a small sliver of hope that we could have a life together—a happy and peaceful life full of love. If, against all odds, we did have a possibility of being together, why could I not stop myself from thinking about how I could make that happen? Perhaps things would have been much easier if Daniel had remembered everything about that night. If he remembered that we kissed and opened our hearts to each other, we could have a future together. We could have something together. I turned off the lamp at least and closed my eyes, forcing my eyes to remain shut. Before my thoughts circled around my head again, my cell phone beeped on the nightstand, making me flip open my eyes. When I checked, I saw it was a call from Sana. Without any thoughts, I answered her call and felt pleased to hear her voice. A few minutes into the conversation, she figured out I was worried about something. She was someone who would instantly know when something was wrong with me. I decided to tell her everything that had been going on in my life for quite some time. She was not judgmental, so I did not hesitate while sharing my personal stories with her. I told her how I felt about Daniel, how he felt for me, and what happened between us the other night. After hearing the entire conversation, she became quiet for a few seconds—I could only hear the sound of her breathing.‘What happened?’ I asked, my heart pounding loudly against my chest. ‘Why are you quiet?’‘Will you please listen to my advice?’ she asked after a long pause. ‘Mmhmm?’‘Stop acting like a super bitch and tell him that you love him.’She took me by surprise when she said that. ‘What?’‘Set your damn ego aside, and tell him what happened the other night. Make him remember everything, even if he claims to forget some things. Ask him how he feels for you. Ask him what he thinks of you two.’‘But…’‘Please, Mishi. Stop playing childish games with him and yourself. Life is too short to spend with someone you don’t even love.’I became quiet because she literally knocked some sense into me. ‘It’s not about telling Daniyal how you feel for him. It is more about accepting your feelings, being true to them, and being true to yourself.’I nodded as I listened to her. ‘Mishi, do not worry about the future right now, for that is not in your control. Worry about the present because it is in your control and it is up to you to make it more beautiful. Follow your heart and go where it takes you…’A tear rushed out of my eye, and I instantly wiped it away.DanielDespite trying so hard, I could not fix Mishal’s mood. I knew she was annoyed at me because I could not remember the details from the other night. Clearly, I forgot something—something important—something she wanted me to remember it. Our coffee date could not even help me resolve anything. If anything, things between us became worse. After dropping her home, I parked the car inside the garage and stepped out. When I walked into the house, I found Hammad standing next to Mum in the hallway, engaged in a serious conversation. I furrowed my brows in confusion as I looked at them. Mum cut her gaze from Hammad and looked at me as soon as she noticed I was also standing there. Her forehead lines creased as our eyes met briefly. ‘Where were you?’ Mum asked, crossing her arms across her chest. I turned my gaze to Hammad, who passed me an evil smirk. All I could think of was knocking him out with a punch.‘Daniyal, I’m talking to you,’ Mum brought me back into the scene, demanding my attention. I clenched my jaws, focusing back on Mum. ‘Yes?’‘Where have you been?’ she asked, a frown appearing on her face. ‘I was out.’‘With whom?’ she asked. Hammad fixated his cold stare on me, and I could not help but stare back at him the same way. ‘Mum,’ I shifted my focus back on Mum. ‘I’d rather we go upstairs and talk.’Mum nodded. ‘Fine. Let’s go.’Before I could take another breath, Mum grabbed me by my arm and pulled me towards the staircase. Mum’s current temper was all I needed to know something was wrong with her. Someone—Hammad must have poisoned her ears against me. I wanted to know what information he fed her. Mum was quick to pull me to my room. She did not stop even for a second until we reached the room. I turned around and saw her closing the door behind her. ‘Mum, what’s wrong?’ I asked, keeping my tone composed. Mum turned around and faced me, a look of disappointment sitting on her face. I noticed how she heaved a sigh, and her shoulders dropped. ‘Daniyal…’ she began slowly. I reached out for her, holding her by her shoulders. ‘Is everything okay?’‘What’s going on between you and Mishal?’I sighed, dropping my hands from her shoulders. ‘So that’s botherin’ you.’‘Why, shouldn’t that bother me, Daniyal?’ she asked.I shook my head. ‘No, it should not.’‘I don’t want you to play with Mishal’s feelings, Daniyal. I already told you how special she is to me.’My mother did not trust me. It was hurting to realize that. ‘What did Hammad tell you?’‘I don’t care about what he told me and what he didn’t. I only care about you keeping a safe distance from her and not hurting her. She’s not like any other girl you meet, son. She’s special.’I cast my eyes downwards. ‘You’re right, Mum. She is special. No wonder why it took me so long to realize that.’Mum held me from my shoulders, the crease on her forehead deepening, and she whispered. ‘Daniyal…’Tears formed in my eyes as I looked at her. ‘Baby…what’s going on?’ she asked, worry creeping up on her face. ‘I am in love with her, Mum. I’ve never felt this for anyone before, I swear.’Mum caressed her hands across my face. ‘My baby… what are you saying?’I nodded as tears rolled down my cheeks. ‘I’m serious.’‘Do you have any idea what you’re saying?’‘Mum, I really want to pursue her… have a future with her… and I promise, I won’t ever hurt her.’‘I do not doubt your feelings, son. I know what your heart is like…You’d rather hurt yourself than hurt someone else.’‘Mum, do you think I am worthy of her love? Do you think I deserve her?’A small smile crept on Mum’s face. ‘Yes, you do, son… but I need to tell you something…’I sniffed as I waited for her to speak. ‘As much as I hate to say this, I just want you to know that you can’t possibly have a future with Mishal.’I sucked in a breath, closing my eyes. ‘I know her family so well… Her mother… She’s probably going to fix her marriage with someone really soon.’I opened my eyes and looked away. ‘It’s okay to have feelings for her, Daniyal, but it’s not okay to think you can have a life with her.’I bit my lip as I let her words sink in, my heart beating loudly against my chest. ‘I would rather advise you to have a good time with her, make the most of your time while you’re here, but do not expect anything more from her apart from friendship.’I blinked back tears and swallowed the ache in my throat. ‘Do not fall for her, Daniyal. Please do not put yourself in a compromising situation. I don’t want my son to get hurt.’If only I could tell her I was already in love with Mishal, and I was all set to get myself hurt.