chapter 21

Chapter 21MishalDaniel: Are you there?Mishal: Yes, I am here.Daniel: I wanted to say somethingMishal: What?Daniel: I am sorry. Mishal: For what?Daniel: For… crossing my lines the previous night… For getting closer to you… For taking advantage of the situation last night and kissing you. Mishal: You don’t need to apologize.   Daniel: Mishal: Daniel???Daniel: I was being stupid last night. I’m so sorry…Mishal: I’m not surprised that you don’t remember everything about last night, given you were drunk…Daniel: I’m so sorry, Mitchelle. I’m too embarrassed. I was not in my best form last night. Mishal: It’s okay… Nevermind.Daniel: ☹  Mishal: I have to pack some orders… I gotta go. Daniel: No, please, Mitchelle. Don’t go. Daniel: Listen to me, please. Daniel: I’m sorry, once again ☹Sighing heavily, I took off my spectacles from my face and placed my cell phone on the kitchen counter. I did not want to read any more messages from him. I did not want to see his messages on my phone. I did not want to see him.It was me who crossed the boundaries last night, and yet he blamed himself. Despite knowing he was drunk, it was me who took advantage of the situation and kissed him, unable to hold my emotions. A part of me thought he probably would not even remember what happened at that moment. But I was wrong. He remembered everything and, at the same time, nothing. He was too drunk to remember all the accurate details. He knew I was in his room last night. He knew I confronted him. But… he did not seem to remember that I expressed my feelings for him. He expressed his feelings to me as well. I kissed him. He did not remember any of this. He only remembered what he wanted to remember. He took advantage of his inebriated state and kissed me. And worse, he felt ashamed of what he did. After last night, I became hopeful. I really thought it was the beginning of something beautiful. Instead of telling me how he actually felt for me and what those moments meant to him, all he could do was apologize to me. He was ashamed of the intimate moment he shared with me. He was embarrassed because he thought he pissed me off and did something he should not have done. How would I tell him that I was not ashamed of anything? I was not embarrassed by anything. Especially not the fact that I told him how I felt about him. Especially not about our FIRST kiss. Not even for a moment, I felt guilty for what I had done the previous night. I have had feelings for him for a long time now, and it was only the previous night that I realized I could not hold them back anymore. Even though I had not planned to form any sort of physical intimacy with him, yet it happened. I could not stop myself from feeling him—touching him. I craved to hold him in my arms, yearned to feel the texture of his lips on mine I don’t know for how long. I may have crossed limits the previous night, yet I did not feel ashamed of anything. If anything, I felt loved, empowered, blessed. When I returned to my room after our first kiss, I wished he had forgotten everything when he woke up the next day, given he was slightly drunk. However, he took me completely by surprise by not forgetting anything. As soon as I woke up from sleep the next day, I realized he had sent me a couple of messages. My heart fluttered for a moment, thinking he would tell me he loved me and that we had shared the most beautiful moment last night. But, his messages tainted with remorse and guilt only proved how embarrassed he was. Having confessed my feelings to him relieved me in a way I could have never imagined. But, having known that he felt embarrassed about the whole situation made me disappointed, to say the least. Even though he did express his feelings to me, I was not sure whether he meant those words or not. I was not sure whether he was even in his senses or not. His guilt-ridden messages to me a few minutes ago told me otherwise. Those messages made me question his seriousness—his genuine feelings for me. I could not know how deeply he felt for me or to what extent he would go for me. I did not know if his feelings for me were only temporary. I did not know whether or not he’d remember me after he went back. Perhaps, I was only an infatuation with him. A mere attraction. I did not know the fate of our relationship. He had not committed to anything and I would never force him to come into any sort of commitment with me. Our relationship was still so new, so raw. I did not even know if I could even call it a relationship. Whatever fleeting little thing it was. I did not know whether it would even survive or not. I was not sure of anything. I only knew that I would love him till my last breath. Even if he went thousands of miles away from me, I would still love him. My feelings for him were not bound by any long distance. I was in love with him even when he had no idea about me. Even when we were not friends. All moments spent with him were some of the best moments of my life, and I could never forget them. I could not regret falling in love with him, let alone spending so much time with him, being so close to him and kissing him the previous night. I smiled as I recalled the previous night. The only thing I regretted the most was not being able to tell him the truth. How I ratted him out in front of his family for committing a crime he had never committed. How I betrayed him behind his back. I was still keeping it from him despite wanting to tell him. Khadija walked up to me as I prepared and packed the customer orders in the kitchen. She cleared her throat, making me come out of my reverie. ‘What’s that smile for?’ she asked teasingly. I looked at her, still smiling. ‘Should I assume everything has been sorted between you and Daniyal last night?’ she asked, raising a brow. Blood rushed to my cheeks as soon as I remembered the events of the previous night. I could never tell my sister what had actually happened and how we both patched up. Or did we? I nodded, smacking my lips. ‘Did you tell him the truth?’ she asked. Before I could come up with a response, Rayaan interrupted us. ‘Khadija baaji!’ he called us, making us look at him in unison. ‘What happened?’ Khadija asked. ‘Hamza’s up, and he’s crying! He doesn’t even listen to me,’ Rayaan said with a whining face. Both Khadija and I burst into laughter. ‘Okay, I’m coming. Hold on.’ Khadija walked away with Rayaan in tow. I kept standing in the middle of the kitchen, my mind wandering back to the realization that I still had kept the truth from Daniel. After what happened between us last night, I wondered if telling him the truth would be easier or harder than before. I heaved a sigh as I struggled with thinking about how I was supposed to tell him anything now. ***A few minutes later, I walked up to the nearby grocery store to get a few things to complete my customers’ orders. While walking along the aisle, I grabbed a few items and stashed them in the trolley. Before I knew it, Daniel was beside me, a sheepish smile across his face, his adorable dimples appearing. His dimples made my heart skip a beat whenever he smiled, and I melted from the inside. And right now, when he was right to me, my soul was set on fire, and I couldn’t catch a breath. Seeing him flashed the memory of the previous night before my eyes. Daniel and I were so close… We were kissing… Our foreheads were touching… ‘How are ya doin’, mate?’ he asked in a slow voice, bringing me back from the reverie. I opened my mouth in surprise and closed it again. ‘What are you doing here?’ My tone came out flat without intending it to be. He seemed unaffected by my bland reaction. ‘Making sure you’re not going grocery shopping alone.’I shook my head, frowning. ‘How did you know I was coming here? Were you following me?’‘Of course, I was. When are you going to take my stalking skills seriously, mate?’ he said with a small smile on his face. Beyond his smile, I could see a tinge of embarrassment and guilt flashing across his face. Before I even realized it, he took control of the trolley from me. ‘Right.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘I know you’re probably still mad at me,’ he said as we turned into the next aisle. Quiet, I let him say whatever he wanted to say. I picked up a bottle of hot sauce from the sauces section and tossed it carefully into the trolley. Taking a cue from my silence, he went on. ‘I knew it was a bad time… I was drunk… You came to talk to me… to sort things out… but was disappointed to find me drunk…’Realizing he was still under the impression that I was mad at him for catching him drunk, I decided to play along and show him I was unaffected by the whole incident. Since he did not bother discussing what was happening between us last night and how we both confessed our feelings to each other, I decided to stay quiet and not talk about it either. ‘I’m sorry that I kissed you, Mitchelle. I should have known my boundaries.’ He looked down at his feet. I stopped short in the tracks, looking at him, deeply disappointed from within. Deeply disappointed with the person standing next to me. Deeply disappointed that he could still not comprehend my true feelings for him despite our intimate moment the previous night. If stepping out of my comfort zone by kissing him and telling him how much I loved him could not make him understand, I did not think anything else could do. How could I be so naïve not to understand what he really meant to me? I could not make him feel more embarrassed than he already was. It would be better if I forgot what happened last night—erased it completely from my memories—and tell him everything was normal between us. When he noticed silence ensued between us, he finally looked at me with a flushed face. No matter how hard the situation was, I tried my best to maintain a calm expression on my face. ‘It’s all right. Please don’t apologize for anything.’His brows furrowed as he said slowly, ‘I don’t understand. Did you really forgive me?’I nodded, then sucked a long gulp of air into my lungs. ‘Were you not at all affected by what happened between us?’ he asked, raising his brows. With a heavy heart, I shook my head slowly. ‘No.’I don’t know for what reason, but a look of hurt mixed with disappointment crossed his face. Was he not expecting this reaction from me? What else was he expecting then?‘Everything is fine between us, Daniel,’ I said with a sigh. ‘What happened between us last night was nothing but a weak moment. Perhaps we both… got carried away?’ I did not know how good of an actor I was until that moment. I wondered if he caught my acting and was able to see right through me. Confused, he bit his lower lip. ‘So, no worries from my side, okay?’ I tried to offer the best smile I could. He shook his head lightly and looked away. ‘Um, I need to get a couple of more items. Shall we go ahead now?’ I asked, nonchalant. ‘Yep, sure.’ That’s all he managed to say. As I took control of the trolley from him, our hands slightly brushed against each other’s. I flinched for a second as our skin touched, but I did not let him notice that. Worse, even if he did notice that he would not understand anything. When I was done collecting all the items, we stood behind the queue to pay for them. ‘Mitchelle…’ Daniel began. What was he going to say? Did he realize I was putting up an act in front of him? Did he realize that I was not even a bit ashamed of what happened last night? Did he realize we both were truly in love with each other? I looked at him, hopeful. ‘Yes?’‘Why don’t you go outside and get in my car? I’ll clear the bill and bring the items in a while.’Yet another disappointment. ‘A car? You brought a car here? My house is only a mile away. We can walk.’‘I brought a car here so I could take you somewhere outside,’ he said, biting his lip. ‘Outside? Where?’‘Um… I haven’t really decided.’‘There’s no need, Daniel. I need to head back home and finish packing up orders.’‘I swear we can go back home on time, and I’ll help you pack the orders, but please, come with me.’I sighed.‘Please. It’s a request.’I shook my head slowly, looking into his eyes. ‘If you come with me, I will know that you have truly forgiven me.’This whole situation only implied I had to continue putting up the same act in front of him. Until this naïve man before me realizes how much I really love him and what our kiss meant to me. ‘Okay, but where are we going?’He frowned. ‘Why do you ask so many questions?’I opened my mouth to say something, but he hushed me by interrupting. ‘Take the keys.’ He stashed the keys in my hands. ‘Get into the car. I’ll join you soon.’‘Okay, let me give you the cash then.’ I began to take out the wad of cash from my wallet, but he held my hand firmly. ‘What are ya doin’? he asked, an annoyed expression on his face.‘I’m giving you cash so you can pay for the items I got.’‘Do you really think I can’t even pay for you?’ ‘It’s not about that, Daniel, but it doesn’t look nice.’‘It doesn’t look nice when I let my girl pay for something while I stand like a dumb statue.’He took my breath away with what he said. My expression softened instantly, and a shy smile appeared on the corner of my lips. Did he really say ‘my girl’? Did he mean it in a friendly way? Or something else? ‘Do you get it?’ he asked, looking into my eyes. I nodded as my heart skipped a beat. ‘Go now.’I did as he said and headed outside, still wondering if I was just walked out of a daydream. ***As soon as I came outside and neared Daniel’s car, I saw Hammad heading in my direction. Worry crept on my face, and a feeling of dread consumed me. What was he doing here? Was he keeping an eye on Daniel and me? Was he following us? His sight made me remember what Daniel told me about him, how he tried to convince Daniel that I was in love with him and wanted to marry him. How could he fabricate so many lies and turn Daniel against me? For a second, I wanted to confront him. There was no time to be scared of him. It was time to confront him once and for all. ‘What are you doing near Daniyal’s car?’ he asked, a small frown on his face. I made a straight face. ‘That’s none of your business, Hammad.’‘Then whose business it is? Daniyal’s huh?’ he huffed, expressing annoyance. ‘Why don’t you leave me alone?’ I yelled. ‘What’s your problem?’He took a step toward me. ‘Why don’t you understand that guy is not right for you? He’s going to hurt you and leave you broken.’I shook my head in disbelief. ‘I can’t believe you still have so much hatred for him.’He looked away, still breathing hard.‘I did not know you hated him so much that you tried to turn him against me by telling him lies!’ I said pointedly. He scowled. ‘What lie did I tell him?’‘You told him that we were in love and wanted to marry each other!’‘Isn’t that true?’ I was shocked. Moved. ‘What the hell are you saying?’ I whispered, still registering the shock. ‘Don’t you have feelings for me?’I continued to shake my head in shock. ‘I never had feelings for you, Hammad. It’s all in your head!’His face turned pale, contorted in pain. ‘I have always respected you; please don’t make me lose respect for you.’He tore away his gaze from me. ‘Please stop spreading rumors about us and stop interfering in my life. Please!’ I begged him, folding my hands. ‘Mitchelle…’ I heard Daniel’s voice from a distance. I turned to look at him and unfolded my hands. Hammad sent him a cold stare. A look of concern crossed Daniel’s face. ‘What’s goin’ on here?’DanielThe previous night was more like a dream to me. I had never imagined Mishal breaking the norms and trespassing into my race and then into my room in the middle of the night. I was taken off guard because she had done something I had never anticipated from her. Because I was foolishly drunk, I did not remember most of the details except for the moment where I heard her telling me she was not into Hammad and would never have anything to do with him. Then, I remembered drawing closer to her, looking into her eyes, holding her hands, and finally telling her how much I adored her and could not see her with anyone else, let alone Hammad. And then, I remembered planting a kiss on her lips. Her lips. Yes. I vividly remember the taste, the texture, the warmth of her lips. As I recalled the scene, I wanted to feel her lips again. I wanted to kiss her again. But how would I ever do that when I know whatever I did completely offended her? She would hate me now that I had crossed the boundaries with her. How would I face her and not feel ashamed? How would I even face her? Or look into her eyes? I knew I had crossed the lines and done something that may have hurt her, but I could explain to her why it happened. I could tell her why I felt so envious thinking about her and Hammad in a romantic equation. I could tell her why I could not see her with anyone else. I could tell her… I was falling in love with her. After the previous night, one thing was certain—she had no interest in Hammad whatsoever. But, when I saw her speaking to Hammad outside the grocery store, I was fumed with anger. Why could he not leave us alone? Mishal passed me a baffling look as soon as she noticed my presence. I could tell she was arguing with Hammad the minute I walked on them. ‘Is everything okay?’ I asked as I cornered Mishal, placing my hand on her back. As soon as I made the gesture, Hammad shot daggers at me. My jaw hardened as I stared him back. Mishal looked at me. ‘Everything’s fine. We need to head back.’I looked back at her. ‘Get in the car.’She nodded, pressing her lips together before she got inside the car. Ignoring Hammad, who was still standing in the parking lot with an aghast expression on his face, I put the grocery bags in the car boot and turned around to get inside the car. ‘Daniyal…’ Hammad called out to me, and I turned around to look at him. He took a few steps in my direction, a blank expression clouding his face. I expected him to bash me up for taking away his girl or say something extremely vile to me, but a few seconds had passed, and he still had not said anything. He was just watching my face, uttering nothing. I raised my brows. ‘What’s up, mate?’He squinted his eyes at me and then slowly shook his head. ‘Nothing.’‘See ya at home,’ I told him. He slowly nodded, a defeated expression lingering on his face. He may not have told me anything, but his eyes expressed a lot of emotions. At one point, I thought he was trying to warn me—he wanted me to stay away from the woman he loved. But, in the other instant, I thought he was slowly accepting the fact that he had lost his girl to someone else and was trying to come to terms with accepting his defeat. ***‘Why did you bring me here?’ Mishal asked, knitting her brows, as the waiter served our cold coffees and chocolate brownies on our table. I had brought her again to the same café where we had visited earlier. It would be safe to say it had become our spot. At least, it was my favorite already. ‘Did you not want to come here with me?’ I asked, leaning forward on the table to look at her closely and stare into her eyes. She cut her gaze from me as if she was uncomfortable. ‘What happened?’ She shook her head, still not looking into my eyes. ‘Look at me, Mitchelle.’She looked back into my eyes. ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked, frowning. She shook her head again, this time looking right into my eyes. I raised my brows. ‘Are you still upset with me?’She placed her arms on the table, still looking into my eyes. ‘I thought coming here with you would prove that I’m not upset with you.’I mumbled, ‘yeah, right.’‘Everything is fine between us. Please don’t ask me the same question again.’ I nodded, still confused by her reaction. ‘Finish up your coffee. We need to head back soon.’ She took a sip from her coffee as I watched her. Was she not even a bit angry at me for crossing the boundary and kissing her? Did our kiss mean nothing to her? Did my confession mean nothing to her? Was she not at all affected by the kiss? Was she not at all affected by my confession? Why did she seem so indifferent about everything? She looked at me after taking a sip. ‘Why are you not drinking your coffee?’ If she wanted to act normal about the previous night, I would not show her how much her indifference affected me. I would also act cool in front of her and pretend nothing ever happened. I shrugged. ‘It’s not as good as it was the day we came here before.’She scrunched her nose. ‘It’s the same.’‘Nothing’s been the same, Mitchelle,’ I said slowly, in a whisper. She stared into my eyes, serious, and grew silent. She blinked her eyes and looked away as I continued staring at her. ‘Are you upset because of Hammad?’ I asked, trying to change the topic and bring normalcy between us. She shook her head. ‘No, I’m not.’‘What was he saying to you in the parking lot?’‘Nothing important.’I raised my brows, making an innocent face. ‘So you won’t share anything with me now?’‘There’s nothing to share, Daniel.’‘I still want to know why he was there.’She sighed. ‘I just showed Hammad his place. That’s it.’I nodded slowly, sinking back into the seat. ‘I don’t think I have to repeat myself and tell you what I feel for him. Or, do I?’I shook my head fervently. ‘No, no. You don’t have to. I know he holds no significant place in your life. I know how you feel for him. I know everything.’She smirked. ‘I wish you knew everything.’Í passed her a curious look. ‘I do know everything.’She raised a brow at me. ‘Are you sure?’‘Yes, of course.’She brushed me off. ‘Never mind.’I was more curious than ever. ‘Tell me.’‘If you really knew everything, you wouldn’t ask me about Hammad again. In fact, you wouldn’t bring up his name.’Damn. I’d triggered her again. I’d hurt her again. I did remember her telling me that she had no feelings for Hammad. Why did I piss her off again? I’d managed to bring her to the café with great difficulty. Annoying her would only mean she would not even want to see me ever again. I could not risk my friendship with her. I could never do that. I leaned forward on the table, looking into her eyes earnestly. ‘I’m sorry. I won’t ask you about him ever again. I promise.’She huffed. ‘That’s not even the point.’It was late. She was already annoyed. Or worse, angry. ‘Mitchelle…’‘I want to go home, Daniel. Please, let’s just go.’I couldn’t help but do as she asked me to. I could not further annoy her to the point that she started hating me forever. I could never let that happen. I could never bring her on the verge of losing her. I could not lose her. I wish I could remember everything that happened between us last night. Certainly, there was something I was forgetting. Something that I was missing out on. Â