chapter 8

Chapter 8MishalI fought back my tears on my way home. I could not shed any tears in front of my brother because I did not want him to worry and say anything to Amma. On arriving back home, I briefly greeted Amma, and before she could probe me about the birthday party, I told her I was going to sleep as I had a headache. It wasn’t a lie because I did have a throbbing headache. Amma asked me to take a painkiller, but I refused. I’d rather sleep than take any painkillers. As much as I wanted to cry my heart out in front of my Amma, I could not. I felt so helpless at that moment. All because of that stupid guy!Coming back to my room, I changed my clothes into an oversized t-shirt and pyjamas and tied up my hair in a bun. I was also quick to take off the lenses from my eyes and wore my spectacles again. I was back in my comfort clothes and comfort zone, but I still did not feel good. The memory of that shocking scene came back reeling in my mind. I could not have pictured Daniyal making love with someone else, and that too in front of me. I could never have imagined him to be so much involved with a girl he barely knew. Was he really in love, or did he only want to have a physical relationship with her? My head throbbed with intense pain as I thought more about it. I felt so much disappointed in him. From what I knew about him, he used to be a shy kid; he was someone who did not talk much with others and mostly liked to remain to himself. He was someone who didn’t dare look back at another girl. How could a person change so much in the last few years? Perhaps, he had turned into a completely different person when he returned abroad. He was heavily influenced by the western world and seemed to have forgotten his original roots and cultural values. That was quite disappointing for me. I realized it would be better if I did not think about him too much. The reality was I had nothing to do with him. Nothing at all. It wasn’t my business who he hooked up or fell in love with. Carrying a book in my hands, I headed out onto my terrace to get some fresh air and forget what I’d witnessed at the party. Brownie was quick to join me on the terrace. When I got outside, I realized the balcony’s light was turned off. I turned it on and sat on my swinging chair, finally ready to become engrossed in the book. A few minutes passed, and I kept reading the book. As I flipped over to the next page, I looked up at his side of the terrace and found him leaning against the wall, his eyes on me, a cigarette between his lips. How long had he been on the terrace? How long had he been staring at me? Irritated at my privacy being invaded, I stood on my feet and prepared myself to go back inside my room. ‘Hey, mate, stop!’ His voice stopped me short, and I could not take another step. Did he really try to talk to me? Did he have the guts to speak to me after what I had witnessed that day? How could he? I tried my best not to show him how much I’d been affected by that incident in any way. So I turned around slowly and looked at him, pretending everything was normal between us. ‘Uh, I’m sorry, I can’t recall your name?’ he said. I could tell he was just feigning to forget my name. Perhaps he was trying to look for a reason to initiate the conversation. ‘Mishal.’ I crossed my arms across my chest, tucking the book under my arm. ‘The name is Mishal.’‘Mishal, right. Mishal.’ He nodded slowly in consideration. ‘Is there something I can help you with?’ ‘Uh…’ He searched for words as if he was lost deep in thought. ‘I… I actually wanted to apologize for what you saw back at the party…’What did he just say? Did he mean he was sorry about what he did at the party? Or did he not want me to walk in on them and ruin his makeout session? What did he really mean by that? I could not even look back in his eye as he went on. I remained quiet. Not knowing where to look exactly, I looked down at my feet. ‘I didn’t mean to… Uh, I mean, I didn’t want any of that to happen, but it happened anyway, and I’m sorry that you had to see all of that.’ He shrugged his shoulders as if to say that there was nothing he could do about it.His words confused me. My brows furrowed in confusion because I had no idea why he was saying what he was saying. ‘Listen.’ I raised my hand and tried to explain. ‘You don’t need to apologize for anything. It…’ I shook my head. ‘It doesn’t even matter.’‘Why not?’‘It doesn’t matter, Daniyal.’He became silent for a moment as if he realized how I knew or remembered his name. ‘Daniel,’ he said. I frowned for a second. ‘What?’‘The correct pronunciation is Daniel.’What? Did he just correct me in the middle of a serious discussion? He was unbelievable and stupid and… cute? No, why was I even going down that road?  ‘Okay, right, whatever.’ I nodded quickly and continued, ‘What do you want from me?’He raised a brow. ‘Excuse me?’‘Just be honest with me, Daniel.’ I pronounced his name just like he wanted. ‘What do you want me to do?’‘Uh, no.’ He scowled. ‘I don’t want anything from you.’‘Then why are you telling me all of this?’ ‘I honestly don’t know.’ He ran his hands through his hair, turning to the other side. I exhaled sharply and let my breath out in a short, frustrated huff. ‘Listen, if you’re worried that I will tell about this incident to anyone, then you can rest assured because I won’t. I won’t tell a soul.’He turned to look back at me, becoming silent. ‘And, honestly, I don’t think you should be telling me any of this. If you think you made a mistake, then that’s your personal problem. I don’t have anything to say about that.’He continued gazing back at me, furrowing his brows slightly. ‘I’m not worried about ya judgin’ my character. I just want you to keep my secret with you.’So that’s what he was concerned about. He was concerned that I would tell about that incident to everyone. He was not concerned about me catching him red-handed or trying to judge his character. Again, he disappointed me. I nodded. ‘Okay. You can trust me with your secret. Like I said earlier, I won’t tell anyone about it.’He rolled his eyes. ‘See, it’s not like I don’t trust ya. I did not come here to talk to you because I thought you’d tell anyone.’‘Whatever your reason was, it doesn’t matter.’He bit his lower lip, becoming quiet. ‘It’s late, Daniel,’ I said with a sigh. ‘I need to go.’He nodded slowly. I glanced at him for one long moment before heading back inside my room and closing the balcony window making sure Brownie had also come inside. As I rested my head on the pillow and closed my eyes, I replayed the entire conversation that I had just had with Daniyal (oh, sorry, Daniel) on the terrace. He only wanted me to keep his secret intact. He wasn’t bothered about anything else. He did not care what I thought of his character or how I would judge him for making out with some girl in a washroom. He was only afraid of me exposing his secret. That was the only reason he apologized to me. Else, he would not have even bothered having a conversation with me. He was only trying to protect himself and his reputation. He only wanted to make sure that I did not expose him in front of his mother, stepdad, and step-siblings. He was just being wary and tried to take me into confidence so I could keep my mouth shut. How could I even think otherwise? I was nothing to him except for someone who had his dirty secret. Urghhh! Why did I even let him have a conversation with me? I should have walked away the minute I saw him on the terrace. I’m such an idiot! DanielI came back into my room, thinking about my conversation with Mishal. (I made a mental note not to forget her name the next time now.) Sitting on the bed, I realized she had got me all wrong. But, I would not blame her because I failed to explain to her in the right way. It did not matter to me if she decided to come to my Mum and tell her everything she’d seen at the party. What really concerned me was that I had ruined my image in front of her forever. If only I could tell her that on her face. I regret having said those words to her that I did not mean to utter in the first place. I shook my head slowly, regretting all the blunders I’d made in the last few hours. The next morning, I woke up feeling more lethargic than ever. Why did my legs ache so much? Running a hand through my tousled hair, I yawned and then got out of the bed. After a quick shower, I towel-dried my hair and checked the notifications on my phone with the other hand. Apparently, Anna was still trying to get in touch with me and wanted to know if I was trying to ghost her. Whr u lost? Why aren’t you replying to my messages? All okay? Danielll???? Whr u???I realized it would be unfair if I did not reply back to her. It would be wrong to blame her for everything or anything. Whatever happened, happened because I willed it to happen. She did not force me to do anything. Yes, she did initiate everything, but it was consensual. I’d not blame someone for anything. Never. Yes, mate. I’m okay. No worries. Will get back to you later. I tapped the send button and then moved to the email notifications. There was an email from Kevin, my supervisor back in Sydney, in which he had asked me to fill out a questionnaire with a pen and send it back to him with my signatures on it. Why couldn’t I fill out the form on the PDF file itself? I swiped away the email notification and opened WhatsApp to send him a separate message. Why can’t I fill out the questionnaire on the PDF file instead and send it back to you with my digital signatures on it? He saw my message and replied to me in an instant. Boss said he wouldn’t accept digital questionnaires. Need them only in pen writing. (He sent the message with a shrug emoticon at the end of it). Well, all right, mate. Will do. I tucked my phone into my jean pocket, fixed my almost wet hair with my fingers, and went downstairs. As I climbed down the stairs, I came across Fariha on the way; she was coming upstairs. She stopped midway, and I did the same, and our eyes locked for a brief moment. Staring at me, she leaned her back against the staircase railing and crossed her arms. ‘What’s up, Aussie boy?’ she asked in a casual way. For a second, I thought she had a similar personality to Anna. Her mannerisms and the way she talked seemed so much like Anna’s. No wonder why I did not feel attracted to her when I met her in person the previous night. ‘I need to leave. Move out of my way.’‘Can’t you ever talk sweetly to me?’ she asked in a saccharine tone. ‘I don’t have to. I have nothing to do with you,’ I replied as a matter-of-factly. ‘Now, get out of my way.’With a cross expression on her face, she walked past me by giving me a slight shove, and climbed the stairs. ‘Crazy bitch.’ I yelled-whisper at her and descended the stairs. I looked for Mum and found her in the kitchen; she was perched on the stool, reading some article from a magazine. ‘G’day Mum, how are ya goin’? I asked as I kissed the top of her head. ‘Good morning, my baby. I’m fine.’ she said, closing the magazine and bringing her full attention to me. I picked up an apple from the fruit basket that rested on the dining table, took a huge bite, and then sat across her. ‘Good on ya.’ ‘How are you this morning?’ she asked.‘I’m good, thanks.’ I took another bite. Mum gave me a long stare and asked, ‘Can I ask you something?’‘Sure.’‘Did you have a tiff with Khalid last night while I was sleeping?’I stopped biting the apple mid-way and looked into her eyes, wary. ‘I wouldn’t call it a tiff. We were only havin’ a discussion.’‘A discussion that turned into a heated argument? Is that right?’ She rested her chin on her palm, elbow on the table, and stared at me.I sighed. ‘Mum, look, I’m sorry, all right? I didn’t mean to offend him in any way, but he was being mean to me. I don’t think he wants me in this house anymore.’She continued looking at me, silent. I added. ‘He also thinks I’m not capable of knowing when you’re feeling good and when not.’She rested her elbows on the table now. ‘It’s not like that, Daniyal. He doesn’t want you to leave this house.’‘Yes, he surely does.’ I looked away. ‘No, son. This is your house as much as Hammad’s and Fariya’s.’ I let out a sarcastic laugh. ‘Yeah, right.’‘I think he was only concerned about my health and didn’t want me to go out until I was fully vaccinated.’‘Do you think he’s the only one concerned for you? And not me?’ ‘I’m not saying that. I know you care for me. Else you wouldn’t have traveled 5000 miles for your distant mother.’ She smiled, resting her hand on me. ‘Almost 5735 miles, Mum.’ I corrected her, my expression serious. ‘Oh. I’m sorry about that,’ she said, turning serious. We both looked at each other in silence for a second and then let out a laugh. Mum held my hand and brought it closer to her lips and kissed it. ‘Did you know that you’re the best son ever?’ I shook my head. ‘Don’t lie, Mum. I’m the worst son ever.’‘No, you’re not. If anything, I’m the worst kind of mother ever. I wish I could have been a better mother to you. I know I haven’t been, but I could have. I could have…’‘Hey, c’mon.’ I interrupted her, holding her hand firmly. ‘It’s all right, mate. Cheers.’ She nodded, wiping away the tear from the corner of her eye. ‘Have you had your brekkie?’ I asked, changing the topic of the conversation.‘I had my coffee. What do you want to eat? Tell me, I’ll make it for you.’‘Nah, allow me to make it for you.’ I stood on my feet and started preparing brekkie for us. After breakfast, I asked her. ‘Hey, Mum, do we have a printer at home?’‘A printer? I don’t think so. Why?’ I turned to face her. ‘I need to take a printout. Some office work.’‘Oh. Right. You can go to the market and get it done from a printing shop.’‘Really? Where’s the shop? I can take your car…’‘No, wait. The car is not at home.’‘Where is it?’‘It’s with Khalid. He had to go out for some work.’‘Damn, right.’ I whispered, shaking my head. ‘Wait. Why don’t you take an Uber?’ she suggested. ‘Uh, yeah, I might…’‘Or wait… I can ask Mishal to take you to the shop. She knows all about this stuff.’‘Mishal?’ I grimaced. ‘The neighbor girl?’‘Why? Do you have any problem with that?’ ‘Uh, no, I don’t, but I don’t want to trouble anyone, Mum.’‘Baby, it’s perfectly fine. Just let me ask her.’ Before I could retaliate, she dialed a number on her phone, spoke to someone (maybe her), and confirmed the plan. I rolled my eyes.  Mum set her elbows on the table and entwined her fingers. ‘So, it’s done. Mishal will take you to the shop.’‘Mum, I don’t want to take favors from anyone.’‘She’s not anyone. She’s family. Now, c’mon, she must be waiting for you outside. Don’t forget to wear your mask.’I realized it was pointless to argue with her further. Putting the face mask on my face, I headed outside to go on the most dreadful trip of my life.Â