10. Disposable

Chase.

✙ ☠ ✙

I walk the last bit to school in a uniform of black. Black ripped skinny jeans, black Vans, a black hoodie and black sunglasses. Today I want to disappear.

My head is fucking killing me. I drank way too much yesterday. I'm eternally grateful to Wayne and Luke for letting me crash there. My mom would have skinned me.

I acted like such an asshole last night. I think I broke up with Fawn but I can't remember clearly what I said.

I see her pass by.

"Fawn," I grab her arm.

She looks at me. She seems hurt.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I was a jerk. I didn't mean to say it like that."

Her eyes begin to tear up.

"So.. you did actually mean to break up with me?" A tear runs over her cheek.

I notice a lot of eyes on us. But much like yesterday.. I don't care what they think. I'm just done lying.

"I just think it's better this way."

Another tear streams down her face.

I feel really bad for her. I never wanted to be the kind of person that breaks hearts like this.

"I'm sorry." I say.

"They were right about you." She whispers and walks away.

"Fawn!" I stare after her.

It can't be helped, I guess. Of course she's hurt.

I sigh and walk on inside. The guys immediately meet me.

They start to high five me and hug me and stuff.

"What did I do?"

"Man, all the girls are after you. Everyone says you're a huge player. You've made it." Alex says, amazed.

"I told you he would! Y'all guys were doubting my wisdom!" Luke says.

"How am I a player?"

"Breaking up with Fawn like that. She's like one of the hottest girls in the school, man." Luke is almost annoyed he has to explain this to me.

"Chase?" A female voice calls from behind me.

I turn around. It's a girl I don't know.

"Um.. I was just wondering if you have plans tonight."

The guys all start making noise. It's really annoying.

"I do, actually." My mom's dumb charity event.

"Oh." She looks disappointed.

"Maybe some other time." I try to smile. It takes more effort than ever.

I walk away.

The guys all holler, calling me a fuckboy and all that.

I don't know what my life has come to at this point. I thought everyone would hate me after how I acted yesterday but they seem to think it was cool. And that I'm some kind of bad boy now. I'm turning into everything I hate about high school... but I'm too tired to care.

× × ×

My mom and I step out of the car. We're at the charity event.

I immediately spot the little red carpet where photographers are taking pictures.

Can't feed the poor without telling the whole world you're doing it.

I sigh.

"I'll just wait over here."

My mother grabs my arm.

"Absolutely not! I don't understand why you've been so moody lately but it really is time to get over it." She looks at me sternly.

"Mom.." I complain.

"Now listen Chase, you put me through hell two years ago,"

I immediately feel guilty. I hurt a lot of people when I overdosed two years ago. It was wrong. I know that now.

"Your father wanted to send you to a boarding school but I convinced him not to,"

"Marco is hardly my father," I say under my breath.

"I don't ask much of you. I give you a roof over your head, Steven and I give you much more than the average kid your age could wish for—"

"I know, mom!"

"So stop pouting then—" Mom sees a woman walking by noticing our argument.

Mom lifts her chin up and gives her her brightest smile. "Teenagers." She chuckles.

"Oh, I hear you." The woman laughs.

Mom waits till she's gone. Then she looks me deep in the eyes.

"I've been a good mom to you." She says. "It's time you were a good son to me."

She eyes me expectantly.

"Alright. I'm sorry." I mumble.

"Good." She takes a deep breath and we walk towards the red carpet together.

"Don't pull such a long face, smile!" My mom urges.

We walk onto the carpet and the cameras flash in our faces. I smile as brightly as I can. It feels like ripping my insides to shreds.

After taking some pictures my mother starts talking to all her socialite friends and introducing me to them. It's excruciating. I hate being in public. I hate talking to people. I hate high society. A table with champagne glasses catches my eye.

"And this is my son, Chase." My mother smiles proudly as we reach a new group of people.

I look at the three old guys in front of me. "Hi." I say curtly.

"Well, he sure has grown up!" One of them says. "Last time I saw him he was a little boy!" He laughs.

I literally don't remember him.

I smile politely.

My mother laughs obnoxiously.

"This is Vincent Regarde. He was generous enough to host this beautiful event at his home." My mom beams at him like he's a freaking angel.

"Awesome." I say curtly.

My mom sends me a warning look.

I'm terrible at these social things. I wish I could just leave. I look back at the table.

My mom and the men continue conversing about something else. I just stand there awkwardly, not knowing what to do with myself. It's not like I'm saying anything anyway.

"Excuse me," I say quietly and walk away. My mother shoots daggers at me with her stare but I really need a break. I think I've played my part for long enough now.

I make my way to the champagne table and quickly check if my mom's watching. She's talking to her friends. Perfect.

I grab a glass of champagne and gulp it down.

I already feel much better knowing I won't have to go through these next few hours on my own.

I know I'm drinking a bit too much.. but it's the only thing that gets me through this shit. And I don't wanna be myself right now. I don't wanna hear my self-hate fueled thoughts for a while. I don't wanna feel my pain. I just want to be at peace. And drinking helps.

I down another two glasses.

"Don't let your mom see that."

I turn to the old man from before, Vincent.

"Please don't tell my mom. She'd actually kill me." I plead.

"Of course I won't tell her." He smiles kindly.

"Thanks."

"How old are you now, Chase?" Vincent asks.

"Sixteen." I grab another drink.

"You look much older. I say you have grown up quite well. You were always a handsome little boy.. Now you're a man."

"Could you tell that to my mom? She doesn't seem to agree."

Vincent laughs.

"Well, she's your mother. Of course she wants to pretend you're this little kid but anyone with with eyes can see you're.." He eyes me very particularly. "Quite mature."

I look into his eyes for a moment. There's something about the way he's looking at me that makes me feel like he's interested. In a different way than I first thought.

I must be crazy. Or drunk.

I look down at my drink.

He takes a step closer to me.

"So Chase, tell me. Are you popular with the ladies?"

Such a random question. I shrug. "Guess so."

"Well, I can see why." He smirks.

Is he flirting with me?!

"How about the guys?" He almost whispers this part.

I scan around but no one's paying attention to us.

I look back into his eyes and they're searching mine with and amused look.

Before I know it the words fly out of my mouth. "This is your house, right? ...Show me around?"

He smiles at me while his eyes gleam in delight.

"I'd love to."

× × ×

The alcohol is definitely taking affect as we walk up the stairs. I grab onto the railing.

He opens the door to a bedroom. I go inside.

I stand in front of the bed and stare at it for a while. Do I really wanna do this?

"This is the master bedroom. My wife won't be here for a while. She'll probably be busy chatting with the other women."

He comes to stand in front of me. His look is intimidating, like he's going to eat me alive.

But somehow I'm not as scared as I'd normally be. I wonder if I could forget about Kev and finally let go of that weird feeling that's been eating at me if I sleep with guy.

I forget all about my apprehension from before.

He leans in and slowly kisses me. He's a good kisser. It feels nice.

I find myself getting more and more into it as we move towards the bed. He takes the lead and pushes me down on the bed and gets on top of me. I don't like it. I don't like not being in control. It feels suffocating so I push him off with way more force than I intended to.

He gives me a confused look.

I begin to take off my clothes and, apprehensively, so does he.

When we're both naked, I get on top of him and kiss him again. He runs his hands over my back.

I've never topped before but I try to remember what Sky did with me. I kiss Vincent's neck and touch his body. He starts to groan in pleasure. It's interesting to see someone else respond to what I do. It makes me feel strong.

× × ×

When we're done I feel completely drunk. He looks ecstatic.

I really enjoyed it. It seems I prefer to be on top now, which explains why I didn't like what happened with Kev. It makes sense of it. Maybe I just need more experience topping. Maybe then I'll feel normal again.

Still somewhere there's an empty feeling inside me. This meant nothing to him and it meant nothing to me. It's like I'm just some disposable object to throw around. It feels off.

I start getting dressed.

"You're leaving already?" Vincent asks.

"Yeah.. I'll just get a cab home." I mumble. I get up slowly. The room's spinning.

"Can I get your number?" He asks. He looks kind of desperate.

The words come out before I think them through.

"Why don't you ask my mom?" I say pointedly.

He pulls away, confused.

We share a long glance before I leave.