CHAPTER 18

KYLE

6 Days 'til Christmas Eve

Julia emerges from the bridal boutique, Penny's wedding dress bagged and boxed like it's prized possession. I tuck it safely in the boot of my car, yet Julia hovers outside the store, tracing her gloved finger over a frosted display window.

"You good?" I ask, leaning casually against the car.

Her head tilts slightly, catching the reflection of the boutique's twinkling lights. "Yeah, just thinking."

The sales assistant steps outside, clutching her coat against the evening chill, and locks the front door. She spots us as she turns around. "Don't forget, the Carols by Candlelight are tonight in the park! It's always magical this time of year."

I glance at Julia. "Carols? Sounds festive. You in?"

She hesitates. "I don't-"

"Come on," I interject, knowing she'll find an excuse if I let her. "We've been buried in wedding planning. It'd do both of us some good to take a breather. You like Christmas stuff, don't you?"

"Fine," she says, sighing. "But don't expect me to sing."

We arrive at the park fifteen minutes later. The same one we'd been to only days ago with the photographer, although it feels completely different this evening, with so many people around. Strings of lights dangle from the trees, warmly outlining branches and reflecting off snow. A sea of blankets with families, couples and other small groups dot the lawn area, clutching steaming cups of cocoa from a food truck near the entrance. Children dart around, laughing and chasing one another as the choir warms up at the gazebo.

Julia shivers in the icy blast that sweeps through, pulling her coat closer. Flicking out the picnic blanket, I wrap it around her shoulders.

"How very gentlemanly of you," she says.

We choose a spot toward the middle of the crowd, close enough to hear the choir but not packed like sardines. Julia removes the blanket, laying it down, crossing her legs as she sits, then leans back on her hands. The first carol begins, music swelling louder as the crowd begins singing along with the choir. It reminds me of when my parents used to bring Chase and I down here, as kids.

Julia's voice is sweet and melodious, as if she were a songbird.

"What?" she asks, catching my gaze. And I realise I've been staring at her for far too long.

"You have a beautiful voice." It's not just a line though, and I hope she sees the compliment for what it truly is.

Her cheeks flush. "Thanks. But you don't need to butter me up."

"I'm serious," I reply, leaning closer. "You're amazing."

Her lips twitch, daring to smile but the next song begins. Joining in, I sing loudly to "O Holy Night".

"Kyle," she hisses, swatting at my arm.

"What?" I grin, pretending not to notice how my off-key rendition has heads turning our way. "Isn't singing along the entire point of Carols by Candlelight?"

"You're ruining it," she laughs.

"Not true," I reply, singing the next line with even more dramatic flair.

Julia's laughter is so loud and unrestrained that she collapses against my arm, tears streaming down her cheeks. It was like watching the sun rise after a long, dark night - seeing her, the Julia I used to know, my friend, again. But she's also breathtakingly beautiful too, even being bundled up in boots, coat and scarf, only her face visible. The tension between us, lingering since the Christmas party, vanishes. It's just us, in a crowd of people, feeling inexplicably easy.

The choir launches into "Silent Night," Julia's joining in again. I'm doing my best to keep up, but I can feel her watching me, a playful smirk forming on her face whenever I make a mistake.

"Wouldn't this be the perfect date?" I ask, leaning close so only she can hear.

Julia hesitates, then whispers softly. "If we were dating."

My chest tightens at her words, trying to read between the lines to her meaning. Maybe she does want this - want me, but then again, perhaps I'm just reading into it what I want it to mean.

When the night ends, we gather our blanket and head back to the car. Julia is quieter than usual, thought her face under the park lights give nothing away. She seems completely at ease tonight, not thinking ahead to the next wedding task or fending of my teasing remarks.

"You seemed to have fun," I say, making small talk.

She glances at me as a smile curves up one side of her mouth. "I guess I did. You weren't completely unbearable, so that helped."

"You're welcome," I reply, smirking as I open the door.

The mood seems to shift as we head out onto the road. The silence is charged, like neither of us knows where to go from here. Glancing at her as she adjusts her scarf, I wonder what's going through her mind.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask.

Turning slightly, she doesn't meet my eyes. "That it was nice. The carols, I mean. It's been a while since I've done anything like that."

"Yeah?"

She nods, playing with the edge of her scarf. "It felt normal. Like not everything in life is about wedding checklists and deadlines. You know?"

"Normal's good," I say, agreeing, though my chest tightens at her tone. Her wistfulness feels like she's longing for something - maybe something that isn't me.

When we pull up to her house, I park but don't turn off the engine right away.

"Thanks for tonight," Julia says softly. "It was... nice."

"Nice, huh?" I tease. "That means a lot coming from you, Jules."

She rolls her eyes but smiles, unbuckling her seatbelt. I beat her to the door, opening it as she reaches for the handle.

"Still trying to be a gentleman, I see," she remarks as I follow her to the porch.

"Old habits die hard," I reply, shoving my hands into my pockets.

As we step onto the porch, the cold air clings to my face, but my chest burns with all the things I want to say to her. She pauses at the door, keys dangling loosely in her hand.

"Julia..." I start, though I don't know where I'm going with it.

She turns to me, lips slightly parted as she she's searching for the words too. Then without a second thought, I step closer, leaning down to kiss her. Her hands rise to my shoulders, gripping the fabric of my coat like she's anchoring herself. She leans into me, lips soft and warm against mine. The kiss deepens, and she slides her hands up to my shoulders, while mine settle around her waist, and every rational thought I've had about keeping things simple vanishes.

Everything else fades away. All I can think about is her-how she feels, how she tastes, how her fingers grip me like she doesn't want to let go.

As we separate, her breath catches, her eyes frantically seeking mine.

"I..." she starts, then stops, biting her lip.

"What?" I ask, in a low voice.

"You want to come in?" she asks softly, voice barely above a whisper.

My heart stumbles, torn between wanting her more than anything and the memory of how complicated things got after the last time we crossed a line. How much worse could they get if we actually spent the night together?

"Jules..."

"We're both adults," she cuts in, her voice firmer now. "I'm not asking for a commitment, Kyle. Just... this. Tonight."

Her eyes hold mine, and I see the nerves flickering there, but also something else-desire, trust. "It won't interfere with the wedding," she adds, a faint smile tugs at her lips. "We can handle one night, can't we?"

I want to say no, to be the responsible one, but when she steps closer, brushing her fingers lightly against mine, every argument I have dissolves.

"Alright," I say quietly, voice thick.

Inside, the house is dimly lit, except for the soft glow from the Christmas tree in the corner of the living room. Julia turns to face me the moment the door shuts.

She rushes in, pressing her lips desperately against mine. Her kiss is urgent, and all-consuming, and my body responds instinctively, pulling her body closer, my hands grabbing at her waist like I never want to let her go.

She guides me toward the couch. Her fingers slip beneath my coat, tugging at the fabric like it's in the way. My hands roam over her body, memorizing the curve of her back, and the soft warmth of her skin under the material of her dress.

"Kyle," she murmurs, her breath hot against my neck, almost begging.

"Yeah?" I reply, voice thick with want.

"Bedroom."

She leads me down the hallway. When we reach her room, I can't hold back. I scoop her up, her laughter muffled and light as I lay her on the bed. Her hands trail warmth along my skin and her fingers tangle in my hair, and for the first time in years, everything feels right, like I'm exactly where I'm meant to be. But as I hold her, a sliver of doubt creeps in. How do we go back after this?