30

As our gazes met, the world around me melted away, leaving only the two of us, suspended in a sea of memories. My heart skipped a beat, then another, and another, until it felt like it had forgotten how to beat at all. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut, the wind knocked out of me, leaving me gasping for air.

His eyes, still bright and piercing, seemed to bore into my soul, searching for answers to questions he had never asked. His hair were long, still messy and unkempt, framed his face, which was still chiseled and strong. But it was his smile, that hesitant, uncertain smile, that broke my heart all over again.

I felt like I was drowning in a sea of emotions, unable to keep my head above water. Six years of memories, of longing and loving, came flooding back, threatening to consume me whole. And yet, I couldn't look away, couldn't tear my gaze from the man who had once been my everything.

Natigil lang ang titigan naming dalawa ng umiwas ito. "May bisita ka pala, Kiraz." Malamig na saad nito.

I stood my ground, trying to process the changes in him. "Tsk," Kiraz exclaimed, turning to me with a knowing look. "Clyde, upo ka muna, titignan ko lang kung tapos na sa pagluluto si Clint."

I nodded and forced a smile, taking a seat on the couch directly across from Jarred, who seemed engrossed in his phone. Kiraz gave my shoulder a gentle tap before leaving us alone.

The silence that followed was oppressive, the tension between us palpable. I bit my lip, weighing whether I should break the silence or not. Jarred's eyes remained fixed on his screen, his expression unreadable.

Kakausapin ko ba o hindi? Ano naman sasabihin ko? Kakamustahin? Tatanongin?

I let out a deep sigh, preparing to break the silence, when my phone rang, shattering the tense atmosphere. I glanced at the screen and saw Luke's name flashing. "Clyde, hi!!" he greeted, his cheerful voice a stark contrast to the heavy silence surrounding me.

I forced a happy tone, trying to shake off the unease. "Hello!"

Just as I began to relax, a loud clang pierced the air, making me flinch. I looked up to see Jarred's phone lying on the coffee table, his eyes locked on mine with an unreadable expression. He raised an eyebrow, and for a moment, our gazes held. A pang of sadness struck me as I saw the emptiness in his eyes.

Wala na 'yung kinang sa mga mata niyo tuwing tumitingin ito sa 'kin.

Why are you expecting, Clyde? Malamang wala na 'yung kinang sa mata niya. 6 years na ang nakalipas, naka move-on niya tulad mo.

Baka nga may bagong girlfriend na 'yan, o baka nga sila na ulit nung first love niya.

Luke's voice brought me back to reality. "Are you still there?" he asked, concern creeping into his tone.

I quickly looked away, leaning back into the couch, trying to compose myself. "Yes, sorry," I replied, attempting to sound casual.

Luke continued, oblivious to the tension. "I just called to ask if we can meet when I land in the Philippines to discuss the paintings."

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "Yeah, sure."

We finalized the plans, and before ending the call, I said, "Okay, text me nalang if dumating ka na."

The silence returned, heavier than before. I glanced at Jarred from the corner of my eye, curiosity getting the better of me. He was staring intently at something, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. His jaw was clenched, a muscle twitching in his cheek, betraying a hint of tension beneath his calm exterior.

Bakit ba ang tagal ni Kiraz? Sinasadyan ba niya na iwan kaming dalawa dito?

I flinched when Jarred's deep voice cut through the silence, his words dripping with a cold, detached tone.

"Hobby mo pa rin talaga titignin ang mga nasa harap mo, no?"

He looked at me with an icy gaze, his eyes piercing through me like a dagger. I bit my lip, feeling a shiver run down my spine as he stared at me fiercely.

"H-huh?" I stuttered, taken aback by his sudden outburst.

Jarred let out a disdainful "Tsk" and looked away, his jaw still clenched in annoyance. "Stop glaring at people," he muttered, his voice barely audible, but the rebuke stung nonetheless.

Sungit naman nito.

Alam ko namang may past kami pero kailangan ba maging masyadong masungit? Required ba? Mandatory ba? Nasa constitution ba?

'Wag ka ngang masyadong OA, Clyde. Masungit 'yan dahil sa 'yo. Ano bang inaasahan mo pag-magkita kayo ulit? Na siya parin 'yung dating lalaki na minahal mo at minahal ka ng sobra? Na maging sweet agad siya? Na yayakapin ka niya agad?

Ano ba't umaasa ka ng ganiyan? Kala ko ba naka move-on kana? Kala ko ba maayos kana? Kala ko ha okay na?

Naka move-on naman na talaga ako. Hindi ko lang na inaasahan na ganito siya...na maging cold siya sa 'kin...na maging masungit siya.

Ang inaasahan ko na mangyayari kapag mag kita ulit kami ay magiging casual kami. Walang awkwardness. Magkaka mustahan, ganon.

Hayts, kaya nga sabi nila 'Wag umasa para hindi masaktan at ma disappoint.

"Are you uncomfortable?" Jarred asked, his voice low and even. I met his gaze once more, and his eyes still held the same piercing intensity.

"You keep letting out deep breaths," he observed, his eyes narrowing slightly.

I shook my head, trying to brush off the tension. "Ahh, wala 'to. I'm okay," I said, attempting to sound calm.

"Uhm—

But before Jarred could respond, Kiraz's voice echoed through the room, shattering the awkward silence. "Clydeeee, lunch is ready!!!"

Jarred's words were left hanging, and he abruptly stood up, avoiding my gaze. I watched him, feeling a pang of disappointment and frustration at the interrupted moment.

"Let's go," Jarred said curtly, leading the way to the dining room. I sighed inwardly and followed him.

As we entered the dining room, Kiraz's eyes widened in surprise. "Si Clyde ka ba?" she asked Jarred, her tone tinged with annoyance.

"Si Clyde tinawag ko, hindi ikaw," Dagdag nito at masungit na tumingin sa lalaki.

"He's my visitor, baby," Clint chimed in, a hint of amusement in his voice.

Kiraz's eyes flashed with surprise. "You knew about Clyde's arrival, yet you invite him here!" she exclaimed.

Clint raised an eyebrow, feigning innocence. "What? I can't invite a friend to our house?" he teased.

Kiraz rolled her eyes and turned to me, concern etched on her face. I offered her a reassuring smile.

"It's okay, Kiraz. It doesn't affect me anymore," I said, trying to downplay the awkwardness.

I couldn't say whether it's true or not. Alam ng isip ko na wala ng epekto sa 'kin si Jarred, pero ang puso ko? For 6 years, my heart had been numb, devoid of emotion. Simula nung umalis ako ng Pilipinas, lahat ng nararamdaman ko ay sinisugurado ko na galing ito sa isip ko at hindi sa puso.

Dahil nung hinayaan ko ka ang puso ko ang manalo, nasaktan at nasira ako, at hindi ko hahayaan na mangyari ulit 'yun.

Clint whispered, "No affects na daw, bro." Jarred shot him a warning glance and subtly kicked his foot, as if to silence him.

We all snuggled up together, forming a cozy little circle. Kiraz squeezed in beside me, her eyes sparkling with a mischievous grin as she whispered, "I missed you!" Meanwhile, Clint settled in front of her, and Jarred claimed the spot in front of me, completing our little quartet.

Simple ang mga niluto ni Clint, at halos lahat ng ito ay paborito ko. Tumukhim naman si Clint ng mapansin niyang nakatingin ako sa pagkain.

"Someone's special request," he said with a sly smile, casting a sidelong glance at Jarred, who was eyeing the food with a hint of disdain. I forced a awkward smile at Clint, feeling a tad uncomfortable.

Just then, Kiraz burst in, her eyes shining with excitement. "kain na!" she squealed. We bowed our heads in prayer before diving into the feast.

I carefully placed a steaming scoop of rice and a juicy porkchop on my plate. Tiningnan ko naman ang mga nakahiwang pipino sa mesa. Nagdadalawang isip ako kung kukuha ba ako o hindi. Pipino lang ito at walang nakalagay na kung ano. Mas gusto ko kung kumain ng pipino kung nakababad ito sa suka na may pamintang durog at asin.

Gusto ko man mag tanong kila Kiraz ay nahihiya ako. 'Wag na nga lang. Sisimulan ko na sana ang pagkain ko ng biglang tumayo si Jarred at naglakad patungong kusina ng walang paalam.

"Asan 'yun?" Kiraz asked, her brow furrowed in curiosity. I simply shrugged, unsure of how to respond.

Clint's gaze pierced through me, his eyes narrowing slightly. "You've changed a lot, Clyde," he said, his tone tinged with a hint of concern.

I forced a smile, trying to brush off the unease that settled in the pit of my stomach. But Clint's next words caught me off guard:

"You're smiling, but I can see right through it. There's no sincerity in your smile." His words struck a chord, and I felt a pang of surprise. Was it really that obvious? I was smiling, but even I couldn't tell if it was genuine or just a facade to hide my true emotions.

Kiraz shot her husband a warning glance. "You're making things uncomfortable," she whispered.

Clint simply smiled and took her hand, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"It's okay, Kiraz," I reassured her, turning to Clint. "I am smiling genuinely," I said, meeting his gaze. "It's just not as wide as it used to be."

Clint nodded thoughtfully, his expression softening, and returned to his meal.

As we continued eating, Jarred returned, a small bowl cradled in his hands. He placed it in front of me, his eyes locked on mine.

I raised an eyebrow, my gaze questioning. Kiraz and Clint paused, their forks hovering over their plates.

Kiraz's eyes widened in curiosity, while Clint's narrowed, his expression skeptical. The air was thick with unspoken questions, all of them directed at Jarred.

"Ano 'to?" I asked, my curiosity piqued.

Jarred didn't even glance at me, his expression serene. "You always eat your cucumber with vinegar, crushed pepper, and salt," he said, his voice low and matter-of-fact, before taking a seat and continuing to eat in silence.

My eyes drifted to the small plate he had placed beside me, and I felt a surge of surprise. It was a dish of vinegar with crushed pepper and salt, accompanied by sliced cucumber. I raised my gaze to meet Jarred's, who was now eating peacefully, his eyes cast downward.

Naalala niya pa.

Kiraz chimed in, her voice laced with amusement. "Sus, pass sa halata!" She teased, eyeing Jarred with a knowing glance.

I simply shrugged, trying to play it cool, but Kiraz raised an eyebrow, her expression skeptical.

I ignored her teasing and focused on the delicious cucumber dish Jarred had prepared for me. I dipped the cucumber slice into the tangy sauce and took a bite, savoring the flavors.

At least Jarred still remembered my favorite way to eat cucumber.

Clint broke the silence, his voice smooth. "So, you're staying in Italy?"

I shook my head, correcting him. "No, I stayed in Switzerland. I just came to Italy for a visit."

Clint nodded, his eyes crinkling at the corners

Kiraz's eyes sparkled with curiosity. "Ganda ba? Like, kung ano 'yun sa social media, ganon talaga?"

I smiled wistfully. "Not all places are the same as what we see on social media. Some are different."

But then I added, "But it's peaceful."

Clint chimed in, his tone laced with a hint of teasing. "Payapa..." He drawled, his eyes glinting with amusement. "Iba na pala ang iyong payapa."

His gaze flicked to Jarred, and I sensed a hint of subtle tension in the air.

"Anyway, I got you a gift, Kiraz," I said, trying to contain my excitement.

Kiraz's eyes sparkled with anticipation. "What is it?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

I excused myself, stood up, and quickly retrieved the gift from my bag. "Ta-da!" I exclaimed, presenting her with a small box.

Kiraz's smile widened as she slowly opened the box, revealing a delicate necklace with a cherry pendant. "A necklace, and it's a cherry pendant!" she squealed.

I beamed with pride, thrilled that she loved the gift. "Thank you so much, Clyde!" she exclaimed, her eyes shining with gratitude.

I smiled, feeling happy that I'd made her day. "I saw it while strolling in Italy, and it reminded me of you, so I had to get it," I explained.

Kiraz's face lit up with delight, and she threw her arms around me in a tight hug.

Kiraz's whispered "thank you" was still warm in my ear when Clint dropped a bombshell.

"Jarred also just got back from Italy," he said, his eyes sparkling with curiosity.

I felt a jolt of surprise and turned to Jarred, who was still focused on his plate, his expression unreadable. "Hindi kayo nagkita dun?" Clint asked, his brow furrowed.

I shook my head, my mind racing. I knew Jarred, and I was certain I would have recognized him if we'd met in Italy. "No, I didn't see him," I said, my voice firm.

But before I could process my thoughts, Jarred's low, smooth voice cut through the air. "I saw her," he said, his words dripping with an understated intensity that left me breathless.

Nakita niya 'ko? Pa'no niya 'ko nakita nang hindi ko siya nakikita.

Kiraz's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?" she asked, her voice tinged with excitement.

Jarred's expression remained neutral, but his voice betrayed a hint of bitterness. "Yeah, in Rome. She was running around with her boyfriend," he said, his words dripping with a subtle venom.

I felt a sting from his words, and my mind began to reel. Boyfriend? Running around? The memories of Luke and me teasing each other in Rome came flooding back. So, Jarred had seen that? He was there, watching us? How could I have missed him? The thought sent a shiver down my spine.

"She also bumped into me when she bought that necklace." Hindi pa nga ako nakakabawi sa gulat ng sabihin niya na nakita na niya ako kasama si Luke, ay mas lalo akong nagulat sa sinabi niya.

Siya 'yun? Siya 'yung lalaking nabangga ko?

Nagpatuloy ang usapan namin ngunit hindi na nawala sa isipan ko na nag cross ang aming landas sa Italy nang hindi ko namamalayan.

Kiraz's eyes sparkled with excitement. "Share your life in Switzerland!!!" she exclaimed, her voice bubbling with enthusiasm.

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Para namang hindi tayo nag-uusap lagi," I teased.

But Kiraz just pouted, her lower lip jutting out. "Iba parin 'yung sa personal ko marinig," she said, her voice laced with a hint of stubbornness.

I sighed, knowing she wouldn't let go. "Well, it is peaceful," I said, relenting.

"I do write stories and paint," I added, a small smile playing on my lips.

Jarred's gaze snapped to mine, his eyes locking onto mine with an intensity that made my heart skip a beat. Hindi ko alam kung nagiging delulu naba 'ko. Dahil may nakita akong paghanga sa mga mata niya

Jarred's voice was low and smooth, his words tinged with a hint of surprise. "You write again?" he finally asked.

I bit my lip, a faint smile playing on my lips, and nodded.

Jarred's expression softened, a small smile creeping onto his face. "That's good," he said, his voice filled with a quiet approval.

Kiraz's eyes sparkled with mischief. "Dream mo 'yun, diba?" she asked, and I nodded.

"Siguro kasabayan mo na 'yung kasikatan ni Trixie," she added, her voice dripping with amusement.

I smirked, realizing who she was referring to. Clint's curiosity was piqued. "Trixie?" he asked.

Kiraz's grin widened. "Si Trixie, 'yung author na sumisikat ngayon," she explained.

Her face was a picture of amusement. "But she never shows her face, and everyone wants to see her. Even me," she said, her eyes glinting with curiosity.

I smiled at Kiraz, feeling a surge of pride. "Well, you already see her," I said, my voice low and teasing.

Kiraz's eyes widened in confusion. "Huh? Pinagsasabi nito?" She started to say, "Clyde pangalan mo, hindi Trix-"

But she didn't finish her sentence. Her eyes locked onto mine, and her face froze in shock. She pointed at me, her finger trembling slightly. "Y-you?" she stammered.

I nodded, a smile still plastered on my face. Kiraz's eyes remained fixed on mine, her expression a mix of shock, surprise, and wonder.

Kiraz's mouth hung open, her eyes wide with astonishment. "You're... you're Trixie?" she stammered, her voice barely above a whisper.

I chuckled, feeling a sense of satisfaction. "Trixie Clydelyn" I said, grinning. "Girl, 6 years lang ako sa Switzerland nakalimutan mo na agad full name ko."

Clint's eyes snapped to mine, his expression surprised. "Whoa, I didn't see that coming," he said, a slow smile spreading across his face.

Jarred, on the other hand, looked like he wasn't surprised at all. He just nodded, a small smile playing on his lips.

Kiraz, still looking stunned, shook her head. "I... I had no idea," she said, her voice filled with wonder. "Why didn't you tell us?"

I shrugged, feeling a bit self-conscious. "Hm... I stay away from social media. Besides, I write to express my emotions, not for profit."I explained.

Kiraz nodded, still looking amazed. "I can understand that," she said. "But... wow. You're Trixie. The author I love!"

"Wait..." Clint said, and we all turned to him. He looked at Jarred with a questioning gaze.

But before Clint could finish his sentence, Jarred suddenly stuffed a cucumber into his mouth, silencing him.

I glanced at them, confused. What was going on? Clint seemed like he was about to reveal something, but Jarred was clearly trying to shut him up.

Ano bang problema ng lalaking 'to?

Jarred's voice was cold and detached. "He meant the story I was about to buy for my sister."

I nodded, playing along, but my mind was racing with questions. Ano bang meron sa dalawang 'to? Kanina pa sila ah? May tinatago ba sila?

Mahilig nga pala sa libro si Jane.

"I could give her a personal copy of my upcoming self-published book," I said, trying to sound casual.

Kiraz's eyes lit up. "Ako din!!!" she exclaimed. "With a signature, please! I want to make my coworkers jealous."

I laughed and shook my head, but my attention was diverted when Clint spoke up. "I heard the Philippine Top Director is pushing for an adaptation of your novel."

I couldn't help but sense a hint of sarcasm in his voice, but I chose to ignore it. "Yeah, that's one of the reasons I came home – to consider the adaptation and the Manila International Book Fair."

Clint's grin seemed forced, while Kiraz chuckled. Jarred, on the other hand, remained silent.

Kiraz turned to me, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "Girl, do you know who that director is?"

I shook my head. "No, but I've heard a lot about him."

Kiraz burst into laughter, and Clint signaled her to stop. "Babe, don't."

But Kiraz continued to laugh. "Why?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

Kiraz's expression turned serious, but her voice was laced with sarcasm. "Nothing. You should just accept the offer. The director is... really good."

Her tone implied the opposite, and I couldn't help but wonder what she was hiding.

"Sa'n ka pala tutuloy ngayon?" Kiraz asked, her eyes sparkling with curiosity.

I hesitated, realizing I hadn't thought that far ahead. "Uh, I was thinking of booking a hotel room, and then I'll stay at Mom's house tomorrow."

Kiraz's face lit up with a mischievous grin. "It's too late to book a hotel. You can stay here for now. I miss you!" She batted her eyelashes, playing the cute card.

I chuckled, feeling a bit embarrassed. "It's okay, Kiraz. Nakakahiya din sa inyo."

But Kiraz was insistent. "No way, Desisyon ako. You're staying here tonight." She turned to Jarred, her expression stern. "And you, Jarred, can head home now."

Jarred raised an eyebrow, seemingly taken aback by Kiraz's sudden dismissal.

"I'm staying over," he said, his voice low and husky, sending a shiver down my spine.

Kiraz spat out the water she was drinking, and Clint swiftly handed her a napkin. "Careful, babe," he whispered, gently dabbing at her lips, his eyes filled with concern.

Clint's gaze then shifted to Jarred, his expression puzzled. "I thought you'd head home after this. You had a ton of things to tackle," he said, his brow furrowed in confusion.

But Jarred's gaze turned icy, his eyes glinting with a hint of defiance. He leaned back in his chair, his movements fluid and deliberate.

"I changed my mind," he said, his voice firm, his eyes locking onto mine with a piercing intensity. The air seemed to vibrate with tension as he held my gaze, his expression unreadable.

The room fell silent, the only sound the soft hum of the music in the background. I felt a flutter in my chest as Jarred's eyes seemed to bore into my soul, as if searching for something. And I couldn't help but wonder what had brought about this sudden change of heart.

Ayaw kung umasa. May namumuong ideya ako sa isip ko bakit bigla niyang sinabi na magpapagabi siya dito sa bahay nila Kiraz. Ngunit ayaw kung umasa. Ayaw kung mag assume.

After lunch, Kiraz showed me to the guest room, where I could rest. I freshened up with a quick shower and changed into comfortable clothes. I checked my phone for any messages from Mom, but finding none, I turned it off.

As I lay on the bed, my mind began to wander. Jarred's words echoed in my thoughts - he had seen me in Italy. The memory lingered, refusing to be shaken off.

Una ay nung nag aasaran kaming dalawa ni Luke, at pangalawa ay nung nabangga ko siya.

Nakakagulat na hindi ko man lang siya nakilala. Masyado akong naka focus sa regalong ibinigay sa 'kin ni Kiraz kung kaya't hindi ko siya nakilala.

Hindi rin mawala sa isipan ko ang malamig na pakikitungo at ang mga malamig na mata ni Jarred. Malaki ang pinagbago niya, simula nung nag hiwalay kami.

His words, actions, smile, and sparkling eyes all seemed to convey a deeper sadness, a melancholy that had dimmed the radiance of his face. His eyes, once bright and shining with joy, now seemed empty, devoid of any emotion. The sparkle that once danced in his gaze had faded, leaving behind a haunting sense of sorrow.

Glancing at the clock, I saw it was only 3 pm. With no art materials to paint and no inspiration to write, I decided to step out onto the balcony. The fresh air enveloped me as soon as I walked out.

Kiraz and Clint's mansion was breathtakingly vast, with a sprawling garden that seemed to stretch on forever. Lush greenery, towering trees, and vibrant flowers surrounded me, making the balcony the perfect spot to unwind and take in the serene views.

Na miss ko tuloy ang Switzerland. Siguro mga ilang buwan lang naman ako dito.

Hayts...pagtapos nitong MIBF at nung movie adaptation ay babalik agad ako ng Switzerland. Though it wasn't a place I called home, it brought me a sense of serenity, a feeling of peace that settled deep within me.

I jumped in surprise as a low, husky voice broke the silence. "You should rest."

I turned to my side, and my eyes met Jarred's gaze. He stood on the adjacent balcony, his back against the railing, a cigarette dangling from his fingers.

Magkatabi ang kwarto naming dalawa at parehas itong may balcony. I tried to brush it off, focusing on the breathtaking view before me.

"I'm resting," I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.

A sly smirk spread across Jarred's lips as he took another drag of his cigarette. He didn't respond, and I followed suit, maintaining an uncomfortable silence.

I continued to gaze out at the view, trying to ignore Jarred's presence, but I could feel his eyes on me, boring into my skin like a slow-burning fire.

Ganiyan dapat, Clyde, hindi ka dapat mag papa apekto. He cheated, remember?

"Clyde..." Jarred's sudden call broke the silence, and I turned to him with a start.

"How are you?" he asked, his eyes softening with a longing gaze. I felt a flutter in my chest as I bit my lip, trying to compose myself.

"I'm fine, thanks," I replied, forcing a casual tone and a fake smile. "You?"

But Jarred sidestepped my question. "I'm glad to hear you're writing again," he said, his voice low and sincere.

A bittersweet smile crossed my lips. "Thanks," I murmured, and we lapsed into silence once more.

Just as I was about to speak up, my phone rang, shattering the stillness. I glanced at Jarred, who was watching me with an unreadable expression. I nodded at him before stepping inside to answer the call.

"Clyde," my Kuya's voice boomed from the other end of the line.

I couldn't help but chuckle at his teasing tone. "Oh?"

"Wow, nakapagalang naman nitong kapatid ko," he said, his sarcasm dripping through the phone.

I laughed, playing along. "Ano ba, Kuya? Ba't ka tumawag?

"Mom's birthday is next week," he said, his tone laced with mock innocence. "Baka may balak kapang umuwi"

Nakauwi na 'ko. Tanga!

I forced a somber tone, trying to stifle a giggle. "Kuya, I don't think I can. I'm not ready yet." I clamped my hand over my mouth, struggling to contain my laughter.

"Clyde, this is for Mom," my Kuya said, his tone gentle but persuasive.

I took a deep breath, explaining my situation. "Kuya, I want to be there, but I'm still not ready. I hope you understand."

As we wrapped up our conversation, I couldn't help but chuckle. My Kuya's parting words made me smile: "If you change your mind, just let me know, okay?"

I agreed, and we ended the call. The moment I hung up, I let out a hearty laugh, releasing the amusement I'd been holding back during our conversation.

As exhaustion washed over me, I surrendered to its pull, sinking into the softness of the bed and letting sleep claim me.

As I slept, my mind slipped into a dream, transporting me back to a moment I'd tried to erase from my memory. I found myself lying in a hospital bed, surrounded by sterile white walls and the faint scent of antiseptic.

Jarred's face hovered above me, his eyes filled with a deep sadness. His voice was low and gentle, but the words he spoke cut through me like a knife.

"The doctor said... the impact of your fall..." His voice cracked, and I felt a chill run down my spine.

"No, no, no..." I whispered, my heart racing. "This can't be happening."

I tried to sit up, but my body felt heavy, as if weighed down by an invisible force. Jarred's face hovered above me, his eyes filled with tears.

"'Yung anak ko?" I asked, my voice shaking. "Is she still... is she still inside me?"

Jarred's cries grew louder, and he reached out to hold my hand. But I pushed him away, my voice rising to a scream.

"ANSWER ME, JARRED! ANSWER ME!!!"

The room began to spin, and Jarred's face blurred. I felt myself falling, plummeting into a dark abyss.

And then, I heard the words that shattered my world.

"You... you had a miscarriage."

I jolted awake, my heart racing, my sheets drenched in sweat. It was just a dream, I told myself. But the pain felt real.

Matagal ko nang ibinaon sa limot ang mga ala-alang ito. Ayaw kong isipin, ayaw kong maalala dahil natatakot ako, natatakot ako na baka umiyak lang ulit ako.

Simula nung dumating ako sa Switzerland ay ang una kung ginawa ang tanggalin sila sa isip ko. Ang huwag silang isipan at burahin sa buhay ko.

This is my way of coping the pain.

I tried to go back to sleep, but it eluded me. So, I decided to get up and step outside. That's when I realized it was already nighttime. I grabbed my jacket and took a walk, letting the cool air envelop me.

The surroundings were quiet, peaceful. The stillness of the night was a balm to my troubled mind.

Sa tuwing tinatanong nila ako kung kamusta ako, ang lagi kung sagot ay maayos. Pero alam ko sa sarili ko na hanggang ngayon ay hindi parin ako maayos. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa 'ko okay. Na hanggang nasasaktan parin ako.

Kahit anong tanggi ko rito. Kahit anong pilit ko na burahin sila sa buhay ko at huwag na silang isipan ay nasasaktan parin ako. Na siya parin ang laman nitong puso ko.

At ngayon na nakita ko na siya ulit, nagsisimula nanamang magkawala itong puso ko. Ngunit hindi ko ito hahayaan na manaig. Hindi ko na hahayaan ang puso ko ang mamuno.

Kung patuloy na ang puso natin ang manaig, masasaktan lamang tayo nito.

As I strolled, I caught sight of the man who had been occupying my thoughts. He stood there, gazing up at the stars, his back to me. I halted, watching him from afar.

He seemed different now, changed in ways I couldn't quite put my finger on. A flurry of questions swirled in my mind.

What had become of him after I left? How had he spent his days? Was he with someone now, or was he alone, like me?

Nakaya din kaya niya? May yumakap din ba sakaniya? May nagpupunas ba sa mga luha niya?

I bit my lip, turning to leave, but Jarred's voice halted me, its low, husky tone sending shivers down my spine.

"Stay," he said, the word hanging in the air like a challenge.

I turned back, meeting his gaze. For a moment, our eyes locked, and I felt a pang in my chest, like a key turning in a rusty lock. Memories I'd long suppressed began to resurface, and I felt the weight of my past mistakes bearing down on me.

He looked away, his expression weak, and for a moment, I thought I saw a glimmer of the man I once knew. But it was just a fleeting glimpse, lost in the sea of pain and anger that seemed to consume him.

Then, he let out a dry chuckle, the sound like a slap in the face. "Hindi mo nga pala ugali ang manatili" he said, his voice laced with sarcasm, each word dripping with venom.

I felt a stinging sensation in my eyes, and before I knew it, tears began to fall, rolling down my cheeks like a river. Jarred's gaze never wavered, his eyes boring into mine with a mixture of anger and pain.

My eyebrows furrowed as Jarred's gaze pierced through me, filled with disdain and hurt. "I'm leaving," I said, turning to walk away, but my feet felt heavy, as if rooted to the spot.

But Jarred's words stopped me in my tracks, his tone dripping with bitterness. "You're good at leaving, aren't you?" he said, his voice laced with venom. "Leaving when things get tough. Leaving when I need you most."

He strode towards me, his eyes blazing with intensity. He leaned in close, his voice low and menacing. "You know, I used to hate you for leaving me when I needed you most," he whispered, his breath caressing my skin. "I hated you for walking away without looking back. I hated you for not caring."

His words cut deep, slicing through my defenses like a sharp knife. I felt a stinging sensation in my eyes, and before I knew it, tears began to fall, rolling down my cheeks like a river.

Jarred's gaze never wavered, his eyes boring into mine with a mixture of anger and pain. "But most of all," he continued, his voice cracking with emotion, "I hated you for making me love you, only to leave me shattered and broken."