Naji

At the end of the class, the teacher handed back their first essays of the semester. Katelyn’s seventy percent glared up at her. Her heart froze. Pathetic, I am terrible at everything. She glanced at Hanna’s paper where a ninety-two percent was circled with a happy face drawn next to it. Katelyn hid her paper in her notebook and shoved it in her bag. If I cannot even get good grades, then what can I even do? I do not have a job. I do not volunteer. I am worthless. Katelyn closed her eyes against the oncoming tears. She almost wished that Hanna would say something to her to make her feel better, but why would she? Hanna was good at everything and she would never understand how Katelyn felt.

As Katelyn silently followed Hanna to their next class—they had all the same classes—she thought back to kindergarten. What had they done to that blonde student who had tried to help Nathan when the lines had spread along his skin? No one had ever figured out what had happened to the sink or what exactly had happened to Nathan. They had found a culprit in the young girl and that was enough, even if it seemed unlikely that the girl had done anything wrong.

Katelyn struggled to pay attention in the rest of her classes. Her mind kept wandering between Victoria, her terrible grades, and her fear of being discovered as a witch. Everything about Victoria’s death still haunted her, everything from the sight of Victoria’s lifeless corpse to her own guilt, but perhaps that was the effect of death. Her grades bothered her, because she had done so much better last year, and even the years before. Last year, she had gotten nineties just like Hanna, and the year before she had gotten mid-eighties. She had had her grades before, but now she just had the fear of her now deceased mentor revealing her secrets. She tried not to think about how she could no longer even trust her own vision not to lie to her.

It was not until the end of the day when she saw a pair of green eyes waiting for her at the edge of the schoolyard that she realized Ki had not been at school. Naji had the same eyes, but they were not as luminous. Hanna glanced at the dark-haired woman with an unreadable expression on her face.

“Miss Jean,” Naji greeted with a smile that did not reach her eyes. A flicker of darkness had swept through her eyes as Hanna’s eyes briefly narrowed.

“What brings you here, Miss Ailen?” Hanna questioned somewhat testily.

“I am temporarily looking after your friend,” Naji responded as her expression became neutral. She clasped her dark hands behind her back and raised her chin, causing her large gold hoop earrings to sway in the wind. She had her dark hair pulled into a twisted bun behind her head. Rather than the white blouse she was wearing the first time Katelyn saw her, she was wearing a forest green blouse with a black leather jacket with lace cuffs, although she still wore black dress pants.

Hanna was silent after that, although the expression on her face betrayed her shock and concern. “I hope you won’t try to do anything to her.”

“I follow the law, Miss Jean,” Naji snapped.

“People like you are the reason I don’t trust the law,” Hanna muttered. Naji scoffed and glanced at the election signs in the distance. “What happened to your parents, Katelyn?”

Katelyn felt the colour drain from her face. There was no way she was going to tell the story again. She fidgeted with her own pale hands.

“It’s because they’re anti-witch, isn’t it?” Hanna decided, her bright blue eyes seeming to be silently calculating Naji.

“Yes,” Naji responded as a slight smile spread across her face.

Katelyn had no idea how Hanna had come up with that answer. She had never heard anyone mention the anti-witch standpoint in a context where it might be considered dangerous before. Everyone was anti-witch. By Naji’s smile, it seemed she was pleased to be deemed less anti-witch than Katelyn’s parents, which perplexed Katelyn. Hanna could not possibly be pro-witch. But why would she think Katelyn’s parents being anti-witch would be a problem? She could not possibly have known Victoria worked with Katelyn and she certainly could not have known Katelyn was a witch. Maybe, she thought they had gotten in trouble for being anti-witch in another way, but almost no one got in trouble for being anti-witch. Everyone was anti-witch.

Hanna seemed satisfied by Naji’s answer and Naji seemed unwilling to provide any further information. Katelyn was pleased Naji had not said anything about the arrest of Katelyn’s parents, but she was worried by what else Hanna knew that she was not letting on. It was clear Hanna and Naji knew each other and that they disliked each other, but it seemed Naji knew many things about Hanna that Katelyn did not know. It seemed to Katelyn now that she hardly knew Hanna at all. Nevertheless, she remained quiet as Naji quickly led Katelyn to her sleek black Mitsubishi.

Naji’s apartment was bare. It had two rooms adjoined to the kitchen and dining area, but the only furniture she seemed to have were a small round dining table and four wooden chairs. She had a glass chandelier hanging above the table. The walls were plain white.

“Do you even live here?” Katelyn asked.

“I just moved in recently,” Naji answered.

“Right,” Katelyn whispered. Still, she could brush away the feeling that Naji owned very little. It was odd. She had such a fancy car and yet her apartment though fancy was bereft. Even if she had only moved in recently, she should have brought something personal with her.

Naji led Katelyn to what she assumed was the guest bedroom. It contained a simple bed with white sheets and a double-door closet. Katelyn set her school bag on the floor next to the bed. Naji stood awkwardly in the door frame of the room. They hardly knew each other and yet they would be staying together until the trial. The trial. Katelyn tried to push the thought to the back of her mind. She could not think about her parents right now and what they had done to Victoria or what would happen afterwards. It would be better if the trial stayed as far away as it possibly could.

“I can have your stuff brought over if you would like,” Naji suggested tapping her silver fingernail against the white wood around the door, “or you can leave it. If your parents are acquitted, you will continue living with them in their home.” They won’t be, a voice in Katelyn’s head declared. It is clear what they did and otherwise you will be charged, or they will have to pretend Victoria never existed. She is the leader of a federal party. People might not be particularly aware of her existence, but there will still be attention as soon as this goes to trial. Katelyn was not sure which alternative was worst. “If they are charged, you would first go to any family members you might have.” Katelyn nodded briefly. She was not even sure who that would be. Perhaps, that was why she was not with them now. “I have food in the kitchen, but if there is something else you would like, I can order it.” Katelyn nodded again. She had not eaten since yesterday except for the honey mixture she had made for herself, but she was not going to tell Naji that.

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Naji disappeared from the doorway. There were still a few hours before it would be reasonable to eat dinner. Katelyn made more of her honey supplement and drank it. She lay down on the ordinary bed and gazed up at the ceiling. She would have expected herself to miss her home, but at the moment, she could only think of the stress that always seemed to circulate through its walls.

She remembered the night before she had met Victoria. At dinner, her father had been reading the newspaper, his dark eyes set upon the page.

“Did you hire a new babysitter, Sweetie?” Mrs. Valedette had asked, her brown eyes glowering at him since he had been more focused on his reading than on the meal she had prepared.

Mr. Valedette had blinked, and the dark look had vanished from his eyes. “Sorry, what did you say?”

Mrs. Valedette had clenched her jaw. “Did you hire a new babysitter?”

Mr. Valedette had sighed, “Yes, I did.”

“You don’t seem so confidant,” Mrs. Valedette had accused.

Mr. Valedette had shrugged and set his paper aside as he had started to eat his dinner.

Mrs. Valedette had set her fork down and run her hands up her white lace sleeves as a dark look had crossed her eyes. Mr. Valedette had handed her the newspaper. She had narrowed her eyes at him, but had taken the newspaper and read it silently. The dark look had remained in her eyes the entire time. Mr. Valedette’s fork had shook in his hand.

As soon as Katelyn had finished eating, she had left the room, but her parents voices had trailed after her.

“You didn’t actually hire a new babysitter, did you, Lewis?” Mrs. Valedette had accused with anger at the edge of her voice.

“I, err...” Mr. Valedette had attempted. “It’s expensive these days, Joelle! Don’t you think she’s old enough to look after herself? She’s at school most of the day anyway.” Katelyn had agreed with her father.

“Don’t talk to me about expenses!” Mrs. Valedette’s voice had been venomous. “You’re the one with an expensive car.” She had paused as the sound of moving paper cut across the air. “This article should warn you how much our daughter needs protection, and we just aren’t there.”

Katelyn had ascended the stairs as her parents’ argument had grown louder. They still want to give me a babysitter, she had angrily reflected, because they don’t trust me, and they hate me. Protection, she had scoffed, I don’t want your constraining protection. You don’t even care what I think. Darkness had crept into her soul and suddenly she had felt so useless and empty. The emptiness had laboured down on her churning her insides so that she had not feel like doing anything anymore. She had lain on her bed as the pain and anger inside her had intensified. The thoughts had become so oppressive that she had had to run away that day, and yet she regretted it. Her parents would remember that moment and they would hate her for it just as they would hate her now for the trial. Even if they were acquitted, they would blame her.

If she went back home, she would feel them around every corner. She would feel their anger with her and with each other, even as she tried to convince herself they did not argue that much. They would always be arguing about her in some way when they argued and she tried her best to just forget the yelling, but when she thought back to her house, she could not isolate it from the pain and anger that constantly circulated its walls.

When it was time for dinner, Katelyn mixed some of Naji’s kitchen ingredients in a pan on the stove, honey, sugar, spice, a mixed a base for her magic. When Naji looked, Katelyn took a piece of bread and spread the portion of the mixture she had not concealed in her artificial glass on it. She went back to her room to experiment on her mixture.

She concealed a larger room within the confines of her small red handbag. She had a few spell books from Victoria within it as well as the other mixtures she had created and secured in vials. She did her experimentation there, so that the fumes would not escape. Then, they would not know about her experimentation and no one would get hurt from it. She had not wanted Victoria to have trouble breathing. Why could she not just stop experimenting at all? She set down the glass vials that she had picked up. Even if she could disguise what she was doing, what did it matter if she even did it? A feeling of uselessness surged through her and emptiness as if nothing she did would matter anymore. Her parents were gone. Victoria was gone. Everyone at school would know, and even if Ki had not been at school that morning, he would be later, and then he would hate her. She slid her hands along the wooden surface of the dresser upon which her potions rested as she lowered herself to the floor. They will hate me, she thought. Slowly the words became a sob, They will hate me. They will hate me. The emptiness spread and she wished she could just leave everything and give up. What did it really matter anyway?

She left her handbag and lay on the bed, throwing her handbag roughly on the floor. She should have known better than to experiment to begin with that way Victoria would still be alive and everything would be okay. No one would have found out that she was a witch, but now there was nothing she could do. The truth would spread and everyone would hate her. They might hurt her like they hurt Victoria and she would deserve it. Anger flowed through her. She was so foolish. Everything she did just made everything worse, making her a burden upon everyone around her. What did her existence matter to them? If she were not there, their lives would be so much better, especially Victoria’s—Victoria would actually still have a life. The emptiness burned Katelyn’s heart and chest, spreading through her nerves in a cascading, scraping pain. She cried as her body shook with sobs. She shifted onto her stomach and buried her head in the smooth white fabric of the pillow. Why did it have to be nice?

She hoped Naji would not know about her crying. When Katelyn was young, her mother used to comfort her. Katelyn had lost her teddy bear when she was three. It had been red and black plaid with a large red satin bow across its neck. They had been at the zoo watching the giraffes and then Katelyn had realized Ruby, her bear, was gone. She had burst into tears and Mrs. Valedette had dropped to her knees next to Katelyn and hugged her.

“What’s wrong?” she had asked.

“Ruby’s gone,” Katelyn had wailed.

Katelyn and her parents had retraced their steps and found Ruby by the piranhas. Katelyn had pulled her bear to her and cried more and her mother had stroked her lightly on the head. She had never brought her stuff away from home after that.

She was sure her mother had comforted some other time, but she had drifted away from her parents after Kindergarten. She would never forget that girl who had tried to help Nathan, but had only gotten punished instead. Some part of her had always known her parents would never understand and now she knew for sure. They had killed a witch for doing only what they had asked her to do. Victoria’s features burned in Katelyn’s mind, but the girl in Kindergarten had become a symbol. Katelyn could not precisely recall the girl’s features, except that she had been blonde.

Katelyn let her emptiness drag her away and tried to drift through the next few days. If only everything would just end and go back to the way it was when her mother had still been on her side, but she did not quite want her life to be like that. She had been a terrible person then as she was now. Later, later her life would be better. She would escape to university and everything would be better. She could wait for that, and then everything would at last be alright and she would never hurt like this again.

Naji mostly left Katelyn alone and Katelyn took the bus to school. Katelyn continued eating only her mixture. The emptiness kept her from being hungry enough for anything else.