Chapter Ten

I’ve never been ashamed of who I am, Raven, and I’m not going to start now.

I woke up with Sky’s words running through my head. A lot of things had surprised me about him, including the way he was so good with my body, almost like we’d slept together before. But the main thing that had taken me by surprise was his casual attitude about coming out.

It was so different.

It was refreshing. Sky seemed like a breath of fresh air with the way he wasn’t concerned about anyone thinking that he was gay, not concerned about people thinking that he was anything other than straight. I’d been worried that as soon as we were finished hooking up, he was going to ask me to leave or even wake me up in the middle of the night to let me know that he’d changed his mind about me staying over, and that my Uber was waiting for me outside.

But none of my worries had come to fruition. In fact, I’d managed to get a solid eight hours of sleep at his place, and I hadn’t seen a glimpse of him since last night.

I briefly wondered if Sky was the kind of person who’d leave his apartment with a nearly total stranger sleeping in his bed. As I thought about how trusting or even naïve someone would’ve had to be to pull something like that, I started to head for the kitchen.

Even though I hadn’t been drinking that much, last night still seemed like some sort of blur. It’d honestly felt like a dream, the way Sky’s mouth had pressed against mine, the way he’d so perfectly fucked me against the wall.

As I entered the kitchen, I looked around to see if there was a coffeemaker. My eyes scanned the kitchen as I whispered a prayer that involved the words “ground”, “coffee” and “please”. Eventually, my eyes landed on the ground coffee, which Sky had tucked into a little spot beside the fridge.

Once I found the coffee, I spotted the coffeemaker. The machine looked pristine, which told me that Sky must not have been much of a coffee person. I pulled a coffee mug out of a nearby cabinet and placed a filter into the machine. Then, I patiently waited for the coffee to start boiling down into my waiting mug.

Once the coffee was ready, I pulled my mug away from the coffeemaker and brought it up to my lips. I blew on it for a few seconds before I took my first sip.

Bitter.

Way too bitter.

I scrunched up my face in response to the taste of the coffee. I went searching through Sky’s kitchen cabinets, desperate for any source of sweetness, like creamer or honey.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Sky’s boyfriend!” Eddie’s voice carried over to me in the kitchen.

And I immediately froze in place. “Oh. I’m not Sky’s boyfriend--”

“I know you’re not. I’m just messing with you, man,” Eddie chuckled. “No offense, but you’re not exactly Sky’s type.”

“Sky’s type?” I was curious about what he thought Sky’s type was, especially after I’d just spent the night at the man’s apartment.

“Yeah, you know, female.” Eddie chuckled again. “Although, I don’t have any problem with people being gay. I actually volunteered to work security at the Pride parade last year.”

“Really?” I couldn’t hide my shocked expression. “You went to Pride?”

“Yeah. I saw on the news that they were low on security, and because I didn’t want the assholes to win, the guys who always show up with those stupid protest signs, I thought I’d help keep them out of the way,” he explained.

“That’s… really nice of you, Eddie.”

“Hey, whoever said that I wasn’t nice?” He pouted. “Did Sky say something to you? If he brought up what happened in ninth grade, I already told him that wasn’t my fault. I only pranked that kid at the park because I got him mixed up with someone else. But you prank one kid at the park, and everyone starts calling you a bully--”

“He didn’t mention anything about ninth grade,” I replied with a grin. “Even though that sounds like a riveting story.”

“Pfft, whatever.” Eddie rolled his eyes. “Ask Sky about it when he gets out of the shower. At least that way I’ll be able to finally set the record straight.”

“Sky’s in the shower?” I hummed as I now noticed the familiar sound of water hitting tile echoing throughout the apartment, clear as day. “Right. Sky’s in the shower.”

Just then, something else occurred to me as I looked back over at Eddie. “Wait. If Sky’s in the shower, how’d you get into the apartment?”

“Oh. I just...” he started as he reached down into his pocket, producing a credit card. “It’s an old trick. Something I picked up in ninth grade. The rest of this place is updated, but that front door is straight from the sixties.”

“You used a credit card to break into this apartment?” I couldn’t deny that I was impressed, even though Eddie had just committed a bonafide misdemeanor. “And you learned how to do that in ninth grade, too?”

“Yep.”

“I’m not going to lie, Eddie, if you wrote a book about your experiences in ninth grade, I’d probably read it. Like, stand in line at the bookstore to get it and everything.”

“Meh. I’m really not that interesting.” He shrugged. “Sky is the interesting one. The future crown prince of Easton’s Exchange. I’m sure he told you all about it by now?”

“He told me about it, yeah.”

“And he told you about Irene, too?”

“Actually, you told me about Irene,” I reminded him. “But yeah. I know that his dad wants him to marry her. And I know that Sky isn’t interested. So, that’s never going to happen.”

I also knew that Irene wasn’t interested either, but since I didn’t know if she was out of the closet, I didn’t want to accidentally out her to Eddie.

“Listen, I just…” Eddie’s tone suddenly shifted from his usual joking manner to something more serious. “You know that Sky is straight, right?”

“I know that, Eddie.”

“Okay, it’s just… I don’t want you to get the wrong idea,” he continued. “Just because Sky doesn’t want to marry Irene, that doesn’t mean that he won’t get married eventually. And if he wants to inherit anything from his dad, I think he might have to have a... wife, if you know what I mean…”

“Is this one of those things where straight guys just assume that gay guys are pining for them?” I asked. “Are you seriously telling me not to fall for Sky right now?”

I was trying to play it off like Eddie had nothing to worry about, even wanting to make it seem like I was slightly insulted by him ever thinking that I was interested in Sky.

But deep down, I knew that Eddie was onto something. Even though he hadn’t asked me why I was standing in Sky’s kitchen so early in the morning, I had a feeling that he had put the pieces together from the moment he’d walked into the room.

“No! I’m not!” He held his hands up in front of him as if defending himself from an attack. “I’m sorry I said anything, okay? You’re right. It was wrong for me to assume anything about you and Sky.”

“What about me?” Sky asked as he turned the corner into the kitchen. “Oh. Eddie? Did Raven let you in or something?”

“Credit card trick,” Eddie replied.

“Oh, okay.” Sky nodded. “But maybe next time, you could just try knocking?”

“I mean, knocking is always Plan B.”

“Eddie and I were just talking about how it takes you a million years to take a shower,” I lied, not wanting to admit to Sky what his cousin and I had really been talking about.

He cracked a smile. “Hey, the shower is where I do some of my best thinking.”

“Please don’t tell us what you were thinking about,” Eddie begged. “Please. I’ll do anything to not hear about it.”

“Anything, huh?” Sky hummed. “How about making breakfast?”

“Is the usual good? Bacon, eggs, pancakes?”

“Sounds great.”

“Great! Then, let me just pull up DoorDash and I’ll get us something good,” Eddie said as he brought his phone up toward his face. “Okay. Looks like it’ll take twenty minutes for delivery. Does that work for everybody? Sky? Raven?”

For some reason, I hadn’t considered that I was supposed to be staying for breakfast, too.

“Uh, sure, yeah. Sounds good.” My response sounded nervous as I shot a look over at Sky.

And he offered me another one of his warm smiles. “Sounds good to me, too.”

* * *

I was quietly biting into my second hash brown while Sky and Eddie were having a rather animated conversation. I wasn’t following the discussion, though, because I was way too focused on when I’d be able to leave Sky’s apartment without things seeming weird.

Was he going to expect me to stay for lunch, too? What about dinner?

What if Eddie invited us out somewhere for the night?

I was in uncharted territory with Sky, which is why I wanted things to balance themselves back out and soon. Although, I wouldn’t have been so concerned about spending so much time with him if I knew what we were doing with each other in the first place.

Were we just hooking up? Was he on his way to officially asking me out? Was he the kind of guy who thought sleeping together one time made us de facto boyfriends?

I took another bite of my hash brown and swallowed down what felt like a million questions that I was never going to voice out loud.

“You are such an asshole!” Eddie chuckled, sliding his phone over toward Sky. “And open up that dating site I was telling you about, the one where they match you based on the books you like to read.”

Dating site?

My curiosity was piqued as I tried to follow the conversation again.

“I already told you, Eddie. I’m not interested in dating right now,” Sky protested.

“Just open the site! Trust me, okay?” Eddie sighed. “I think I finally figured you out, man. And I want 100% of the credit when you two finally get married, too.”

“Fine,” Sky relented as he looked down at the phone. His fingers hurried along the screen before he gave an approving nod. “Melanie, 27, adjunct professor of English.”

“What do you think? Cute, right?”

“Yeah. She’s cute.” Sky nodded again. “But like I said, I’m not looking for anyone.”

“Oh, come on! You have to at least give her a shot,” Eddie whined. “Do you know how long it took me to remember what your favorite books were? And do you know how long it took me to pull up your to-be-read list? And the books you have on your Amazon wishlist, too?” He folded his arms against his chest. “I could’ve been looking for my own girlfriend on there, but I was trying to find someone for you. And I really think I found her. And I really think you should at least give her the courtesy of a first date.”

“Sorry, Eddie,” Sky apologized. “But the answer is still no.”

“Why not? Give me one good reason why you can’t give her a shot,” Eddie said, his attention fully focused on Sky. “Or do you already have somebody else on your mind?”

I waited for Sky to answer the question, my heart racing inside my chest.

Me.

He was going to tell Eddie that he’d been thinking about me.

And I was going to have to sit through an extremely awkward conversation, which would’ve consisted of Sky coming out to his cousin, and then Eddie immediately asking him if he was sure he wanted to come out of the closet.

I braced myself for Sky’s upcoming honesty, even looking away from the table, not wanting to see Eddie’s expression when Sky told him the truth.

“No. There’s nobody else on my mind,” he finally replied. “I’m just not interested right now. When I’m ready to start dating again, I’ll let you know, all right?”

He slid Eddie’s phone back to him.

“All right, all right,” Eddie murmured, placing his phone back in his pocket. “Whatever. Can’t say I didn’t try.”

And even though the tense moment had passed between them, I still kept my gaze averted from the table.

Because it suddenly felt like I wouldn’t have been able to look Sky in the eye.

Because it suddenly felt like there was a fifty-pound weight anchored right in the center of my chest.

No. There’s nobody else on my mind.

I’ve never been ashamed of who I am, Raven, and I’m not going to start now.

Sky’s conflicting answers swirled around in my head, soon bringing back painful memories that crept up from the edges of my brain.

Just give me a few more months, baby, and then I’ll tell the whole world about you.

I’m only taking this deal for us, baby. I’m not going anywhere without you.

It just has to be this way for now, Raven, but I’d never let it be this way forever.

“I have to go,” I announced, as I abruptly stood up from my seat.

“So soon?” Sky asked. “Is there something going on at work?”

“Yeah, is Clarissa being a Bridezilla again?” Eddie joked. “You should just let those calls go to voicemail, man. Nobody needs that much stress in their lives.”

“Work thing. Sure,” I replied, not bothering to even come up with a believable lie.

Because I didn’t care if Sky or Eddie believed me right now.

I just needed to get the hell out of there.

“All right. See you later, man,” Eddie said as he gave me a wave goodbye.

“See you later, Raven.” Sky waved as well.

“Yep. Bye.” I hastily waved at the table, turning toward the front door, my feet soon hitting the sidewalk.

I can’t do this again.

I couldn’t be another straight guy’s secret. I couldn’t live in Sky’s shadow. I couldn’t sit around and wait for him to tell people about me, to claim that I meant something to him.

Maybe I was just being too sensitive. Maybe my history with my ex was clouding my judgment, making it impossible for me to see Sky through a clear lens. For all I knew, the only reason he hadn’t told Eddie about whatever we were, was because we hadn’t even labeled it yet, and he didn’t want to freak me out by claiming me when I never said I was his to begin with.

I should’ve given Sky more time.

I should’ve given him the benefit of the doubt, too.

And even though I tried to convince myself that he was absolutely nothing like my asshole of an ex, I couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility that maybe... they weren’t so different, after all.