Of No Consequence

38: Of No Consequence

Fiona sat across from Dr. Couch, "Thank you, I appreciate you coming by."

"Of course Ms. Donovan, I saw your home is on the market?"

"It's too much to be here without her."

"Of course, how have you been sleeping and eating?"

"Not well, nothing feels like it should. I think it's normal though, it's only been four days."

Dr. Couch nodded in agreement, "You should try to get on a schedule as best you can. Try to eat and sleep at the same time each day for the next week. It will help your body reset physiologically."

"Dr. Couch, I asked you to come so I could ask you questions." Fiona's gaze was steady.

"I understand. There will be some things I will not be able to answer, but you may ask."

Fee sighed at the familiar response."I understand. How much of Jane was real?"

"I think all the parts that mattered to you." Dr. Couch's response was genuine and Fee was taken aback slightly.

"Was she manipulating me from the beginning?"

"Agent Baker was executing an operation, so to an extent, yes. However, one of her strengths as a field operative was her ability to be as unobtrusive as possible. Manipulation for her was subtle and not the first option. Are you angry with her Ms. Donovan?"

"Yes, but I would have forgiven her everything. Did she lie to me?"

"Ms. Donovan in the time I knew Agent Baker, ironically, deception at a personal level was never her first choice. My guess would be she simply did not shine a light on the complications of her life. And I think you would know if Agent Baker lied to you."

"How long did you work with Jane?"

"For her entire career with our company. I knew her well, in a professional manner."

"Why was she in so much pain?"

"To say her job was challenging is an extreme understatement. Our agents are all exceptional and she was special. She was given challenging assignments. She, like all of our agents, was held to an exceptional standard in successfully completing those assignments. She did her best to process the stresses of her work. Sometimes it was a struggle. I will tell you that I think her time with you helped her to understand how to better love and forgive herself."

Fiona's throat tightened and tears threatened. "If Jane were still alive would you have let us be together?"

"That is well above my pay grade Ms. Donovan. I'm sorry, I cannot discuss company protocol. I can only reassure you that you were as important a part of her life as she was for you."

"Thank you for coming over Dr. Couch, really. Thank you."

"Of course Ms. Donovan, you have my number." Dr. Couch rose and left quietly.

----

Avery sat waiting for Agent Foster. She was completely stripped of her skin, having submitted all her identification and every piece of data linking Jane Baker to her.

Agent Foster entered the room. He sat down with a single, very thin file, "your new skin." He held it up in his hand but did not turn it over.

"Agent Foster, I was under the impression that I would not be suitable for field work again."

He nodded in agreement. "You will enter a two month program. During that time you will have no contact with the outside world. You will live "in the dark" and onsite at a facility in Virginia. You will continue to work with Agent Couch. Your required 2-month moratorium begins today."

Avery sighed softly, but nodded. "I understand."

Agent Foster added,"You will not see me again after today. I will be gone upon your return. After you review your skin you may leave a singular message to be delivered for you. Then you will leave immediately for the "Center." It has been a pleasure working with you." Agent Foster rose and left.

Avery reached for the file and opened it. She saw 3 pictures of herself. Naval Academy, Special Ops, the Post Office. She looked at the top of the file for the 'skin' assignment and gasped, reading it over several times. "Agent Avery Foster." She would become the new "Foster" after her training, removed from field work. The hours could still be erratic, the responsibility weighty, but a "desk job."

There was a blank note card in the file. Avery quickly jotted a note, picked up the file and headed toward William. She handed it over, "I'm ready William."

"Very good Agent Foster, the car is waiting."

----

Fiona sat at the counter eating a bowl of cereal. It was 10am, she ate without engagement, no pleasure, just much needed calories in. She looked at the pile of unopened mail spilling over the counter and sighed with resignation as she began to sort into trash and bills. She saw a small envelope with her name written across the front.

As she reached for it her hands shook, she recognized the handwriting immediately. She had no idea how long it had been mixed in with the mail and she did not want her heart ripped open again by a farewell note from Avery. She turned it over and over again in her hands.

Fee took a deep breath mustering the courage to open the card. She read the words and her body trembled with emotion. "Please wait for me. I will be back for you. A." It was like being destroyed all over again. Fee read and re-read the card. She touched the ink and smelled the paper. Desperately trying to recapture Avery. At 10:30 she picked up her phone and dialed Sophie's cell line. She hadn't spoken to her since before the gala. But she desperately needed her friend.

"Hello?" There was concern in Sophie's voice when Fee didn't immediately answer, "Fiona? Is that you darling?"

Fiona's voice cracked, "Sophie. I'm here."

"What is it sweetie, what's wrong?"

Fee sat at the counter and her body seized with pain and loss and she recounted the details of the last 2 weeks. She shared the nuance of her relationship with Avery, she told her about Micropath, her father, Avery's apparent life as a government agent. She hurt all over and could see no end in sight.

"Oh Honey, I'm so, so sorry. I can come to you Fiona. I can get on a plane today."

"No Sophie, I just needed to hear your voice, to tell someone." Fiona was beginning to calm; she felt like no more tears could possibly escape from her body.

"Fee, read me the note again."

"Please wait for me. I will be back for you."

Sophie listened carefully. "Where was it?"

"In a pile of mail." Fiona answered mechanically, not quite understanding where Sophie was going.

"Is there a return address? Does it have a postmark? Is it dated?"

Fiona's eyes widened and her heart raced. She turned the note over, inspecting every surface. She dug through the mail and pulled out the envelope repeating the process. She gasped softly into the phone, "No Sophie. Not mailed. No Date."

"Fiona," Sophie's voice warned,"You need to be careful. You don't know when that note appeared in your house. You don't want to have false hope, thinking she's out there. If she's not it will still destroy you, just through slow torture. And, you can't share that with anyone else. That note was meant for you only. Fee? Are you there?"

"Yes, Sophie. I understand."

----

November was beautiful in the Washington D.C. area. Fall temperatures gave way gently to cold winter nights and the city was 'alive' during the holiday season. "Daddio?! I'm heading out! I love you!"

"Okay Sweetie! Have a good day."

Fiona's father found a small 3 bedroom house 30 minutes outside of the city in Reston Virginia. He bought the house and Fee moved in during her recovery. Her condo sold quickly, and she wasn't ready to be alone yet. She spent several weeks going through the motions of her life. It was only her work with her new charitable organization that kept her putting one foot in front of the other.

Fee made her way down to the small office for "Farm to City" food trucks. In three months they partnered with two dozen farmers and growers, 6 local chefs, and put 3 trucks out on the road visiting community centers and now starting up with public school visits. The office was a small store front in Reston with large windows.

Fee was surviving, everyday she was able to find a few more moments of happiness, a few more moments of joy, but she felt incomplete. The note from Avery laid on the nightstand next to her bed she couldn't bring herself to put it away. Her heart ached with loneliness. Some nights she fell asleep exhausted from crying, holding the note in her hands.

----

Avery sat across the table reviewing her operational notes. "Agent Gray, it seems your operation was a success. We have gathered quite a bit of intel thanks to your work in Seattle. How are you feeling?"

"It's good to see the sun. I'm glad I'm not going to be sleeping on a fishing boat tonight Agent Foster."

"You were in your skin for quite a long time, I see you spent a significant amount of time cultivating relationships."

"Yes. They were beneficial, but of no consequence."

Avery looked at the young man carefully weighing and measuring him. Confident, guarded, untested. "Agent Gray, you will spend your mandatory moratorium here in the mailroom working with William in intel. See Agent Couch before you leave." Avery got up and left, checking the time. 4:00pm. She stopped by William's station. "I'm leaving for the day."

William nodded, "We have 15 agents active but no live engagements at this time."

Avery left the Post Office, her anxiety building. She had assumed her position a month ago after 2 months of intensive training and was now finding rhythm in her work. During her time at the Center she found Agent Couch to be an invaluable colleague and friend in her training. She was pleasantly surprised as the relationship developed. It was at Agent Couch's suggestion that Avery drove out to Reston. It was time.