Crash and Burn

{I found out Bradley Steven Perry and Sabrina Carpenter dates for two years this week and I've never been so shocked. I thought it was like 9 months

Life updates since I like using this as a blog: I see Chappell Roan tomorrow!! I have officially made 100 friendship bracelets for the concert. Shout out to my friends who had no idea who Chappell was before that. I'm moving later this week. I'm gonna miss my little apartment but I'm not gonna miss my roommates, except my roommates cat. I would kidnap him if given the chance.

Enjoy the chapter!}

3am;

I can't sleep. I didn't want to be like this. I was doing fine for a few days. My mom did an ok job of keeping me distracted for a whole day by sending me to Levi's camp. I spent a couple of nights at my dad's. He did a better job. He took me to run errands with him on the first day and then to the park where he likes to see wild alligators. He used to take me there all the time as a kid. On the third day, we went to get breakfast at the diner and then I went home.

I never wanted to be like this. Pacing in my room, falling on the floor sobbing because of some boy. I guess it isn't fair to call him that. We have been friends since kindergarten. I guess I also never thought I would be in this situation because I was so sure that I would marry him one day. Sure we would fight and get mad at each other and not talk for a day or two but I never expected we would break up.

I almost want to blame Jessie but I can't blame her. It isn't her fault. It is mine I guess. I could blame my mom, if she never cheated on my dad I would have never met her and then I would still be with Casey.

Speak of the devil, I see my phone light up on my bed as I pace my bedroom. I look and it says Jessie 💕 . I can't answer right now. I don't want anyone to hear me like this, especially her.

I should be grateful for this though. His true colors started to show. Who the fuck leaves their girlfriend at a club? He also clearly has jealousy issues. I feel bad for whoever dates him next. I guess it makes sense that I have no close guy friends. Any dudes I've talked to since we started dating were just his friends I would see when we would hang out in a group.

I don't even know if I should try and fix it with him. We haven't talked in a week. I know I could reach out and talk things through with him. I don't want to though. I know I could easily go back and he would accept me with open arms. I've never seen someone in love with someone else the way he loved me. Certainly not my mom and Collin.

I pace back over to my bed and pick up my phone. I had one missed call and one text message from Jessie. I sit down and open my phone.

Jessie 💕

Hi love I'm assuming you're sleeping I just want to tell you I can't wait to see you tomorrow we have so much to talk about I love you goodnight

I would love to text her back to say goodnight and that I love her but I want her to think I'm sleeping. I don't want her to know I ignored the call. I think she is the reason I don't want to go back to him. I could go back and everything will be the same it has always been and we'll have the big wedding his mother has always talked about and the white picket fence house and three kids named Freddie, Eddie, and Teddie. Or I could go to her. I can feed into my newly discovered liking for girls and not be tied down to a boyfriend. I can just imagine it now. Hiding it from our parents and Levi. He has snitch vibes. Going two towns away where we don't know anyone so no one finds out. Going to our first gay club in Orlando with people just like her. I can't put labels on anything yet. It is all just so new. I know it is messed up to romanticize this. I just know that is how it is going to be. The least I can do is be excited about it.