06 | Breath of Fresh Air

JEN SPENT MOST OF THAT MORNING daydreaming about what she was going to get for lunch. Work was much more laid back than usual today since there weren't any attendance logs, early dismissals, or substitute teachers for her to deal with. And since there weren't any kids around to keep an eye on, Nora and Elliot had decided that everyone on staff was allowed to go out for lunch if they'd prefer so long as they were back within the hour. Though it wasn't quite as exciting as having a day off, it was the next best thing.

Now, it was nearing noon and Jen was at her desk, flipping through the copy of Wagner's Introduction to Art History that Jude lent to her on her first day two weeks ago. She'd just been down to the library to see him and ask what he was doing for lunch, but he was boring and brought one from home. She supposed she could simply find the nearest, quickest option and return here as soon as possible, but she could see through the window that it was much sunnier out now than it was earlier. It felt like a shame not to take advantage of the fact that it was nice out, or at least as nice as it ever got in winter.

She could hear other employees coming and going through the front doors and glanced up at them occasionally, but the book had captured most of her attention. She was absorbed in the Renaissance chapter, captured by Raphael's vibrant colors and the unearthly elegance of Michelangelo's figures. It wasn't lost on her that each of the paintings displayed on the pages was obviously created for the male gaze—why else would Venus be shown as so passive despite being a literal goddess? Why was Susanna's body positioned so unnaturally when the whole story was against preying on women? But Jen still enjoyed the paintings for what they were. Otherwise, she'd end up annoyed with a bunch of men from five hundred years ago and that wasn't exactly going to do her much good.

She turned the page and found an entire spread dedicated to the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

"He could have afforded to make it a little more dramatic, don't you think?"

The now-familiar voice pulled Jen's attention up from the book. She had learned by now that Robert Caruso could almost always be seen wearing a small, friendly smile, so she was unsurprised to see him looking jovial. On the contrary, she would probably be concerned if he didn't—it would surely mean that something was significantly bothering him.

And she'd also learned that his consistent warmth towards her never ceased to tug the corners of her own lips upwards as well, like his carefreeness was rubbing off on her.

"You're right. It's a little boring as is." She carefully closed the book. "Are you going out for lunch?"

He nodded. "You?"

"If I can stop being indecisive and figure out what I want to eat."

"You're welcome to join me if you want," he offered. "And if you're feeling well enough, of course."

Jen's mind drew a total blank for a second until it hit her that she'd told him she had a headache.

"I'm feeling much better, thanks," she assured him, still feeling a prickle of guilt for telling even the tiniest of lies to him.

He came across as so trusting, but perhaps that was just her mind tricking her into believing that she knew him better than she actually did. Or maybe it was that when she read his letters, she felt as though he were handing a more intimate piece of himself over to her, and she was doing the same for him each time she wrote a reply. She still couldn't put a finger on why writing to him had such a profound effect on her – it wasn't like they were discussing the meaning of life or spilling their secrets to each other – but maybe there were still pieces of a person's soul to be found beneath the small talk. Maybe it was the newness of it. Maybe she just liked feeling like he was paying a lot of attention to her.

But now wasn't the time to overthink things—she had no more than a few seconds to make a decision about if she was going to lunch with him or not, though it wasn't a very hard decision to make. Going out to eat was much more fun when you had another person's company.

She made sure to grab her coat off the back of her chair on their way out, knowing full well that the sunny skies were deceptive. That suspicion was confirmed when they stepped outside, though it was actually more pleasant than she expected. The rays of sun that splashed on her cheeks and forced her to squint gave the illusion that it was somewhere close to warm out. It wasn't; it was still quite cold, but it was the bearable variety of cold other than the kind that made your teeth chatter. That was good enough for Jen—she knew not to expect true warmth until spring.

Robert was a little braver than she was and hadn't brought a jacket. He was wearing a black shirt today and she couldn't help but wonder in the back of her mind if he'd picked it knowing that he was going out to lunch and it wouldn't stain so obviously if he accidentally got any food on it. But it was a silly thought—men surely didn't have that much foresight, particularly when it came to clothes.

She felt her heart lurch a little bit when he looked over at her, not wanting to look like she was staring at him. Averting her gaze would have been even more conspicuous, though, so she stayed put.

"The place I was gonna go to is just a few blocks away, is that okay with you?" he asked her.

"I'm just following your lead here," she said. "Since I hijacked your plans."

"Is it really hijacking if I offered?"

"I guess not," she admitted and then found an involuntary smile forming on her lips.

He must have noticed. "What is it?"

"Nothing." An edge of laughter snuck into her voice as she shook her head. "I can just tell you were raised to be very polite, that's all."

"Does that bother you?"

This time, she actually did laugh. "You see what I mean? You're worried about your politeness inconveniencing me."

"That still doesn't answer my question," he pointed out.

"I'm obviously extremely offended that you're nice to me," Jen told him, putting on a serious face that didn't hold for very long. "No, it's..."

A prickle of discomfort ran down her spine as she realized that endearing and charming were the first two words that popped into her head. But he wasn't...he couldn't be charming, for God's sake. He was her co-worker. It made no sense that she'd find him to be anything other than plain friendly. Were they even supposed to be friends? Maybe all he was meant to be was polite.

"...It's a good thing," was what she said out loud, praying he didn't notice her stumble over her thoughts. "But don't feel like you have to be so formal with me. I'm not that high strung."

Robert raised an eyebrow. "I don't know, you seem pretty high maintenance to me," he grinned.

Without truly thinking about it, she playfully elbowed him the same way she might Celie or Jude. But before she had time to panic or blush or apologize, he'd already elbowed her right back.

He was still smiling. She was smiling again, though she hadn't realized it. He made her smile more than most people could. It might have been wrong or at least odd that such was the case, but it felt good. Good enough that for the moment, she didn't care if it was wrong.

They were disrupted by two kids – a boy and a girl, neither of whom could have been any older than ten – giggling and sprinting down the sidewalk as the boy chased after the girl. Jen had to step aside to avoid getting plowed into. Their parents were close behind, mouthing quiet apologies to the passersby as they rushed after their children.

Though she wasn't always the most patient person, Jen couldn't bring herself to be annoyed at a couple of kids who were clearly enjoying their day off of school. Once she was back at Robert's side, she asked, "Were you and your sister ever like that?"

"Aren't all siblings?"

"I wouldn't know," she shrugged. "Your sister...what's she like?"

"Teresa? She's incredible," he said without hesitating, which Jen thought was sweet, but the little grin he was wearing told her that that wasn't quite all he had to say about his sister. "And incredibly stubborn. We're always getting along wonderfully or terribly and there's no in-between."

For some reason, Jen didn't have a hard time imagining that. She suspected that he was just as stubborn as his sister was and just didn't want to admit it out loud.

"Is she back in Italy? With the rest of your family?"

"No, she's here in the States, actually. She was disappointed when I left to come here for college, but she ended up doing the same thing two years later," he explained. "She moved down South last summer after she graduated. She got a good job, but I think the only reason she was looking there in the first place was to follow her boyfriend. They're happy together, though, so who am I to judge?"

Jen would have loved to hear more about Teresa, but they had gotten to the restaurant, a little cafe that appeared to serve sandwiches and soup and things of the sort. He politely held the door open for her and although it was definitely nice out by January's standards, she was still relieved to step into the warmth of the indoors.

Not wanting to hold up the line, she quickly skimmed the menu. A lot of it sounded good, but in the end, a warm bowl of soup was the most appealing to her after being out in the cold. And it came with a little baguette on the side. You could never go wrong with bread.

Once they'd ordered and paid and been handed a little number plaque to place on their table, they found one for two right by the window. Jen liked window tables—they allowed her to people-watch while she waited for her food.

"What about you?" Robert asked, and she noticed now that they were face-to-face that the tips of his nose and ears had turned pink from the chilly air. Hers must have, too, and when it did it usually stood out so much against her pale skin that she looked like Rudolph. "Are you close to any of your family besides your parents?"

Jen wasn't on the best terms with her parents, but now wasn't the time to bring that up. And she technically couldn't say that they weren't close—her life had become much more entangled in their personal affairs than she ever wanted it to. She wished she could get away from it all. She'd run as far as she could, but it was still always looming there.

"Well, my extended family is small, too," she told him. "But...there was my Grandma Sarah. She passed when I was only ten, but she was wonderful to me while she was here."

She didn't notice her fingers picking at the edge of the tablecloth as she talked. She'd suddenly been yanked back into the world of her childhood, the world that still had her grandmother. It was a nice world to visit.

"She was always...well, my parent's relationship hasn't always been the greatest, to be honest, and I think her taking care of me protected me from a lot of disagreements that I would have overheard otherwise."

It was always when Mom and Dad were fighting that Grandma would pull Jen into the living room and distract her with stories and toys, although she didn't make the connection until much later. She was just a little girl at the time and she'd learned even at that young age that her parents' arguments would fade away eventually. They always did.

"When my parents were occupied with something else, she was always there making sure I was okay and encouraging me to dream big. It all feels like so long ago now, but she was the one who inspired me to eventually go to college and get my computer science degree. I wanted to make her proud."

"I'm sure she would be," Robert told her with a surprising softness to his voice. Something had changed in his eyes while she talked. Something that made her believe him even though she didn't always believe it herself. "She sounds like she was a great person."

Fortunately, the arrival of their food instantly dissipated any heavy mood she might have accidentally put into the air. The soup looked and smelled incredible, so she made a mental note to trust Robert's restaurant choices should she ever find herself eating with him again.

It was while she was somewhat absentmindedly tearing off pieces of her baguette to dip into the soup that she glanced out the window and noticed that a store across the street already had Valentine's decorations up. He noticed that she was staring and followed her line of vision.

"It still feels early to be putting that up," she wrinkled her nose. "Valentine's always felt overrated to me. I mean, it could be such a beautiful holiday, but we had to go make it all about romance."

"You sound like you have a personal vendetta against Valentine's Day," he observed, amused.

"I'm not totally cold." She tore her eyes off of the street and back to him and her food. "I just grew up with a dislike for it because my birthday is on the 12th and kid me thought that all the celebrations were taking away from my special day."

It said even sillier than it was when she said it out loud, but he didn't poke fun at her for it. "Well, I just try to make it a history lesson."

"Don't you do that with everything?" she teased.

"I certainly try," he grinned and she couldn't help but notice yet again how happy he seemed to be with what he was doing with his life.

His passion was admirable. And necessary, if he wanted to do his job really well. All of the teachers she liked the least over the course of her education were the ones who always sounded so bored.

"When you teach high schoolers, you know that there's always going to be at least one student who comes into school that day upset about it and I don't want any of them getting so worked up over a holiday. So I try to make it something that can be interesting for all of them. I talk about the history, the saints, how it's celebrated in Italy, and so forth. Hopefully stuff they'll remember much longer than whatever mood they were in that day."

"You're a good teacher."

He shrugged the compliment off. "I just love what I do. I don't know if that makes me good at it, but they haven't fired me yet."

"Yet."

She couldn't let him get an ego, after all.

"Oh, before I forget–" As the thought popped into her head, she set down her spoon and reached into the inside pocket of her coat to retrieve the folded piece of paper that was tucked into it. "This is for you."

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A/N:

I know almost all of this chapter was dialogue, but I hope you enjoyed it!