CH 74

The sun was beginning to set in the evening. Lucia, who had just returned to the mansion, watched the scenery outside from the rattling carriage.

‘We’ll have to have a formal engagement. Is it better to do it after summer?’

‘……No. We should do it sooner rather than later. We’re going to get married anyway, aren’t we?’

Bern and Lucia finally decided to get engaged.

She wondered if she had penetrated a weak spot in Bern’s heart, but as if on cue, he accepted their engagement and quickly regained his composure.

She stayed up late talking to Bern about the future.

As a result, they decided to get engaged before the end of the summer if possible.

Even though she was the one who insisted that they get engaged as soon as possible, she felt like she was playing the villain when she looked at Bern, who was following along without a word.

Bern must have sensed her feelings because he said to Lucia as they were leaving the mansion,

‘Lucia, you don’t have to be sorry. This is my decision.’

He reassured her that she shouldn’t feel guilty, but she couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable nonetheless.

He and Celine had once been lovers and had even planned to marry, though it was a love that had never been fulfilled.

Besides, she had said today that she was free.

Bern said the reason for the breakup with Celine was largely due to his parents’ opposition.

But now Bern’s father, the former Marquis, was dead, and Celine, whom he thought had been lost forever, was free.

For Bern, it was the opportunity of a lifetime.

He could spend a year chipping away at his life and never see her again.

At first, she felt sorry for Bern’s situation and wanted to help him, just as he had helped her before.

So she blurted out the idea of getting engaged, not expecting him to accept right away.

‘Would I have done it if I were Bern?’

Lucia closed her eyes and thought about Bern and Celine. Naturally, their images changed to her and Herwin.

‘Marry me, Lucia, not him.’

The thought was sweet, but so far removed from reality that she couldn’t help but laugh.

“I and Bern are different from the start, why did I think we were the same?”

Celine had been Bern’s lover in the past, so it was understandable that she would hold onto him, but she and Herwin had never had a relationship.

If she had to label her relationship with him, it would be a ‘childhood friend’ or ‘one-sided crush’.

She thought she’d let go of him… but now that she was defining him, she felt miserable.

“Still, if Herwin were to hold onto me…….”

She’d be shaken.

Of course, she’d feel bad for Bern. But not because she sees him as the opposite sex, or because she likes him too much to let go.

It’s because she’s engaged to him.

It’s not like she can heartlessly break up with someone just because the one she loves shows up.

‘Is that why Bern chose me?’

She realized that if she resembles him, it was a possibility.

He’s the kind of guy who can’t even bring himself to say Celine’s name.

She doesn’t think he picked her out of guilt alone, though….…

“Ha, I don’t know.”

If she doesn’t know her own mind, how can she know the minds of others?

Too much has happened today to make her head spin.

Lucia leaned back languidly against the wall of the carriage.

‘I’m tired, so I’m going to sleep early tonight.’

Closing her eyes to clear her head as best she could, Lucia felt the carriage slowly slow down.

She waited for the coachman to announce their arrival.

“Ah, miss.”

The coachman’s voice sounded a little flustered.

“There’s a carriage from the Phoenaeus family at the door, what should I do?”

Lucia opened her eyes at the unexpected words and looked out the window. As the coachman had said, a carriage bearing the emblem of the Phoenaeus family was parked in front of the mansion.

“……Herwin?”

Soon, Herwin stepped down from the carriage.

It was the first time she had seen him since the dinner with Bern and Arista.

She had been in such a hurry to leave Christine’s party a few days earlier that she hadn’t even greeted him or the others.

Somehow it felt like she hadn’t seen him in a long time, even though she hadn’t seen him in a month at most.

Was that why? Her heart was beating harder than usual.

She pressed it tightly against her chest and shuddered when she saw Herwin approaching her carriage.

Knock-

“Lucia, right?”

After a moment of stunned silence, Lucia snapped out of it and opened the carriage door.

“Herwin. What are you doing here?”

As Lucia stepped out of the carriage, Herwin hesitated and took a step back.

“Have you been waiting here all this time? You should have waited inside.”

Herwin, who waited outside without entering the mansion, was a little puzzled. For a moment, though, Lucia noticed that Herwin’s face had taken a beating.

Dark circles had settled under his eyes, and his cheeks were much more sunken in than before.

“Oh my God, what’s wrong with your face, did you get sick?”

Herwin flinched as Lucia’s hand touched his face.

“You look thinner than last time, and what happened to your dark circles? Have you been sleeping badly lately, or were you sick?”

Assuming that Herwin was sick, Lucia naturally gasped with concern for him.

“Oh, no. Let’s go inside the house. I’ll see how you’re doing, and I’ll call a doctor, and we’ll go to…….”

Looking at the small hand clutching his arm, Herwin carefully placed his hand over hers.

Lucia paused and looked back at him. Lucia’s eyes slowly widened as she realized the look on Herwin’s face.

Herwin was looking at her with a flushed face and unreadable eyes.

His red eyes flashed. Lucia could almost see what those red eyes held.

‘Don’t tell me…’

“……Lucia.”

Her mouth dropped open, and Herwin took a step closer.

“Can’t you break up with Marquis Casper?”

Lucia’s mouth opened slightly.

“I don’t want to see you with the Marquis of Casper. No, I don’t want to see you with any other man.”

Only ten minutes ago, a more shocking word sprang out of Herwin’s mouth than he had imagined in the carriage.

Lucia couldn’t understand what he was saying.

Herwin used to say something in front of her, but she could hear nothing. It was just a buzzing sound like tinnitus.

But even so, Lucia couldn’t take her eyes off him.

As she continued to stare at him, Herwin averted his gaze. He visibly averted his eyes, as if the slightest glance would mean trouble.

It was almost as if he… liked her.

Herwin’s face was redder than the fading sunset, and his warm, large hands were damp with sweat.

“You may think it’s strange that I’m saying this to you out of the blue, but I mean it, and I’m not just saying it because I don’t like the Marquis of Casper like I did last time…….”

“Herwin.”

Herwin paused in his gibberish. His eyes locked on the wall between them, and he clamped his mouth shut.

“Do you… do you like me?”

Herwin’s earlobes flared even more. After a moment of silence, he bowed his head.

“……Yes.”

Even with his head bowed, he was tall, and Lucia was short, so she could see his face clearly.

He was looking at her with a look of love that he’d only ever shown Arista, and even more so with Lucia.

For a moment, Lucia stood frozen, staring at him, and then the corners of her mouth slowly twitched.

Then she turned away.

“You’re lying.”

“……I’m not lying.”

“No, you’re lying. There’s no way you like me.”

Lucia thought Herwin was playing a bad joke on her now.

“This isn’t funny, and if you’re here to play a joke, go home now.”

Lucia started to turn away, but Herwin quickly grabbed her.

“Lucia, please listen to me.”

“Get off me!”

Lucia shook off Herwin’s hand. Tears formed in the corners of her eyes.

“You’ve never seen me as anything but a friend, and you said you liked Arista, so why are you telling me now that you like……!”

Before Lucia could finish her sentence, Herwin pulled her into a tight embrace.

The thick scent of musk reached her nostrils.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so mean to you, and I’m sorry I’ve hurt you, and I truly regret it. Lucia, I didn’t like Arista. I like you. No, I love you.”

Those were the words she’d wanted to hear so badly that she’d wished for them in her dreams. But at this moment, the words seemed to come out of his mouth in a rush.

“I took your presence by my side for granted. I never thought you’d get tired. I just assumed your love would last forever.”

Herwin buried his face in Lucia’s hair.

“You were always at the end of my gaze, and I was too stupid to realize it until it was too late.”

“I don’t believe you… You’ve been in love with Arista all along…….”

Despite Herwin’s desperate pleas, Lucia didn’t believe him.

“Arista is just a crush, I must have mistaken her for a crush. You won’t believe me, but even when I thought I liked Arista, I didn’t mind her seeing other men, but you don’t, and I’d go crazy if I thought you were with Marquis Casper.”

Sincerity flowed from Herwin, who held her in a crushing embrace.

As a longtime friend of his, as someone who adored him, she knew enough to know that he was being sincere.

But part of her felt a twinge of anxiety, having been rejected and hurt by him for so many years.

He, who had refused her when she confessed and said he likes Arista, now says he admired her.

Could it be an illusion that he’s in love with her now?

Is he just mistaken because he doesn’t want her to leave his side?

‘I don’t want to get hurt again.’

If he told her that he was mistaken, that he didn’t like her, that he didn’t love her, she would want to die.

She didn’t want to be hurt anymore.

“You were mistaken.”

“……Lucia.”

“You don’t like me, do you?”

Taking a step back, Herwin stared into Lucia’s face. He felt a deep sense of despair as Lucia put up a wall between them.

His heart could not reach her.

His heart was torn to shreds, and he could hardly breathe. But Herwin bit his lip and steeled his resolve. He couldn’t back down now.

“If you don’t believe me, I’ll say it again. I love you, Lucia.”

Lucia’s walls shook slightly, and then her face contorted as she opened her mouth.

“I… I’m engaged to be married to Bern.”

Herwin’s heart sank.

“He formally asked me today, and we’ve been talking about the engagement ceremony, so no matter how much you say you love me, it’s too late.”

Having finally spoken the truth, Lucia looked up softly, puzzled by the silence around her.

She saw the despair on Herwin’s face.

He looked like a broken man like he had lost everything.

Lucia’s heart was heavy, but she forced herself to turn away from him and continue walking.

‘That’s it.’

His love for her was an illusion, and he would soon forget about her and live happily ever after with someone else.

She would be herself, and Herwin would be Herwin, and they would go their separate ways.