CH 80

Feeling headache and dizziness, Yu Zhou and Xiang Wan went to freshen up after they cried together.

After Xiang Wan changed into her pajamas, Yu Zhou brought her a steamed eye mask: “Wear this when you sleep so your eyes will be more comfortable, otherwise they will be swollen tomorrow morning.”

Yu Zhou still wanted to take care of Xiang Wan, but she didn’t know if Xiang Wan was willing to accept it.

Xiang Wan lay on the bed, took the eye mask and patted the side of her bed, saying, “Sit here.”

“Alright.” Yu Zhou sat down.

“I was so ‘glass heart’ earlier,” Xiang Wan said.

She used the word that she didn’t understand before, now she understood, she was broken down.

“It’s not glass heart, Wanwan.” Yu Zhou gently told her.

Xiang Wan thought for a moment before she said, “While I was washing and changing clothes just now, I was thinking about our past and I thought that at some point, perhaps, you also had feelings for me, right?”

Yu Zhou wanted to speak.

“But this feeling, compared to your love, is so trivial. It had no chance to even bloom before it was beaten back by the storm. Or perhaps, you didn’t realize it yourself.”

“If you think it doesn’t exist, allow me to think it does. I have the say in this.” Xiang Wan acted as if she wanted to give herself a bit of consolation for her hopeless first love, like burying a beloved kitten with its favorite ball of yarn.

Her tone was a bit rascal-like, Yu Zhou laughed as she knew Xiang Wan said it to let her feel less guilty and somehow lessen the regret between them. She has always been a girl with such high emotional intelligence and a good sense of propriety.

Yu Zhou knew that Xiang Wan had chosen to be friends with her.

Her eyes became warm again.

“Will I really meet better people in the future?” Xiang Wan asked her.

Yu Zhou smirked and tucked her in, “In theory, I should comfort you and say yes. But in reality, it’s hard to tell. Meeting people can be like the chives in the field, the batches may get worse.”

With a snort, Xiang Wan laughed: “So you are the well-grown chives?”

“Not bad, I guess.” Yu Zhou hummed before she said, “Go to sleep.”

Xiang Wan smiled: “Goodnight, chives.”

“Goodnight,” Yu Zhou thought for a moment and then said, “Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year.”

When Yu Zhou returned to her room, it was almost one o’clock. With a sore neck and a twisted waist that was a little uncomfortable, she knew she had to ask Ms. Zhao to take a look tomorrow to see if she had any red flower oil or something like that.

Speaking of waists, she couldn’t help but think of Su Chang. She didn’t know if Su Chang’s waist would break after driving back home, but she didn’t rush to check her phone. Instead, she sat on the bed, looking at the still ongoing fireworks.

She knew that if Su Chang had arrived, she would have sent her a message. However, Yu Zhou was reluctant to read it, for she would definitely reply and might not be able to resist talking to her.

Yet, she was somewhat afraid and unsure of what exactly she was afraid of.

Once she calmed herself down, she picked up her phone.

Sure enough, there was a WeChat message from Su Chang sent past 11 p.m., with only one word: “Arrived.”

She considered that Su Chang should have been asleep by now. However, she worried that Su Chang might still be waiting for her reply, so she sent a few words back: “That’s good.”

As it turned out, Su Chang hadn’t slept. She sent her a voice message: “I thought you were asleep.”

“I’m not.” Yu Zhou replied with a voice message.

Soon after, Su Chang sent her a text message: “I want to call you. Is it convenient?”

“Not really,” Yu Zhou said.

Su Chang did not reply.

She had a keen sense that something was amiss with Yu Zhou’s mood, but Yu Zhou didn’t let on. She felt a little panicked. Ever since they separated, she had tried to guess Yu Zhou’s thoughts too many times but never guessed right. She was simply not good at guessing Yu Zhou’s mind. Therefore, when Yu Zhou began to evade and conceal her feelings, she was once again unsure.

For once, she experienced what it was like to be plagued by insecurities.

Yu Zhou thought for a while. Since Su Chang was so tired yet hadn’t had a rest, she must be waiting for her. But her current attitude seemed to leave Su Chang at a loss.

So, she called Su Chang.

“Hello?” Su Chang picked up quickly, her voice a little hoarse.

“Why aren’t you sleeping yet?”

Yu Zhou tried to whisper, but Su Chang was sensitive to her voice and could tell that she had been crying.

“What happened?” Su Chang asked.

“Nothing much,” Yu Zhou said sullenly. Suddenly, she asked her, “Su Chang, do you remember the person you liked when you were 18? Were they male or female? Crushes count.”

She had only known that Su Chang had never been in a relationship, but she had never asked about her unrequited love, fearing that she would get jealous. If even Su Chang could only love without success, that person must be truly amazing.

There was a brief silence on the other end before Su Chang said, “I haven’t liked anyone else.”

“Ah?” Yu Zhou raised a questioning tone.

Su Chang laughed and said softly, “I’ve never liked anyone else. The first person I liked was a girl I met in the hospital, holding a plastic, green basin and a pack of tissues, with blue packaging and rolled-up paper.”

She recounted her past with Yu Zhou gently, but tears suddenly fell from Yu Zhou’s eyes. She was really emotional today.

She said, “You’re so lucky.”

The first person you liked loved you very much.

Not many people have this luck.

“Yes,” Su Chang said, “But we didn’t end up together and I don’t know if we’ll have a chance to be together again. But I’m trying.”

“Why do you have to fight for it? It wasn’t you who decided to end this relationship.” Why did you make yourself feel so humble?

Yu Zhou couldn’t bear it.

“Because I made mistakes too, and that girl made me realize that being together and love are two different things. To love someone, we only need to use our hearts and it’s not about demanding a relationship or necessarily about giving. But to maintain a relationship, it involves demands, giving, and exchange, like a partnership or a transaction.”

“An equal exchange can make cooperation healthy and long-lasting, and any cooperation requires wisdom and the ability to gauge the situation.”

“I didn’t realize this before. I dealt with many work partnerships wholeheartedly and strived for equal and pleasant mutual benefit, but I didn’t treat the person I should have taken most seriously with the same care.”

“I thought that once it came, it would be there, and I thought that once we were together, we would be happy. I never really thought about how to make both of us feel mutually beneficial in this lifelong partnership.”

“My partner was wearing herself out, exhausting herself, tolerating this partnership and sacrificing to maintain it, but I didn’t realize these apparently unfair terms.”

So now, Su Chang was chasing and striving for a second chance to collaborate.

It had nothing to do with whether she was the one being dumped, but because she wanted to fight for it.

Su Chang was not foolish; she just hadn’t had any clue before. After an open and sincere conversation with Yu Zhou, she had figured it out.

“Su Chang…” Yu Zhou was a bit lost for words.

She never thought Su Chang would consider things so clearly. Yu Zhou felt lucky that she had people around her who were growing and gradually treating her with increasingly mature views on relationships.

Whether it was friendship or love.

They were all telling her that her friends and her lover treasured her very, very much.

Don’t wallow in self-pity any longer, she told herself.