Closer

You're Beautiful

From: Me

**~**

"Dude we have to get to homeroom!" Kimberly exclaims, dragging me up as soon as she's close enough. Kim won't be late to class even for a hundred bucks and if that's not enough, she has to make sure everyone else is up and moving too.

Me, Kim, John, and Richard all have the same homeroom. That would be perfect if we didn't only go to homeroom on the first day of school for about half an hour to get lockers and combinations.

The entire day's mapped out for seniors perfectly. We stay in homeroom for a few minutes until we're called in for an assembly in the auditorium. That goes on for about an hour, then we're dismissed to go find our classes. We stay in each class for about twenty minutes to go over the basics and by the time that's over, so is the school day.

Each year all the new kids and freshmen come in early on the first day to get a tour of the school and go over 'important things'. That leaves everyone else to come in at ten-thirty. Why we can't just go to classes normally instead of coming in late and wasting time in an assembly is beyond me.

Well, if I think about it, I guess it's because upperclassmen can be distracting. Loud, obnoxious, attention-seeking, and just all-around gross. Not to mention they prey on the innocent little freshmen, who in turn sometimes catch heart eyes for the older, more mature-looking teens. Then there's the unfortunate but somewhat inevitable heartbreak when graduation comes and they leave to college, or wherever life takes them, then they realize it was puppy love after all.

I'm overthinking it as always though.

After promising each other to meet at the fountain later for the assembly, we go our separate ways. It's heartbreaking and melodramatic for the couples. Still, I can't kill the part of me that evil laughs on the inside.

Our class is almost full when we get to homeroom. Khalil is in the back of the room lounging on a group of desks with some familiar faces. It's not hard to spot them since he's waving and calling us over the second we step through the door.

"Guys! Over here!"

As we were about to head over, our teacher gets our attention by stepping in our path. "Can I have your names please?"

She has on a paper name tag that says Ms. Abdulla. She's a tiny little thing, to me at least, with an equally small voice. Middle age probably. I don't think I've ever seen her and I'm trying to figure out if she's new until I give up, deciding it doesn't really matter.

After giving her our names, we head back to Khalil. I perch on the edge of a desk the same time Kimberly hops to get on top of one.

Deandrè, who's sitting on the desk next to me, curls an arm around my waist and I grin, wrapping both of mine around his torso in a hug. He mumbles his usual, "You good?" and I hum in response, letting my eyes roll at the smell of him.

At some point in the past year, I became close with so many people that I lost count. I can't say I'm friends with everyone, but I do enjoy a lot of their company. And thankfully I haven't had many weird encounters with a lot of them.

"So Richy what happened at the party?" Khalil says with a grin.

"Don't even..." Richard shakes his head. But then he gets comfortable on an abandoned chair and recites the story anyway.

For the next half hour we laugh and kid about anything and everything that happened over the summer. We get our locker numbers and combinations minutes before we have to be on our way. Soon after making sure everything works and tossing bags in our lockers, we're let out into the hallways that quickly start to crowd. Sometimes I forget just how many kids are in this school.

The four of us almost have to push and shove our way to the fountain to regroup like we promised but didn't have time to lurk like we like to. After agonizing minutes of being ushered through narrow double doors and trying to make myself as small as possible in the sea of bodies, we're inside the dimly lit auditorium and heading toward the senior section. And I can't lie, it feels good to be a senior.

Whenever we have an assembly we're grouped by grade cause it's all about segregation in this place. The freshmen all sit in the lower right corner of the room close to the stage, sophomores sit in the lower left, juniors in the upper right, and seniors in the upper left.

Me and my friends take up the second to last row at the top of the section. Kim sits next to me and AJ next to her. I'm not in the mood to lean forward to check who's after that. I try to get comfortable in the narrow uncomfortable chair and have to fight not to just sit on the stairs. the arms of the chair dig into my sides and I give up easily. I let out a heavy breath, grumbling under my breath.

I zone in and out of the speeches, not caring much because they talk about the same thing every year, if not every single assembly ever. This time they talk a little bit more about the freshmen and what they should expect and stuff like that. I honestly don't know why the rest of us have to be here for it. Is this not what they talked about this morning when more than half the school wasn't here?

They go on about dress code which no one follows. I roll my eyes and put in one of my earbuds to listen to Needed Me by Rihanna. Yes, I'm still in love with that song.

I set my hands on the sides of my neck and run them to the back , keeping myself awake and attuned. But also because it's hot in here and my hair is irritating the back of my neck. I feel the ridges of my tattoo under my fingertips and trace the small tiara with 'princess' in cursive beneath it. It's corny but my dad picked it out. He actually begged me to, then he got a larger crown on his chest with the word 'King' under it, then proceeded to drag my mother into it and her getting hers on her back, just below her shoulder with the word 'Queen' under it.

The memory makes me smile a little even though the heat gets to me enough that I almost yank my hair into a high curly bun. I can feel my hair sticking out awkwardly in a few places but I don't let it get to me. The day has gotten enough out of me. This school does entirely too much. I'm not trying to look perfect for anyone anyway.

I slide down a little in my chair and tilt my head onto Kim's shoulder. I rest my left hand on my bent knee and admired the ring on my middle finger. It's a silver band with mini black diamonds bracketed by silver skulls. I've never worn it until now because I'm not a skulls type of girl but now I don't think I'm ever going to take it off.

I've been getting happy birthday messages all morning and my smile hasn't faltered yet. It's all I can do not to burst with happiness as I respond to them all.

I've made more friends in the past month than I have my entire life. I don't know what that says about me but I'm not dwelling on it too much. Whatever negative thing it could be doesn't matter because I have friends. Friends who care enough to send me birthday wishes at eight in the morning on a Saturday and are planning to take me out later or come to my house just to be in my space.

There's no element of surprise to their method but that doesn't matter either as they all decide that they're free and want to come over. I do expect cake and balloons though. Or maybe pizza. Either way, there will be food and balloons.

I hop out of bed, ready to go ask my parents if it was okay if they come over but someone already beat me to it by knocking on my door before pushing it open.

"Grace." My mom peaks her head through the cracked door before coming in when she sees that I'm up.

I'm still grinning when I clap and press my hands to my chest. "Oh, great-" I stop when I see the dark purple box in her hand. I tilt my head and pout to hold back my all too pleased smile. "You got me a present?" It's not that hard to believe, she always gets me presents but I still have to act surprised. Can't be too spoiled and all. Although I totally am.

She returns my smile but not in the same way. It almost looks sad and I don't like that. It makes my smile dim. I'm about to ask what's wrong but she's close enough and holding it out to me.

"You have a package." She smiles again, nicer this time and without the edge.

I take the package gingerly, hesitantly,  a bit dimmer now because I can tell something's wrong. Before I can ask what the problem is or who it's from, she's already leaving. Which is odd because she's usually nosey when it comes to these things.

My eyes stay on my open door with speculation, until I look down at the box in my hands. I shrug, my smile coming back.

It's a deep purple, glossy box. Narrow but long, with a black and white bow wrapped neatly on top to keep the box from falling open. I'm almost as giddy as I  am curious. I open it slowly, dragging it out but also because I plan on keeping it I don't want to ruin the prettiness.

I lift the top off slowly and my mouth falls open. My eyes glance at everything at once, the green-stemmed rose, the ring sitting in the groove of the box just above the shiny petals of the flower. The one thing I stop on for more than half a second is the small note tucked beneath the rose against the bottom of the box.

There's no name but I know who it is without thought. I exhale as I lower myself to the edge of my bed, reaching into the box to slip the piece of paper out. It's not poetry or fancy words but it knocks me breathless and when I finally inhale it's shaky.

The rose shimmers even under the low light in my bedroom when I take it up next. It's blood red and... glass. I gape at it, twirling it slowly between my fingers. I shake my head but I can't help my smile. It's small and touches just the corners of my lips. I have to bite the inside of my cheeks to stop it from getting wider.

"You'll never give up will you," I mutter, then let out a small laugh. I let my head fall back onto my shoulders, close my eyes and breathe. I'm not crying. Not in a bad way anyway.

After I set everything back how they'd been, I close the box and set it on my bed. I still have to go convince my parents to let my friends come over. So as much as my head is whirling, I have to push it all back.

I settle on staring at the closed curtains in front of my balcony door and feel everything for a moment. The hurt, longing, and happiness. I let myself miss him as the words on the note repeat themselves constantly in my head.

"Happy Birthday, Gorgeous."

"Thanks, babe," I whisper, hoping he feels it all. Just for this moment. And I wish a part of him hears me because I don't know if I'll be able to tell him myself.

"Say hi to Snapchat, Gracie."

Kimberly's phone is in my face and there's a filter on that makes my face a lot more symmetrical than it is but it gives me a flower crown so I don't complain. I smile before I can help it, stopping myself from saying something snarky or sticking my tongue out.

I zoom in on the background and Arthur sitting behind me. My smile freezes. He's staring right into the camera, right at me. I can't look away and my heart is beating out of control in my throat and chest and brain.

Why's he staring at me? Why's he so... close. I haven't been this close to Arthur since the conversation we had that ended anything we had before it started. Even if I have to pass by him in the hallway, I make sure I'm on the opposite side of the corridor and I don't look at him longer than I need to. It's bad enough that the mess that happened this morning exists and I've been pushing it to the back of my mind every time it tries to replay in my head.

I conclude that today is just not for me. It's not that we haven't looked eyes, we have multiple times, it was just different today. I'm trying not to think too much about whether it's a good or bad different.

I exhale, but not too heavy because he's right there. He's probably still looking at me! "You did that on purpose." I accuse Kim, breathlessly.

"Just wanted you to know."

I would've preferred if she hadn't because now I know he's there. Right there. I can feel him now, as if his entire body is pressed against me and it makes me shudder. Arthur Kingsley is a drug that I'll continuously go back to and get high on. Physically? I don't plan on going back to him, but it's sad to say memories of him live in my head because I can't burn them like I want to. That and he's everywhere.