Chapter 9

Adrian's POV

"So, where should we go for lunch?" Julian asks and I shrug. I really don't care where we go as long as I can look at him while we eat. My type is usually dirty blondes like Derek, but I would make an exception for Julian. His hair is quite honestly perfect, with that natural curls and everything.

"I don't know, anywhere is fine," I state and he thinks for a moment.

"We could go to Chipotle if you're cool with that," he says. I like Chipotle.

"Sure, that would be great."

"I'll pay for you if you want," he states.

"Really? Thanks, man."

Is this about to be a date? I've never been on a date I don't know how to act. I feel like I'm gonna be super fucking awkward and not know what to say. He asked me to lunch out of nowhere and I'm not even wearing remotely nice clothes. He has a crewneck sweater and half decent pants. He probably planned this. I'm wearing athletic shorts and a Lakers hoodie. I'm not dressed for a date right now.

What am I even thinking right now? We're going to fucking Chipotle, not a super fancy restaurant. I'll be fine, but I might need to change what I'm wearing around Julian in case he asks me on a super random date out of nowhere.

We get to Chipotle, which is one of my favorite restaurants. Mexican food is always good and it has a good amount of protein. I've been keeping track of my protein intake because I need to be eating a hell of a lot of it during the football season. That means I have to get even more protein powder, protein bars, all of that shit. I don't love eating a lot of meat. Meat as in animal products, not dick. I might like eating dick but I've just never tried it before so I wouldn't know.

Me and Julian both order our shit and find a place to sit. It's relatively empty which is surprising. I would've thought that Chipotle is swimming with college students, but I guess not right now.

"So, tell me more about yourself, Adrian," Julian says.

"What do you want to know about me?"

"I don't know. It doesn't matter, just tell me about yourself."

"You have to tell me about yourself after because I don't know that much about you either," I say and he nods.

"Yeah, I'll tell you more about myself, no problem."

"Cool. Well, I've lived here in LA all my life, I love it here. I haven't been to a place that I would rather be than here to be honest. I started playing football pretty early on in my life, because my parents wanted me to be an athlete when I grew up. I'm not complaining, I'd say I'm a great athlete. Anyways, I was always one of the best players in those little kid football leagues, along with my best friends, Cameron and Devin, who you know now."

I still remember those games. I used to play runningback and I hated playing runningback, I was just really fast. Cameron was always a quarterback if I remember right, and Devin put on a hell of a lot of muscle so he could play linebacker instead of cornerback. I'm glad I'm a safety now, because it takes less energy than being a cornerback or a runningback.

"We grew up together, and we were completely inseparable. Fast forward to high school, we all go together, our positions in the game switched up a little, but we were still the best players on the team. Devin is still the best player in our friend group by a mile, he is dominant by the way. In our sophomore years, we were all put onto the varsity team, as well as Aaron and DeShaun as well as the new kid, Derek. At the end of that year, Cam and Aaron hated each other already despite the fact that Aaron wasn't even starting yet. They despised each other and it was really crazy to see," I state.

"Aren't they dating now?" Julian asks.

"Yeah. It's crazy how far they came. Now they love each other, it's kind of unbelievable."

"That's kinda cute."

"Yeah, it is. Anyways, my sophomore year was the year I finally came to terms with the fact that I'm gay. Not straight, not bisexual, but gay. There was a guy that made me realize that, but shit has gone down with him recently, and we're not really friendly to each other anymore. He was and still is one of the most attractive people I've ever seen. I haven't seen him smile in a little while, but believe me, it's a pretty ass smile."

"Who is it?" he asks.

"I'm not telling you," I grin at him. "I'm getting over my dumb high school crush though, I've moved on and accepted that he doesn't like me, not even as a friend anymore."

"I'm sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it. I understand why he doesn't like me anymore, and it makes a little bit of sense I guess," I state. I don't know if it really does, but that doesn't matter. Derek doesn't want to be my friend anymore, and I'm kind of pissed at him, but he hasn't been a complete fucking asshole to me yet.

"I don't think being an asshole to someone makes sense," Julian states.

"No, trust me, it makes sense. I'll spare you the details, but I saw something I shouldn't have seen," I tell him, kind of walking a tightrope between what's appropriate and what's not appropriate to tell him about what I saw Derek doing.

"I won't ask about this further," Julian grins, holding his hands up in surrender.

"Well, in my junior year, the rest of the team got involved in the Cam and Aaron feud in one way or another. I told Cam to keep instigating and Derek told Aaron to keep instigating. It was a terrible decision. Devin started dating Aaron's sister Alicia, and they're still together and very much in love. Their relationship made straight relationships look nice to me. They're really cute together, and I was so happy for Devin when he told me about it," I say.

I remember it, he came up to me and Cam with a huge grin on his face and told us that he fell in love. Me and Cam were both so happy for him because Devin always seemed like a lowkey loner around people. He was quiet a lot, and Alicia changed that in him. He was and is still such a happy person every time I see him.

"Anyways, I was so happy that Devin found love, because God knows I never found it. It never made sense to me, dating and love and all that shit. Especially as a gay man, I don't really know what to do. Straight guys can just go up to a girl, ask her out, if she says no, he might get made fun of, but he'll usually move on. As a gay guy, having a feeling that someone might be gay means little to nothing. My gaydar is pretty bad by the way, I have no sense of who's gay or not," I state. The only person that's ever come out to just me is Derek, and I had no clue he was gay. Cam seemed like a normal straight dude, but he's bi.

"I get that. You need to know 100% with no doubt that someone is gay to go out with them."

"Exactly. Anyways, as I said, if a straight guy gets rejected, he'll move on 9 times out of 10 unless he was so in love with the girl. If a gay guy decides to ask another dude out, while not knowing 100% their sexuality, and gets rejected, they basically just outed themselves. That was always such a fear for me, and that's why I never dated in high school or really put myself out there to date with another person. Because I was scared of rejection, which is worse for you and me than it is for someone like Devin," I ramble.

"Yeah. I get that. Was there a pride club at your high school?" Julian asks and I nod.

"Yeah, there was, but the same thing goes for that. If I suddenly show up at the pride club, everyone will know that I'm gay, and I know the consequences wouldn't be bad because of Aaron coming out as bi to everyone in our sophomore year, but I wasn't ready. I needed more time to just be sure," I say. "Aaron was in the pride club for a few months I think, and he found a guy there, but the guy was 18 and Aaron didn't realize, and there were furries and weirdos in the club so he left. He kept talking about how weird it was there, so even after I came out I didn't even think about going to the club."

"I'm glad you're coming to the pride club here, I'm glad you're comfortable with all of this," he says.

"Well, it helps to know that there are other athletes in it, and it also helps that I know the person who runs it."

"Yeah."

"Tell me about yourself now," I tell him and he nods. "Any siblings?"

"Yeah. I have a younger brother and an older sister. He's 15, almost 16. He's cool, I guess. He's like a smaller version of me. My sister is 25, she's married already. Do you have any?"

"No. I'm an only child. It's fine though, I never really needed a sibling. So, tell me more about yourself," I tell him.

"Alright. Well, I grew up in San Francisco, that's how I knew Kai and Jax because I went to the same school as them for years, I was just a year older than them. They moved down here for the last year of high school, and I moved here the same year for the first year of college along with all of my closest friends. Some of them are going to USC or San Diego State, but all of us moved to Southern California in our freshman year of college. I like it here. The weather is so nice all year, I can wear shorts all year if I wanted."

"Yeah, that's what I love about here, the weather is better than the east coast," I state.

"Yeah, I love the weather here. Anyways, I came out pretty early into high school, and Kai and Jax were quick to support me, that's why I consider them two of my closest friends. I was also quick to get a boyfriend. He was super cute. He was a lil bit shorter than me, he had brown hair, he was not super bulky but not a twig, he was really kind of everything I wanted in a guy in terms of appearance."

That sounds terrifyingly close to what I look like. I would consider myself bulky though, I put on a lot of muscle over the summer. If his ex boyfriend is his type still though, I would pretty easily be his type.

"He was also so sweet. His parents we cool too, they liked me, and I was doing alright until the baseball season started. When the baseball season started, people called me the f slur. I don't really know how they figured out that I was gay, but they called me that and it really began to break me. Luckily, my parents were fine with me being gay and I didn't have to deal with that in two places. I never told anyone that I was dating though, the only other people that knew about me and my boyfriend were my boyfriend's parents as well as Kai and Jax, who walked in on us making out in the locker rooms."

"Oh. That sounds awkward," I say and he nods.

"Yeah. It was a super uncomfortable talk with the two of them. They told me about condoms like I didn't already know about them, it was really horrible to sit through," he states. "Anyways, we broke up because he went somewhere else for college than I did. I was not going all the way to Michigan, no matter how much I liked him, which was a lot."

"Did you love him?" I question.

"I don't know. I really liked him a lot, and he was really sweet to me. Every time I saw him after a long day of school, my mood would always get much better, and not to make this weird, but the sex was great. Maybe I did love him, but I know I really liked him and had strong feelings for him."

"I'm sorry you had to break up with him."

"It's fine, don't worry. Since then, I haven't really been looking for a relationship until super recently, not because I needed to get over him, but because I just didn't feel like having a relationship would be the best thing for me," he says. I have a feeling that super recently means in the last couple weeks, which is when he met me.

"I think having a relationship would be great for me. Anyone I can talk to for a long ass time without being judged by people. Someone that I can just hug, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah. I feel that. It does take a toll on pretty much everything mentally to be alone, and now in college, the busiest time of our lives so far, having someone there for us probably makes life easier. Someone that can just make all your problems go away the minute you see them."

"Exactly. I've seen people that I really want to have a relationship with. Only near the end of high school did I realize that I had a decent chance with one guy I really liked, but now our relationship is really strained," I say, talking about Derek. Him coming out to me was a fucking crazy moment. He was drunk and his shirt was wide open so I had a hard time focusing, but I still understood that he came out to me.

"I think you have a super good chance with any gay guy in the school. Not to make this awkward, but you are a really attractive guy, Adrian. You're someone I feel like everyone, man or woman, would want," he tells me and I'm pretty sure my face gets red.

"You-you think I'm attractive?" I question.

He nods at me. "Yeah. You're a very attractive guy, and you play football. You're like, the total package dude. I'm surprised you didn't realize that, didn't you tell me you get Instagram DM's from people that are asking you out?"

"Yeah, but I thought most of them were joking. That's one of the reasons I never answered them."

"Adrian, you should put yourself out there. You attend one of the most LGBT friendly schools in the country, and you are a part of the pride club. You also happen to be extremely cute," he says.

"Is this a date?" I ask.

"Kind of."

"Do you like me?"

"Do I like you as a friend, or do I like like you?" he asks.

"Do you like like me?"

"Well, I guess I do."

"Why?"

"Because you're sweet, you're an amazing person, you're cute, all of those things."

"Are you being serious or is this a joke?" I question and he looks at me confused.

"I would not joke about something like this."

I look down at the table with our empty Chipotle bowls, thinking about shit and processing all this new information. I think I knew that he liked me, but hearing it is just a whole different feeling. I like him back. Should I tell him?

"You okay?" he asks and I nod.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

"Sorry if I made this awkward by telling you that, I'll uh-I'll leave and let you think," he says, looking kind of sad. I feel bad for him, but I also don't really know what to say to him at this point.

I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Again, I don't know what to say to him. I don't know if I should tell him I like him back.

He leaves the Chipotle, and I'm now sitting in the restaurant alone, confused, and left in a state of minor shock. I better fucking not have an anxiety attack in here, that would really fuck me up and I'm not in the mood for that.

I like him back, but I don't know if I really want a relationship with him. I don't know if I want a relationship with anyone at this point. I think I know why. He might not know it, but Derek ruined me for anyone else despite not even coming remotely close to dating me. He's raised my standards to a level that barely anyone can meet. Julian can meet those standards, but again, I think Derek is more attractive.

Having any kind of relationship with Derek is extremely unrealistic at this point though, if he really dislikes me now, so Julian is quite honestly the next best guy. I need to just trust myself to do the right thing here. I'm not just throwing myself into a relationship with a guy I don't like if I decide to start dating Julian. He's hot. He's nice to me, he likes me a lot. He bought me Chipotle, which according to Alicia, is what Devin did to prove his love to her.

I throw away my empty Chipotle bowl and begin the walk back to my dorm, still pondering what Julian told me. I feel guilty as hell for just letting him leave after he confessed that he likes me. That was not a cool thing to do. I should've at least said something to him.

"Hey Adrian," Kai says, Jax following right behind him. "What's wrong?" He notices my face being conflicted and probably saw me debating shit in my head.

"Nothing. You know Julian really well, both of you, right?" I ask and they both nod at me. "You know about, uh, how he's gay and everything?"

"Yeah, he came out to us pretty early. We were honored that he trusted us," Jax states.

"Well, he just told me that he likes me," I say and both of their eyes get wide.

"Julian said that? Julian Rivera? The Julian Rivera said that to you?" Jax asks and I nod.

"Yeah, he did."

"Damn, Adrian. You got game for real," Jax says, holding his hand out to dap me up. I dap him up but still something feels off.

"What did you say to him after he told you?" Kai asks.

I grimace. "I didn't say anything to him," I look down at the floor.

"Oh, Adrian, are you upset that you didn't say anything?" Jax asks and I nod, still looking at the ground, not wanting to meet their eyes.

"Yeah, I should've said something back. I like him back, I just didn't know what to say to him."

"Adrian, it's alright bro. He likes you. Julian Rivera likes you. Do you know how big that is? He's been chased by every single gay person I've ever known other than Cam and Aaron, but they don't count, and he's the one who's whipped for you? You've got him wrapped around your finger, my friend. Please tread these waters carefully though, he can get emotional about things," Kai states and Jax nods.

"He's right. If you say something that really breaks him, he'll not come out of his room for a week. He really likes you, I feel like I could tell that a while ago, and if you like him back, take the opportunity to get him. See what it's like, if you want to stay with him, stay with him, if you don't, then just let him down easy, don't say anything that might break his heart because he can get emotional," Jax says and I think about it for a while.

"I don't know. I can't bring myself to ever break up with a person, I don't want to risk it."

"Then just keep spending time with him until you know for sure that you want a relationship with him, or if you don't want one. Trust me, his boyfriend in high school was totally fucking in love with Julian after like, a week," Jax says.

"Yeah, he was so whipped, it was funny to see how he turned into jelly every time Julian would put his arm around him," Kai remembers. "Remember that, Jax? How after Julian left the room his boyfriend literally had to catch his breath despite not doing anything in there?"

"Yeah, that was pretty embarrassing, but it made sense."

Do I feel like jelly every time I'm around Julian? I don't think so. I'm gonna need to spend more time with Julian before I make a big decision, because this is something that I really need to figure out. Julian is my best option right now, there's no doubt about it. Unless my relationship with Derek changes anytime soon, I'm gonna end up as Julian's boyfriend.

I don't want to tell him I like him though, that's so difficult. I don't like telling people the way I feel about them unless I think they're annoying. I won't hold back if you're annoying. I also don't want to make him feel bad though. If I start to not have real feelings for him, then I will have to spend multiple weeks writing a speech apologizing to him for not feeling the same way as him.

"I don't feel that way around Julian. I feel comfortable around him," I say.

"Well, that's good too. He makes you feel safe, he likes you, you like him, I'm not gonna tell you to jump into this relationship, but if you really do feel the way he does, don't you think that means something?" Kai asks.

"I guess. I've just never been in a relationship, I feel like I'm gonna fuck it up."

"You'll be fine, Adrian. Just breathe, don't stress yourself out. Be happy that someone wants you this much that he's actively pursuing you. I get why you might not want to be in a relationship right now, but this is something you should have in the back of your mind. You can get any gay guy you want if you can get Julian," Kai states and I don't know if that's true. Derek doesn't like me, that's one gay guy I know that doesn't want me.

"Julian is a great guy, Adrian. I've never seen him be an ass to anyone, he's really sweet. He's like Cam after he started dating Aaron. He'll be so good to you, I just know it, and he might get sad if you decide to break things off with him, but he'll understand and he won't try to push for a relationship if you don't want it," Jax says.

"Alright. That's good to know. Thanks guys, I really appreciate it. I'll think about it for sure, I think making him my boyfriend right now wouldn't be the best idea, but at least going on a couple more dates with him, like we did today, would be the best thing to do," I suggest.

"See? You know how to work a relationship already, Adrian. You'll be great, just don't freak out. Even if you do freak out, I can't imagine that Julian wouldn't still want you," Jax tells me.

"Thanks," I say and they nod, continuing whatever the fuck they were going.

Maybe I should spend even more time with Julian. He's a really sweet guy, and I do have feelings for him, but I don't really know how to act on those feelings. I want him, he wants me, but I don't know what to do. I need to talk to Cam or Aaron about this shit, they would know better than me how to make a move.

I just want to know that it will work out if we start dating because I don't want to hurt Julian. He's a great guy and if it doesn't work out, I don't want to have to be the one that breaks us up.

A/N: I don't know if I'm doing a good job at it, but I'm trying to make Julian a likeable character. I enjoy writing Julian's character, and it should be relatively obvious that this is not the relationship that will end this book. Julian is cool, but if I want to do him justice, I will have to write another spinoff for him and another person. Thanks for reading!!!