Chapter 10

Adrian's POV

I have to talk to Cam and Aaron about how to maintain a relationship. Their relationship is only a few months old, but they have not stopped clinging to each other constantly. It's really cute to see them so happy with each other, and I need to know how to maintain that kind of happiness. I could also ask Alicia and Devin, they've been dating for even longer than Cam and Aaron, and love each other a similar amount.

I have to talk to them, but I also have to spend more time with Julian and try to fall in love with him. I don't know what made me fall in love with Derek other than him being a nice guy as well as a super fucking hot guy, and those things apply to Julian as well, but it's not working as well. I need to spend more time with him and just figure out what I really want.

If Julian is who I want, then Julian is who I'll go after. I don't know if I really want him though. I thought I did, but when he told me that he liked me I got confused and I don't know if I really want him more than someone else.

Like I said, Derek ruined me by raising my standards for guys to the roof, and Julian is barely able to hit that roof if he jumps high enough.

I walk back to the dorm building, which is luckily not even that far from the Chipotle. I should go to Chipotle more often, it's really fucking good. If anything good came out of that lunch 'date' it was the food and the fact that he paid for me. I feel bad now though, I should pay him back. That would be super awkward though and might make him think I don't like him back.

Fuck! What am I gonna fucking do? Maybe I like Julian, but as a friend. Someone that I can relate to on a deeper level, but someone that I don't want romantically. I don't know how to say that without coming off as rude.

Once I get back to the dorms, I realize I have no idea where Cam and Aaron's room is. When I do find it, I hope to God they aren't fucking right now because that would be mortifying to walk in on, for both me and them. I would never be able to not see that in my head, and to be honest, that's not the worst thing ever. They're both beautiful people and if I had to choose two people to have engraved in my mind fucking forever, it would be them.

I just go to my room instead, hoping that Devin knows where they're staying. It's in the same building, I know that much, but where it is, I have no idea.

I let myself into me and Devin's room, and he and Alicia are eating food while they watch something on one of their computers.

"Hey Devin, do you know where Cam and Aaron are staying?" I ask.

"No, I don't. Ali, do you know? Aaron's your brother, you've probably been in there before."

"Yeah, they're staying I think two rooms down to the left across the hall," she says and I nod.

"Thanks," I say.

"No problem."

I leave the room and walk over to Cam and Aaron's room. I realize I can't walk in on them fucking because I don't have a key. They have it so good being roomed with each other so they can just do whatever.

I knock on the door and wait for a moment before Aaron opens the door.

"Hey Adrian, what's up?"

"Nothing much. I just need to talk to you and Cam for a sec, I need relationship advice and since I'm gay I though I would go to the healthiest gay couple I know," I state and he smiles and nods.

"Yeah, no problem. Come in. Cam! Adrian is here! He needs relationship advice!" Aaron calls out in the direction of their bathroom. "He's just peeing right now, he'll be out soon."

Soon enough, Cameron does come out of his room and greets me. "What's up, Adrian. You needed relationship advice? I had no idea you were dating someone."

"I'm not, and that's kind of what I needed to talk to you two about," I state.

"You need to know how to get into a relationship?" Aaron asks and I shrug.

"Kind of, but I have this guy wrapped around my finger. I just need to know if it's a good idea before I jump into a relationship."

"Who is it?" Aaron asks.

"It's Julian," I tell them and they look at each other.

"We fucking knew there was something up with him. We could both tell he was super into you, Adrian. He wants you so bad. We saw it back in San Diego, we saw it earlier today when we were bowling, but he is super into you, Adrian," Cam says.

"Yeah, and he's fine as hell," Aaron says and Cam nods in agreement. I like that they can just talk about people's appearances so openly like that and not get jealous. It's really sweet.

"I know he's fine as hell, and we went to lunch together earlier, and he told me straight up that he likes me. I asked for specification and he said he like likes me, not just as a friend."

"So what's the problem?" Cam questions and I take a deep breath.

"I thought I felt the same, but I don't know. I haven't spent that much time with him, and I don't know if I feel the same way for him. I want a relationship, but at the same time don't want to jump into something that could hurt both me and Julian."

"I get that Adrian, I really do. My first relationship with a girl in 8th grade was a disaster, and since then I've only dated guys because they get less emotional after breakups. I jumped into that relationship and swore to myself after the breakup that I would be more smart about not just getting with anyone, and after her, I dated a guy I didn't really like, and after that I dated one guy I loved and one I love and am still with," Aaron rambles.

"Who is it?" Cam asks, joking.

"It's you, babe, you know that. Anyways, Adrian, think about what you want most. Do you want Julian from the bottom of your heart?"

"I don't know. I really don't. Julian is obviously a super attractive guy, plus he's really nice to me, but it's my first relationship and I want it to work," I state.

"Do you think that it could work?" Cam asks.

"I don't know."

"Why not?"

"Because-uh-because-I-because I-I don't know because I think I would fuck it up and screw up something good with a really nice guy that I want to see be happy," I state and Cam nods.

"I understand that. So what's your plan right now?" Cam asks.

"Yeah, like what are you gonna do? I know what not to do, don't lead him on, because that could really hurt him," Aaron says.

"I'm gonna just try to spend more time with him, see if I can catch feelings because I don't develop feelings for people that easily. He caught feelings for me so fast though, it's kind of crazy, right?" I ask and they nod.

"Yeah, it's been like, 2 weeks and you already have him whipped for you," Aaron says.

"Yeah, you have him and if you want him you've got him, Adrian. You have this guy wanting you so bad and you have the power to get with him. That's a hell of a lot of power if you ask me," Cam states.

"Thanks."

"No problem. Listen, if you ever need to talk to me or Cam or both of us, don't hesitate to talk to us, because we just want to see all our friends happy, and that obviously includes you. I think it also wouldn't hurt to talk to Devin and my sister. I get that you're gay and everything, but love is deeper than sexualities, and they get that. They'll give you similar tips that we did, or possibly even better because they got together in a way more conventional way than the two of us. Ask about their perspective, and if you don't, all I can tell you to do is just not to do anything that could hurt Julian. You don't want him hating you," Aaron reminds me. I definitely don't want Julian hating me.

"Yeah. Thank you, both of you, have a great day," I say my goodbyes, walking towards the door.

"Don't even mention it. Thanks for coming to us first, and calling us the healthiest gay relationship you know, that means a lot to us," Cam states.

"But is it that surprising?" Aaron asks and they both laugh.

"See you guys later," I leave the room, walking back to me and Devin's room

I need to remember that Kai and Jax told me that Julian is an emotional person. I couldn't really tell that from just hanging with him for a couple days, he seems like a totally chill guy, but if he gets sad about things, that's even more awkward. If I do get in a relationship with him, I'll just be treading water the entire time.

I let myself into my room, and Alicia and Devin are sitting in damn near the exact same position that they were before, not moving an inch while I was out. They really are a beautiful couple, I can't even deny that. Anyone with eyes can tell that.

"Hey, can I talk to you two?" I ask and Devin reaches over to the computer and pauses whatever they were watching.

"Yeah, of course. What do you want to talk about?" Devin asks.

"It's about dating. I need some relationship or dating tips."

"Okay. First, head is an essen-" Alicia starts.

"Ali! You don't know if that's what Adrian wants to know about," Devin says.

"Sorry. Anyways, tell us what's up," Alicia says.

"So, you guys know Julian right?" I ask and they nod.

"Yeah, the fine as hell baseball player?" Alicia asks and Devin has no reaction to her saying that. Again, real love is not being jealous like that.

"Yeah, well he told me he likes me."

"What'd you say back to him?" Devin asks and I frown.

"Nothing," I grit my teeth. "I didn't say anything, I just let him leave."

"Is it because you don't like him back?" Devin asks and I shrug.

"I don't know. I think I like him back, he's super attractive and he's really sweet and he's so nice to me. He paid for my lunch for God's sake. He bought me Chipotle and I didn't tell him I like him back," I state and both their eyes get wide.

"Wow. Chipotle? That's a big deal, Adrian, I think you should talk to him," Alicia says. "Chipotle is a very romantic restaurant and you know how important it is to me and Devin."

"Yeah, you've told all of us that story. It's sweet, but are you sure he meant it in the same way Devin did when he bought Chipotle for you?" I ask her and she shrugs.

"Chipotle was basically my love confession to her, I didn't know if she really felt the same about me at the time. I knew full well that I already loved her, and it was a blessing that she already felt the same for me," Devin states.

"Yeah, and that's our special place now. Every special anniversary, birthday, any of those times, we go to Chipotle and he pays for me," Alicia puts her head on Devin's shoulder.

"Well, anyways, I think I want a relationship with him, but I don't really know. Julian's a great guy and I like him, but I can't tell if it's as a friend or as a boyfriend. I would be happy with him being my boyfriend, but I don't know how much effort I would actually put into the relationship."

"Well, spend time with him, I assume you were already planning that, right?" Devin asks and I nod.

"Yeah. I want to spend more time with him, especially before football starts because we'll have less time," I tell him.

"Well, just do that. Spend time with him. See if you really do want him. Don't say anything that might lead him on incorrectly though, because if you start leading him on, that's when he'll get attached, and when he gets attached, that's when breaking it off will be even more difficult for you to get through and he'll be broken," Alicia rambles.

"Yeah. Kai and Jax told me that he can get emotional when he's sad about things, so I have to basically just not say anything that might set him off. I don't want to see him sad though, and I think he really really likes me."

"Well, Adrian, I haven't really been in a lot of relationships. Ali is my first girlfriend, and most likely my last as well, and we met at a high school dance. As far as I know, there aren't dances like that here, so it might be tougher to just catch feelings for him. Just remember not to lead him on, like Ali told you. That's when shit gets tough and you realize you have to break someone's heart, and I know you well enough to know that you have no desire to do that to anyone. You're too nice," Devin states and I again nod my head in agreement. I don't want to break anyone's heart.

"Thanks guys."

"No problem, we're happy to help," Alicia tells me.

I leave the room, leaving Alicia and Devin in there alone. I don't think they'll have sex in there. They have better control over their sexual drive than Cam and Aaron claim to have. I think they like just hanging out with each other all the time, and that's the kind of relationship I like. Cam and Aaron are like that too, but there are differences.

Cam told me one time that every time they see each other without a shirt on, they can't control themselves. I kind of understand that, and if the feeling is mutual between them, then there's really nothing wrong with that. Just two guys that are in love with each other and their bodies.

On the way out of the building, I pass by Derek, who looks up from his phone to see who's walking past him.

His face is emotionless for a moment until he realizes it's me and glares at me again. I hate that he doesn't see me the same just because I saw something I didn't want to see and he didn't want me to see. Just because I know his deepest secret doesn't mean that I'm gonna out him. I know what it's like to have a secret, quite literally the exact same secret, and not being able to tell anyone.

Coming out was a good idea at the time, but now I sort of regret it. I understand why he wouldn't want to deal with the kind of shit I deal with. It's not fun to check my phone and be in fear of having a random anxiety attack from hate messages.

Every time he glares at me I'm lowkey turned on though, I can't even lie. He's so fucking fine and even when he's trying to be intimidating, it's just making me want to submit to him even more. I know that's kind of weird and kinky, but I'm not lying. He's a fucking beauty of a man and the fact that he's taking extra time out of his day to stare at me is kind of hot, even if it is just angry staring.

Once I get outside, I decide to call Julian and apologize.

He doesn't pick up, so I just leave a voicemail.

"Hey, Julian, I'm sorry about what happened at Chipotle, I really am. You opened up to me, and I didn't even answer you. That was a dick move on my part, and I was just wondering if you want to hang out later today if you have time. Alright, I'll see you later hopefully. Bye!" I say into the phone, sending a voicemail to Julian.

I decide to just take a seat on the bench right outside the building, a place I've spent a lot of time sitting at so far. It's mostly because when Alicia is in the room with Devin, I'm not tryna be a third wheel or a cockblocker, I'm a good person and Devin is my best friend, but I'm also not trying to go somewhere else, so this bench is the best place to chill.

After a few minutes of just sitting outside, Julian comes outside and silently sits down next to me. I look over at him and he is just looking emotionless into the distance.

"Listen, Julian, I'm so-" I start.

"Don't apologize Adrian, I understand. I said that kind of too soon, we barely know each other, I understand," he cuts me off.

"No, but seriously, I'm sorry. I should've at least said something to you."

He smiles, still not looking in my direction. I'm sure he can tell I'm staring holes into his face.

"This is one of the things I like about you Adrian. You apologize a lot, even when you've pretty much done nothing wrong," he says. "I'm sorry for just telling you that I like you, it wasn't the right time."

"I mean, you bought me Chipotle, someone was bound to say something."

"Huh?"

"Nothing, it's just my frie-never mind," I stop myself before I start rambling about Devin and Alicia.

"Anyways, I get if you just want to be my friend, that's still cool with me, because you are a great friend so far. You're funny, you're cool, you're someone I can relate to," he says.

I don't answer. My entire romantic future is a mystery and I feel like I can't say anything that 1. will lead him on into thinking that I really want something right now and 2. say something that will make him think he has no chance with me and make him sad.

"I think we should chill, you know, hang out with each other more. I don't know if I'm being too direct here, but I think I do have feelings for you, and I don't know if they're real or if I'm just imagining them, but I think spending more time with you will help me figure out if these feelings are real," I blurt out and he smiles.

"Okay. That sounds good."

"By the way, just to clarify, this isn't a 'yes' or a 'no,' this is a 'let's see where this goes and then I'll decide if I feel the same' type of thing."

"Yeah. I understand 100% what this is. I get why you're telling me this," he grins at me, facing me for the first time while we've been outside.

"Why?"

"You're trying not to lead me on, and you're also thinking about my feelings. I really appreciate that Adrian, that's really mature of you. You're a great person, man. I'm glad you're my friend," he says.

I smile at him. "Yeah."

"By the way, I'm almost sure Jax and Kai told you that I'm an emotional person, but I'm not even close to as emotional as they claim I am. I don't cry that much, only when the situation really calls for me to cry. If anyone is emotional, it's the two of them."

"Speaking of them, is there something about them that seems, I don't know, kind of more than friends?" I question and he ponders it for a moment, clearly thinking about it.

"I've kind of always thought that about the two of them. When I knew them, they were always hanging out with each other, like 24/7 type shit. They had sleepovers pretty much every night in their freshman, sophomore, and junior years. For the record, I think they were probably in the same bed."

"Really?" I ask.

"Yeah, totally. One of them is definitely in love with the other, possibly both of them. Even if they're both straight, they're gonna realize that they don't want to spend their lives with anyone other than each other, and it's gonna be cute and they're gonna realize that they truly are and were gay or bi for each other."

"That's what I kind of think is gonna happen. They're gonna realize they love each other more than they love any other person and they'll be together forever," I state and Julian laughs.

"Yeah. There was always something up with them. I would go over to Jax's house because we played Madden together, and Kai would just be there. Without a shirt on."

"Wow. Jax had a shirt on though, right?" I ask.

"Yeah, but he might've just put it on right after he heard me knock on the door or something. Their relationship is mysterious to me. I think they love each other, that's for sure, but the extent of that love going all the way to actual romantic love is kind of a mystery."

"Yeah, I really have no idea. What I do know is that they would be a cute couple."

"Yeah, definitely. They're both cute as hell, I can't even lie," he says and I hum in agreement.

Me and Julian keep talking about random shit, spanning from Kai and Jax's relationship to sports and workout routines, and music. He's a super easy person to talk to. I feel like I'm myself around Julian, and all the worries in my life are just gone.

I think I'm falling for him, and I know he can sense that.

A/N: Kind of a short chapter, I don't want these early chapters to be more than 4000 words, but I will not write a chapter under 3000 words. This is the third chapter that takes place in the same day, which I did in the first book. I get that I'm really dragging this so far, Derek and Adrian have said damn near nothing to each other, and that's exactly what I want so far. Again, I'm trying to make Julian a likeable character, so don't hate on him for liking Adrian, it happens to everyone. I had a hard time writing the reasons for Adrian not saying he likes Julian back, but mostly it's because he is still in love with Derek. Thanks for reading!!!