Chapter 13

Adrian's POV

Well, Derek got pissed at me, for good reason, but he got way too pissed off. It's the first game of the season, it's not that big of a deal. It's not like Jax couldn't have followed the guy that was on his side of the field onto my side of the field, while I did the same. Or, revolutionary idea, Derek could've stayed on his man instead of making me mop up the mess and then pinning that on me. It was on both of us, not just me.

I'm starting to really dislike Derek. He's changed up so much since last year, and I have to assume it's just because I know that he's gay and he has no way to deny that. He came out to me, denied it, and then I walked in on him fucking a dude. That's way too much fucking evidence to try to deny.

That can't be the only reason he's become a dick, right? There has to be something else that's making him cranky and all pissy and shit all the time. Maybe the guy he was fucking in the locker room started dating him and they broke up at some point over the summer and Derek is still trying to get over him. I don't know. I really have no clue what his deal is.

It's not a bad thing to be competitive, but getting that mad at me for a small mistake that just happened to cost us the game that he could've prevented as well is not good. It is not a valid crashout moment, he should've just stayed on his man instead of making me get on him.

"Alright team. I'm a bit disappointed in the way we played tonight, but I'm seeing a lot of potential in all of you. Sure, some of you guys made minor mistakes, but I think we can move on from that. We also know what we need to work on as a team as well, one of those things being communication. I need constant talking, yelling, all of that shit happening on the field between guys, especially on the defense. I did not see great communication on the field today. Like I said, I want you guys talking to each other the entire time you're on the field. We'll work on that when we get back tomorrow morning, but other than that, it was an alright game. We just happened to lose. Don't get too upset about this game though, UCLA never scored this much in a game last season, so it's good that we scored very well tonight," Coach Nelson rambles.

We all leave to go to the hotel, and I already know a lot of Coach Nelson's speech was directed at my lack of discipline. I should've been more attentive of the other receivers on the field instead of going after one guy. Derek should've probably put more effort into his coverage as well, I feel like it wasn't all my fault. He didn't play very well either.

"Hey, you played fine, don't worry about it Adrian. We all make mistakes," Devin assures me as I plop down on my bed.

"I know, but I made, like, a terrible mistake," I reply.

"It's alright though. You can't hang your head on one mistake, besides, I looked behind me at what was going on, and I think Derek and Jax could've done something to tell you what was going on before it was too late. I agree with Coach Nelson on the importance of communication in this game, we need to be working together as an entity, not by ourselves."

"Yeah. I know. I'm sorry, by the way, for that play. I know I messed up."

"Don't worry about it Adrian. It's just one game, and now we know what to work on when we get back," he reminds me.

"Yeah. Thanks."

"No problem. I'm gonna call Alicia if that's alright with you."

"Yeah. That's fine with me," I tell him, plugging my earbuds into my phone and playing some music to calm me down. I don't really care what anyone says, our loss tonight was mostly my fault, even though some other people can carry some of the blame.

The next day...

Now that we're back from Illinois, we can start working on our team communication. I need this more than a lot of other people here. I've been quiet in practice and was pretty silent during the game unless I was addressed directly. I need to start talking to teammates instead of just waiting for them to say something to me.

By the way, we were in the part of Illinois that is not Chicago, so I have never been there. I don't even know why there's more to the state other than Chicago, but the same thing goes for New York and New York City and Colorado and Denver. It's a lot of nothing outside of the major cities. There may be smaller cities in the state, like Buffalo in New York, but still, it's not that much and it's not as interesting as the bigger city.

Right now, Coach Nelson has just the members of the defense huddled up in a circle while the offense practices normally. I think he mostly wants all of us to communicate better because the offense played well. It's not their fault that we lost the game.

"Okay. Here's what we're gonna do today. I'm gonna give you guys a specific offensive playcall and you're gonna talk to the teammates that would be standing next to you in a real game. For example, Jax, you would be talking to Marcus and figuring out what you would do. Devin, you would be talking to Khalil and Antoine. You guys understand? Defensive lineman, you talk to each other, but on most of these pass plays, you wouldn't really have much to do," Coach Nelson tells us. "Alright, you guys are ready? The first play is an all curls route."

I turn to Derek, who looks like he had already been glaring holes into the back of my head. "Uh, hey," I awkwardly greet him.

"Hey. So, basically, when I see the guy curl, you have to stay where you are in case the receiver is able to catch the ball and then get away from me. Don't come closer because if he catches the ball and quickly turns around to get past me, you'll have to change directions fast and that could be tough," he says.

"Yeah. Also, if you see something developing in the play that makes you think it might be a curl route, don't cover too loose, stay somewhat to him and make sure he doesn't get a lot of separation that you can't really get back," I suggest.

"Yeah. That sounds good."

"Cool."

"Alright! The next play is crossing routes," Coach Nelson yells over all of us talking.

"This is the one you fucked up on," Derek states.

"Yeah. My bad. Anyways, I think the first thing that we need to do on a crossing routes play is for you to stay on the guy as well as possible without letting him get away from you, and then telling me if he does."

"Yeah, or you could keep an eye on what's going on on our side of the field so you can see if someone gets past me, which barely ever happens."

"Marcus already got beat on his side of the field, and the receiver was about to get past Jax, I had to guard him so when the other guy got past me, I couldn't see him. If anything, you could've stayed in pursuit and you could've had a chance of tackling him before he got to the endzone," I state and he glares at me.

"Shut the fuck up. Stay on our side of the field, none of this happens."

"Are you fucking for real? Maybe do your job and I won't have to do your job for you." We're talking pretty quietly to each other right now so we don't get any unwanted attention. We don't want this to become a bigger situation.

Derek opens his mouth to say something, but he's cut off by Coach Nelson announcing the next play for us to discuss. Derek closes his mouth again, glaring at me with pure anger in his eyes. I have no clue why he's actually getting this heated over something that he has to share some of the blame of. He has no reason to be crashing out in the middle of practice.

"The next thing you have to defend against is a slant route!" Coach Nelson states. I do well on all slant routes because I see the play developing, go after one specific receiver, and pick off the pass from them.

"Well, we kind of know how to defend on of those, right?" Derek asks, temporarily releasing the death glare he had fixed on my eyes.

"Yeah. We see the play happening, we both follow the receivers who are slanting, make sure to try to get in front of them, all of that."

"Yeah. We had to deal with that shit so much last year. The other teams just spammed that play over and over and we knew what to do every single time," he remembers, kind of smiling before catching himself and bringing his mouth back into a straight line.

"I hated having to line up so deep and then having to sprint to get in front of a receiver."

"Yeah. It was fucking tiring to deal with that," Derek complains.

"Alright! The next route is a go route," Coach Nelson announces. This is another play I kind of fumbled big time in the game.

"You messed this one up too," Derek reminds me.

"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry, alright?"

"You better get your shit together before Nelson cuts your minutes off completely. I can't imagine he's very happy about the way you played yesterday," Derek states.

"What's your problem, Derek? Why are you being such an ass to me out of nowhere?"

"Yeah, so for this route, I think once you can read the offense and you know that it's a go route, that's when you start running backwards, making sure that you'll be there if he gets past me," Derek completely ignores my question.

"I think you mean when he gets past you," I correct him smugly. He glares at me again, his brows furrowing and jaw clenching.

"Whatever."

"The next route is an out route!" Coach Nelson yells to us.

"Let's talk about how we would guard out routes and out and up routes," he suggests and I nod.

"Sure. Well, on an out route, we just have to corner him to the sidelines without touching him. I think we both know pretty well how to do that, right?" I ask and he nods.

"Yeah. It's not tough to force a guy out of bounds. Anyways, for out and up routes, once we force him towards the sideline, he might have to go out of bounds and then come back in bounds, which is a penalty already. If we aren't able to force him out, you have to be ready to get on him as he tries to get to the endzone."

"Yeah."

"Next route! This time we're doing in routes!" Coach Nelson yells to all of us, watching all of us communicate with each other.

"Alright, well, I get pretty happy when I realize an offense is running an in route, I don't know about you," I state.

"Yeah. They're easy to defend. And it's tough for the quarterback to get the ball to a receiver in the middle of the field as it is, unless you're guarding him," he blurts out completely unnecessarily.

"Are you trying to instigate right now? Are you trying to get a rise out of me? I've had to deal with homophobia because I'm actually brave, but you're standing here making it worse."

"Maybe I am trying to get a rise out of you."

"Fuck you," I say to him without looking at him.

The in route was the final route Coach Nelson had us talk about, which I'm happy about. I don't want to have to keep talking to Derek who's being a complete dick to me for no reason, other than knowing that he's gay. It's not my fault that I know he's gay. I can't say I don't care that he's gay though. It's weird to think that the guy I've been crushing over for years is also gay, but now I don't really want him that much. If he wasn't being a dick, I would like him still.

After the whole communication practice thing coach had us do, we resumed practice normally, with us running defensive drills, going into the weight room for a while, doing cardio, all of that stuff. I'm fine with all of that. We did a scrimmage as well, and every single time that Derek looked behind him, he glared at me. I tried to match his glare, but it was no fucking use. His eyes are powerful as fuck. I can't beat his glare power. I might have more aura, but my eyes do not have the force. My eyes don't got those power that Eleven got in Stranger Things. My eyes don't got the Dr. Strange powers. My eyes don't got Superman lasers coming out of them.

After practice, we showered and shit, and I was so excited to get out of there. I'm gonna chill with Julian today, and I will do anything to get my mind off of all this Derek shit. I am lowkey starting to hate him.

After I get all my clothes back on, I leave the locker room and decide to call Julian to see if we can still chill today. The baseball season doesn't start for a while, so he should have plenty of free time today.

"Hey, Adrian," Julian answers on the other side of the phone. I can practically hear his smile on the other end of the phone. If I'm not the right person for him, I hope to death he can find the right guy.

"Hey, Julian," I reply to him. "Do you wanna hang out today?"

"Sure, that would be great. Where do you wanna meet?"

"I'm about to drive back to the dorm building, I can pick you up if you come outside and we can decide what to do after that. I would be up for anything by the way."

"Cool. We can figure it out when you get here, it's not like we're in a rush," he states.

"Yeah. I'll see you soon."

"Great."

He hangs up and I begin to make my way to my car. I just want to get away from Derek right now. He needs to figure out why he hates me, and if it has anything to do with me knowing he's gay, he should figure out why that's a valid reason to hate me. I feel like me not playing well in yesterday's game was just a good excuse to hate on me in a more open way.

"Hey Adrian," Cam greets me, catching up to me, Aaron right beside him.

"Hey," I reply.

"Where you going?" Cam asks.

"I'm gonna go somewhere with Julian this afternoon. To see if I can catch feelings and shit, you know what I'm saying?" I ask and Cam nods.

"Yeah, good luck. I could tell back in San Diego that he's super into you, so you should probably go into whatever you're doing today with that knowledge."

"I know, and I want so badly to feel the same way about him, but I can't. I feel so bad for him because he's trying to have me and I don't feel the same way yet," I reply.

"Don't get with him unless you actually like him. I had a relationship with a guy in early sophomore year and I didn't like him and he didn't like me. He was also a senior, so it was already a lil weird," Aaron states.

"I almost dated a college junior and I literally told you about that jeweler," Cam tells Aaron.

"Yeah, but you didn't actually date either of them."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Anyways, Adrian, take Julian's emotions into account. They're just as important as yours. If you realize in a few days that you don't feel the same way for Julian that he feels, then tell him immediately, don't let him think you still want something if you don't. Don't be overly flirtatious either, that will give him the wrong idea. Just make sure he knows that at the moment, the two of you are just friends while you try to see if you catch feelings," Cam says to me.

"Yeah. I already told him that I would like to spend more time with him to see if I like him back, he was fine with that. He knows where our friendship is at the moment," I reply.

"Good. That's good that he knows the boundaries. He seems like a good guy, so if you do realize that you don't have major feelings for him, be nice and let him down easy."

"Yeah. Thanks, Cam. Thanks, Aaron. I'll see you guys later," I say bye to them.

"No problem. See you later bro," Aaron and Cam go to their car.

I'm tired as hell right now to be honest. A game, a flight, and a practice in the span of 24 hours is not fun. I feel like I'm about to start puking blood or my fucking lungs. I just need something to drink and then I'll be better, but my mouth is so dry and I feel like I can taste blood.

I'm fine with the Gatorade they make us drink at practice, it's good, but give me pink lemonade and I will fall in love with you. I know it seems stereotypical for a gay dude to like pink lemonade, but it really is good. You also don't specifically have to be gay to enjoy pink lemonade, it is a really good drink, I don't know why it became a gay person drink. Maybe because it's pink and people associate pink with femininity, and gay people are feminine. Either way, pink lemonade is something I love and if it wasn't unhealthy, I would drink that instead of water.

I get to my car, throwing the shit I bring to practice in the trunk so it isn't in the car when Julian's in my car. I think he would understand why I have all that stuff in my car, because he's an athlete as well, but it's still not the best to have that in my car.

I drive over to the dorm building, calling Julian when I'm outside. He answers on the first ring. That means something, right?

"Hey, I'm outside," I tell him.

"Cool. I'll be out in a minute," he states very casually.

"Great."

I hang up and wait for him to come out, and when he does, he gets into the passenger seat and daps me up.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Not much, just got out of practice. How bout you?" I respond.

"Not much either. I'm not excited for class to start next week though."

"Did you have good grades last year?"

"Yeah. But I had to use every last braincell on one history essay, and I was lucky as hell it was at the end of the year because I was done by then," he remarks.

"Damn. What history class was it?" I inquire, hoping for it not to be the same one I'm taking.

"It was Medieval Europe. I liked learning about some of that in high school, so I thought it would be a good way to learn more about it, and it was fun, but that essay was such a hassle for me."

"Oh. I'm taking that class this year."

"I still have notes from lectures from last year, as well as a study guide, if you want those," he tells me.

"I don't know. I might need them, but right now I'll try to get through the class without extra help. Thanks though, I appreciate it."

"No problem. Just let me know if you want it, that'll be no problem for me."

"Thanks. Where should we go? I didn't really put thought into what we should do today, so I have no idea."

"It doesn't really matter to me. We can go to a restaurant if you want. I haven't had lunch yet, I don't know if you have," he suggests.

"I haven't had lunch either. I'm just so fucking tired. I'm down to get food if you want, anywhere would be great."

"Alright. You wanna get Raising Cane's?" he asks me.

"Sure. That's really far though, isn't it?"

"It's not that far. I think it's a 30-40 minute drive, but it's worth it, right?"

"Yeah, it is. Could you do GPS? I barely go there," I state and he nods.

"Yup."

He pulls up the GPS and soon enough, we're on our way. 'On our way' is not really the right way to say it because the traffic is making the drive seem way longer than it actually is. LA traffic is alright for me though, because I know if I go anywhere else other than New York or Atlanta, the traffic won't be nearly this bad.

We get to Raising Cane's and I park in the lot outside. Like I said, I rarely go to Raising Cane's, but when I do I love it. It's just inconvenient. I didn't live near there in high school, I don't live near there now, and there were Popeyes closer. I don't have any opinions about which one is better, that's up to you.

I order the Caniac Combo, with 6 pieces of chicken. Fried chicken is unhealthy for me to eat a lot of, but I love it too much to not eat it. It tastes so good and of course it's unhealthy. All the good foods are unhealthy. It's so inconvenient.

"So, I saw you guys lost your game, I'm sorry about that," Julian says.

"Oh, don't worry about it. It was our first game of the season, we needed to find out where we are as a team, and we're actually better than I predicted us to be. We lost, but the offense was great. Cam and Aaron's chemistry is 1000 times better than it was before senior year in high school, and possibly even better than it was in senior year. They played great. It was really on me and the defense, we could've played better."

"I think you played alright given the fact that half of you are freshmen and that's not the best way to start your career, you know, being forced into the game so early. You guys just got out of high school and some of these guys are a year away from the NFL. I feel like the fact that Coach Nelson thinks you guys are good enough to be getting substantial playing time is a compliment itself, because you're playing with future NFL stars. That's impressive, no matter how badly you might play in a given game," he rambles.

"Thanks. I did kind of sell the last play of the game, we probably would've won if I played better defense on a receiver."

"I saw that play, and some football TikTokers were analyzing it. I know that I can't really trust TikTokers on football stuff, but they were all saying it wasn't 100% your fault. You could've done better, but everyone should've been playing more disciplined. Peterson, Wallace, and Reece all could've done their jobs better as well," he states.

"I don't know, I feel like there was still a lot I could've done. But now Derek is pissed at me. I'm kind of starting to hate him honestly. He's being such a dick to me, but like you said, if you look at the tape, he messed up as well. I feel like he's just trying to pin the blame on me."

"I'm sorry about that. I knew people like that in high school, and all you can do is just communicate with him and make sure he knows that you're sorry and try to make it clear that it was not completely your fault. Talking to him is important, don't try to distance yourself from him, that might just exacerbate the situation."

I groan. "I don't want to talk to him though. He is really mad at me and he'll just ignore it when I try to tell him that it was a situation with shared blame," I state.

"Was he angry at you before the game?"

"Yeah."

"Is he homophobic?" Julian asks me and I have to contain my laughter. Maybe Derek is internally homophobic, but he hasn't said anything blatantly homophobic. I think he just doesn't want people knowing.

"No. He isn't. Aaron is one of his best friends and he supports Aaron a lot."

"Okay. Well, I don't know why he would be angry at you then. You're a cool guy, I don't know how someone could have some personal issues with you."

"Thanks. And yeah, I agree, I don't know why he has something against me," I lie. I know exactly why he doesn't fuck with me anymore. Because I know something he doesn't want me knowing. That thing obviously being that he's gay and can't hide that from me anymore.

Me and Julian finish eating and go back to the dorm building. I like hanging out with him. He's cool and I feel like I can be myself with him. Do I have feelings for him? No, I don't think I really have feelings for him. I don't know what changed, but someone telling me that they have feelings for me in person is something that has never happened to me. I think I just needed to put being attracted to someone and actually liking someone into two different categories.

For example, I think and have thought for years that Cameron is beautiful. Do I have feelings for him? No, absolutely not. I also don't think about him sexually. The same goes for Aaron and Devin. They're extremely attractive guys, but I don't and never have had feelings for them. I think the same thing is happening for Julian, even though he's a really nice guy and he's super attractive.

I like hanging out with him, but only really in the way that I like hanging out with Devin and Cameron. Because they're good friends of mine and I feel like I can be myself around them.

Do I still have feelings for Derek even though I'm starting to dislike him? Maybe I do, but they're quickly fading away and will soon be gone if he keeps being a complete ass to me.

A/N: I spent 5 days writing this chapter. The crazy thing is that every single time I thought to myself 'oh, I want to write today,' I would come here, realize that I have to write the scene between Julian and Adrian at Raising Cane's, and I would just lose interest in actually writing it. I finally decided to just power through it despite not really wanting to, but I did it, now I can continue with the story. Thanks for reading!!!!