Chapter 15

Trigger warning: homophobic slur.

Adrian's POV

1 week later...

Today we've got another game. I played alright in our game last weekend, which is good. I need to start playing like that consistently. No big slip ups unlike the first game of the season, which was a disaster for me. Derek hasn't said anything to me for multiple days other than normal teammate shit.

I'm fine with that. As long as he's not actively antagonizing me, I'm chilling. I need to just be by myself for a little bit. I need my head to be clear, nothing on my mind, and that's when I can really start dealing with my still pretty terrible mental health.

Our game today is another home game, which I'm thankful for. I don't want to go somewhere to play a game, and our crowd was super hyped last weekend. After every bad play by our opponent, they would cheer so fucking loud I could barely hear anyone else on the field.

Right now, Coach Nelson is just telling us about what our gameplan should be today. We've gone over this almost every day of the week, which is good. He's getting us prepared for our games very well. We know the ins and outs of the team we're playing, we have long film room sessions, highlighting everything we should be looking out for. The facilities here are so nice, it's like a fucking theater in the film room. It's really comfortable.

"Alright guys, you know what we should be looking out for. Make sure to play hard in the trenches guys. You guys did a great job in the weight room this week, and I hope that can translate into some real differences being made in this game. Even if nothing much happens, I'm proud of you guys for the work you've put in. Just put your all into getting past the offensive line. Colorado does not have a great offensive line, as we saw in the film room."

The defensive line really did do a good job this week in practices. They might be kind of small for defensive linemen, but they are quick. They're like slightly bigger linebackers.

"Also, we will be shifting around the sets. Devin, we might put you in as an edge rusher for a few plays here and there, we might draw up some plays where some of you guys in the secondary blitz as well, anything to pressure their quarterback. He's good. Really good," Coach Nelson states.

He is a good quarterback, but he leads the nation in times getting sacked through 2 weeks. I don't know if that will continue in this game, but they are definitely not a great offensive line unit. They have no idea how to protect their quarterback properly, and that is probably going to be what leads to their eventual implosion. Their quarterback will try to transfer to another school, if he does, that's that, but if he doesn't, that's just gonna cause unbearable tension between him and the rest of the offense. Knowing that you're playing with someone that doesn't want to be playing with you is a horrible thing to know, and you will dislike that person.

Luckily, as far as I know, we don't have anyone like that on our team right now. That would be a disaster and despite football players trying to act tough, that will hurt our feelings.

"Now, for the guys on offense, I want you to really open up lanes in the run game. Their linebacker core is not good. They are all small and slow, which is a terrible combination. Their defensive line is alright though, so make sure to really get the middle of the field open. If there are edge rushers, focus your attention on the guys in the trenches. Clear space for Aaron or DeShaun because that's what we're gonna be targeting. Their pass defense is good, so focus more on the run."

Our run offense, led by Aaron and DeShaun obviously, has been one of the best parts of this team. They have improved so much. Aaron can be put into the game as a receiver now, which was impossible at the beginning of last season, and now DeShaun can consistently be put in as a runner because of how much work he put into the weight room to be a stronger runner.

"Other than that, just try your best out there. This is a rebuilding season, because you know, we have so many freshmen starting or playing most of the time. This is not a season we're trying to win the National Championship. This is a season where we're gonna be looking out for things that we need to improve on as a team. Try your best out there, and have fun," Coach Nelson continues. "Now, let's get out there!"

We run onto the field, carrying our helmets, hearing a roar of cheers from our fans. UCLA games had not this many fans last year, if I can remember correctly. There were not many people that wanted to go to a football game to watch their team lose.

We get back into a huddle, mostly for Coach Nelson to tell us which of us will be at centerfield for the coin toss. We don't have team captains for some reason, mostly because most of the seniors and juniors on this team are terrible.

"Remember what I said everyone. Play hard in the trenches, pressure their quarterback, that's how we're gonna win this game. Cameron, Adrian, and Corey, you three will be at centerfield today," Coach Nelson tells us. Corey is our best defensive lineman. He gets double teamed on almost all the plays, that's why he doesn't make that big of a difference.

Me, Cam, and Corey walk to the middle of the field, and watch as three of Colorado's players come to where we are. I recognize one of them.

Oh shit.

It's that fucking pussy ass bitch Bob from the football camp. He plays cornerback so this is the closest we're gonna be to each other all game, but it's still kind of weird.

He looks at me like he recognizes me as well, and I can see the inbred gears turning in his brain as his face changes once he realizes who I am. He grins at me maliciously like he's about to fucking stab me in the heart. I get tense as he stares at me, 100% tryna get in my head. It is working.

I lowkey forgot about all of them for a little bit, but now seeing him again, I don't really feel safe anymore. Not because he might beat me up, but because he'll get someone else to beat me up. That's what they did every fucking time at the football camp, they just got a defensive or offensive lineman or a linebacker to attack me. They never did anything more than kick me a couple times, but when it's an almost 200 pound guy, the kicks hurt like hell.

"Alright. Since you're the visiting team, you get to pick heads or tails," the ref tells one of the Colorado players.

"We'll pick heads," he answers.

The ref flips the coin and it lands on tails, giving us the option to get the ball first or put the defense out first, and we always put the defense out first. It's a fundamental thing. You can't be getting greedy in the first quarter, it's not worth it.

"We'll defer," Corey says.

I stay on the field for the kickoff, and the game begins. I'm starting this game with Derek, which I'm surprised about. I guess Coach Nelson really thought we played so well in our second game that both of us deserve to start over the upperclassmen.

On the first play, they run the ball, and Devin stops that quickly. Again, we're looking out for specifically run plays, so when they run the ball, we're quick to pounce on them and stop it. Their first possession ends without them getting a single first down, and we run off the field with a successful first defensive possession.

The offense goes out there again, and the first two plays are both run plays, and we get a first down. DeShaun goes into the game as a runningback, with Aaron lining up as a receiver. Cam throws a deep pass to Aaron, who catches it and gets us all the way down to the 5 yard line. On the next play, Cam pretends to be looking for a pass, but instead DeShaun and Aaron clear a path in front of him for him to run the ball in for a touchdown himself.

We take a 7-0 lead, and the defense goes back out. By the way, Bob is the one that was supposed to be defending Aaron on the deep pass play, and he got fucking cooked. I don't even know why he was allowed to start, but it doesn't matter because he still ended up starting for whatever reason. Maybe he played alright in the first games of the season.

On the first play of their second possession, their quarterback throws a pass in me and Derek's direction, and Derek bats it down. If I wasn't so much shorter than Derek I would maybe be able to have bat that pass down, but he's 7 whole inches taller than me. I'm not even that short for a player in the secondary, I'm still 5'9.

We continue to lock them up for the rest of the half, taking a 21-0 lead into the locker room. Me and Derek have not allowed a single reception on our side of the field. We have stayed disciplined all game and have not given up anything.

"Great job out there guys, I really love what I'm seeing from the defense. Offense, I want you to play harder in the trenches. Clear more space for Aaron and DeShaun, because they need more space to get through. Other than that, I'm super happy about your play, and I hope you can continue playing like that," Coach Nelson tells us.

Halftime ends and we get back onto the field. Cam and Aaron continue to look like a fucking perfect duo on the field, picking up another touchdown and putting us up 28-0. Their chemistry is top tier. 2 years ago, this would never have happened, but now they are bringing out the best in each other.

I get an interception on the first play of Colorado's next drive, picking up my first interception of the season and of my college career. It was an easy interception because it was such a terribly thrown ball that the receiver it was 'intended' for had to try to defend me from catching it. Luckily I know how to catch a football better than most defensive backs, so I was able to corral it in, overturning possession.

For the rest of the game, Cam and Aaron continue to look like the best players in the country, and me, Derek, Devin, and Jax continue to clamp up Colorado's offense. Other than one touchdown that was a result of just running the ball over and over again, we didn't give up another touchdown. We won the game 42-7, and our record is now 2-1.

"I'm extremely happy about the way you all played out there tonight guys, and I hope you can play like that all season. It's only the third game and you're already playing so well. I'm glad to be coaching this team and being here for all of your journeys. Offense, you played so well, defense, you played so well. Especially you guys in the secondary. Thanks for holding down that area of the field. Anyways, you guys should get going, it's getting late and you should all get something to eat. Thank you!" Coach Nelson rambles.

Everyone showers and I took some extra time in the shower because it was warm as fuck. It was actually so nice, so I stayed in there for a lil extra time.

After I finished, I walked into the locker room main area again, and Derek, Cameron, and Aaron were the only 3 left other than me. Cam and Aaron were FaceTiming Aaron's mom and Derek was just about to leave.

"Thanks for calling!" I hear Aaron's mom say from his phone.

"Bye mom!" Aaron says, grinning at the screen.

"Bye Ms. Williams!" Cam says, smiling as well.

"Bye boys, have a good night."

She hangs up and Cam and Aaron say bye to me and Derek before they leave together. Derek soon leaves after them, not saying a word to me.

I look down at my phone, and I have multiple notifications from Instagram. I'm not surprised. I haven't checked my phone since before the game started, so it makes sense that I have multiple notifications.

I get fully dressed and check the notifications. A few random guys asking me on a date, which I don't have any desire to go on because they could be creeps. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I like every guy in the world.

I continue to scroll, until I find a DM from that fucking inbred degenerate, Bob, who we just played. This asshole was probably stalking my Instagram.

Josh will fuck you up lil bro

He has friends that will beat you up for being a faggot

Some of them are defensive linemen

They will give you what you deserve

Well, now I'm super fucking scared because linemen are huge and could legitimately fuck me up. I think about this a little too much, and start to panic.

The room starts to shrink around me, and before I know it, my knees are at my chest as I prepare for a panic attack, by myself in the locker room.

Derek's POV

I lowkey think I might have lost any feelings I ever had for Cameron. I no longer really wish I was in Aaron's place, I'm just happy for them, and that's it. Cameron isn't the guy I want to be with more than anything anymore. No one is the guy I want to be with right now. I don't really want to be with anyone anymore. I kind of feel like being alone would be fine with me.

I kind of want pizza for dinner tonight, maybe I can call in and order some. I love pizza, I don't care if it's unhealthy. It tastes so good and especially when you eat it cold the next day. Warm pizza is better, but it's still pretty close.

I reach into my pocket for my phone, and my fucking soul leaves my body as I realize my pocket is empty. That scares me all the time. Sometimes I might just leave my phone at home on purpose when I go out to do something that's gonna be quick, but still, I'm so used to having my phone in my pocket, so it's kind of a jumpscare.

I probably just left it in the locker room, so I'll just have to go back to get it. What kind of toppings do I want on my pizza? Probably olives, mushrooms, and sausage. Don't start saying 'well, well, well' to me liking sausage. Gay people aren't the only people that like sausage.

I walk into the locker room and hear sniffling coming from across the room. I look up and see it's Adrian, his face dug into his knees as he cries by himself.

"Adrian?" I call out softly, walking towards him.

He looks up, his face covered in tears. "Wh-why are-why are you-*sniffle*-being so mean to me?" he asks, voice shaky. My heart fucking shatters at his words.

"What?"

"Why are you being so mean to me?" he repeats, his voice getting less and less shaky.

"I don't know, Adrian. I think it's because you know I'm gay, and I don't want people knowing about that. I've protected that for years."

"I would never out you, Derek, you should know that. You're my friend, I would never do that," he says, still sobbing his eyes out.

"Am I the reason you're crying?" I ask, feeling unbelievably guilty.

"No," he answers, not meeting my gaze.

"What happened?" I ask and he shakes his head at me.

"Nothing."

I realize that he's having a panic attack right now, and I'm not really helping him. I sit down next to him and rub his back, trying to make him feel safer.

"Hey, I'm right here. You're safe with me, Adrian," I tell him quietly. "Just breath with me, okay?"

He nods at me and starts breathing normally again.

"Everything's gonna be alright, Adrian, everything's gonna be alright," I tell him and he nods again. I feel like I'm gonna cry because I'm not being a help to him. I need to be there for him. From now on, I have to really start actively trying to make sure Adrian's alright.

"Thanks Derek. Sorry," he apologizes for no reason.

"Why are you sorry? You've done nothing at all, Adrian. I'm the one that should be sorry, I was such a dick to you for basically no reason."

"Well, I know that you're gay, that's not no reason."

I chuckle a little. "That is basically no reason. I should've trusted you from the start. I should've known full well that you would never out me," I state. "You're right, you are my friend, and I should be trusting my friends."

"But I mi-" he starts but I cut him off.

"No, I really have no reason to have treated you like that, Adrian. From now on, I'm gonna be the person you can talk to if you ever want to talk to someone, alright?"

He nods at me and I wrap my arms around him, hugging him while he's still scrunched up with his knees at his chest.

"So, what was this about?" I ask.

"Nothing," he looks away.

"Hey, look at me," I get his attention and he looks at me, his eyes glossy. "Please tell me. I don't want you to go through this without someone by your side trying to make it better."

"Okay," he looks back down. "I was stupid for going to that football camp, I'm gonna be honest. It was a terrible decision, and I was called so many homophobic slurs. I was hit, Derek. They hit me," his breathing starts getting strained again, and he pulls his knees even closer.

"Hey, hey, I'm right here, okay? I won't hurt you Adrian. You're safe with me, okay?"

He smiles at me weakly and continues. "Anyways, they found my Instagram and have been sending me some fucking horrible things. Telling me to kill myself, how they're gonna beat me up when they play us, all that shit."

"We're playing them this season?" I ask and he nods.

"Yeah. One of them was on Colorado, but he was on defense so we were not on the field at the same time. He told me that one of his friends is gonna come here and beat me up with his defensive linemen teammates."

"If that happens, I swear to God I will fuck them all up and they will regret ever trying to mess with you," I state, truthfully.

"Thanks, but you probably shouldn't. If they do that, they'll get in trouble, but if you retaliate, you might get in trouble too."

"I don't care. You don't deserve to be treated like that, and I still can't believe how big of an asshole I was by treating you the way I did."

"It's okay, Derek. Don't worry about it. I'll be okay," he says.

"Adrian, can you hand me your phone?" I ask.

"Uh, okay," he hands me his phone, which is on Instagram.

"I'm gonna make you a new account, and this one will be private, okay?" I say and he nods.

I set up a new account for Adrian and hand him his phone back. He scrolls through it a couple times and looks at me again.

"So no one can DM me here?" he asks and I nod.

"Yeah. No one can DM you now. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm here for you, Adrian. I will help you with any issues you have. If you want to talk to someone, I will listen to you. If you want me to help you with homework, I'll try to help you even though you're probably smarter than me."

"Thanks, Derek."

"No problem."

I stand back up and hold out my hand to help him get off the bench, and he takes it. I pull his hand and pull him into another hug.

"I'm sorry, Adrian. I'll help you get through this, alright?"

"Okay," he says. "Can we be friends again?"

I pull away from the hug for a moment and look into his eyes. "Yes, of course we can be friends again."

"Cool. I miss our friendship, you were cool."

"You were cool too. Do you wanna get something to eat?" I ask and he nods.

"Yeah, I need something to eat. I kinda want pizza."

"I was just about to order that. Let's go," I say, grabbing my phone off the bench.

The two of us leave, and I'm glad we're friends again. I could barely look at Adrian when he was having his panic attack, that really hurt me to see. He's such a positive person, but seeing him crying was horrible.

I'm gonna have to protect Adrian. I need to be by his side and help him through the shit he's going through right now, because he doesn't deserve any of it.

"So, we're good now?" I ask.

"Yeah. Thanks for paying for the pizza," he says and I laugh at him.

"I never said I would pay, but it's fine, I'll pay."

We're good now.

A/N: This is by far my favorite chapter so far, for obvious reasons. I feel like I'm getting vibes from when Cam and Aaron became friends again in the last book, and I wanted to create a similar environment here. Derek is going to become the sweetest character I've ever written before in the next 10 chapters, and you will start to love him. Thanks for reading!!!