If You Love Me: Chapter 16

“Grace is playing clean tonight,” Vander Zee observes as our enforcer gains control of the puck and shoots it to Bright, who takes it back down the ice, toward the opposition’s net.

“He is.” I follow the puck as Bright passes to Hendrix, then Grace, and back to Bright.

“The change up with Palaniappa was smart. I’m not the only one who’s noticed,” he adds.

I feel like I’m slowly earning my place here, becoming the asset he expects me to be. “They’re playing with their skill set now, not their emotions.”

It was a potentially risky move, especially with two less-seasoned players on the first defensive line, but over the past two weeks, it’s allowed other players to shine, and Madden can handle the pressure. More than that, he needs to see how the rest of the players can elevate their game when given the chance, so he can do the same. If things continue on this trajectory, we could make some gains in the second half of the season. Two Cup wins in a row is rare, but making it to the finals would be great for team morale. And for Roman’s final season.

The commentators have picked up on the shift, and while they agree that it’s been good for on-ice performance, they continue to bring up the glaring issue that Grace and Madden still aren’t spending much time on the ice together. But during the last press conference, when Grace was interviewed, he credited me with the line change, and said he and Palaniappa work well together.

It makes what happened with Roman at the holiday party even more conflicting. Fraternization between staff and players is highly frowned upon. Being discovered could wipe out all the positive gains I’m making, yet my desire for him is a physical ache. I watched the situation with Hemi and Dallas unfold on social media last year, and while it was managed well, this is so much different. An assistant coach and a player in a relationship could jeopardize the entire team. Vander Zee and Fielding’s leadership could be called into question. And if handled incorrectly, it will invariably ruin my career.

So there’s really no choice but to give each other space until the end of the season. The holiday party was one transgression—a mistake made of hormones and pent up longing. Once he’s retired and there’s distance between my role and his, we can pursue this.

But can we be alone and not act on the chemistry? If he hadn’t knocked over the chair that night, how far would it have gone? I shake my head and focus on the game, not the member of the team whose hands and lips I can’t stop thinking about.

Toronto wins 2-1. It’s particularly satisfying since we lost the last game against Detroit. I’ve learned that on nights like this, some of the players will hit the club. But Fee and Callie are here, so I fully expect to head straight home.

“I vote we go out for dessert tonight,” Rix says.

Hemi perks up. “I’m a fan of dessert.”

“There’s a coffeehouse not far from my place that has the best cakes and ice cream sundaes. And I have class tomorrow at ten, so it’ll ensure I get to bed at a reasonable time,” Rix adds.

“Hemi and I have an early meeting with the women’s team, so this is perfect,” Hammer agrees.

“I never say no to cake and ice cream.” Shilpa pulls out her phone. “I’ll let Ash know, and he can tell the rest of the boys.”

I send a message to Dred, on the off chance she can get out of work a little early. She couldn’t make the game because she runs the adult evening literacy program.

Half an hour later, we’ve taken over most of the cafe. Two of the girls behind the counter have died and gone to Flip Madden heaven. He signs hats and poses for pictures before he joins us at the table.

“This is ridiculously good. We should bring something home for Nate,” Rix says as she passes the spoon back to Tristan.

“How’s his hunt for an apartment going?” Flip asks.

“He’s still looking, but we’ve told him there isn’t a rush,” Tristan replies.

Rix hugs his arm. “Bachelor apartments are small, and he’s trying to save for a one bedroom. Finding something affordable is always the issue in the city.”

“There’s still a room at my place,” Flip offers. “It’s his if he wants it, for however long he wants it.”

“Thanks, man.” Tristan holds the spoon up to Rix’s lips.

Knowing that Rix came from a house where they didn’t always have enough makes me appreciate even more how soft Tristan can be with her.

Dallas and Hemi seem to be in a world of their own, while Ash and Shilpa trade their sundaes every few bites. Hollis sits with his arm across the back of Hammer’s chair, his thumb sweeping back and forth along her shoulder.

There’s so much love in this room, and so much pent-up tension flowing between me and Roman. He’s seated across the table, and it takes all of my willpower not to cross my legs and brush my foot against his calf, just for the connection.

Callie is as close to him as she can be without sitting in his lap. I feel you, girl. She’s abandoned her own sundae for his, and he doesn’t seem to mind one bit. They’re also playing tic-tac-toe on the back of a menu, and he lets her win every time. I’m doing my best to keep my eyes anywhere but on him. It’s tough though, getting to see this soft side of him, while knowing what a filthy demon he can be behind closed doors.

Flip is next to me, shoveling ice cream into his face at a ridiculous speed.

“Are you even tasting that?” I ask.

“Fu–dge. I’m eating like I was raised in a barn, aren’t I?” He sets his spoon down and wipes chocolate syrup from his chin.

“I mean, it is December. There’s a pretty slim chance it’ll melt on you.”

He laughs. “Fair. I’ve been told I eat like it’s always my last meal.”

He glances toward the other end of the table where Fee and Tally talk animatedly. Tally’s new boyfriend, who didn’t come to the holiday party because he had a family thing, pokes at his cake and stares at his phone.

“I don’t know about that guy.” Flip stabs a chunk of brownie.

“Peggy says he’s kind of quiet,” Roman muses as he puts a green crayon O on the tic-tac-toe board.

“Tally’s boyfriend?” Callie asks.

“Mm-hmm.”

“He doesn’t have a favorite player on the Terror. He said he roots for New York, probably because they have Kodiak Bowman,” Callie says.

“Bowman is an excellent player,” Roman says.

“He has pretty eyes and great scoring stats.” Callie puts her hand on his arm and gives him an empathetic smile. “So you shouldn’t feel too bad if he scores on you when you play them next.”

“Are you expecting me to let a goal in for him?” he asks playfully.

“Of course not!” She huffs. “I’m just saying every game can’t be perfect, and Kodiak has very strong stick-handling skills. Also, I heard he used to play hockey in his crib, so he was born to be on the ice.”

Roman asks her what else she knows about Bowman, and I glance over at Tally. It doesn’t matter how many games that guy comes to, he never really warms up. “Is this her first boyfriend?” I ask Flip.

“I think so. It’s the first guy she’s brought to games, anyway,” he says. “I get that we all make mistakes, but I don’t know. As someone who’s made a ton of them, I’m not sure it was best for me to learn all those lessons the hard way.” He sighs. “I don’t want to see her get screwed around.”

“We all experience heartbreak,” I say, surprised at his openness and protectiveness for Tally.

“That’s the truth. She has a real soft heart though. You just hope the person you fall for will give back what they get. It’s a real taint punch when you realize you were the only one in it for love.” He shakes his head. “Jeez. I need to stop watching reality dating shows with Dred.”

I smile, but from the sound of it, someone hurt him. Badly.

“I miss Dred! You’re so lucky you get to live next door to her,” Callie says.

Flip smiles. “She’s a good friend to have. Honest, loyal, and good at board games.”

“I feel the same way. She’s a rare gem. She’s doesn’t place expectations on people.”

“She feels seen with you,” Flip confides and motions to the table. “These girls have been good for her.”

“She’s been good for me and the girls, too,” I reply.

“We all need a friend like her in our lives.” I could try to use this as a segue to dig into his history with Grace, but I don’t want to make it about that. Not when he’s being real and honest and making me and the girls feel like part of their family.

“Ugh. I’m so full.” Callie pushes Roman’s sundae toward him and wilts against his side.

“You want me to finish my sundae for you?” Roman asks cheekily.

“Please.” She slides her arm through his and hugs it, rubbing her eyes with her fists.

I’d be worried about her eating all this sugar so late in the evening, but they’re off school for the holidays, so she can sleep in tomorrow morning.

Roman and I exchange a smile, and he digs into his dessert, finishing what she couldn’t. Twenty minutes later, we’re ready to go, but Callie is completely passed out.

“I’ll carry her to the car. It’s my fault she crashed so hard with all the sugar I let her eat,” Roman offers.

“I could have stopped her,” I argue.

“I’ll own this one.”

I quickly hug the girls goodbye before Roman scoops Callie up and carries her to the waiting car. Our fingers brush as I help secure her seat belt, and it’s everything I can do not to huff his cologne. The memory of that kiss, of his hands on my skin and tongue sweeping my mouth still feels fresh.

“Thank you. You were really sweet with her tonight,” I whisper as I carefully close the door.

“Honestly, it was my pleasure. Drive safe, Lexi.” He holds my door open while I climb into the driver’s seat. “’Night, Fee. I’ll see you again soon.”

She waves and smiles. “Bye, Roman.”

He steps back and waves as we exit the lot.

“Roman’s a really good guy, isn’t he?” Fee muses.

“Yeah, he is.” He’s the complete package.

She glances over her shoulder, checking on her sister in the back seat. “Callie loves him.”

“Yeah, she basically ate his sundae tonight, and he let her.”

“Sounds like Callie.” She leans her head against the rest. “This team feels like a family.”

“It is.” I give her a soft, sad smile. “I know no one can replace Mom and your dad, but it’s nice to have people in our lives who fill some of those empty spaces.”

“Yeah. I’m glad we moved here, Lex.”

“Me, too.”

And that’s the reminder I need to watch myself with Roman. Fee and Callie have already lost too much. They can’t lose this new family, too.