Chapter 5

On Monday morning, all my anxieties came barrelling in, breaking through the walls I'd spent a week building. I could feel tingles in my fingertips from the moment I woke up. Classes never made me nervous, so I knew, without doubt, what was causing this reaction.

The possibility of seeing Justin.

I'd well and truly accepted it was going to happen, but that didn't curve the paranoia pulsing through me as I stood in the line at the campus café. When I walked through the doors, I scanned the tables, keen to spot him if he was around. It would give me the advantage, or at least give me a few extra minutes to prepare. But he wasn't there.

I made it through my mid-morning coffee and croissant without seeing him. I had even chosen a spot in the corner where I could view the whole room and the two entrances. But no, he didn't show.

Then I walked to my first class and sat through an introduction lecture without event. It calmed me down somewhat, knowing he wouldn't be there. Justin was older than me and had started university a year earlier, so he was highly unlikely to be in any of my classes.

When I went to the campus bookstore, which was crowded with students eager to purchase their course materials, I was sure he'd pop up out of nowhere and surprise me like he had that time at the bar. But he didn't. In fact, I didn't see Justin at all on Monday.

Surprisingly, I felt disappointed, which was also frustrating. I shouldn't be disappointed, but I hyped myself up so much about what I would say to him that I couldn't help it. Now I was annoyed all the stress was for nothing.

On Tuesday, I felt a little better. Justin hadn't made an appearance and I almost forgot about him. I even managed to order coffee and lunch at the café and eat the whole sandwich without worrying he would walk through the door.

It was a nice day, so I chose to sit outside where the sun could provide a little extra warmth. I was flicking through one of my new textbooks when a familiar, intoxicating scent caught my attention. I sat upright as a shadow loomed over me. I knew exactly who it was without turning around.

Justin held a coffee out in front of me. "Hey, Ellie Bean. Can I join you?" Ellie Bean. I wasn't sure how I felt about him using my childhood nickname so often.

"S-sure," I stuttered, cringing at the fact I couldn't seem to function in front of him. At the bar, I was coming up blank and couldn't respond. Now I was tripping over my words, and we hadn't even started a real conversation yet. It was kind of pathetic.

I cleared my throat as he moved to the other side of the table, coming into full view. "Is that for me?" I questioned, trying to be confident and trying to ignore how good he looked up close. Sitting outside prevented me from keeping an eye on both entrances to the café. He obviously snuck in the other door without me noticing and ordered two coffees. One for him, and apparently one for me.

Justin's lips turned up in a smirk. "Skinny macadamia latte," he announced confidently as he sat down. I still couldn't believe he knew my favourite order. He really did pay attention to me all those times we stood in line together in awkward tension. At least, it was tense on my side. I had no idea what he was thinking or feeling.

I reached for it, and as my hand grazed his, I felt that all-consuming tingle return to my fingertips. My heart started racing and I did everything I could to remain neutral. It hadn't done that since last week. I couldn't let him see how his presence affected me.

Now it was Justin's turn to clear his throat. He placed both his hands around his coffee cup and shifted slightly. Did he feel the same thing? Unlikely. It was just me and my undefined emotions going haywire.

"Thank you for the coffee," I said awkwardly. "You didn't have to do that." It was the second time he'd bought me one, and the second time he caught me off guard.

"No worries," he replied. "I saw you sitting all alone out here and thought you might like a little company."

That was a daring assumption. "And what if I enjoy being alone?" I questioned boldly.

Justin shrugged, but gave me a smile. "Well then, maybe I don't like being alone."

I pursed my lips, finding it hard to tell if he was being sarcastic or not. I very rarely saw him on his own. He usually had a group of friends hanging around. If I saw him walking through campus, there was always at least one other person with him. It was one of the reasons I never approached him. That, and I was obviously a wimp.

I gave my own little shrug. "You are a people person." I also remembered what he was like at Uni Bar. However hard I tried to ignore him that night, it was impossible not to see someone so confident and outgoing. His presence was enough to draw anyone's eyes to him. I also remembered the girls giving him their undivided attention.

He took a sip of his coffee then, avoiding my eyes. "Not all people."  What did that mean? Justin seemed to notice my questioning expression and changed the subject. "Is that the textbook for, what's it called?" he clicked his fingers, trying to remember the name of the class. "Something to do with business innovation and creativity?"

I nodded, wondering how he knew the class. "Have you taken it?"

"I have. It's a mandatory class in the hospitality management major."

Another surprise. We were doing the same business degree. Although, it did make sense considering his father's successful hotels. I was ashamed to admit that I'd given into temptation and googled his family business last week. The Harts now owned three major hotels. One in Sydney, another in Brisbane and a new one on the Gold Coast.

"I'm majoring in the same thing," I smiled. "Do you have a sub-major?" I was curious to know if he was only taking business classes or if he was branching out into something else, like me.

"Accounting. What about you?" he asked, now seemingly invested in our conversation.

I hesitated for a moment. Our fathers went to university together and went down the same path supporting each other before disaster struck. It made sense their children would follow in their footsteps. And I was, sort of. Would Justin find it odd that I was interested in other areas?

"Child and Community Studies," I admitted.

His eyebrows rose in surprise. "That's a little far out of the field. What made you choose that?"

"I don't know, I'm just interested in it, I guess." I was shrugging my shoulders a lot today.

He looked like he wanted to ask another question, but just then someone called out to him. Justin stood up to greet a guy in a heavy leather jacket and a manbun.

I took the chance to pack up my belongings. Justin briefly introduced us with no information other than our names and gave me a quizzical look as I lifted my bag over my shoulder.

He said goodbye to his mate, Jimbo. I had to assume it was a nickname for Jim, or James, or something of the like. When he turned back to me, he looked a little disappointed, or was it worried? "Heading off?"

I placed a palm on the textbook I held against my chest as I stood up. "My lecture starts soon."

"Ah." He still looked disappointed as he picked up his backpack and empty coffee cup. He threw it into the recycle bin close by. Somehow, during our short conversation, he managed to finish it. I'd only taken a few sips. "Is that class still in the north building? I'll walk with you."

Oh. How was I supposed to respond to that? I thought sitting together and discussing our majors was a huge deal. Now he wanted to walk me to class. Why? He probably just had a tutorial nearby. Instead of questioning him, I remembered what I said to Sascha yesterday. I would make an effort. "Okay."

We walked in silence until we were halfway. That was when he made me an offer. "You know, I ended up buying a book from the additional readings list for this class. It came in really handy for the group assignment. You can borrow it if you like?"

That brought me up short. Why would he offer to lend me something? We barely knew each other. The paste twelve years didn't count. "Yeah, maybe, thanks," I said, unsure if he really meant it. The book would come in handy, no doubt. I hated group assignments. There was always one slacker who barely contributed, and my perfectionism ensured I ended up doing the bulk of the work. Any help I could get would be a godsend.

When we reached a fork in the path, one way leading to the north building and the other to a smaller one full of tutor rooms, we said our goodbyes.

"Thanks again for the coffee, and for walking with me," I nodded, hoping I sounded polite and not uncomfortable. Even though I questioned his motives about walking me to class, I had to admit it was nice of him to buy me a coffee. His Hot Café Guy status was peaking now.

Justin smiled his gorgeous smile. "Anytime. Let me know if you want to borrow that book someday." Someday? Was that him saying he wanted to hang out again? No, that was probably just me overthinking it. "See you 'round, Ellie."

"Bye." I kept my eyes on him as he walked down the other path. He called me Ellie. Not Ellie Bean. Just Ellie.

Why did that disappoint me so much?

...

It felt nice to have dinner with my dad. Our schedules didn't always line up, what with him working so much and me working or in classes at odd hours. Today we managed to be home at the same time, so he made pasta and we sat down at the kitchen counter to eat together.

The counter was littered with my books and papers from class. I was writing due dates in my date book so I could keep on top of my workload while he cooked.

We spoke about his day and how he was considering a remodel of the penthouse suite at the hotel. It lead to a discussion about making sure finances were in the right place and how it would affect the off season. He brought up Sawyer's contributions at their meeting today and I felt a little guilty. I was lying to my father about seeing Sawyer. It made me wonder if he'd be more disappointed in me for seeing him or for getting involved with the Harts.

Dad mistook my worried expression. "How are your classes this semester? Did you take another social studies elective?"

I looked up at him, knowing I could be honest about this. That was something, at least. "I am. Only one this semester though, the rest are the mandatory classes."

He placed his utensils carefully on his plate and gave me his full attention. He was starting to look his age, with silver streaks running through the sides of his dark hair and crow's feet at the corner of his brown eyes. Mid-fifties still looked good on him. "Darling, I hope you know that I support you with this, with you exploring other interests."

I shifted uncomfortably. "I know, Dad." He had never forced me into a business degree and always made it known I could choose whichever path I wanted in life. I'd chosen my degree based on what would help me run his business one day. I was his only child. What would happen to all his hard work if I didn't eventually take over? Would all his success amount to nothing if I chose to do something else?

Dad placed his hand over mine. "No matter what, all of it's yours. You can be as involved as you want to be in the business, whatever you choose.. You will always own the controlling shares." He was overcompensating, reminding me of my inheritance. The disappointments I'd faced in life worried him and he didn't want to be another source of pain. He didn't want to force me into anything.

I took hold of his hand. "I know, Daddy. I'm still deciding what I want to do."

"Okay," he said eventually.

"Okay," I repeated, and then we continued eating the dinner he made for us.

When we were finished, we cleaned the dishes together. I was drying the plates when my phone rang loudly on the corner of the island bench.

I dried my hands and reached for it. Sascha. "Hey stranger," I answered.

"Girl, it's been two days," she said in mock annoyance. "I don't even know who you are anymore."

I chuckled. "Only you consider two days a lifetime," I reminded her. Typical Sascha being overly dramatic. I loved her for it. "What's up?"

"Well," she began, dragging out the word. That wasn't a good start. "How do you feel about going camping this weekend?"

"Camping?" I questioned in horror. My dad laughed, not needing to hear the other end of the conversation. She had to be joking.

Sascha launched into a spiel so I couldn't interrupt, knowing how I would protest. What a ridiculous thing to suggest. "So, Dale and his mates go on this annual camping trip in memory of his brother Daniel. Don't ask now, I'll tell you all about it later. It's a long story." I felt my stomach drop. In memory? I didn't know Dale had lost a brother. "Anyway, he invited me along this year and suggested to bring you as well, so that I had a close friend. There will be other girls there, of course, like Darcy, but it wouldn't be the same. I know classes just started, but that makes this time great because nothing is due yet, and we can find a temp to replace you at work on Saturday. And you know, I don't know what to say or do. I've never had a boyfriend who's lost someone so close to him before."

I shook my head. That was a lot to take in. "I wouldn't know either," I assured her.

"It would be really good if you came, to support me, supporting him, if that makes sense." It did, sort of.

"Sass, we don't camp. We don't even glamp." My dad laughed again and I threw the dish towel at him. It was true.

"I know," she whined. "But we won't have to get anything besides sleeping bags. Dale has a tent and an air mattress for us. Please? I'd really like to be there, but it will be a little weird without a friend. Plus you'll know Darcy and Justin as well, so it won't be just me to talk to."

She didn't need to beg, or to ask again. Of course I would go. "I guess we're going camping then," I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.

Camping. In a tent. Overnight. With Justin.

I now had a whole new set of worries.