Chapter 55: "You read my diary?"

Warning! Crude language! Mentions of Self-Harm!

Audrey and me were standing in the freezing air, waiting for Manny to come pick us up. Audrey wasn't coming home with me, but I insisted we drop her off at her house instead of her walking in 20° weather.

"Lidia, I think walking to my house is going to be quicker than waiting for Mantis." Audrey complained.

"Audrey for the last time, his name is Manny. Not Mantis." I grumbled back.

"Lidia, it's not nice to call people mammoths." She playfully tutted. I smacked her head but immediately regretted it when my bare hand felt the freezing air.

All of a sudden a car horn blasted and it scared not only me and Audrey, but two other girls and a boy who screamed with a very high pitched voice. "Hey Lids, how's it goin?" Manny rolled down the window and shouted.

I grabbed Audrey's arm-despite it being cold-and ran as fast as my out of shape body could take. "Hey, I told my friend we would drop her off. Is that okay?"

He looked at Audrey in the back seat. "Course! The more the merrier! Also, Merry Christmas! Although it doesn't feel like Christmas, does it?" He laughed.

"Hey I know this is totally unnecessary but Lidia called you a mammoth." Audrey blurted out playfully.

Manny gasped in fake-hurt "Lidia Candice! Oh-you've wounded me." He said and acted like he was hit in the heart with an arrow.

"Oh be quiet. And I didn't call you a mammoth. I called you by your name." I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever makes you feel better at night." Audrey tilted her head. We all bursted into laughter. I wish I could frame that moment. Me in the front seat clutching my stomach from laughing so hard. Audrey wiping a tear from her eye in the backseat and Manny's forty year old dad-face making tea kettle noises while trying to drive.

"Pull into this neighborhood." Audrey suddenly got quiet as we pulled into a not-so-good-looking neighborhood.

I frowned. So this is why she doesn't like me coming over. "Hey, is that a trampoline?" I suddenly ask.

"Yeah?" Audrey replied curiously.

"I want one!" I excitedly say. I don't want to make my best friend feel bad because her house isn't as big as mine or in a nice neighborhood like mine.

"Well Lidia you could probably buy the trampoline company if you wanted." She said in mild disbelief.

"Maybe. Then I could send you a new trampoline for each of your birthdays. Then you could build a trampoline castle." I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah okay. Well I'll see you later. Bye!" She called out as she hurried up her driveway.

"She seems nice." Manny commented as the car was set into drive.

"She is. A little odd, but nice nonetheless." I smiled.

He gave me a sad, knowing smile. "Well how was your trip!"

I shifted in my seat. "Good. I got into a fight and won, obviously. My cabin won first place and they wanted to give me the trophy but I refused and gave it to one of my teammates. She also happened to be the one I got into a fight with."

He had a look of disbelief "Woah, a White turning down a trophy? Is hell freezing over?"

I chuckled. "No but a certain friend told me my family needs to be humbled."

He chuckled along with me. "Man, he sounds smart."

"Eh on the occasion." I added to our playful banter. He laughed though the sad look never once left his eyes.

He put the car in park as we stopped in front of the house. "Just like old times, isn't it?" He said.

I giggled. "I guess so."

"Hey Lidia, do you want me to walk you in?" He suggested.

I scrunched my face in confusion. "Why would you do that?"

"Oh no reason. But um hey, your brothers love you. Always remember that." He nodded.

"Okay?" I said and stepped out and waved as he drove off. "Weird." I said under my breath as I opened the front door.

I walked down the corridor and into the living room. I was looking at my phone-Audrey had just texted me-while talking. "So I um just wanted to say I'm really sorry for what happened at ca-" I finally looked up and saw all of my brothers in the living room, facing me. I looked down to see a bloodied up Carl. I gasped in shock, "What the hell did you do to him?" My eyes went wide.

"Mind explaining this?" Luke darkly said as he held up my diary.

I dropped my phone as my jaw dropped. I looked to the book then back at Luke then at all of my brothers. I looked back to Luke, my eyes narrowing. I straightened up. I walked forward, past Carl, and right in front of Luke. I didn't break eye contact once.

"You read my diary?" I steely said.

He narrowed his own eyes at me. "Yes, and it's a good thing too-"

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up." My voice didn't waver as words came out of my mouth.

"Excuse me?" He asked.

"Are you deaf? I said Shut. The. Fuck. Up." I narrowed my eyes. My 5'4 frame was small compared to his 6'4 stature.

"Lidia I will no-" He began.

"No. I will not be violated like this. You had no right to read it. Any of you!" I shouted. They had all betrayed me. All of them. It's known around the world that diaries are private. They are not some magazine you find at the hair salon.

"Lidia you were being abused!" James shouted back.

I snapped my neck over to him. "Yeah I was! I was abused! Do you know what that's like?" I sharply asked.

"I know that your supposed to te-" he started.

"But do you know the pain of seven broken ribs? Do you know the pain of fire scorching your skin?  Do you know the pain of a belt whipping those broken ribs and burns?" I coldly stated.

His eyes widened as he shook his head no. "No." He meekly whispered.

"Didn't think so." I sharply hissed.

"Now Lidia we're just trying to help! You don't need to be so-" Luke said, turning my attention back to him.

I stared my eldest brother in the eyes. He looked at me with those same eyes and said he trusted me. If he truly trusted me he wouldn't have had looked through my diary. No words were spoken, just my look of disappointment matched against Luke's look of despair.

Luke broke eye contact first and the whole room erupted in gasps. "If I wanted your help, I would've asked." I said and turned to go upstairs.

"Lidia, please come back down here!" This time it was Zack who called out to me.

"Why? So you can cuddle me and tell me how I should've told you guys? Well guess what? You're all hypocrites! You say that family doesn't keep secrets from each other when your the ones running a fucking mafia!"

All of their jaws dropped. Even if it was two millimeters, they still dropped. "H-how d-did you find ou-" Jesse stammered.

I glared at them. "Well when your cooped up in a giant house you're bound to go exploring. Don't worry, I won't tell. I haven't told anyone in about two months."

And with that, I left them with their thoughts. It may seem cruel since I know exactly what happens if you're alone with them for too long, but it doesn't matter. They hurt me. Perhaps even worse than Carl himself.

My door slammed shut as I hurriedly locked it. I got my favorite blanket and sat on my chair on the balcony. Screw 20° weather. How did they find it? It's like they were purposefully looking for it. Did they send me away on that trip just so they could snoop through my room?

Betrayal has never hurt so badly. I stood up. I haven't done it in so long. So very long. And yet it feels like I have to do it right now. So, I did.

I walked over to my bathroom. I found my razor that I use to shave my armpits and broke it. I slid down the wall of the bathroom and stared at the gray piece of sharp metal. Tears finally cascaded down my cheeks as I pulled down my pants. I took the metal and sliced my upper thigh, where shorts would cover it. I looked over at previous cuts that had scarred over. I looked back and saw the thick red blood running down my thigh and onto the floor of the bathroom.

A quiet sob ricocheted throughout my body. I held my head with hands as I dropped the razor. It seemed like the only sounds were the noise of the razor hitting the ground and my sobs.

I quickly raised my head and reached over for some toilet paper. I dabbed it on the cut. I held that against my leg as I went into my closet and reached for my first aid kit that always had my back. I quickly bandaged myself-like I had many times before-pulled up my pants and walked back over to my balcony like nothing ever happened.

It wasn't nighttime so I couldn't yet talk to the moon but I could stare at the forest.

I don't know how authors could kill off their mc 😭 I cried writing this chapter. She doesn't deserve any of this. No one does. Reminder that if you think no one cares, they do. I care, and at least 4 other ppl do too. Trust me, I've been there. Tbh I wouldn't be here if it weren't for this book. I hope you have an amazing day and if you need someone to talk to I'm always here. I hope you liked it and dont forget to vote, comment, and obviously like :)