Short Story - Dreams are alternate realities

I read somewhere that 70% of dreams are actually our alternate realities

Could that be true? If so, does that mean that in all walks of life except for this one, my heart is tethered to you?

It's winter quarter when we come back. We didn't talk much during Fall. I met you once at our favorite coffeeshop. I told my journal how mystical our connection was- how I would see you everywhere you weren't. How when I moved back in I could've sworn I saw your old room's layout right where a barren bed laid. How somehow we always came back to each other- your mom and sister know about my days.

When we come back and we see each other, for the first time in months, it's back at our signature coffee shop. You ordered before me this time, and I cheekily ask you, "come here often?" and you give me an eye roll and a scoff.

You tell me how you stopped coming due to distance- at some point it got too hard to convince yourself to make the trek. I tell you how this is now my sweet spot for studying, and for the first time I don't tell you, "you should try it!" and instead put my feelings into words. "If you're free anytime, maybe we can study together- you can tell me about the characters in your physics problems and we can go down Internet rabbit hole when we get fed up."

You're taken back, and in an instant I shut down. So much for using my words. But then you say "maybe" and say you'll get back to me. Surprisingly, I tell you about your track record. How your "maybe" means no. In that instance I blurt out that I really meant what I wrote about you last summer and that I like hanging out with you even though sometimes I'm a bundle of stutters and chokes.

You tell me then you'll text me. It's the first week of the new quarter so we stay behind. For the second time we stay there talking until closing- "I'll see you Saturday at opening time."

From there we grow closer and my dreams of friendship come true. You come to learn about me and my difficulties. You're still so stable- I always tell you how I look up to you. Every once in a while you tell me you're proud of me. Sometimes you send me texts about your day. When your roommate leaves for the weekend you ask me to come over. We talk about stupid shit until you fall asleep and I tuck you in for bed.

Finally one night I get bold. We go to the beach after a late lunch. We fight atop a thin towel and I pin you down to assert my competitive nature. I look at you with temptation but get off and laugh at how I won. You say nothing until we're just laying besides each other and I slowly creep my hand towards yours. I look at you- your eyes look elsewhere. Then I feel your pinky grace my own. We interlock our fingers slowly. My face is on fire and I can't believe you're doing this on your own. I look at you and you're smiling. I exhale deeply and I relax my bones.

The next few years are a blur. There's fights and complications but we always come out on top. And then it's almost graduation and we're going in similar directions, but per usual, good things become bad things quite soon.

You tell me you decided to do a program back in your homestate- we're eastcoast and westcoast girls through and through. I ask why you never told me- you say "I love you too much to hurt you." You know I'm always supportive. I can't hold you back, you're a shooting star. You say we can work long distance, just like the past few summers. "It's not too hard."

I head back to LA and you're in the orange state, we call every morning and night. But after a year you make a surprise trip to my apartment. You tell me a guy asked you out and you're going on a date. I'm stunned at first and I say nothing. You restate it as if I didn't hear. You say I was your first relationship and you want to try other options. You want to date a guy. You don't want me- a girl.

You tell me you know it's been hard for me. Overlooking so many LA cools. After a hearty farewell you say you'll always love me - "we're best friends first."

You kiss me one last time and I'm glad you didn't tell me sorry, though I hope that's what you feel in your heart. "You'll always be my first love." I grab your hand and give you my most sincere sentiments, "You know you'll always be my last."

Years go by and now we're about to enter our 30s. You and the guy stay together and he commits. I can't be a bridesmaid at your wedding, it's too awkward, but I sit by your family and your sister drunkenly tells me that she wishes I married you instead.

A year down the line you have a child. A daughter with your signature hair and eyes. She has the lightest outline of freckles- I see your influence in her expanding mind.

I'm out and about but still single. No love has ever felt as intense as it did with you. I see stability in creating a future with certain people, but it's not love, it's settling for mediocre blues.

After 3 years of marriage, you divorce him and it makes my own frontline news. There's no major fight that happens, but you realize a married life with him isn't the image of bliss that once was. There are weird comments here and there, and you tell me what pisses you off the most was how he viewed our past relationship. Found it weird that you once loved a girl- when he's drunk he tends to get jaded. We talk it out and you cry a lot and one night it gets to be too much. You tell me you thought he was "the one" and I can't hold you any longer and I have to get out.

All this time you knew I still loved you. How much I believed in the fact that we were destined to be. You once told me the same thing - we were on the campus hammock. You said I made you start to believe in illogical thinking.

You cry and say you can't believe how selfish I'm being- and what you're saying is true. But damn all these years I guess you were dragging me along. I wish you the best but tell you I can't be your friend anymore.

Within the next few months I find a girl I like. We end up getting engaged. I don't see you again for 3 years- unsurprisingly, I meet you at our old campus cafe. It's an alumni event for multiple departments- should fate have it we share the same dates. We both see each other and avoid eye contact, until they call your order and you walk to me, unafraid.

You say you're happy to see me after all these years, and invite me to dinner later in the day. I tell you I'm committed and I'm set to be married. You walk out the door and shout out, "don't be late."

I ask the universe for guidance, and the college barista tells me I should go. She calls out my order and I can tell she wants to know our history, but I grab my matcha and ponder on it alone.

At the restaurant I remember why I fell in love with you. After a few moments it feels like no time has passed. You get honest with me after a few glasses of wine. "I only said he was the one because being with him felt like the life I envisioned when I was nine." No worrying about the future of our relationship. You could never have a biological child of mine. You didn't have to ignore stares or slurs being yelled at us. You could be free and live a life of normalcy. It sounds nice.

You apologize for how we ended things. You show me the promise ring I gave you all those years ago. I remind you I'm engaged now when you try to kiss me. But before you speak I show you the necklace you gave me when we graduated. Our initials touching- together they formed a heart. The best quality of gold you could find - your dad told me. "I've waited this long, a little longer I don't mind."

So I marry the girl and I still hang out with you, so much so that the wife starts to mind. Within a year we get divorced- amicably. She knows I'll never love another soul in this lifetime.

Right away we get married. Late 30s, we're so quick to have another kid. She has dark hair like mine and you love she got genes like yours since it's a bit curly. One red head and one dark enchantress.

Our kids grow up and we grow old together. The wait was so worth it that everyday I fall apart at the sight of waking up in your arms. We live the best life together as our skin gathers folds and our cognition seems to dwindle. Your beautiful brain that I've always been in love with- you play sodoku everyday to keep it sharp. And to make life interesting we get in competitions to see who will win. Loser kisses the winner that way we both end up getting kissed.

I'm first to go when it comes to death dates. Our kids were there the day before. I hold onto life to have one last moment with you. "I've always told you, I knew you'd be my last love."

After my final breath you kiss me. A few days later you're gone too. Doctors say it was a broken heart. We had already read each other our eulogies so we knew how the funerals would start.

I woke up crying and breathless. I kept replaying the emotions in my head. I still don't know what to make of it. All I see is beauty in whatever life those two women lived.

Written on: December 4, 2023

Based on my dream from last night