Chapter 32 - One Step Forward . . .

When Greg dropped Robert off at May’s, he said he’d call Georgie later since he had to get back to the university to study for an exam.  As Robert walked to the front door, he remembered the look of pain and disappointment in Georgie’s eyes that morning and stopped.  What if Greg was mistaken?  What if Georgie hadn’t been alright with him leaving?  And what about May and Marianne?  Did the entire household hate him now, he wondered with despair.

Stop it, he thought harshly.  Whatever the consequences were for what happened that morning, he’d just have to deal with it.  He took a deep breath and let it out, steeling himself before he continued to the front door.

When he let himself in, the sitting room was empty and he could hear the sewing machine running in the small office.  He walked in the kitchen and found May and Georgie sitting close to each other at the kitchen table.  There were papers and open books covering the table, and Georgie was writing on a piece of lined paper.

“Oh, Robert.  You’re back,” May said warmly when she noticed him.

Just as he felt relieved she didn’t seem angry with him, Georgie’s head snapped up and her eyes were wide.

Shit.

“Did you have a –?”

May stopped because Georgie had begun scooping up papers, slamming books closed, and stacking everything on top of each other as hurriedly as she could.  May looked at her with surprise for a moment, then turned her attention back to Robert.

“Did you have a nice time with Greg?” she asked, looking like she was trying to ignore Georgie’s frantic scrambling.

“Uh, yeah.  I did,” Robert said, unable to stop watching Georgie, completely confused.

“That’s good.  Oh, my goodness!  Look at the time!” she said suddenly, as she looked at the clock on the wall over the table.  “I didn’t realize it was so late.  I better start supper or we’ll be eating in our pajamas,” she said, chuckling at her own joke as she stood up.  Georgie stood up too, clutching the stack of papers and books to her chest.

“Do you want me to help?” she asked breathily, seeming flustered.

“No, I’m just going to heat up leftovers from the party.  Didn’t you want to talk to Robert about your plans for tomorrow?” she suggested gently.

They looked at each other then Georgie lowered her eyes.  “Oh, right,” she said quietly.  “Only – if you want to, Robert.  I mean, if you’re too tired –.”

“No.  Its fine, Georgie,” he said quickly, still unsure if she was angry with him or not.

“Why don’t you two go in the living room?  Oh, and Georgie, can you tell Marianne I’m starting supper?” May asked, opening the fridge.

“Yes, ma’am,” Georgie said, ducking her head as she walked past Robert, clutching the stack even more tightly.  He followed her onto the sitting room, where she hesitated before turning to face him.

“I’ll go get my laptop and be right back, okay?” she said, barely able to look at him.

“Alright, Georgie.”

As soon as she was gone, he sat on the couch, feeling awful.  It was obvious she was still upset with him.  Just then Marianne stepped out of the office and greeted him warmly on the way to the kitchen.  At least she didn’t seem to hate him, he thought grimly.  Georgie came out, clutching her laptop to her chest and sat next to him on the couch, leaving a space of several inches.

“I thought we could –.”

“Georgie, I’m sorry about this morning, yeah?” he blurted out, and she looked at him with surprise.  “I shouldn’t have gone with Greg.”

“Robert, it’s okay.  I’m glad you got to go.”  When he looked in her eyes, she seemed sincere.  “I’m not mad about it,” she added.

“Oh,” was all he could say, completely thrown.

“So,” she said in her normal soft tone, setting the computer on her lap.  “I thought maybe we could go to one of the museums tomorrow.”  She opened the laptop and turned it on.

“Alright,” he said, finally feeling like he could relax for the first time since he’d walked in the house.

“I made bookmarks for all of them.”  By this time the laptop had powered up and Robert saw her desktop background.  It was a picture he’d seen before, the one of her mum holding her when she was little.

“I thought you could look at them and decide which museum you want to go to,” she said clicking on the icon for her web browser, not seeming to react to the picture.

“Yeah, sure,” Robert said, and then had to clear his throat.

“There’s the Field Museum, that’s dinosaurs and natural history,” she explained, clicking on the bookmark.  “There’s Shedd Aquarium – the Art Institute,” and she continued, opening more sites in different tabs.  “Then there’s my favorite, the Museum of Science and Industry.”  He looked at her.

“What?” she asked when she saw the expression on his face.

“Science and Industry?  That’s your favorite?”  Not only did it sound dead dull, she’d never struck him as being interested in either.

“Robert, that’s the best one!” she said excitedly, her face lighting up.  “They have the coal mine ride, baby chicks hatching from eggs, a real submarine, a huge dollhouse that’s a castle for fairies, a giant train set with –.”

“Alright, Georgie.  Alright.” Robert said interrupting her as the ache in his chest suddenly became worse.  “I believe you,” he muttered, pretending to be interested in the website for the museum so he wouldn’t have to look at her glowing face.

“So – which one do you think sounds good?” she asked more quietly, after a moment.

While he looked at the laptop screen, he fought back against the despair that was threatening to overwhelm him.  He just needed to fucking get through this.  It wasn’t like it was going to kill him.

“Robert?” she prodded.

“Science and Industry,” he muttered to the computer.

"Really?” she asked with wonder in her voice.

“You said it was the best one, yeah?” he said, doing his best to sound normal.

“Oh – right.  Okay,” she said, trying to hide her surprise.

She opened up Google Maps to get the directions.  “We’re a twenty minute walk to the nearest ‘L’ station, and then it looks like we take a bus after the train.  It says it’s going to take an hour to get there.  I hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah.  Its fine, Georgie.  Whatever,” he said quickly, his eyes still on the laptop screen.

Much to his relief, Marianne stepped into the sitting room to let them know it was time to eat and Georgie closed the laptop.  While she walked to the kitchen, Robert followed more slowly, trying to get control over his emotions.  He was angry with himself for letting her affect him.  He had to know there would be moments like that, when being with her would be painful.  He was just going to have to work harder to keep his cool when it happened.

During dinner, May and Marianne asked Robert a few questions about what he’d done at Northwestern but mostly they talked to each other while he and Georgie were quiet, their eyes on their plates.  While he ate, Robert felt the ache in his chest ease and he began to relax.  It occurred to him that he’d just had his first interaction with Georgie, and even though it had been difficult, he’d managed to get through it without anything disastrous occurring.

He glanced at Georgie and she seemed more relaxed as well.  He was grateful he’d been able to keep in enough control she didn’t notice his reaction.  And the tension that had been between them since the moment he’d arrived seemed to have left.  For the first time he felt hopeful that maybe the rest of the visit wouldn’t be so awful.

By time they’d finished eating, Robert could tell the combination of the swimming and the stress of the last two days had taken its toll on him.  He was exhausted.  He told the women he was off to bed when they all stood up from the table, not daring to look at Georgie in case she was disappointed.

When she woke him with her nightmare later that night, he didn’t hesitate to get up.  While he held her trembling body in his arms, he tried not to think about anything.  But the longer he held her and she slowly relaxed against him, he couldn’t help relaxing too.  Before he knew it, his eyes were closed and his check was resting against her silky hair while he rocked her, feeling completely at peace.  When she finally stilled with a shuddering sigh, he sighed too.

“Thank you, Robert,” she said, letting go of him and he released her right away.

“Night, Georgie,” he said, standing up, feeling the familiar ache in his chest again.

“Good night,” she said, wiping her face and he went back to her bedroom.

As he climbed back in bed, he tried to ignore how holding her had made him feel.  One more night was over, he told himself, only ten more to go.  He rolled over and pulled the pink floral quilt over his head.

The next morning, Robert and Georgie had a quiet breakfast with May and Marianne, then they left for the museum.  While they walked to the train station, the neighborhood was quiet except for the sound of birds, no doubt because most of the neighbors were at work or school since it was a Monday.  Georgie didn’t say anything while they walked and when Robert happened to glance at her, she looked happy, walking with a spring in her step.  She smiled shyly at him when she saw him looking at her, and he immediately looked away.

When they boarded the train, there weren’t that many occupants and they didn’t have any trouble finding seats.  The faces of the other people were open and friendly and the atmosphere was relaxed.  Robert enjoyed listening to the different accents of American English being spoken while he looked out the window at passing neighborhoods filled with mostly older brick homes and charming multi story flats.  Once they were in the heart of downtown Chicago, the train snaked between the tall office buildings on tracks so high Robert could see inside the second story windows.

They reached the end of the line at a huge train station and he followed Georgie across the street where they boarded a bus for the final leg of the trip.  The museum looked like every other museum Robert had visited.  Built in a previous century, it was massive and impressively ornate.  They walked inside the main entrance and Robert couldn’t help wanting to begin exploring as soon as he caught glimpses of the different exhibits from the entryways off the long main hall.  When he looked at Georgie, she beamed at him, obviously excited to begin as well.

Robert had never been keen on science or learning about industrial practices but since the museum was set up to appeal to all ages and interests, he was soon thoroughly enjoying himself.  He and Georgie were so busy pointing out interesting things to each other and trying the hands on experiments, all the pain of the last several months faded away and for the first time in a long time, he was able to have fun with her.

They ate lunch in the food court and Georgie started telling him some of her childhood memories of visiting the museum.  She looked happy and relaxed, chatting about her and Frankie’s favorite exhibits.  While Robert looked in her vivid blue eyes, sparkling with humor at the stories she was telling, it suddenly struck him that this was the girl he used to know.  This was the Georgie he’d loved before they’d been released, before the weight of everything that happened to her afterwards had crushed her.  She’d been right to come home, he realized.  She was happy here, far happier than when she’d been with him.  She was finally living the life he’d always hoped for her.  If only he’d brought her to Chicago instead of England, he thought sadly, they’d probably still be together.

An idea suddenly filled Robert's mind, making his heart speed up.  Could there be another chance with Georgie?  If he moved here like she’d wanted, was it possible they could make their relationship work?  She was obviously thriving in Chicago, with so many of the issues that had driven her away now gone.  As he considered the possibility of being with Georgie again, Robert could feel his heart swelling.

“What do you think we should do, Robert?” Georgie asked, interrupting his thoughts.

“What?” he asked, startled by her question.

“I said, what do you think we should do?” she asked, gathering up the remains of her lunch and putting it on the tray.  “See the Fairy Castle or the submarine next?  You’re done eating, right?”

“Oh, right.  Submarine, I reckon,” he said, trying to stay in control of his breathing.

While he helped her clean up, his thoughts began racing in a dozen different directions while his heart pounded in his chest.  Was he really going to take this chance?  What if he got hurt again?  But how could he walk away from Georgie, knowing there was a possibility of a future with her?  Did he want to live in Chicago, so far from his family and mates?  But they could have visits, couldn’t they?  And keeping in touch wasn’t that difficult with the internet and phone calls.

While Georgie led him to the U-505 Submarine exhibit, he tried to calm himself.  There was no need to rush into anything.  He had nine more days in Chicago, plenty of time think things through before he made such a life-altering decision.  By the end of his visit, he’d know if this was the right choice.  He tried not to let on what he was thinking while they explored the captured World War II submarine, but every time he saw Georgie smiling happily at him, he couldn’t help imagining what it would be like to be living with her again and seeing her looking this happy all the time.

By late afternoon, he and Georgie were tired and ready to head home.  They took their time walking to the bus and by time it arrived, it was more crowded than it had been earlier in the day.  There was a lot more traffic on the streets, making the trip take longer.  When they entered the train station, it was clear they’d waited too long to head back to May’s.  It was now after five and they were buffeted by crowds of commuters with blank or intense expressions, determined to get home as quickly as possible.

When people began pushing between them, separating them, Georgie immediately reached out and grabbed onto him, wrapping her arms around him.  He looked at her carefully to see if she was alright, worried she was getting frightened by being around so many strangers.  When she saw the expression on his face, she let go of him.

“I’m sorry, Robert.  I was afraid you were going to get lost,” she said apologetically.

Before he could respond, people began shoving past them even more aggressively because they were standing still, separating them again and he suddenly realized she was right.  He had no idea how to get back to May’s.  Not only that, he had no mobile on him.  And even if he were able to borrow one, he didn’t have any of their numbers memorized.  Before she got too far from him, he managed to get hold of her arm and pulled them together.  Then he took her hand and held it tightly in his.

“Let’s go,” he said.

Georgie nodded with a determined look on her face, then turned and started weaving through the crowds.  It struck Robert as funny, and he couldn’t help thinking of another time he’d seen that same determined look on her face, the day they’d gone to his old flat.  She was protecting him again, he thought bemusedly.  Only this time she was protecting him from the Chicago commuters, instead of his old band mates.

Once they made it onto the train and the doors closed, Robert breathed a sigh of relief.  The car was crowded with no available seats but he was able to find them a spot where they stood near a window.  When the train pulled out of the station, he turned slightly so he could look out.

After a minute, he saw something glittering in the sunlight out of the corner of his eye.  He glanced over and saw a silver chain peeking out from the neckline of Georgie’s t-shirt.  She was wearing the necklace again.  Had she been wearing it all this time, he wondered, feeling the ache in his chest starting to come back.  No, he shouldn’t do this, he thought firmly, trying to get control over his emotions.  He had an important decision to make and needed to keep a cool head so he didn’t fuck it up.  He turned around completely and concentrated on the passing urban scenery, trying not to think about anything.

They’d been traveling for a while and the train had made a few stops, when Robert heard a gasp.  He looked over and saw Georgie turning towards the window, her eyes wide with fear and gasping as if she was suddenly finding it difficult to breathe.  She was having a panic attack.  He automatically turned to see what had frightened her.  Standing a few feet from her was a tall, thin older man wearing a dark suit.  His hair was shorter and more gray than the bastard’s, but he had steel gray slightly deep set eyes - eyes that were raking over Georgie’s body as if he was mentally undressing her.

Robert stepped in front of Georgie to shield her as a murderous rage flared up inside him and he raised his fists.  The man looked alarmed and as Robert went to hit him he turned and began shoving through the gaps between people, making his way towards the door to the next car as quickly as he could, causing loud swearing by the other commuters.  Robert was about to go after him but hesitated when he realized he’d be leaving Georgie alone while she was in the middle of a panic attack.

When he turned back to her, she was resting her forehead on the window with her eyes closed, one hand on her heart and the other on her stomach while she breathed in slowly through her nose then exhaled through her mouth.  While he watched her, he realized she was doing some sort of breathing exercise.  He was relieved it seemed to be working but he watched her carefully in case the panic attack worsened and needed him.  After a few minutes, she stopped the deep breathing and opened her eyes.  She seemed to have fully recovered but she looked like she was about to cry.

He put his hand on her back, saying gently, “Georgie, are you alright?”  To his surprise, she jerked away from his touch and glared at him.

“You don’t have to take care of me anymore, Robert!” she hissed angrily, then turned her back to him.

He stared at the back of her head for with his mouth hanging open in shock.  What the hell?  Then he closed his mouth and turned around, anger boiling through him as he looked out the window, no longer seeing anything.

That was their relationship, right there in a fucking nutshell, he thought bitterly.  The minute she’d started to fall apart, she’d fucking turned on him.  And just when he was beginning to think she’d changed.  How could he have been so stupid to allow himself to get sucked back in?  He must have been fucking mental to think they could be a couple again.  If he needed any proof they should never be together again, this was it.

When they reached their stop, Georgie pushed her way out the doors without checking to make sure Robert was with her.  As she walked quickly back to May’s with her shoulder’s hunched, he followed a half step behind her, his hands shoved in his pockets, his eyes on the pavement.  When they walked in the back door, May was in the kitchen cooking dinner.

As soon as she saw them, she smiled and said, “You’re back!  Did you have a –?” but Georgie didn’t stop, walking straight through the kitchen with her head down.  May watched her leave, looking surprised, then looked at Robert.

“The museum was alright,” he said, and they heard a door slam.  “She got frightened on the train,” he explained, and then they heard Georgie’s muffled sobbing.

May sighed deeply as her body slumped.  Seeing the look of sadness and deep worry on her face immediately filled him despair.  How many times had he seen that exact same expression on his mum’s face when Georgie had one of her meltdowns?

“Excuse me, Robert.  I should go to her,” she said quietly, her voice filled with pain.

After she left, Robert stood alone in the kitchen listening to Georgie crying, feeling like his heart was breaking.  Why had he allowed himself to hope they were actually going to get back together again?  He knew if he came to Chicago he was going to get hurt, and now it had happened.  He should never have agreed to come, he thought bitterly.

He couldn’t bear to hear her sobbing any more and left the house.  When he reached the pavement, he turned right and began walking back to the train platform.  He didn’t intend to go anywhere when he got there, it was simply the only place he knew how to get to without getting lost in the meandering streets of May’s neighborhood.

He walked slowly and by time he got back to May’s, nearly an hour had passed.  When he walked in the kitchen, May and Marianne were eating dinner at the table.  Seeing the worry and relief on their faces as they looked up at him immediately made him feel guilty.

“I’m sorry, May.  I decided to go for –.”

“No, Robert.  Please.  Don’t feel like you have to explain yourself, May said quickly, but she wouldn’t look at him when she stood up.  “You must be hungry.  Let me fix you a plate.”  He went to the table and sat down, avoiding Marianne’s eyes.

“Georgie didn’t feel – up to eating supper with us tonight,” she explained sadly.  He nodded, looking at the table, unable to answer because of the tightening in his throat.

Dinner was a grim affair, eaten in silence.  The pain at the table was palpable and Robert hunched over his plate, eating as quickly as he could.  As soon as he was finished, he excused himself, saying he was tired and both women bid him a quiet good night.  Once he’d escaped to Georgie’s bedroom, he climbed in the bed and laid on his back, putting the crook of his arm over his eyes.  While his chest ached unbearably, he desperately wished his flight was tomorrow.

****

This chapter is definitely a sad one and my heart breaks for what Robert and Georgie are going through.  The path for them has never been an easy one, nor has it been predictable, and this chapter is a perfect example.  I would love to hear your thoughts on what happened and why you think Georgie reacted the way she did.

Someone has asked me about the silver necklace Robert assumes Georgie is wearing.  Just in case you don't remember, this is the necklace with the silver colored heart he gave her for her 18th birthday when they were on holiday in Dover with Darrell and Betsy.

Dedicated to my good friend Mahshid for her pushing me to make my story better with her terrific feedback and advice!  I appreciate your help so much!

I hope you liked this chapter, and if you did, please give it a vote.  Thanks to all of you for reading!  Knowing you're enjoying Robert and Georgie's journey means so much to me!