Chapter 33 - Swimming the Same Deep Water

“Robert!”

Robert jerked awake.

“Robert!”

He didn’t want to go out there, he thought miserably as his chest ached.  He knew how much it was going to hurt to hold her.

“Robert!”

But he knew he didn’t have any fucking choice.  He couldn’t lay there listening to her, knowing the bastard was torturing her.

“Robert!”

He got up with a deep sigh, and pulled his jeans on over his boxers.  When he opened the door and walked to her, he felt like his heart was being ripped out hearing her scream for him.  Once he’d shaken her awake, he sat on the couch holding her, overwhelmed with despair while she clung to him sobbing.

How could he have let this happen?  He knew it was a possibility he could get hurt if he came to Chicago, and yet he’d still been stupid enough to open up his heart.  Now he was suffering, and it was entirely his own doing.  As anger rose up in him, he embraced it, allowing it to push away the despair.  He felt a firm determination taking hold.  He wasn’t going to fucking wallow in misery another minute.  It was over, and he was done with it.

As soon as Georgie stopped crying, he let go of her.  It took her a second before she released him and as soon as she did, he stood up and turned to leave.

“Robert?” Georgie said, and he hesitated, not turning around.  He considered continuing to her room without saying anything, knowing what was coming.  He really didn’t want to rehash all this shit with her all over again when there wasn’t any point to it.

“I – I just wanted to say I’m so sorry about what happened yesterday.  It’s just that when I –.”

“Georgie?” he said tiredly as he turned to face her.  “Let’s just forget about it, yeah?”

“Really?” she said, sounding surprised.

“I’d rather not talk about it, alright?  I understand what happened.”

“Thank you, Robert,” she said gratefully.

“It’s – nothing,” he muttered, and walked away.

“Good night,” she said quietly when he reached her bedroom, but he didn’t say anything when he closed the door.  He climbed back in bed, grateful for how exhausted he suddenly felt.  He pulled the pink floral quilt over his head and tried to turn off his mind so he could fall asleep faster.

When Robert woke up, he could tell it was late morning by the amount of light in the room.  He laid there for a while, feeling numb and empty.  He wished he could stay in bed all day but he knew it wasn’t an option.  It wouldn’t be long before Georgie would come looking for him, wondering why he wasn’t getting up so they could go off to another museum.  And he didn’t want to give May and Marianne any reason to worry about him.  They already had their hands full dealing with Georgie.

He got out of bed with a deep sigh.  There were only nine full days left, he reminded himself while he pulled on his jeans.  He just had to get through them and then he could go home.  When he wandered into the kitchen, all three women were seated at the kitchen table in their dressing gowns.

“Good morning,” they said warmly when they saw him.

“Morning,” he mumbled, on his way to the kettle.  Once he had his mug of tea, he sat at the table.

“So where are you two headed today?” May asked.

“We haven’t decided yet,” Georgie said, while Robert blew on his tea.  “I can get my laptop if you want, Robert?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said to his mug.

By time she’d returned, both older women had left to get dressed.  Georgie sat close to him and opened her laptop, saying, “Do you know where you want to go today?”

“Not, really.”

She went through the list of the museums and attractions while she pulled up their websites.  Robert sipped his tea and looked at the cloudy sky out the window, only half listening.

"Robert?” Georgie prodded, and he realized she’d finished speaking.

“I don’t care, Georgie.  You choose.”

“Robert!” she exclaimed with a laugh.  “I know you picked where I wanted to go last time.  This time I want you to choose where you want to go.”

He didn’t say anything and she didn’t either.  After a minute of silence, it was clear she wasn’t going to let it go.

“Dunno.  Art – I guess,” he muttered, because it was the last thing he remembered her mentioning.

When she still didn’t say anything, he finally looked at her.  She was looking at him with concern.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she said quietly, turning her attention back to her laptop to get the directions and Robert looked out the window again while he sipped his tea.

When they walked to the ‘L’ platform later that morning, Georgie walked with her head down and her hands shoved into the pockets of her skinny jeans as far as they would go.  Robert kept his eyes on the pavement ahead of him, not thinking about anything.  While they sat in the train car, Robert looked out the window as all the same scenery he’d seen the day before passed by and Georgie stared straight ahead.

It didn’t take long to get to the Chicago Institute of Art since it was just a short walk from the large train station in the heart of downtown.  The museum wasn’t very crowded and the two of them began wandering through the different galleries, silently looking at the paintings and objects on display.

As time passed, the quiet, calm atmosphere and the beauty that surrounded Robert began to lift his mood.  When he came across famous paintings he’d only seen in books, he couldn’t help feeling better.  Georgie seemed to relax as well and the tension that had been present since the morning began to dissipate.  Eventually the wall of silence between them was broken and they started pointing out things to each other, discussing what they liked and didn’t like about what they were looking at.

They had a pleasant, if quiet lunch, and by early afternoon they were ready to head home.  While he walked back to the train station next to Georgie, Robert was surprised how much better he still felt.  The numb, empty feeling he’d woken up with was gone and now he felt at peace and calm.  When he glanced at Georgie, she wasn’t exactly walking with a spring in her step, but she seemed much happier than she had that morning.

Robert sensed something had changed while they were at the museum.  It was as if they’d crossed over some kind of hurdle and now they could just be with each other without feeling all the anxiety and pain of the last several months.  Walking beside Georgie felt – normal, like they were simply two mates spending the day together.

The more he thought about it, the more it made sense.  They’d started out their relationship as mates and perhaps now that he’d finally let go of the hope they could be anything more than that, the special friendship they’d always shared was coming to the surface.  Maybe the result of this visit to Chicago was that he and Georgie would be able to be mates again, and the thought made him feel even better.

When he and Georgie returned to the house, walking in through the back door, they found May just starting to make dinner.

“Oh, you’re back!” she said a little too brightly, and Robert noticed her studying Georgie, as if she was checking to make sure she was alright.  “How was the museum?”

“It was good,” Georgie said with a smile, and went to her.  May looked relieved when she gave Georgie a hug and kiss.

“Did you have a good time too, Robert?” she asked, now focusing her full attention on him.

“Yeah, I liked it a lot,” he said quickly to reassure her.  Her shoulders relaxed and she turned back to the counter where she was cutting vegetables.  “That’s good,” she said in her normal voice.

“Oh, Georgie.  You’ve got some mail.  I left it on the counter over there,” she said pointing with her knife to the counter near the door.  “You know, I like to go to the C.I.A. at least twice a year,” she continued as Georgie picked up a white envelope.  “I never get tired of it.  Did you have any favorites, Georgie?”

“The Monet,” Georgie said faintly.  There was something about her tone of voice that got Robert’s attention.  She was staring at the envelope in her hands, her face more pale than it had been a moment ago.

“What?  You mean the Water Lilies?” May asked, with her back to her, still cutting vegetables.

“Yes, ma’am,” she said, her voice choking a little, and then she looked at Robert.  His stomach dropped, seeing the stricken look on her face.

“I love that one!” May said before he could say anything to her.

“What about you, Robert?” May asked, while Georgie ducked her head and quickly walked out of the kitchen without looking at him, clutching the envelope in her fist.

“Uh, yeah.  That was my favorite too.  Excuse me, May,” he said, and left to go after Georgie.

She was standing in the middle of the sitting room with her back to him and he came round to face her.  When she looked up at him, she was fighting back tears, looking like she was barely holding it together.

“What is it, Georgie?” he asked with alarm.  He knew it had to be something terrible, and the bastard suddenly loomed forward in his mind.

She glanced behind her at the kitchen doorway, and then pleaded quietly, “Can we please go in my bedroom?”

“Yes, certainly,” he said quickly, then followed her to her room.

Once the door was closed, she slumped on her bed and stared at the now slightly crumpled envelope while he sat next to her.

“Georgie, what’s this about?  Who is that letter from?”

“It’s from my doctor,” she said quietly, wiping her eyes.  “I – I went to her – to get tested – to get the second tests.”  Robert suddenly felt sick to his stomach, as he finally understood.  It was the bastard, he thought grimly.  Then he thought of the e-mail that was probably waiting for him by now.

A week prior to his flight to Chicago, he’d also gone for his second STD tests.  He hadn’t realized how hard it would be to go back to the same clinic he’d taken Georgie until he’d arrived for his appointment.  Memories of that disastrous day played over and over in his head while he waited for his name to be called in the crowded waiting room.  The anxiety he felt was no doubt made worse because he knew he’d soon be seeing her for the first time since she’d left him.

He felt a bit better when he was called by a male nurse, knowing at least he wouldn’t have to face the same nurse as before, but then he was led to the same consultation room he and Georgie had been in.  He sat in the same chair and kept his eyes on the floor while the nurse questioned him.  Throughout the entire interview, all he could think about was the look of terror in Georgie’s eyes when she realized what was happening and that he’d betrayed her.

Robert had done everything he could to hurry the process along so he could get the hell out of there, not even willing to stay long enough for the quick test results.  He’d arranged to have them e-mailed, knowing he’d be out of the country by time the lab work was completed.

“I can’t open it, Robert!” Georgie said plaintively.  “What if it’s bad news?  What if –?”  She couldn’t continue and wiped her eyes as the tears spilled over.

“Hey, don’t cry,” he said gently, moving closer to her so he could put his arm around her, and she looked up at him with pain and fear in her eyes, tears running down her cheeks.  “Don’t worry about this, alright?  If you have something the doctor can –.”

“But what if I gave something to you?” she cried loudly.  “I’ll never forgive myself for –!”

“Georgie, listen to me!” he said firmly, gripping her arm tighter.  He saw the familiar signs she was starting to fall apart, and he couldn’t let that happen.  They had to stay strong so they could face whatever was coming.

“I don’t want you thinking that way!  Whatever that letter says, we’re going to deal with it together!  You’re not alone in this, alright?”  She nodded while she looked at him with her intense gaze, focusing on his words.  “We’re going to be alright.  I promise,” he finished more gently, looking in her vivid blue eyes, willing her to believe him.

“Okay, Robert,” she said quietly, then she wiped her face and looked at the letter.

She took a deep breath, steeling herself, then ripped it open with shaking hands.  When she pulled out the sheet and opened it, Robert tried to read it, but it was at the wrong angle and her hands shook so much he could only glimpse a little of the writing.

“Robert!’ she cried out after a moment, making his heart stop.

“What is it?” he nearly shouted.

"I don’t know what it means!  I can’t read it!” she cried out in despair, tears welling up in her eyes again.  He took a lungful of air as his ability to breathe came back.

“It’s alright.  I can read it, yeah?” he said gently, holding his hand out.  “D’you want me to read it for you?”

“Yes,” she gasped, and handed it to him, looking terrified.

He was surprised his hands were shaking when he held the letter.  He tried to focus on the words, but it was filled with scientific terms and numbers that swam on the page, making no sense to him at all.  Then he saw a word that made his breathing stop momentarily, ‘Negative’, and then he saw it again.  He quickly scanned through the list of things they’d tested for, not bothering to try to understand what they were.  At the end of each one it said ‘Negative’.

“You don’t have anything, Georgie!  You’re healthy!” he exclaimed.

She cried out and grabbed onto him, sobbing into his chest and he wrapped his arms around her.  He buried his face in her hair and held her tight as a tremendous wave of relief washed over him.  Georgie was safe.  The bastard hadn’t infected her.  He hadn’t infected either one of them.  He wouldn’t be able to hurt them anymore.

Georgie pulled away from him, struggling to be free because he was holding her so tight.  As soon as he let go of her, he quickly wiped the tears that had leaked out of his eyes, hoping she wouldn’t notice.  She sat slumped next to him, staring at the floor, wiping her face as she continued to cry.  He was surprised she still seemed upset.

“Georgie, the news is good.  You don’t need to worry about this anymore, yeah?” he said gently.

“I can’t help it, Robert,” she said sadly.  “It doesn’t seem – real.  What if it’s not true?  I mean, what if they made a mistake?  We can’t be sure they –.”

“I got tested too.”  She looked up at him with wide eyes, her mouth open in shock.

“But – what did they –?”

“If you get your laptop, I can check my results,” he said quickly before she could question him further.

She wiped her face and then left to get it.  It wasn’t long before she’d returned and he was logged onto his e-mail account.  Even though he was certain Georgie’s test results were accurate, he still felt relieved when he saw the proof he wasn’t infected either.

When he told her, Georgie fell against him, completely overwhelmed and began sobbing again.  As she cried in his arms, he shushed her and rubbed her back, his heart breaking for everything she’d been through.  It had been months that she’d had to live with the terrible knowledge that not only could she be sick, but that she might have made him sick as well.  It was no wonder she was still so emotional, she needed to release all that pain and fear somehow.

When she finally recovered enough to sit up, he let go of her, looking at her carefully.

“Thank you, Robert,” she said while she wiped her face, not looking at him.

“It’s alright, Georgie.”

“I’m glad you were here – when I got the letter,” she said quietly, and picked up her laptop.  “I don’t know how I would’ve dealt with this without you.”

“I’m glad I was here too,” he said sincerely, and she looked up at him, her blue eyes filled with sadness.  Then she blinked hard and quickly looked away as she stood up.

“Well, I should probably clean my face before dinner,” she said, walking to the door.  He noticed she was using her unnatural voice.  “I don’t want May or Marianne to be worried something happened.”  Then she left the room and closed the door without looking back.

Robert sat alone in the silence of the bedroom, suddenly feeling terrible.  Seeing how sad Georgie still was, brought him back to the harsh reality of the situation they were both living with.  The bastard’s presence in their lives would never be gone entirely.  Maybe they’d managed to escape their imprisonment without him stealing their physical health, but he’d still managed to take so much away from them.  They were still dealing with the emotional trauma of what had been done to them, and it had ultimately ripped them apart.  Now they were left to face it all alone.  At least this one time, they’d had each other, he thought grimly, but it didn’t make him feel any better.

He heard the piano in the sitting room being played and after a few seconds he knew it was Georgie.  He recognized the piece immediately.  It was the one she’d always played first when they were in the flat.  He laid back on the pink floral quilt and put his arm over his eyes as he listened, the sad, haunting melody taking him back in time, and reminding of how much he’d lost.

****

Another sad day for Robert and Georgie, in spite of the good news they’ve received.  This ended up not being an easy chapter to write but I hope you found it enjoyable in spite of it being so dark.  Please let me know what you think about the state of Robert and Georgie’s relationship, how you feel about the test results, and what you think might happen between them next.  And please consider giving the chapter a vote if you liked it.

I couldn’t pass up adding a video from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.  It’s the portion of the movie filmed at the Chicago Institute of Art.  The music is an instrumental version of Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths, the first song Robert hears Georgie sing in the flat and that they later sing together.  The song Georgie plays on the piano is Monday by Ludovico Einaudi in case you wanted to seek it out to hear it again.

Dedicated to Angela Stevens for her wonderful help with Robert's British voice.  Thank you so much!

Finally, if you haven’t visited my facebook page and given it a ‘like’ you might want to.  I'm posting images, links to music and other cool information related to Robert and Georgie's story.  You can find it here  http://www.facebook.com/AuthorKatherineGanzel