31. NO LIVING IN LIFE

ACT FIVE SCENE FIVE

NO LIVING IN LIFE

third person

perspective

ASHER rushes towards the bathroom, immediately throwing up. He felt tears brimming in his eyes, disgusting, he felt like a villain but why? He was attempting to be a hero. His mission was to make Luca happy, a mission to end Luca's reign of loneliness and misery. But why is Asher feeling the weight of loneliness? Why is he in misery?

"So you did it." the sound of Jumin's voice snaps Asher out of his thoughts. Jumin saw everything unfold, it was frightening, the way a human being could throw the word hate around like it meant nothing. "Did you feel... happy?" his words cause Asher to frown deeply. He didn't feel happy, he felt —

Stupid.

The word rings in his head, causing him to pull on his hair. He didn't want to accept it, he didn't want to believe that what he did was stupid, he didn't want to admit that how he treated Sahar was stupid and irresponsible and disgusting.

"Get out." Jumin says, he was right next to the door. Asher glances at his reflection, he felt disgusting, he felt stupid, he didn't mean to hurt her this bad.

"Asher, get out of the bathroom." Jumin exclaims.

"No." Asher whispers. "I've done enough, could you leave me alone for a while?" his words cause Jumin to sigh. He didn't want Asher to blame himself, he wanted Asher to understand that not everything is his fault and that fault can be found in everyone. He shouldn't be focused on thinking everything that goes wrong is because of him. Asher is too internal, he needs to understand that there are other factors in the world, he needs to realise that not every problem in his life is because of what he did.

"Don't blame yourself, don't force yourself to think that you're a horrible person." Jumin says, he's too familiar with the idea of self hatred. "You did this for Luca, why are you feeling so upset? You should be happy, now Luca can be happy, isn't that what you wanted?" Jumin questions, his intentions were to make Asher confess.

"Is it normal not to be happy with what I've done? Is it normal that I want to care about my feelings before another, I want to focus on myself not Luca for once." Asher says.

"So you're telling me that you regret what you've said?" Jumin says, a small smile forming on his face.

"I do. It's too late now, I lost a good friend over some stupid words."

Jumin frowns. "Friend?" he repeats.

"She was my friend, I'm upset that I don't have her as a friend." Asher says, running a hand through his hair.

"The way you spoke about her, Asher I would've assumed that the both of you are much more than the simple title of friends." Jumin says, his frown grows deeper.

"More," Asher says, his mind imagining Sahar from the past. "Don't be stupid Jumin, the both of us could never move past the stage of friendship."

"Are you saying this because Sahar could never move past the stage of friendship or you can't?"

Jumin's question causes Asher to pause.

"I can't. I won't let it happen. Ever." Asher says bitterly, remembering what Sahar did to him. She left him, she changed all her classes, she pretended as if she didn't know him each time he tried speaking to her.

"I know Sahar thinks differently."

"You're suddenly reminding me why I had to say those words to her today, I don't want her to go past the line of friendship, the both of us aren't supposed to be more than friends."

"And now you've lost her completely. Why do you feel so upset now?"

"I enjoyed her as a friend! Can't a guy and girl be friends?" Asher exclaims, he was getting irritated. He didn't view Sahar as a girl he liked, he viewed her as a friend he lost. He could never view her as a significant other after what she did to him two years ago.

Jumin raises both his hands in surrender. "My bad, the way you were acting just seemed like you were upset you couldn't tell her how you really felt."

"But that's exactly how I feel, I couldn't tell her that I don't hate her, that I really like her as a friend, that I want to continue to be her friend." Asher murmurs, his eyes were focused on his phone. His finger was hovering over Sahar's number.

Jumin kicks the air and internally screams. Asher really likes her, that's the same thing as liking a girl, like feelings wise. Asher doesn't view her as a friend, he's sure that Asher views her as something more but there's something holding him back.

"Then tell her. Tell her you regret your words, rectify your mistakes, it's the only way you can keep your friendship." Jumin says, his words cause Asher to nod his head.

"I can't." Asher voices out. He still had other plans, sure he lost a potential friend, he still had his other friends. There was no need for more people to be included in his life, he's better off staying beside people who belong in his social class. Besides, she's just a girl, everyone knows that having boys as friends makes life peaceful, there's no time for drama, it's just normal.

"Why?"

Asher smiles at Jumin's question.

"Because." he uses Jumin's words against him.

"Seriously?" Jumin mutters, glancing at the door. "You're childish."

"You used those same words on me when I asked you why you were hanging out with Sahar, it's fun, the feeling of using your words against you." Asher says, he glances at the mirror in front of him. In order to move on with his life, he must not live in regret, he should look forward and pretend as if nothing happened.

Right. That's the best mentality. It's a way for Luca to be happier.

"Whatever." Jumin responds, glancing at his watch. "Hurry up, we still have to help Luca."

Right. Help Luca. Luca, Asher's best friend.

AFTER Asher cleans up, he takes a breath mint. He leaves the bathroom only to find Jumin talking with a very angry Helius. Asher watches Helius' chest puff, he looked rather obnoxious today, the golden boy never fails to surprise him.

"You." the only word that comes out of Helius when he notices Asher. His anger increases, he was undoubtedly furious at the billionaire bad boys club in front of him. Helius grabs Asher's collar, pulling him up with his strength as the platinum blonde stared back at him with a calm expression.

"Me." Asher responds, a casual smirk appearing on his pretty face.

"Why did you do it? Tell me, Why? What did she do to you to be treated that way!" Helius exclaims, he was angry, relentless and brave for going up against his own club member. He didn't care. Anger overwhelmed his whole body, his mind, his soul — someone he cherishes was easily destroyed by a petty heartless being and he wanted answers.

"If you want to argue, argue outside." Asher says, grabbing Helius' tight grip and shrugging it off. Surprisingly, Helius listens, dragging the billionaire bad boys club member outside with his supreme strength. He tends to be calm and relaxed but when he's angry, he's angry.

"How does it feel to be dragged outside? Does it make you feel pathetic, does it make you feel bad?" Helius sneers, his anger was boring to Asher. It meant nothing, after all, Helius is not richer than him. A person who is not richer than him lacked power. And against Helius, Asher felt over the world, he felt superior.

"Pathetic," Asher repeats, glancing down at Helius. "You're a fake, a loser who is filled with confidence, there's no gain in arguing with me when the end result would be me succeeding because in this world I'm better, much better than you."

"Is this what our club taught you? To be rude, to be snobbish and act like you're better than everyone. We were formed to protect our secrets, to help others, to be nice and here you are... doing the exact opposite, to me, you're the loser." Helius' words cause Asher to scoff.

"I don't lose."

"Well then, you haven't met me." Helius says before throwing his first against Asher's cheek. Asher hisses, grabbing his cheek, his eyes meet Helius' accomplished ones. "That's for touching Sahar, a jerk like you should stay away from her."

Asher wipes the blood from his mouth. "So that's how you want to play, leaving no time for a conversation."

Helius strikes again, this time Asher catches his wrist, twisting it tightly. "I don't like losing, I told you already, it's quite pathetic you're fighting me because of a girl who doesn't like you the way you like her."

"She doesn't have to like me," Helius says, his eyes meet Asher's lifeless ones. "I want to be a good friend and a good friend beats the living hell out of a person who treats his friend with disrespect."

"I didn't ask for a fight."

"I don't care about your opinion." Helius says, kicking Asher's stomach. The platinum blonde holds his stomach, falling on to the ground.

"Tell me," Helius bends down. "Why did you treat Sahar that way?"

"Do you really want to know why?"

Helius sighs.

"Because I wanted her gone, I don't want to see her, hear her voice or have anything to do with her," Asher brushes the dust off his clothes. "She's a bad memory, in my life, I have a special place for bad memories." Asher seemed completely fine, causing Helius to widen his eyes.

"I burn them. Leaving no space for redemption, I don't care about anyone but myself." Asher grabs Helius by his collar, pushing him against the door. "If you think that what you're doing right now is good, you'll regret it, good memories never last, they wash away."

"Bad memories burn, good memories wash away. What are you Asher?" Helius questions.

"I make memories to forget them."

"Who lives like that?"

"It's called surviving, there's no living in life." Asher says, loosening his grip on Helius' collar.

"Let's go inside, Luca has bigger problems. Fighting won't solve anything." Asher pats Helius' shoulder, walking towards the door. Helius glances at him with a rigid expression, he wasn't sure how to feel with the platinum blonde. He seemed so lonely.

Lonelier than the lonely whale.

"Is everything about Luca for you?"

Helius' question causes Asher to pause.

He smiles. "It is."

what are your opinions on asher? do you feel bad for him? what about helius? do you ship him and sahar?

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