"Why did he do it?" I repeated in my head, over and over.
I tossed around my thoughts as I lowered my head in the halls.
going from class to class. I held onto the books in my arms. I refused to look up.
I felt as if my heart would jump out if I saw anyone.
I didn't know why it bothered me so much. Why him saying those words bothered me so much.
Something that simple could make that great impact on me.
"But...why though?" I whispered to myself as I looked up and noticed, I had almost run into Changbin. He turned around and was shocked to see me.
"Annie!" He scratched his head. "I haven't seen you in quite a bit of time..where have you been most of the day? You weren't showing up for class.." Changbin started to drift off in conversation with me and had left Felix and Minho behind.
"Uh.." I struggled to say. I made a quick cough, clearing the back of my throat. "Yeah, I was just uhh.." I tried to come up with an excuse, I quickly looked around avoiding looking at his face.
"You just..?" Changbin let out a nervous laugh. I didn't know how much time had passed but it was quite a bit. I shook my head. "Just in the bathroom, haha. I wasn't feeling well." I scratched my head.
"Ah, gotcha." He shuffled his hands in his hoodie pockets. "You are feeling better now, though. Right?"
"Yeah." I made a quick nod. I felt uneasy. Like Hyunjin was going to pop out of nowhere, or I would see Seungmin.
I was still so confused in my mind: "What exactly were they doing?"
In the corner of my eye, I saw Hyunjin walk out of a classroom, by himself. Looking down the halls, like he was looking for something. I looked away, trying to hide my face from him. Changbin had noticed. "Hey..is there something going on between you and Hyunjin?" He said loudly. I quickly tried to quiet him down. I looked in the corner of my eye and it looked like Hyunjin had heard us. I quickly locked arms with Changbin and walked in the opposite direction.
I dragged his feat to out the school doors. His voice chattering. "uh, what're you doing?" he repeated. I quickly let go of his arm.
I took a deep breath. "Sorry, I had to get us out of there quick." I put my hair behind my ear.
"You've been quite silent the past few days, so I was just wondering." Changbin made a nervous laugh. I looked up at him and saw the genuine look on his face. I felt a bit better seeing him there with me.
"I just heard something, that's all. I don't think he wants to be my friend anymore." I scratched my head and put a smile on my face to try to laugh it off.
Changbin looked shocked by what I said. "There's no way." He shrugged.
"Hyunjin only ever wants to talk to you, why does he suddenly change his mind?" We started to walk across the campus side by side.
"Well...uh the thing is I don't know why. That is what's bothering me." I looked down at my stained white sneakers.
"Ah, then you don't have to worry. You are just overthinking it, right? You might have misheard something." Changbin shrugged back.
"I don't know.." I mumbled. I knew there was something more than that. I knew I was right but I wasn't sure why. It tugged on my heart, and the sadness started to show on my face. Changbin leaned in, trying to cheer me up.
"Uh..want to go for some ice cream? We actually haven't been able to hang out outside of school." Changbin looked ahead, with a slight smile on his face. I made a quick nod.
"It would be cool to actually socialize with someone." I made a small joke. We had walked out of the school campus, it didn't feel like my time was passing this quick. But, it was.
"Ice cream in winter, though? It's almost Christmas." I laughed as we approached a sweets shop in town. (bro this city has so many neat cafes and restaurants lol) We stood in line inside.
I felt the chill not only from the winter air but from the ice cream air.
It was always naturally cold in there. I crossed my arms, trying to create warmth for myself. I let out a deep breath.
"We can go get something else if you'd like," Changbin suggested. He looked a bit cold, too.
"If you want it, that's fine." We stood there in line. I looked to the ground. "I still don't want to lose the friendships I've made, I don't want to be isolated again like I was before," I told myself in my head.
"Uh, yeah. Would you like to get an actual meal, instead?" Changbin sounded impatient. He tugged on his hoodie.
"Yeah, as long as it's warm." I made a small laugh. He led me out of the ice cream shop and we walked down the sidewalk.
"Sorry about that, I just randomly thought of ice cream so I could try and help you in some way." He shyly looked to the ground and brushed the back of his head.
"Haha, it's okay." I made a small smile. We walked into a restaurant. The warmth from the grills hit my face as I walked in. I smelled the spices and meat in the air.
I took a deep breath. "this smells good, ah~" A small smile grew on my face. Changbin made a small smile at me as we walked to the table. There were lots of people around.
"It's just quick food if you don't mind." Changbin shuffled with his things. I made a quick nod. "It's fine. It's just nice to be out, I guess." I scratched my head.
We ordered and got out burgers brought out to us. "Thank you," I told the waiter softly.
"Sorry, this is kinda awkward. I don't mean to bother you like this." I started to worry. "You don't have to apologize for anything, I actually wanted to hang out with you anyway." Changbin made a quick cough and avoided eye contact with me.
He started to eat. It looked like something was on his mind."I wonder what he is thinking..does he know anything...?"
It was quiet for a while. Then he broke the silence with a question: "So..uh, how's your mom?"
"Still the same, I guess. They will be putting her in the hospital for the rest of the time being, though so there's that." I felt my chest was heavy, it was something I couldn't avoid.
"Ah, gotcha. " He seemed a bit uncomfortable talking about it. I made a quick cough. "So, how are things with your family?"
"Uh, fine." He quickly shrugged and made a quick smile. I could tell by his frantic expressions, something was on his mind.
"Is everything okay?" I tried to get him to look at me. His eyes moved up to my face. "Yeah yeah, just something is on my mind that's all." Changbin made a small laugh and took another bite. I continued to eat, too.
As I walked down the street, on my way back home. Changbin had parted to go back to his home too.
"That was nice," I muttered to myself as I kept my head down pointed at my feet. "It was good to hang out with him."
Though I liked spending time with him, There was something deep in my chest that I was missing. I suddenly pictured Hyunjin in my mind, and a moment of him laughing, with his hoodie on, packed snow in his hands about to throw it. The picture of the bright smile on his face.
I felt my heart palpitate. I stopped for a second and held onto my heart. "Why am I thinking about him now? he wants nothing to do with me..so I can't like him. I shouldn't." The thought ran in my head, and I had noticed that I wanted to be close by him, I wanted to learn more about him. But, that's something that I cannot do and by that thought, I felt a grip on my heart.
I started to get closer to my house. But, as I passed by a yard of a house I heard talking from behind the fence. I passed by and noticed the gate was slightly opened. I looked up and realized it was the yard to Hyunjin's house. I started to feel nervousness in my chest. My steps slowed down as I tried to peak in the gate to see. I saw Hyunjin playing ball with his younger brothers.
He looked kind of blank, but the calm expression on his face. I couldn't pull away. "Stop Annie..this is creepy," I yelled at myself and tried to get myself to walk away. But, then I accidentally banged my foot up against the sidewalk.
Biting my lip so I didn't scream.
"What was that?" I heard one of his brothers say. I quickly hopped away on one foot as they quickly swung open the gate. I hid behind a large tree that was in between both houses.
"Ah, must have been a squirrel or something." I heard Hyunjin say lightly as they turned back and walked into their house. I let out a large sigh of relief. "That was close..I can't even imagine what would happen if he saw me..he'd probably get mad." I pondered in my head. I slowly made my way towards my house. I took off my shoes as I walked in. I saw Jisung sweeping up the house.
"You're cleaning?" I was shocked.
"Yeah, I want to be more productive for once..like, I want to do it for mom, you know..?" Jisung had a slight smile on his face but I could hear the sigh in his voice. "So uh, you're back late." Jisung caught me before I went to my room. "Uh, yeah I was out with my friend." I quickly looked at my phone and I saw it was almost ten at night." I was shocked by the time.
"for that many hours?"
I quickly looked outside, which seemed to have been light when I walked in, was dark. I felt a shake in my heart. Jisung was confused. He put the broom down. I leaned up against the window. "it was just six...wasn't it? I was just outside and it was light..there's no way that much time had passed." I gulped.
"Something is going on, and I am not sure what." It continued to bother me.
"What do you mean?" Jisung approached me.
"Time is going by so fast, its like I am frozen in time." I started to get a sharp pain in my head. I gripped onto my head. I felt my heart rising. "Oh, wait..did you just say that your time feels frozen..?" Jisung looked panicked. He looked at me with such concern.
"Right." I nodded then quickly tightening my eyes because the pain in my head started to get worse.
"I can't believe that means you could've found.." Jisung threw his arms in the air with a large sigh. "Did you find it?"
I glanced over at him. "Find what? You're making no sense." I shook my head.
Jisung started to pace around. "I never explained it to you. What I was in search for."
"Search for?"
"Years ago when I got hurt, I was searching for something. I never explained to you before but I never thought you could've found it."
"Jisung," I placed my hand on Jisung's shoulder, trying to get him to stay still. "You're making no sense. Please tell me what you mean, slowly." My eyes could barely focus on him.
Jisung took a deep breath. "I don't know. I could be overthinking things. Maybe I am just hoping for it."
Jisung's head looked down. "What was it you were looking for?" I started to think: "What does he mean...the thing he was searching for..and what did I find?"
"I was on the search for awhile doing dangerous things looking for this one object I read about, that can help slow down one person's time." Jisung shrugged back with a large sigh. "I never found it, so I thought it didn't exist. But, I still had that hunch. I was hoping I could use the object to slow down mom's time so we can have more time with her." Jisung's voice started to tremble.
"Oh.." By what he was saying, I was a bit confused. "Wait wait wait...an object you read about? How did you know it was real or not...?" a small voice came out of me. As the thoughts rummaged around in me. "Is that why all my time has been getting slower but faster..?" I muttered to myself.
"Well, I researched it in multiple books, and I was quite the science nerd back in my school days if you didn't know." Jisung made a quick smile to show his small cheeks. "Anyways, they never explained what or how the object looked, but it's a thing that has been passed down through history and has affected so many people but it's always been considered fiction because everyone thought that one person was insane. But, I believed it, I wanted to find it. But, I just wasted time instead." Jisung let out a sigh. By what he was saying, I started to bite my nails. "But, what could the object be? Like I don't have something that's constantly been on me..or anything." my thoughts started to wonder. For some reason, at that moment, Hyunjin's face appeared in my head again. I shook my head, I started to feel even dizzier, and my heart started to pound really fast. I swayed over, but Jisung quickly jumped up and caught me. "Are you okay?" He tried to look at my face. I kept rubbing my eyes.
"I am okay." He led me to my room so I could lay in my bed. I wrapped up in my blankets. "There's no way," I mumbled to myself. "I can't like him this much that it makes me sick...right? That hasn't happened to me before." I whined to myself as I rubbed my eyes again. "This is so weird.." I muttered as I found myself slowly falling asleep with the picture of Hyunjin's glowing smile.
"He doesn't want anything to do with me...but why do I feel so deeply with him...?" I muttered to myself as I fell gently asleep.
I walked into school with the thought running through my head: "What did Jisung mean when he said..? he's just being silly." I shook my head, I didn't believe what he said. I shrugged it off and went on with the day. I walked into the entrance of the school. I looked around it was quite silent.
"Today is the last day of school until Winter break." I heard someone say.
"Man, time is really going by.." I muttered to myself as I scratched my head.
What happened last night kept repeating in my mind. "come to art class!" I heard someone yell from afar. I looked around and saw Seungmin waving, trying to get my attention. I ran up to him with a smile on my face. Seeing his bright smile made me feel light in a way.
He was holding a stack of papers. "Do you want to go to the art club today after school?" Seungmin asked.
"Oh, sure. Sorry I didn't come yesterday. I was a bit distracted." I scratched my head nervously.
Seungmin kept nodding. "It's okay."
I felt awkward around him. He knew what was going on. "Is he close with Hyunjin? What does he know what I don't..what were they talking about?" those questions continued to repeat in my head. "I will see you then, then." Seungmin snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Oh, yeah." I made an awkward laugh and scooted away. For some reason today felt more distant than the others.
"Maybe I just feel lonely without him here." I shook my head. "Stop stop stop. I can't be thinking about him, it doesn't matter anymore." I banged my hand up against my head to try to snap my thoughts onto something else. I then noticed in the hallway Minho and Felix were both making a fuss about something, so I quickly ran up to them.
"Hey, what's going on?" They quickly noticed me.
"Uh," They started to scratch their heads nervously. I saw a disappointed look on Felix's face. Changbin, then quickly ran up behind him and swung his arm around his shoulder.
"Don't worry about it. We got your back." Changbin told him. Felix shrugged. "It's fine, I mean, I know she's out of my league anyway." Felix looked away. He seemed embarrassed by the situation.
"May I ask...are you okay?" I tried looking at Felix's face, he wiped his nose with his arm.
"Gracie rejected him," Minho whispered to me. My eyes widened as I heard that.
"Oh..you had a thing for her huh? I am sorry. I know how hard that feels." I looked down and scratched my head, with a slight sigh in my voice. Even though I wasn't told directly, I still felt that deep grasp on my heart.
"Wait, Hyunjin rejected you?" Felix's eyes got fixed on me. His mood suddenly changed. I started waving my hands. "Uhhh, well not exactly but well." I felt my heart beating and my face get red. I felt like everyone had heard us. "Tone it down a little," I whispered to them, with a nervous face. "Oh, you like him?" Changbin shrugged.
"Uhhhh well," I couldn't answer. Even though I knew the answer. I didn't want to admit it. It had never happened before: "But I don't need a relationship." I told myself. We all headed in class together. "Hopefully there's a way I could cheer Felix up, one day." I thought as I watched them take their seats. I took my seat, but I noticed Hyunjin wasn't there yet. "Maybe I should ask to move seats again." I lowered my head. I fidgeted with my fingers with this thought in my mind. I had heard Hyunjin walk in, but I couldn't lookup.
My heart was beating way too fast for that. I was way too afraid for that.
I sat there, with him by my side. But, not a word, not a glance came from either of us. That's how it was. "But, it's not what I want." That thought constantly went through my mind. I want something more than this.
I don't want this to be the end of whatever it was we had.
The day passed like it was no time at all. The days just kept getting quicker and quicker. As I walked out of the campus of the school, I had pictured Hyunjin starting to walk home. "We are going in the same direction..should I try to talk to him, even just a little?" I battled with that thought in my mind. "Maybe if I just try one more time...?"I looked down to the ground, holding onto this beating feeling inside of my chest. I pondered the feeling and tightened my eyes. Taking deep breaths. I watched as he was walking away. Then, I ran, as quick as I could right up behind Hyunjin. I didn't know if he had noticed me or not. He had no response. "I-" I let out. I wanted to say so much. But, the words didn't come out.
"H-Hyunjin?" I muttered to see if he would respond to me.
I felt my heart tighten. I noticed Hyunjin glance back, then made a shrug.
"I just wanted to know..it's been a while since we had talked. I wanted to know. why we aren't talking as much? I mean, I know you must be busy with studies and all..but if there is anything ever happening, you can always come to me."
I didn't know what I was saying. The words were just coming out then. I took a deep breath, and just accepted that he was probably not gonna say anything. But, as I looked up at him. He combed back his hair with his fingers. He shrugged. "Sorry, I just can't talk to anyone right now. Even if I want to. I'm sorry." Is all he let out, he quickly paced ahead so he could lose my pace. I looked down and started to scratch my head. "Not talk to anyone..? what does he mean by that?" Before I knew it it was already dark.
"It's getting worse," I muttered to myself as I laid in bed.
"Time is getting the better of me." I yawned to myself, I started to mutter to myself, and shuffle back and forth in my bed. I heard a slight knock on my door, and Jisung quickly opened it.
"Hey, Sis. How are you doing?" He slowly walked in.
I made a big sigh and rolled over to face him. "Things are getting really strange and my world has really turned upside down, how about you?" I had a monotone expression. I honestly didn't know what to do, or why Hyunjin had said what he said.
I wanted it to be different, but there was nothing I could do.
"Has time spend up even faster for you?" Jisung started to get deep into thought and started pacing around my room.
"Yeah. Today seemed like two hours. I can't even keep track of time anymore." I yawned. I felt so tired, drained, I could barely focus on Jisung ahead of me. "You should get some rest," Jisung told me.
"But, we have to figure out this object so we can fix you." He crossed his arms.
"How do you know that object is real though?" I glared up at him.
"I mean, how else can you explain your wack time speed?" Jisung made a slight scuff.
"I-" I couldn't say anything to argue with him. I didn't know what to say because I had a feeling deep down that somehow, he was right.
"But, how can something like that be true?" I couldn't wrap my head around it. But, my heart and head felt so heavy.
"At least we have winter break so we can work this out and figure out what's causing this." Jisung made a quick smile then started to head out of the room.
I made a laugh to myself. But, the feeling I had felt deep inside. "So much is happening at once, now. Why? How did my life suddenly change to this?" I felt physically and mentally exhausted so I closed my eyes.
Suddenly I was woken up by Jisung, repeating my name. "Annie, Annie." He was shaking me. I opened my eyes slightly, then noticed the blinding light hitting my eyes. I rubbed my eyes and sat up. I noticed Jisung's frantic face as he shook me by the shoulders. "Why are you still sleeping?" He sounded concerned.
"Wait, what time is it?" I quickly looked over at my clock to see it was five o clock in the afternoon already. My eyes widened when I realized. "How did this happen?" I shook my head, trying to see if it was my eyes playing me.
"It seems like it's even that way when you sleep too." Jisung looked down with a sigh.
I noticed Jisung had his shoes and a jacket on. "Where are you going?"
"I am going to take you somewhere. Since dad won't be coming home for a while and mom is at the hospital, I thought we could go do sibling things since we haven't in a while, but I noticed I didn't see you all day. Plus, you need something to eat." Jisung pulled me up by my arm. I still felt tired, but I felt happy because I say joy come back to Jisung's face. "So many things are changing. But, I am glad for this change. I don't know what caused him to suddenly change, but I am glad he is happier. That alone makes me happier." I had a gentle smile on my face.
"Okay." Jisung lightly nudged my shoulder. "Get ready so we can go." He made a smirk and darted out of my room.
Time is confusing.
Feelings are confusing.
But, when I am with you. All the time stands still. All my feelings are clear and real. But, will I ever talk to you again?