Chapter Nine

17 March 68'

I should get used to writing these types of letters because I don't know who else to tell beside a journal. You won't judge me back or even disown me for being disobedient. But I've been dying to tell anyone about this.

I love Philip Hill.

And although we're on a rough patch in our relationship, he never fails to make me smile when I'm supposed to be hating him. My friends think I'm crazy and my mom knows I'm acting different. It's scary for the world to know. That's all.

But it's been a week since I wrote in here and I know I've had a lot of choice words to say about Philip. But now all I want to say is I love him and one day I'll be sure enough to say it to his face. Then again, I'm scared he might run away.

He's always telling me he likes me when I'm happy or thinks it's cute when I sigh. He's also made me feel good in other ways. And he's sweet enough to stay around afterward.

He told me he never stayed with Cindy after they loved each other. I like to think I'm different.

Anyway, I have to go. The end.

Elowen softly closed her journal and shoved it in between her mattress. She made her bed once more then left the room to join her family for breakfast. Her mother placed a plate of waffles, eggs. And sausage right in front of her.

"Elo, I was late for rent so I'll be taking in some extra shifts." She looked at her mom and nodded. "And Spencer told me you've been out of it lately. Making them go to bed early before they're finished with their homework. What is that about?"

Elowen frowned at her sister who smiled proudly in herself. "Well, they don't like to listen and I don't have all night to make sure they get things done. I have school and homework too."

The heat was now on Spencer and Henry who couldn't defend themselves on time. "Well!" Spencer started then stopped. Then like a lightbulb went off in her head, she smirked. "Elowen comes straight home to talk to that white boy on the phone for hours. No wonder she doesn't have time for homework."

"What!" Elowen shouted. "Now you're lying!"

"Elowen, sit down and stop all that screaming." She did as told but with much hesitation. "Now I'm not gonna tell y'all again to listen to your sister. When I'm not here she in charge and that's final." They said their yes ma'ams and went back to eating. "And Elowen, enough is enough. It's been months since you started talking to that boy and I still haven't got to shake his hand. Enough sneaking around my house alright?"

"Yes! But... you want to shake his hand?" she said in a hopeful tone.

"I would like to meet him, yes. Anyone that's got my daughter smiling the way you do should get my approval before things go any further. You understand?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good. Now hurry up and eat so you can clean these dishes."

It was Tuesday afternoon and Elowen waited by her locker for Philip to pass by and sneak her a note. Marcus and Kellie waited next to her only because they wanted to read what it said.

"He did his hair different today. Back in a ponytail. He's always telling me how his dad wants him to cut his hair so he finds news ways to make it look like it's not a lot. But I love it the way it is." Elowen hugged her books to her chest and stared dreamingly at the ceiling.

Kellie gagged when Marcus scoffed at his naive friend. "You two sure are gonna get married," he rolled his eyes. "And you said your mama was okay with this?" Elowen nodded. "But how did she say it? Was she hesitant, excited, or covering up some sort of emotion?"

"Oh, I don't know, Marcus. She just said it."

"Well there he goes." Everyone looked up at Philip who had a paper gripped tightly in his hand. Elowen pushed herself off the locker when she saw the frown on his face. "And he looks pissed," Kellie clarified.

Philip approached Elowen face to face. "Can I speak to her alone?" He asked her friends while never looking at them. They took the hint and left quickly. "You been telling the whole school 'bout us?"

He pushed the paper in front of her face. The words written on it gave her a mini heart attack. She took the paper from his hands and reread it in case she was missing something. "Where'd you get this? Who told you this?" Philip balled his fist while looking around at the eyes that stared them down.

"That's not a good answer. I asked have you been telling the whole school!"

His voice was loud and it did scare Elowen. His random fits of rage is maybe something she'd never get used to but she figured it's just who he is. "I only... I only told Marcus and Kellie. I know they wouldn't have told anyone. Because I trust them."

"Well, I don't. I don't trust anyone. If this gets out to my old man, he'll ship me off to god knows what kind of boarding school. He hates your kind of people and he hates me enough as it is." Philip huffed as he looked at the note crumpled up next to her binder. The tears building in her eyes caused his shoulders to slump. "Now you stop that. I shouldn't even be this talking to you by the way. And I'm not mad at you, Elo. You know I'm not mad at you."

She didn't believe him. "People don't yell at the ones they're not mad at." He softly grabbed her chin in an attempt to get her to look at him. She snatched her head away. "I don't have time to argue. My friends are waiting on me."

"Well, I'm waiting on you too, Elo. What am I? You said I make you feel good but you're running away like I mean nothing anymore." His hand trailed to the back pocket of her beige skort.

She squirmed when he gripped her bottom. After a few seconds, she removed his hand from her altogether. "You know what you do to me, Philip. You make me confused and sometimes so mad I wanna hit you. Then you do things like freaking out in public and tell me that I'm the one going around talking up nonsense."

"Well it's over. I'm not going to argue about this with you anymore."

"Philly! What's happenin'!" Joey walked over with Cindy and Kaitlyn on either side of him. Elowen immediately looked to Cindy's hands to see that they were tinted red, but her hair wasn't. "Thought you'd be done with little Ol' Elowen by now."

Philip looked back at Elowen as she gave his friends death glares. She didn't like them. They always told her that she and Philip weren't a good match. Philip's tells her that they don't want him going steady with her. She believes that's the only reason he hasn't asked her out anymore.

"Leave them alone, Joey." Kaitlyn smiled. "Elowen looks so happy with Philip."

Elowen knew she was drenched in plastic from her personality to the tight skirts she wears aside from her uniform. Always throwing jabs at them even when her face looked sincere. Philip's friends knew they liked each other, but that's as far as Philip wanted them to know. He told Elowen that they weren't allowed to know about what they do when they have the house alone. Although they've never made it to a home run, it was close to it.

"Anyways," Cindy said in her naturally soft voice. "We're gonna get wired at Jane's house tonight and it'd be really great if you and Philip could show." Elowen was stunned to see that the whole time, Cindy was talking directly to her. "If you can't it's fine. I know Philip will be swingin' for the both of you."

One look at Kaitlyn's bright pink devious smile, Elowen knew exactly what was on her mind. She couldn't let Philip be alone with Kaitlyn or Cindy. Not when he's sober and definitely not when he's high. "I'll try and make it." She nudged Philip's arm. He smiled at her in return. "You'll pick me up, right?"

"Totally."

"Okay!" Kaitlyn cheered. "You know where Jane lives, Philip. You've been a hundred times. She told me she invited you over to help her with homework last week so it's the same location."

Elowen looked upside Philip's head and she swore a drop of sweat was seen.

The group said their goodbyes soon since it was time for Philip and Elowen to pick up her siblings. They asked him and he said of course which made Elowen excited to know he is getting along well with her siblings.

During the car ride, which was quick, Philip talked on and on about the note that Elowen shoved deep within her pocket. Although what was written in it came from someone she didn't know, she felt like everyone knew and made fun of her behind her back.

"Your father won't know what's going on in konk class. He isn't even that dedicated to education is what it sounds like to me."

"You're right. He's been talking about the war a lot more lately. It's heard that America killed a ton of innocent people. When my mother said that it was horrible he said that they don't know if they are innocent." Philip looked at her with worried eyes as if he was afraid of talking about this with her. "But I don't listen to him anymore. 'Cause it's like... What's the deal? Why does he care about them? Why is he obsessed with murders?"

Elowen nodded along. "Have you tried asking-"

"You think he wants to talk to me about what's moral and what's not? All my life growing up with that man we had one rule. It's either what he says or it's wrong. Maybe I'm wrong cause he's always saying my name and how stupid I am to think war isn't beneficial."

She rested her head on his shoulder then locked their hands together. Philip rested his head on hers and they both sighed. "You get your heart rate up so quick over these things." She felt him nod. "Are you scared?"

"I'm fucking terrified."

"No need to be. Soon the war will be over and we'll be laughing at this like those dumb peanut comics you love reading every Sunday morning." Elowen cracked a smile when he started chuckling. "Now I have to go just in case they are burning the house down."

Philip pulled her into a hug the moment she attempted to get out the car. "I'm still picking you up though," he whispered into her wild curls that spread to her shoulder. "And in case you forgot, I still like you, El."

"El," she whispered to herself.

"Be back in two hours. Watch the clock." He kissed her goodbye and watched her walk to the front door. She looked back to him and waved. "Hurry now. You're making me miss you."

She brushed him off before entering the house quickly. Spencer and Henry were right in the couch looking at her. "What?" She mouthed while pulling out the note.

'So is scoring a black girl hip now?'

Elowen breathed in and out as she felt utterly stabbed in the heart when she laid eyes on what was written. Nothing in her could figure out who knew besides their friend groups and she didn't want to think about it too hard.

"Do you guys need anything?"

"Nope," Henry replied quickly. "Just for you to be quiet so we can watch TV."

For once she didn't mind being told what to do by them. She went straight to her room and picked out an outfit for tonight. She was so used to sneaking out that she was calm about it. Too calm and it made her anxious.