The next morning I wake up angry.
In some respects, I'm aware that it's not completely justified, but I can't help myself.
What bothers me is the fact that whenever Raph and I talk about telling people, he starts to distract me with sweet words and touches and I can't help but to accept all that. What little time I can be completely free with him I don't want to spend arguing, so I go along with it. But really, it's not a good thing. At this point, I don't even know whether I'm angry at him or at me. Probably a bit of both.
I can understand how hard it is on him, but even so it feels like he's not taking me seriously, however much I know that isn't true.
I can't even bring myself to make proper breakfast and instead just much on cereal.
'What crawled up your ass so early in the morning, pretty boy?'
Zach comes in half grinning, still in his boxers and top he probably slept it.
'Fuck you.' is my only response, cereal going everywhere as I can't be bothered to actually swallow before talking.
'Ouch man. What's up with you? Got not dick last night after all?'
He jokingly claps my back and laughs.
'Don't fucking talk to me!' I rage, not even looking at him now. I really don't have the patience for this right now.
'Okay okay, I get it. So what's up?' He sits down opposite me with his own bowl of cereal and just looks at me. Even if my eyes are very focus on the tabletop and my mind completely concentrated on angrily chewing my cereal, I can't ignore him for long. There's something about being continuously stared at that feels unbelievably uncomfortable.
'I'm just annoyed. He keeps distracting me every time I want to talk.' I finally mumble.
'Well he's a pancaking chicken if you ask me.' Zach replies, 'I guess he's scared.' he then adds with a shrug.
'Why would he be scared. It's not like they can actually do anything to him or Sam. He's too strong.' In all fairness, I don't actually know whether that's true. I know when we fought we were just about even, but I've never seen him fight when it counts, or in a match that isn't driven by pure instinct. I have absolutely no idea how he fights when he can use his head.
'Dude. Are you that stupid or just pretending to be? This has nothing to do with him. It's all about you. Of course they wouldn't seriously hurt anyone, that wouldn't make sense, but it's their land. They can do just about anything if they want to, including having one of you leave the land.'
This makes me stop short. It's the same thing I've mentioned to Raph before when it came to having a relationship in the first place. I said that when he wanted to be with me. Now the roles are reversed.
'Ahh the sweet sweet smell of love. It's everywhere. Die for your one love. Live for them. To be or not to be. Or in your case, how about you finally get some D?' he winks at me with a cheeky grin, and while I first rolled my eyes I now definitely protest by flicking some milk drenched cereal at him.
'Eww, why would you do that? Don't waste that pancaking food!' He picks it out of his hair and stuffs it in his mouth as if it's the most normal thing to do.
We eat in silence after that, each with their own thoughts, or at least me with mine, I still haven't been able to figure out what's going on in that head of his.
'You know we can't' I then say completely out of the blue, 'As soon as we mate, everyone will know.'
The thing with werewolves is that we don't actually leave any scent behind. It's an instinctual defence mechanism. When hunting, hiding or fighting, leaving a scent would be absolutely detrimental, so it's almost like it's left from our genetic code completely. There's only two things that will always be too strong to not be smelled. One of them is the smell of your mate when you first meet them. The other one is the exchange of scents when mating. After the mating, other wolves will be able to smell that you and your mate are mated to each other. For Raph and me, that means that we can't have sex unless we want everyone to know about it.
'I'm aware of that. It's why I said it.'
I look at Zach incredulously.
'Are you proposing I rape Raph?' I ask with a tone I can't even identify myself. The scent exchange is common knowledge among werewolves, there's no way Raph would risk sleeping with me.
'Listen, here's the thing. This only works with real mates. If you sleep with someone that isn't your mate, no one will ever know or find out unless, of course, you're into voyeurism, but I guess that isn't any of my business, right?' I scowl at him in annoyance, silently telling him to just get on with it, 'Either way, my point is that right now, you don't actually know what's going on. No one knows whether you're real mates, or just randomly attracted to each other. And whatever the pancake is going on with that Sheila chick is beyond anyone anyway. But this means that if you sleep with Raphael and nothing happens, at least you know that you're not mates. There won't be any problem after because no one will know about it. If you guys do happen to get you scents exchanged, that means you're proper mates, in which case there's nothing the alpha or the pack can really do about it.'
I'm quite stunned by this whole idea, so I just keep quiet for a bit, mulling it over in my head.
'They're still not just gonna sit back and let us hop into the sunset holding hands, you know. They're gonna be angry even if they can't do anything.' I reply.
'Well, you can't change that, but truth is, if you're mates, you have the right to be together. If not, we'll cross that mountain when we get there. but there shouldn't be anyone forcing you apart if you're mates. Also, there's one more immense advantage to this.' he says.
When he doesn't continue I look up and see him grin evilly.
'What are you getting at?' I ask, almost dreading what he's going to say next.
'You finally get some action, lover boy.'
This time, I throw the actual spoon at him.
He just laughs and places it on the table after catching it.
'Seriously though, I just want you to figure all of this out.' I says, smiling a said smile. I frown.
'What's that all about?'
'My flight back's tonight.'
'You're leaving already?' Somehow, having him here has been so normal that I completely forgot he doesn't live here.
'I've skipped weeks of uni. Some friends have sent me the stuff we've done, but I can't really keep up anymore. Plus, while the people at work are totally awesome, I can't stay away for much longer either.'
He stands up and gives me a side hug while I just sit there. I'm not really sure how to react. Of course I want him to stay, but there's no way I can ask him to. He's put his life on hold for me, so there's no way I can ask anymore of him.
'Alright, I'll drive you.' is the only thing I eventually say.
'Thanks buddy.'
Six hours later, Zach's bag sits on the bottom of the stairs, packed to the rim and almost ripping. I can't seem to look away from it and it almost feels like that time when I left him to come here.
'If you stare any longer, the bag will explode and all my dirty underwear is gonna fly into your face.' Zach says from next to me. I sigh, not even wanting to do anything about his stupid sense of humour.
'Your mum survived saying goodbye to me, so you'll be fine. Once I'm gone, you can concentrate on getting your hot piece of hunk for good.'
He's honestly trying his hardest to cheer me up, but it's honestly not working at all. I just want him to stay, so he can tell me what to wear, what to do and how to just be me. It's not that I'm dependent on him, but he's always been such a big part in my life, now that I know what it's like to have him here in my new home, it's hard to let him go.
The drive to the airport is depressingly quiet. I wish. Zach has turned the music up to an obnoxiously high volume and, to make it worse, is playing a mix of everything pop has to offer between 1970 and 2000, singing along loudly and crookedly to boot.
I don't have the heart to tell him to shut up, but as it stands, I'd rather suffer in silence than suffer from annoyance. Knowing him, he's doing it on purpose so I can't to exactly that.
When we arrive, I almost forget to lock mum's car I am that eager to get out of it and when it's time for him to go through security, I almost wish I could go with him.
He gives me a tight hug and whispers promises of coming back in my ear as he does so. Then he lets go and walks away. There's an escalator between him and security and as he's reached the top, he turns around to me to scream his next words.
'Next time you come visit me, bring your lover with you!' His voice is booming through the whole hall and it's all I can do to not just run off. Instead I scream back.
'Fuck off!'
I can see him chuckle from where he is, then give a nod to something behind me.
Ignoring all those people that seem to be way too interested in that recent exchange between Zach and me, I turn around and it only takes my eyes a fraction of a second to find Raph standing there with Sam.
Fucking Zach had a backup plan in case I would follow him into the plane.
I reach out my hand in a fist to him, then turn it around and lift my middle finger, making sure to leave it there for a couple of seconds for him to see. Once he starts laughing I turn around and run towards his back up plan, needing it a lot more than I want to admit myself.