I can't stand this,
My head hurts a bit and I just don't have the courage to work right now.
It's been a few days since the funeral and I'm tired.
Really tired.
I've been staring at my monitor the past few minutes and it's only noon, sure that sajangnim finally brought me back here to work and at this point.
I don't care about the scandals after effects and shit between my co-workers and all still fucking gossiping over me.
I don't care.
I don't need it.
My hands gripped the table, back against the chair,squeaking loudly before putting my hands on the back of my head.
Y/N - I'm gonna text him
Sitting up on the chair and grabbing my phone off the table, I'll ask Sajangnim to see if I could get a break off today since I'm just not feeling it at all right now.
Y/N
Sajangnim, do you think I could get the day off today? I know I'm in my office right now and I just really don't want to work, I don't mind getting two times the work the next day.
Sajangnim
Yeah sure, you're in luck since I actually don't need the videos right now, the girls are on break as well today and their schedule opened up for another week. So yeah, take the time off and again, I'm sorry about your dad
Y/N
Thanks Sajangnim
Staring at the message with a sigh, turning it off with my thumb. I carefully placed it back on the table before leaning into my desk and saving the project which was barely started and transferred it into my hard drive before turning off the PC entirely.
Leaning down under the table where I usually had my satchel sometimes, which was opened. Taking off the hard drive from the PC, chucking it into my satchel and closing it.
Sighing, wrapping the satchel over me where I got up and just walked out the door.
Going into the office before being stopped by one of my co-workers, almost bumping into him and almost dropping his cup of coffee
Y/N - shit I'm sorry
Co-worker - it's alright
Fixing up his glasses, he stared at me curiously
Co-worker - you going out?
Y/N - yeah texted Sajangnim to see if I could get the day off
Co-worker - yeah I get it, hey. Chin up man
Patting me on the shoulder as reassurance, he nodded his head before walking off. Allowing me to walk past and go to the stairwell door, opening it and heading downstairs.
Once downstairs, all I could think was about how much I just wanted to go see Jinae right now.
Haewon's out with her friend right now, Seulg's busy with her solo and the rest, well I don't know but I think I just want some time alone with me and Jinae right now maybe.
Going into the hall, keeping my head down. I heard a familiar voice, stopping me in my tracks and putting my head up and looking around before spotting the person
Bae - oppa! Hey!
She waved at me while she ran towards me, stopping in front of me to catch her breath.
Bae - haven't seen you in a while
Y/N - yeah, sorry. Was at a funeral and stuff
Bae - I know, I heard.
Her face immediately frowned, smacking her lip, making a sound that echoed throughout the hall. She suddenly opened up her arms and leaned into me, wrapping those arms around my neck and going on her toes to hug me.
It felt comforting, something I really needed right now.
My arms wrapped around her, hugging her tightly.
Bae - I'm sorry to hear about it oppa
Y/N - it's okay Jinsol-ah.
Bae - are you doing okay? Have you eaten?
Y/N - I did earlier, I'm just on the way to go home right now
Bae - are you feeling sick?
Y/N - no no, just- not feeling it today.
Bae - it's okay. I'm here for you, the girls are too.
Y/N - I know.
Letting off each other, we both stepped to the side, our shoulders hugging the wall. Crossing her arms, smiling softly at me.
Bae - how are things for you right now?
Y/N - awful honestly.
Bae - yeah. Do- do you want me to go with you anywhere? I can stay with you if you want
Y/N - it's fine Jinsol. Actually, why are you here?
Bae - was going to pick up something from my locker since we got the week off
Y/N - I heard from Sajangnim, are you guys really off for the week?
Bae - yeah.
Y/N - that's good, I got Jinae's and Jimin's birthday on Friday so at least I got that
Bae - oh yeah, what do you guys got planned for that?
Y/N - just a family hangout, don't know what exactly but whatever Jinae wants, she'll get it
Bae - hehe
Lifting her arm up, her hand placing itself on the side of my head, stroking my now growing hair
Bae - you look so tired
Y/N - I am. I didn't sleep last night
Bae - what's up?
Y/N - ever since the funeral, I just- haven't been sleeping well
Bae - I know Haewon-unnie is there with you usually these days and believe me, she's barely by the dorm anymore but- she's there for you you know? Same thing with Seulgi-unnie.
Y/N - I know that, but- sometimes that isn't enough
Bae - it is enough oppa, if you're scared of tell someone how you truly feel, it's gonna eat you up from the inside
Y/N - how would you know that?
Bae - my brother has been dealing with his own things and- it's not good and one day he just finally opened up to me, to his girlfriend. Girlfriends actually
Y/N - heh yeah.
Bae - and it's helped him, alot.
Y/N - I'll- I'll try.
Bae - don't worry okay?
Y/N - I won't.
Bae - I'm going to go ahead now, just take care of yourself for me?
Y/N - I will, you too.
Bae - I'll see you whenever oppa
And just like that, she walked away waving goodbye and then I was on my own again.
Turning around and making my way into the garage area, greeting Ji-woo and telling him of my ventures before getting into my car and driving out of the place, looking back in the mirror while scratching my hair.
Y/N - fuck
â----------
Jinae - papa?
Y/N - yeah?
Sitting down on the couch, playing on my PS5 where she sat down in front of me on the ground, building a lego set
Jinae - where does this go?
Pausing the game and looking down curiously, she held up the lego piece in front of me. Smiling a bit, throwing the controller to the side of the couch as I bent down and sat down beside her, quickly scanning the instructions.
Y/N - erm- let me help with that
Jinae - okie
Slapping the instructions and sliding it towards me, leaning my head down and looking at it
Y/N - hmmmmm, I think I got it
Jinae - here!
Turning my head at her, taking the Lego piece from her hand and gently pulling the set to me where focused, putting it where it was meant to be before sliding the set back to where it was
Y/N - I think that's it
Jinae - yay papa!
Y/N - heh
Lifting my hand and ruffling her hair, kissing her forehead before lifting myself off the ground. My hands straining a bit, sitting back down on the couch and grabbing the controller and resuming the game
Y/N - do you want me to help with that or do you want to do it all by yourself?
Jinae - I can do it all by myself!
Y/N - cool cool alright, don't forget to ask me if you need anything
Jinae - okay!
My eyes remained focused on the game, my back strained from how awkward I was sitting. Letting out a sigh out of boredom, it just didn't feel as exciting as it was when I first played this.
So, instead. I paused the game again, saving it and exiting out of it. Turning off the console before throwing the controller back onto the couch.
What is up with me today?
I really don't know why I'm like this today and it's either annoying me or it's just something that I'm just coming through with here.
A faint idea coursed through my head since I really don't want to make dinner either today.
My phone sat in my pocket which I remembered, taking it out of my pocket tightly. Holding it in between my fingers and unlocking it, immediately went into my contacts and called up Kyujin.
Humming while I waited for her to pick up, I don't know if she's going to actually pick up since she's probably really busy.
Kyujin - yeoboseyo?
Y/N - Kyujin, hey.
Kyujin - hi oppa, what's up?
Y/N - nothing, you free?
Kyujin - I am actually, I was feeling kind of bored myself
Y/N - oh, I heard you guys got the week off?
Kyujin - yeah and I don't know what to do actually
Y/N - you got plenty of time to figure that out don't you?
Kyujin - I guess so *sighs* So what's up with the call?
Y/N - you wanna come over and take care of Jinae?
Kyujin - aren't you at work?
Y/N - not particularly but I'm also bored myself and I kind of took a day off
Kyujin - oh. Sure then, I wanna go see Jinae anyways
Y/N - alright
Kyujin - and you of course
Y/N - I know, just take your time. Do you know how to cook by the way?
Kyujin - sort of, you taught me here and there
Y/N - right I forgot
Wiping my face with my hands, sniffling before clearing my throat to talk to her again
Y/N - just whatever you can make it is cool, I got groceries like last week so there's still stuff in the pantry and fridge
Kyujin - cool okay! You got snacks though?
Y/N - always
Kyujin - nice! I'll be over in an hour?
Y/N - yeah sure, and again take your time
Kyujin - alright I will, see you soon oppa
Y/N - see you soon Kyujin-ah
Hanging up the call. I threw my phone to the side, joining my controller beside each other, making a connection with each other with a bonk before landing beside it.
Y/N - alright and now we wait.
Putting my hands behind the back of my head, tilting my head down to look at Jinae before back up at the tv to put on some music with the remote and then back down at Jinae, watching her build her set.
â-------
*about an hour and a half later*
Jinae sat on my lap, silently playing on my phone while she played Minecraft on it
Jinae - this is very different papa
Y/N - I know but let the switch charge
She groaned quietly, making me laugh to myself about how she was reacting. Caressing her hair softly, the doorbell echoed throughout the place making me turn towards the door
Y/N - alright muffin, your Kyujin-unnie is here
Jinae - hm?
Y/N - right I didn't tell you, I forgot
Jinae - Kyujin-unnie?
Y/N - yes
Jinae - yay!
Putting her hands up with my phone, I took her off my lap, placing her on the couch
Y/N - there's a zombie right there by the way
Pointing to the phone made her look back at the game, giggling to myself as I got up and walked over to the front door, opening it graciously.
In front of me was Kyujin in her usual clothes, consisting of a t-shirt, her favorite jeans and a baseball cap and a tote bag
Kyujin - hi oppa!
Waving at me hello, I stepped in and hugged her.
Y/N - hey Kyujin
Kyujin - o- oh-
Given that I never really hugged her as a greeting, it took her off guard but she quickly hugged me back, her face facing my chest
Kyujin - this is a nice way to say hi
Y/N - I know, sorry about it. Been just-
Kyujin - off?
Y/N - yeah.
Kyujin - I know oppa. It's okay.
She was warm, like the sun on a beach but comfortably warm not like scolding hot 'oh my fucking god it's hot as fuck' warm where the sand would burn your feet.
Pulling away from each other, smiling at each other before she came in and hugged me again
Y/N - hey
Kyujin - sorry. Looked like you really needed it again
Y/N - I do.
Softly smiling, ruffling her hair for the few seconds she hugged me again before pulling away once more and fixing her tote bag on her shoulder.
Kyujin - so- where's Jinae?
Y/N - on the couch, she's on my phone
Stepping past her, letting her go into the apartment. Closing the door, my back against the wall.
Kyujin - I got this-
Reaching into her bag, taking out a few packs of instant noodles that I like and could barely find since they were mostly sold out
Y/N - oh shit
Kyujin - I got these on the way while I getting some other stuff for what I was thinking to make for you guys
Y/N - how much I owe you?
Kyujin - you don't owe me anything oppa, I just wanted to
Y/N - huh. Thanks.
Kyujin - no problem. Want me to cook first or?
Y/N - you hungry?
Kyujin - nope. Are you?
Y/N - nope, neither is Jinae
Kyujin - then I'll spend time with Jinae
Y/N - cool. Give me your bag, I wanna store away the noodles
Kyujin - sure.
Taking the bag off of her, she passed it to me where we broke off and went our ways. Walking along the floorboards, making my way into the kitchen where I immediately opened the pantry and put my hands into the bag, taking out the noodles and what she brought with her and organising them.
After doing that, I walked to the living room where I joined Kyujin and Jinae on the couch, sitting beside them where Jinae sat on Kyujin's lap. Kyujin caressed Jinae's hair, talking to her and sat her tote bag on the coffee table before turning her head to me.
Kyujin - you doing okay oppa?
Y/N - yeah, a little.
Kyujin - so I heard
Y/N - about the funeral?
Kyujin - yeah. I'm sorry about your dad oppa
Y/N - it's fine
Kyujin - Haewon-unnie told me it was the first time you've seen your parents in a long time
Y/N - yeah well, some stuff happened between us that caused us to divide from each other
Kyujin - I see. What happened?
Y/N - it was about Jinae
Kyujin - oh, like- not wanting to take care of her and stuff?
Y/N - something like that
Kyujin - you don't want to explain it in front of her do you?
Y/N - nope
Kyujin - oh okay, subject change?
Y/N - sure
Kyujin - why'd you take the day off? You rarely do unless it was for something important and stuff
Y/N - didn't feel like working
Kyujin - that's vague
Y/N - I know, but that's really it. I just haven't been feeling great since the funeral
Kyujin - it's your dad, I would get it why you wouldn't be feeling the same as you usually are
Y/N - no it's not that. It's just, I got a text from him a few days before he died and it was just.
Kyujin - you don't have to oppa
Y/N - no I want to.
Nodding at my confession to her, sitting there with my elbows on my knees and hands intertwined with each other.
Y/N - he wanted to see Jinae and me after some time. We never really made up, that's for sure, but he still was Jinae's grandpa. I was still his son and I didn't hold much anger anymore towards him in reality in the time that went by. I don't know if time pulled us apart or because of the embarrassment of what we said towards each other that day I left home.
Kyujin - what'd you say to him?
Y/N - I told him that he would never see Jinae or me again if he didn't resonate with my wishes. And then next thing you know, me and Jinae were homeless on the streets for a while, couch crashing from time to time at my friend's house working freelance editing before getting this place.
Kyujin - I see
Y/N - and I was right, he never got to see Jinae or me for the past four years. Four years. I didn't see him. Sure my mom was the only one where we made up and apologised, but I never really apologised to him or to me. And- and I regret it.
Kyujin - I don't know what to say oppa. I me- mean both of you- just-
Y/N - I know. I'm not truly my father's son, we're not blood but I took on his stubbornness and I guess. We were both too stubborn towards each other to hug it out and apologise.
Kyujin - do you think you really would've apologised?
Y/N - I would've if we met up again. I would've told him that I was young, stupid to go against him but putting Jinae up for well- do- you know was stupid but- after proving to him that I could take care of Jinae, he opened up. And just- really- I missed him. I really did.
Kyujin - oh oppa.
Putting her shoulder against mine, her head resting on my shoulder while still holding Jinae.
Y/N - no amount of anger or resentment towards him wouldn't put me away from my dad. He was still my hero no matter how at odds we were against each other. The only times he got to see Jinae were through pictures I sent to mom or what Soo-Young-noona showed him.
Kyujin - but you guys still talked through text right?
Y/N - it only took him two years to, but from there it was just vague conversations like 'what's up?' 'how are you doing?' stuff like that.
Sighing, I straightened my back up, her head still on my shoulder.
Y/N - I just- regret it. I don't know whether or not to blame work or myself because I never had so much time to just get up and tell him that I was sorry and sort things out.
Kyujin - it's not your fault oppa. Sometimes you can't change the stream of time against natural things.
Y/N - I know. A damn heart attack got him, a- a- damn heart attack.
Kyujin - how old was he?
Y/N - he was pushing seventy almost, he was only sixty four
Kyujin - still pretty young
Y/N - yeah.
Kyujin - what about your mom?
Y/N - sixty one
Kyujin - they're still pretty young
Y/N - yeah but can't go against time like you said.
Kyujin - it's okay oppa. It's just life after all.
I felt a soft touch on my hand, making me look down to see her hold my hand. Where I just let go and held her hand back, softly intertwining them and indulging in the comfort it brought to my heart.
Kyujin - we're all here for you oppa.
Y/N - I know that. I know.
Kyujin - no really. If you really need anything, a hug or whatever. We're really here. You don't have to just rely on Haewon-unnie for everything. We still exist
Y/N - I'm sorry if I haven't paying you guys much attention, there's just so much stuff I just can't put my head around and just distracts me like crazy
Kyujin - but when you do have the time, give any of us a call. We're friends right?
Y/N - yeah.... We're friends.
Kyujin - and friends are there for each other. You already taught me so much that I thought I didn't need to learn how to take care of others, to keep myself in check because of how childish I can be sometimes. You taught me how to grow up
Y/N - did I really?
Kyujin - you did. And I'm grateful for that.
Y/N - did you really learn anything though?
Kyujin - I did. And honestly, I was a little happy every time you called or texted me for something when the girls weren't available.
Y/N - really?
Kyujin - I learn something new every time and hey, now I'm technically qualified to be a babysitter now since I take care of Jinae a lot
Y/N - heh. Yeah.
Kyujin - so thank you alright?
A soft kiss planted on my cheek, I softly smiled where we looked at each other. Sharing a comfortable smile with each other before looking at the TV.
Just looking at the most random shit that was playing but then again. This was good enough for the both of us.