"Do you remember when we went to your sister's New Years party?" I asked him softly, feeling tucked snug in his embrace.
He didn't reply as he was sobbing like a sweet child. "Do you remember the way you looked at me when the fireworks were going off?" He still said nothing. "That night, I felt like the most beautiful person because of you. Because of the way you spoke to me, and kissed me."
I brushed his hair back, not sure why I was bringing that up, but knowing the memory was replacing the one that was causing him to crumble, and he looked at me.
"I hated myself so much for doing what I was doing to you and Andy, but you made me feel like I deserved you. I wish you could see sometimes, how you make me feel. I know you don't love yourself enough, Charlie, and that hurts me. I love everything about you, and I wish you could see what I see when I look at you."
His sweet eyes read mine, and he looked embarrassed- so I hugged him closer. "What do you see?"
I smiled, feeling so lucky I get to describe him to himself out loud. "I see a handsome man, incredibly handsome, with glares that could kill," He looked confused. "And mouth that often pouts," I touched his lovely lips, and he looked even more confused- almost a little offended. "But the man who I met the first day of school, the mean and angry asshole, he loves me. You are the funniest man I know, the most gentle one, and so caring. You may be a grump, but Charlie you are so gentle, and you don't see how kind and caring you are. You only see what I knew in the beginning, the fury and the pain. I see your love and that beautiful light that shows up in your eyes when you laugh. You helped me save my friend from dying, you went out and bought me ice cream the first time I ate lunch at your house, you were going to give me your ancestor's garden, even if I didn't finish your shelves."
Charlie seemed to ease up, and I finally saw a look of comfort, something that made him rest back in exhaustion in his own skin. It was one of the few times I've seen it, and for a fact- I knew he was for the first time considering the good in himself.
"You are kind, and gentle, and you have a caring heart. Your family sees that, too. When we go over there, and you say the same thing about wondering why they care when you weren't ever nice to them, they care because you are a beautiful man. I fell in love with you, Charlie."
He released me to let out a sigh against the door and I let him stare, observe, admire. I felt beautiful to him. "This," He began with soft fingers in my hair, "This is why I'm in love with you." He said with a soft chuckle, recovering from him crying.
I smiled back at him. "Not 'cause of my charm and good looks?" I joked.
He grinned, beginning to laugh. His mother knocked on his door. "Chance, let me speak with you." She pleaded kindly.
He scratched his head uncomfortably, and walked towards the bathroom. "Hold on." He motioned for me to stall her and I did so, but as he disappeared into the bathroom, and I opened the door, his mother gave me a big unexpected hug. It was friendly, it was family.
"You sweet, sweet girl." She squeezed me, and I hugged her back. I welcomed the embrace of a mother, and it felt- strangely familiar. Soothing. I closed my eyes. "Oh, why the hell did I want you away from Chance?"
Because I was a whore.
"I'm really sorry."
"It's okay, Karla. I'm sorry, too."
"Well, we all make mistakes, honey." She said, pulling back to look at me.
It wasn't just a mistake. Cheating is a mistake- not an accident, but a mistake. Loving someone else. How could that be considered a mistake? When will what I feel for Andy go away?
"You don't forgive yourself." She observed sadly.
I chuckled lightly. "You and Charlie sure do detect the same things."
"Had he forgiven you?"
I nodded.
"What about the other man?"
I flushed, looking down, but having her motherly instinct lift my head and meet her eyes. "Yes, he forgives me as well."
She nodded. "What will it take for you to forgive yourself?"
I thought, just wanting to be honest for a second. To tell someone who wasn't Charlie how I felt. "For me to stop loving him."
The look she gave me then. It was almost as if our conversation had nothing to do with her son, and I was just talking to her like... like she was my mom. There was so much sympathy in her eyes, I wondered how it was she could do that. "You can't expect so much from yourself."
Her son soon came out from the shower, and looked between us awkwardly. "Hi." He said, voice low and uncomfortable.
My phone also rang then.
As I went to see who it was, I heard as his mother told him how I reminded her of some of his friends- the brothers, because of the way I looked. She was quiet about it. He must've given her a look considering he said nothing, and she gasped. "Chance, she's your friends' sister, too? Do they know?"
When I thought about it, there were so many reasons to why we shouldn't be together.
James was calling me. "Where've you been? We went by the house but you weren't there." I could no longer tell him I was with Andy, so I said I was with Erin.
"Austin said to call you, since the guys are really busy. Want me to pick you up? We're already here."
"No it's okay. I'll be there soon."
Charlie was furrowing his brows when I hung up. "That was James." He said.
I rolled my eyes. "Don't start."
"He likes you, Diana. Why can't you see that?"
"He doesn't like me, dumby, we've known each other since I was six. He's like a brother."
"A brother that hits on you." He grumbled, having his mom backhand his arm.
"He does not hit on me, stop being an idiot." After I gathered my things I looked at the two.
"I'll be there on time." He promised, and hugged me, kissed me in front of his mother.
Karla hugged me as well, and wished me luck like the nice lady she was.
I drove home.
...
At the service, we were in a church. How wrong it felt... it just felt so weird, and strange.
No, I don't think my father's casket should have been lifted by painted people chanting satan's gospel, but my brothers and I were never close to this idea that people called 'god.' Churches just irritated me- as 'bad' as it sounded to most.
Charlie arrived before most people, walking in with Tyler.
My man in a tie. My man in a suit. My man in nice dress shoes. My man looking at me with those eyes.
They sat in the row behind me and my brothers. We sat at the front row. On the other section of the front row, was my dad's side of the family. On the other side of the church, like they should be.
Austin and Bailey had their wives sitting next to them, Chris with his girlfriend, and Lily came to sit on my lap, sensing the solemn air and knowing to be silent.
Connor, Cole, and Erin came. They sat in the row behind James, Tyler, and Charlie. I wondered how weird it must've been for him to have three of his students sitting behind him. Then I wondered how it must've been to have one of his students in his bed.
I mostly wondered for my friends how it was. One of the grumpiest teachers sitting before you, secretly being in love with their best friend. That was me.
I smoothed the skirt of my dress. The beautiful black silk one that Andy spent thousands of dollars on. For me. I wasn't going to wear it. I wasn't sure how it'd make Charlie feel, but Erin convinced me, and I felt like a horrible person. I was comfortable as hell- but I felt terrible.
I wanted to look at my friends. I wanted to look at him.
A pack of military men soon flooded in, walked past the front row shaking our hands, many giving me hugs. They were kind, and they were friendly. These were the men who knew my father. They sat rows behind my friends.
Toby came. He took a seat next to Erin.
Then, the service began.
...
The sobbing echo hurt me throughout the church, but I couldn't quite bring myself to cry along. I had done that enough with Charlie.
In the front row, Lily and I were the only ones not crying. She stared up at the photo of my father in curiosity. I tried blocking out the speeches. Ones from his side of the family.
They were stupid.
They were superficial.
They were lies.
These people didn't know him, they didn't know anything about him. They shunned him away and didn't call for him back. Not until he died. I hated their tears.
There was a slideshow that Janette and Daphne and Chris' girlfriend put together. Full of pictures I had loaned to them from the attic. They were of him as a baby. Of him as a child. Of his young innocent years with my mother. Then with them as parents, happy and beautiful. Most with Austin, Bailey, and Chris. Then there was me.
One of the photos of my incredibly happy and goofy and handsome-looking dad seemed to spark something in my niece's eyes. She looked at me and whispered, "Is that grandpa?"
I smiled, and nodded.
"Is he your grandpa, too?"
I chuckled quietly, shaking my head. "No, that's my daddy." I pointed up at a slide of my father and I when I was ten. We had our arms around each other, and we both grinned like the happiest people alive. I wanted to cry again.
I had been wearing his baseball hat that day, and we were going canoeing around the lakehouse we once stayed at. That day was a picnic. A goofy time all around, the two of us making fun of each other, him telling me all kinds of stories- some of my mother. He had me practice pitching a baseball. I never played softball, instead always joined in with my dad and brothers playing baseball ever since I could walk. There were pictures of baby Diana on a base, holding a glove too big to fit my hand. I was grinning, and my chubby cheeks were rosy like my mom's were. My mother was in the back, sitting on bleachers, graceful, beautiful, angelic. She was perfect.
It was sweet. The feeling of everyone laughing, crying, smiling at the pictures of our happy father. Even if he had a hard life, he was incredibly happy. In most his pictures after my mom died, it was me and him. I was little tomboy then, always trying to dress like my father, always wearing his hats and tshirts. His stuff was soon to be delivered back to my house, and I couldn't wait to wear his tshirts again.
When the slideshow was over, I felt part of me turn dark. I didn't want it to end. I wanted it to go up until my brothers' weddings. To my sixteenth birthday. To his first grandchild. To my eighteenth birthday. To my graduation. I wanted to see what it would be like to have him throughout my life. He left me too soon.
Now were the speeches from the children. Austin was first.
He stood poised, red-eyed and sad. He looked throughout the crowd, locked loving eyes with Janette, and began his speech.
He started out with what our father meant to him. That's how it was with all three of my brothers. They all said things about how he was a strong man, and how they didn't have enough faith in him. Their shame showed. They brought up how they envied my faith in my father, and how strong I was for staying with my belief. They brought up memories with my father. Times when my dad taught each of them how to play baseball, how to fish, how play football. The crowd echoed with laughter when they brought up how I was always faster at learning the things my father taught, and how I always played like a guy.
Chris finished with laughing tears- all three of my brothers did. But when they were finished, we all knew what was coming next. They looked at me, and I stayed seated.
"Diana," Bailey whispered. "Don't you want to go say something?"
I hugged Lily close to me as she hugged me back, and shook my head silently. Austin leaned in forward towards me, looking stern. "You really shouldn't just sit here. You were the closest, it would bad on you if you didn't say anything."
I didn't want to talk, because if I did, I would cry. I knew I had to say something. "Let it look bad. I'm not going up there." The tears fell.
Austin clenched his jaw, obviously wanting to say something to me but keeping his mouth shut. Good.
The director came up to me and asked if I was going to speak. When I shook my head he gave me a sympathetic look and nodded in understanding, telling me it was okay and that I didn't have to.
He went up and made the announcement that I wouldn't be saying anything, and that we'd move on to the transfer. My brothers stood, their wives retreated a few rows back and left me sitting alone at the first row, like it was a tradition to leave the blood of the deceased in the front alone. Lily went with them.
When my brothers went to lift the casket, the men in the second row went along to escourt it to the hearse. That meant Tyler, James, Charlie, and a few military men who were close to my father.
It was odd watching Charlie help with the casket. I could tell it made him uncomfortable as well, but he was close to my brothers. It was what they wanted.
I was sad. Watching them carry the casket was waking my heart and saying that I was soon to watching him be buried. I would soon have to throw a rose in the buried ditch onto the top before they'd throw the dirt onto him. I knew that was the hardest part. I faintly remembered my mom's funeral. I barely remembered watching the small parts of her family leave. I remembered having my dad carry me, telling me to tell mommy I loved her. I did, and I also remembered dropping in my favorite stuffed animal so she could have something of mine so she wouldn't be lonely underground. Deep down I knew she wouldn't be lonely. She was dead.
Now I had no one to carry me and tell me to say I loved my daddy. I had no one to tell me not to say goodbye, because goodbyes meant forever. I had no one to carry me on their shoulders after and take me to get ice cream before putting me to sleep. I had no stuffed animal to drop onto his casket to keep him company. I had my last letter... if that mattered.
While the music played, I knew I had to get out of there, but I couldn't bring myself to stand up. I knew I had to follow the casket, to signal for everyone to leave as well. No one could leave until I did. I just sat, watching him float in the air, on the shoulders of many kind men. I just watched, hurting terribly, but the stun was so powerful I did not cry.
"Diana," Janette whispered, and the guys walked slow, looking back at me to see if I was going to follow.
I swallowed the tears.
"Diana, honey," She came around to sit by me. "You can do this." She told me in a whisper. "You're stronger than your brothers, go show them." She brushed back my hair. "Show your father."
I knew everybody stared at me, and were waiting. I desperately wanted someone to hold onto as I walked those isles, but I couldn't. Andy was no longer mine. I hated that I wanted him with me. I was a sick and terrible person. I knew I could ask Erin or Cole or Connor or all of them to walk with me- but that would make me look weak. I knew they were watching, the crowd. The hundreds of people, mostly from working with my dad. The policemen, the few governors. My dad knew everyone as some point. I was on a stage.
They were waiting to see when I'd break. All of them. I won't.
I stood.
When I did, I felt some of my strength slip, and a few tears came out. I wiped them immediately, presented myself with calm pride. I walked with normality, and suddenly I was applauded, by the whole of the church. Everyone. I felt my cheeks turn bright in embarrassment, but I continued on, catching up with the casket. The men in the back shot me a soft smile, giving me more pride than sympathy. As if I made them proud. They were so kind, and so understanding. I felt some comfort sink in as I followed them. The crowd all stood, filed a good few yards behind me as I hiked through the incredibly large church. I passed people I knew, people I didn't know, some of Charlie's family came, Claire came, Andy's housekeeper came, and his driver. I knew he wanted to be there, and their presence was plenty to make me feel loved.
That amazing man... he could even make me feel loved when he wasn't even on the same continent as me.
Finally.
I was outside. I didn't mean to take such a deep breath, but I did. And when I did, I went a little wobbly with my steps. One of my dad's friends asked me if I was alright. I could only nod in response.
I got into a car with my brothers, and James, Tyler, and Charlie got into a car together and followed us as we followed the hearse. The hundreds of policemen and military men and governors followed far behind, making the line endless. The guys on motorcycles from different states zooming around us, having us protected from being separated. I let out a breath.
"You did great, Diana." Bailey told me in the front as he was driving.
I shook my head, staring at the floor of the car and rubbing my head. "That was so embarrassing." I said quietly, quivering and coming close to crying.
Chris- who sat with me in the back- wrapped an arm around me, rubbing my shoulder. "It's fine, really." He said.
"Why didn't you want to talk?" Austin calmly asked, and I saw the sad look of remorse on his face. He wasn't happy with himself for being moody with me, I saw that much.
"I wouldn't have been able to make words." I said softly, feeling pulled apart by gravity. "And they were all lies." I added on menacingly.
They shared looks. I thought Austin would want to scold me again, but they shared a look of agreement. Bailey's knuckles turned white against the wheel. "And fakes." He included.
The guys nodded; I leaned my head against Chris' shoulder, feeling like a little girl. "It's weird," I softly began in the car, we were thirty minutes into the ride, almost to the readied cemetery. The guys listened for me. "It feels like he should be here."
They shared glances. "It feels like he should be sitting by us and making jokes about how ridiculous his family is."
Austin smiled in the passenger's side, seeming to agree as we were coming to a park. James and them parked beside us, immediately getting out for the hearse. We hadn't finished talking yet.
"Or sneaking us candy to make us stop laughing." Austin said with a nostalgic grin.
We softly laughed. "Do you remember when we all went fishing together?"
I did. "Yes." I answered Chris, not sounding as proud as I truly was.
We had gone fishing together a handful of times, but this time he was bringing up, he didn't have to specify. It was one of the most fun days I had ever spent with my brothers and my dad. I felt more of a brother to them at the time, but my father did accidentally create a mini-him of me.
That day didn't start out clear. It was ugly, gross, and everyone but my dad was too tired to want to go out fishing. We were all in a terrible mood, expecting for the worst.
It rained on us. We tried convincing our dad that we were cursed as a family, but he would laugh and call us insane. No one liked him for about thirty minutes-and he thought it was the funniest thing.
We all got onto a boat, and that was the day Bailey fell out into the water. I thought he did it on purpose as the time, so I jumped in with him. That was when my dad jumped in as well, knowing I've always a been a terrible swimmer. We surfaced the water with Chris and Austin laughing their asses off at us. My father pulled both of them in.
We played little childish games, me on my dad's back in the water, fighting against the three of my brothers. I don't even remember what kind of games they were, but I remembered how after we were freezing, and climbed back onto the boat and went to a secluded area to eat our little lunches. We talked. We made up stories, the guys made fun of my stories since they were stupid and childish- but I knew they loved them. My dad, luckily, brought an extra tshirt for me to lay in while my brothers had to shed their wet clothes. I fell asleep to my dad telling us about the first time he met my mom. I squealed at how it was too much of a girly story. I hated romance then. But I did secretly love to hear my dad talk about my mom. Like she was an angel. Like she was some goddess who saved his soul. That man worshiped her.
I fell asleep that day curled up beside my dad, and then my brothers passed out, too. Soon did my father. When we woke, the sky was cleared. Their clothes were dry, and they had ant bites on their stomachs. That was when we began fishing.
Seven year old me, catching as many fish as my brothers. To think that was only eleven years prior.
We all jumped in the car at the loud noise of knocking. I looked up and saw Tyler tapping on the window of Austin's side. We had been reminiscing for too long, the guests were already there getting out of their cars, and the casket was ready to be carried again. They guys apologized as they stepped out. Charlie got my door for me. I thanked him.
He touched my back, "Are you okay?" He seemed concerned, asking in a hushed tone while my brothers didn't even pay attention, and some looks I felt from his family. I knew he was referring to my stupid frozen fit in the church. I blushed.
"Oh- yeah. I'm fine. That was just, really... I'm fine."
He gave me a sweet look, and I wanted to kiss him. He made sure to be quick and casual when he leaned in beside my ear while shutting the car door behind me, "I love you."
I smiled as he went off to help my brothers.
I stood again, frozen. Watching my father float. Lily came by and I carried her. I wasn't sure when this condolence thing was gonna start, and I was nervous to receive it.
What if I said something stupid? Why am I supposed to say thank you when they tell me they're sorry for my loss? What do I tell them when they talk about how my father was a great man? I was suddenly intimidated.
It was huge. The amount of people in one cemetery alone. I felt I was put on display for everyone to see. The man spoke. It took a while, and Bailey many times gave me a side hug. I felt he needed it more than I did.
Suddenly while the priest spoke, Austin whispered something to Chris- he tried not to laugh. Then Chris whispered something to Bailey, and he held in a snicker as well. It was a little amusing as well as embarrassing. My brothers whispering and giggling like little boys while someone else was speaking, at a funeral. A burial might I add.
My daddy's body had not been lowered yet.
Soon Bailey leaned down to whisper something to me. I thought for an idiotic second it would be somewhat of importance, but then I was met with amusement as well as disappointment when he said in my ear, "What if the bathrooms in funeral homes said 'his' and 'hearse'."
I bit my lip at the stupid and immature joke- which was most likely from the internet, holding in the ridiculous laugh that so disrespectfully wanted to come.
I whispered back to Bailey the joke my dad told me at my mom's funeral to make me laugh, but I was so young I didn't get the joke at the time, "What if the priest was a necrophobiac?"
He suddenly gasped, the sound causing a few heads to turn and I slipped my hand over my mouth to gracefully refrain from laughing, as Bailey wasn't too successful. He passed the joke on, and the rest of my brothers didn't do a very good job at keeping their idiotic laughter down. Bailey tried to knuckle bump me, but I slapped his hand away as another laugh wanted to escape me. I was calmer, because it wasn't even that funny.
The speaking went on and on and I was so bored, I left from the spot I stood at in the line of children. I was restless, and politely stood beside the priest, interrupting his long talk about what a great man my dad was, and I told him I wanted to say something. He nodded in understanding, sympathy, and the crowd seemed to look relieved, and even a little amused at the priest. My brother just looked shocked at my audacity.
All the people. Were staring at me. I was nervous as hell. "Hi." I said, clearing my throat. James smiled at me. "As you all know, I'm Hector's daughter, Diana. I didn't say a speech at the church service, but I decided I'll just say one now and save you all the talk of him being a great man."
My brothers dropped their jaws at me. Tyler laughed quietly while Janette elbowed him roughly.
"I mean, yeah he was great, but it wasn't what he delt with that made him so great. It was how he delt with it. I don't exactly remember my mom too well, but ever since I can remember, my dad would always go on and on about her. She was beautiful, she was sweet, they were in love," I said with mastered casualty, and they all suddenly seemed interested. I hated how I felt the rosiness in my cheeks at how embarrassed I was to be speaking this crowd of people. "My parents made a few mistakes. Austin, being one of them."
The crowd bellowed in laughter, and my brothers looked at Austin who narrowed eyes at me. He wanted to laugh, too, I could tell.
"But, they always came off to be the happiest people alive. It may look all too fake, but surprisingly, they were one of the happiest relationships I've witnessed. Actually- I'm sorry I take that back, they are the happiest couple I've ever seen. My dad was torn from his wife, the girl of his dreams as he called her, but he took the loss as an opportunity to preach her so-called perfection to me and my brothers as much as he could. I always thought he was mad- or madly in love- but still mad, because my mother was not perfect. He said she was a bad driver, how is that perfection?" They laughed again, but something in the tone seemed... kind. They seemed... I felt like they were adoring the words I spoke. They had smiles on their faces, they looked intently at me. I avoided locking eyes with Charlie because my face would heat up again.
"So no, Ana Valiant wasn't perfect. To my dad, she was. And when she was gone he seemed to adore everything from her in us. He told me I looked like her, he'd say I had her eyes." I felt shy when I brought up the similarities I was shyly proud of having. The fact that I looked like her, that beautiful woman, was so incredibly flattering. "He found her seriousness in Austin, and her humor in Bailey, he also found her understanding in Chris. He turned every terrible loss he had into an opportunity. My parents didn't have the most luck growing up."
The heads of some family members went down and I was sadistically glad they had. "They had their first baby at fifteen-both of them. I won't go into detail what they went through for the sake of... never mind. But I'd also like to point out the lame fact that my parents named their children in chronological order." They laughed. "I mean, that's something Austin would do."
Janette let out a barking giggle and clapped in agreement. Austin went over to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, shutting me up. "Everyone give it up for Diana, the ruthless joker." He said, and people clapped. I turned red in embarrassment, and that idiot knew I would.
"I am not ruthless." I defended quietly.
"On with the ceremony." He motioned for the burial to begin. I took out my letter.
"What does it say?" James came around and whispered to me after ten minutes of us standing in front of the circle.
"It's just a... a confession kind of thing."
"Confession?"
I nudged him away. "Yes, it's confidential."
He smiled in understanding, giving me a tight hug. I hugged him back, but told him to let go because I couldn't breathe.
The music started soon, and there we were to throw the roses in. They fell, I watched- frozen in place again. I couldn't look away from the shiny black casket that lay there, somewhere beside my mother's. Something in my heart hurt as all playfulness in the world seemed to be sucked away.
I didn't want him to rot down there, I didn't want him to be without my mother. I wanted to believe in this heaven, but I knew deep down that when he closed his eyes for the last time... he no longer existed. I didn't believe in 'souls.' I hated crying, but there was nothing stopping me now as I again was causing people to walk around me to get the throwing over with. I didn't want to give him a fucking letter, I wanted to tell him myself. I couldn't.
I dropped it in there, the note floating back and forth, twisting like a feather and finally laying on the top. It wasn't like he'd read it, but something in my gut told me he would know either way. Dead or not.
He would know of my mistakes, and where they brought me.
Erin tugged on me, pulling me from the ditch, and she kept walking as we escaped the section of Hilltop Cemetery we were in, and she wrapped her arms around me. I cried on her. I was crying on everyone, but it hurt as well as it felt good.
I didn't want to stick around for the rest of the speaking. I hated watching them lower his body. Could not watch them throw the dirt over him- it was the worst part. I sobbed, saying I wanted to leave, and she nodded, having me climb in her car as she ran over to tell my brother I was leaving. He didn't cause a scene, he just let me escape.
...
"How's Mr. Grant treating you?" Erin asked when we at my house, getting everything together for the gathering after the funeral. No one would be coming for another thirty minutes.
I looked at her. "Uh- fine."
"The guys saw him talking to you." She said with a small cringe.
I watched her. "When?"
"When he opened the car door for you."
When he told me he loved me and I idiotically smiled.
"Oh-uh- well, was- uh..."
"Don't worry, I told them he was just being nice because this is a funeral."
I shrugged, not bothering to think into these things.
I don't think I could think about how it would be if people found out. It my friends found out- oh god if my brothers found out.
Charlie said his mother couldn't keep us apart, but what about my brothers? I told myself to stop thinking about it.
"They're here." She eventually told me, staring at my dress. "He hasn't said anything yet, has he?"
I thought for a minute what she meant. "Who, Andy?"
Erin shook her head. "Mr. Grant."
"You said he wouldn't." I said quickly, the doors opening and my brothers came in. After them were their lovers, friends, some of James' family, some of Charlie's. Cole and Connor and Toby. Toby smiled.
"Andy was right," he began to me, Charlie and his cousin in earshot. "You do look beautiful in that dress."
I blushed, and nodded. "Uh, thanks." I wanted to ask how he was. I knew I couldn't.
"He's doing fine. Misses you."
"Not now, Toby." I said quietly, feeling terrible.
"Then when? You broke his heart, Diana, and I don't even know why. Why? I know you love him, why did you-"
"Toby, we don't wanna kick you out, shut the fuck up." Connor told him, Erin high-fived Connor and I watched Toby storm off.
"God even Toby is upset at me."
"Why should that matter? He's being a little bitch. He's acting like you broke his heart."
I rubbed my tired eyes. "Yeah, well."
"Oh, Diana, let's just go get wasted and make out so you'll feel better."
I shoved him away, Cole popping him in the head. "Hey, only I can joke with her like that." He defended.
I wanted to escape, and Erin helped me with that as she pulled me to the food table, where people acted too grieveful to eat. I wasn't hungry, but I loaded my plate so someone else would.
"He's such an idiot- hey Mr. Grant." Erin said, soon staring above my head and looking slightly mischievous. I blushed, turning to see Charlie and his cousin standing behind me. Charlie flushed in uncomfort, his cousin smirked.
"Mr. Grant?" Harry mocked in confusion.
I smiled. "Hi, Harry."
"Hello, Diana. It's a pleasure meeting you for the first time and the first time only." He said with a very dramatic wink.
I chuckled quietly, shaking Harry's hand. "How are you?" Erin asked Charlie with a sickly sweet tone. I elbowed her.
"Fine." He simply said. Awkward, uncomfortable. Annoyed.
"Well, aren't you going to ask how I am?" She shot back.
He just rubbed his head. "No."
I rolled my eyes. "Leave him alone." I muttered to her in amusement.
"So." Charlie looked into my eyes. I felt some trouble coming. "That dress."
I blushed again.
"I told her to wear it."
He gave her a glare.
Erin shrugged. "It's beautiful, it's thousands of dollars, I couldn't let her have it go to waste."
"When did you and Andy Carl meet, anyway?" Harry asked in curiosity, and I just felt the spotlight he put on me burn brighter.
"I don't really feel comfortable talking about him..."
"Diana!" One of my brothers called loudly, eagerly, dramatically. The house quieted down, listening to the drama to be revealed.
I walked over to him, leaving the man I loved, and my best friend, and his cousin behind.
"What?-"
He lifted a newspaper, the front cover with two people embracing tightly- lovingly. Andy and me. The room moved in a flow, attracted to the paper, taking pictures of it. I rubbed my head in stress- disbelief. I couldn't believe it was actually happening.
We looked so in love, Andy and I. He had his face buried in my hair while mine in his chest. There was a close up in another photo of Andy's hand, his ringless finger. The title was sickening.
ANDY CARL'S LAST GOOD-BYE TO HIS MYSTERY WOMAN
Then below,
Looks Like Love
I only wanted to cry, snatching the newspaper away from my brother and scanned over it before tearing it apart. It said they finally found me. Me. The daughter of a war hero, a nameless- faceless body that captured 'Mr. Carl's' heart. How did they know of my father- who, by the way, was not a war hero- if they didn't know who I was?
"Ah, shit." Toby muttered, approaching, setting his hand on my shoulder. "You know what this means, right?" He asked in sympathy.
I looked at him, because no, I didn't know what it meant.
"You'll be on more than just newspapers, I'll tell you that."
It was too much. All this time he and I were together, and now the only time we get caught together. It wasn't fair. Nothing was ever fair.
"Let's... go upstairs." Erin said softly, tugging me up the stairs and telling me to take a nap and rest everything away. I loved her, and listened. Who knew with all that to think about, it would be difficult to fall asleep.