Alex
"Why are you both here?" with a common enquiring tone I ask them, my hands shuffling and gliding inside the drawer in an attempt to locate my car keys.
"The question is quite ironic don't you think?" Lee retorted from behind as I shove the keys in my pocket as I stride to my wardrobe, once I spot my jacket I pull them over my arms simultaneously turning to bestow my attention towards Hailey and a precisely pissed off Lee.
"Where are you going?" Hailey for the first time spoke, vividly terminating my task I look at her.
"Somewhere" with a yank at the hem i tense the blazer by the shoulders.
This seem to dismantle the thin patience Lee had been willingly holding up since he stepped into my room, uninvited. His eyes squints under the soft glow of the light, glimmering with frustration. An emotion which was really rare when he was involved.
"Is this how you explain what the hell happened a couple of nights ago? By running off again?" he hisses taking a step towards me as Hailey places one of her hands upon his shoulders to stabilize his nerves.
Funny the way I can bring the cruelest of urges in human by just being me.
Silence. That's what I give him.
"I haven't seen Edmund since the party and you-" his lips curves into a hideous snarl as I divert my gaze to the floor. It appeared much more hospitable then him at the moment "you come back only to pack your damn bags and execute your plan to escape like a coward"
My jaw clenches as I heard his words, loud and clear. True but painful.
"My absence is the only thing that could make this all right" I say it, so soft and low that I would be surprised if they caught up on it. But they did, since my confession was the only element that they were here for. And I had no other option to give them what they want.
"Ridiculous. That's how you sound." Lee grits his teeth and that's when I realize how much the table has been turned around. The intimidator has became the intimidated. But I know what I was doing and suppose to, this time I do.
"You know nothing about it Lee. Trust me, it's for the best" assuring him felt more like donning the belief within myself.
"The word trust doesn't suit you Alex, especially when you have been keeping things from us. We don't know much about Elaine, but you- you were one of us. A friend. So imagine when we saw you almost on the verge of breaking down and having no clue as to what actually happened" his stark anger was nothing compared to mine, but it was laced with concern and incredulity. Diverse to it, he tried to mend things with them. Probably knock some sense in me.
"I love Elaine"
Before I know it the words spills out. The dense silence suffocates my confession as I leech my gaze on the painting behind him.
"And I don't think I could ever stop loving her. I-" my voice cracks as I look back at their composed but startled gaze on me, perhaps they weren't expecting me to give in so soon. Clearing my throat I continue "-I met her in Summersville, a town in North Carolina. That's were I had been till I returned." Licking my dry lips I wait for them to take it in. when Lee's stern eyes locks with mine I take it as a cue to proceed. I walk to the recliner and take a seat, my hands clamped at it's edges on either side.
"I still remember the first day I saw her, she did her best to ignore me. Kept telling me that she wasn't the kind of a friend I should be looking for and what not. I guess she was smart enough to sense the grenade I was. Heck she's a literal genius so what else could you expect from her" I subconsciously found a faint smile curving across my lips as the nostalgia sluggishly creeped over me.
"But I was insistent, too stubborn to befriend her" I pause to steal a glimpse at them. No surprise there when I saw a visible scowl on their faces, Hailey's included. "It's crazy right? To imagine that I would do something like that?" I chuckle halfheartedly.
"Then after a series of events we actually found ourselves sharing small misfits of our lives, helping each other out and just being there for each other. But then it got worse when I realized I didn't wanted her as a friend anymore. She was the only girl who treated like a person. For who I was. And not some money making machine." I close my eyes to take a whiff of deep cold breath. I could still smell the fresh pines and damp earth after each rain in the town, and the peace that came with it.
Or maybe it was just her that made the ordinary plight of the boroughs so special.
"I told her how I felt, confessed. And she gave me a chance that I asked her for. I was the happiest man that day" Dipping my head low I pinch the bridge of my nose then look back at the clock above. I still had an hour before the flight.
"So what happened? You guys dated?" it was Hailey as I nod slowly, the heat in my body pulsing by the minute as I haughtily replayed those days.
"Each day I fell for her, deeper and sincere than before. But then something happened, it was the day I realized the world I came from" motioning the volume of my room with a stiff flap of wave I gritted. "I lied to her, broke her heart and trust in the most ruinous way I could."
A flick of pity radiated of their posture but I was far beyond accepting their generosity. They were wasting time and energy on a boy who was far gone.
"I regretted it the next moment, more by the next day and so on. By the time I apologized it was too late. Instead of guilt I burned myself with anger till one day I completely destroyed whatever we had into embers" I dig my nails over the rough texture of cherry red leather of couch, my focus fixed on the rug.
There was a sheer absence of sound which said much more then words, it was comprehension, empathy, skepticism but something else which along with these two I share it equally. Confusion.
"And then you found her here in Stuart" it was more of an statement as Hailey distinctly added. The sentence sugar coated a lot of queries. So many Why's to which she never answered.
Why the city? Why the school when she was aware that I could be here? Under the same roof. Why ignore my questions?
I don't know. And I don't think I ever will. With that I pick the passport that I had kept upon the side desk, flipping it close I shove it inside the jacket.
"So what now?" it was Lee who breaks the tranquility, he had been absorbing my words and observing my face for a while now, I could tell that much. And to see that he saw it fit to question me about my already informed decision again had me wonder about the argument he was supposedly cooking.
"I leave for Australia in about-
"And stop fighting for her?" he chuckled mockingly "Greatest coward I've ever seen"
I frown intensely as i snap at him.
"You don't understand Lee, this Is best for her. I can't keep doing this. Do you even understand how much I try to not hurt her and end up doing exactly that. I know that I'll be fine with the knowledge that she's safe without me." my voice raised by the end as he barely flinched, in fact the smug look on his face told me that it was the reaction he was accounting for.
"Fine then, go ahead. Hide your ass from the world. And I guess Edmund is the right guy for her" he adds it nonchalantly crossing his arms as Hailey scowls at him. Despite the way the nerve in me clenches with protest of grimness i know what he was scouting for. Jealousy.
If only he knows what a well versed experience I've with that term.
So I provide him with something that he won't be able to reckon.
"Edmund will take good care of her" my throat prickles, as if it has been stung by countless needles, feeling the inconsistency of the words.
Lee face contorts into blankness while mine was no less. Soon he turns, as if spitting at the thought of making me change my mind and walks out.
"Don't you think she would expect an explanation from you?" at that I smile humorlessly.
"Even after I pushed her into the pool?" at that Hailey rolls her eyes, the zenith of reaction I've ever seen on her.
"Even after that. I saw the way she looked at you, when you both danced at Lee's party" an ache clenches over my temple at the memory of her in my arms, moving to the song of our heartbeat, her intoxicating fragrance and beauty that was so innocent that it had a light and elegance of it's own. Ethereal
"I am a girl Alex, though Elaine might be different. I know she isn't weak. No girl is. She will listen" she adds the last part softly, assuring me convincingly before she left me to be.
I sat on my glued spot for what felt like hours, Haileys suggestion becoming more senseless yet prudent. Elaine deserves an apology.
Talk with her. She said.
But how? Though I know she went with Nathan that night a part of me was aware that she wasn't back still. The terrifying belief was if she ever will?
Not wasting anymore time if I will ever see her again or not, I decide to occupy my depressed self with the task in hand. Departing.
With a last scanning glance at my baggage I hoist up the duffle bag with it's handle and wheel my case to the door. I trade my grip on them for the lever knob by discarding them on floor as I pull the door ajar.
A sharp sting greets my forehead as I crush my eyes shut. The hum of pain that followed felt like my head was smacked by a miniature sledge hammer.
"Who told you to open the door before I knocked?" My eyes snaps open with the speed of lighting at her voice. When the blur of my vision crystallises, I find myself looking at a really disapproving Elaine with a baseball bat casted over her shoulder while the knuckles of her other hand on air as if to knock.
"Elaine" I breath faintly to which her lips thins down more in what I presume was annoyance.
"Yep" she clips the words swinging the bat from one shoulder to another as I duck my head down in time inspite of my extremly, horrifically perplexed state.
Am I peculiarly dreaming of Elaine trying to hit me with a bat?
But her next actions proves me wrong as her hands latches it's soft grip upon my wrist. "Elaine it is and you gotta help me with something really important" she tucks my hand down under her arm as she drags me across, like a puppet I follow her with my mouth falling open and close to form a sentence apt for the muzzled and baffling scene unfolding as the time passed.
But I came up with none.
Acutely stripped off the capacity to think rationally, I wasn't able to point out what I felt, let alone say.
My body resonated a mixed signal of happiness to see her, nervousness at her touch and confusion at her actions.
Wasn't she suppose to be mad at me?
"You'll kill the spider. Won't you?" In a second I was retreated right back into how real this was, I was with her. In her room. Standing inside her washroom. To assasinate a spider?
"So go ahead" biting my lips hard I hesitantly frown at her as she gingerly offers me the bat with both her hands, like a mighty hatori honzo sword from japan to it's legitimate owner.
I look at her to see her blinking expectantly at me, her big grey eyes causing my stomach to flip in an eccentric fashion. Her brows furrowed as she nudged her nose in the direction of the sink as I trail her angle of vision.
Screw the flight, I thought as I prepared myself to battle the spider. Though I am avidly quizzical with the idea of murdering someone who actually played a good role in my life.
The fat dark spider sat patiently on the niche of a porcelain sink, and soon as if sensing the attention it lazed around as Elaine stumbled a step back, squeaking in some mysterious language.
Before her legs could slip I grab her by the arm, helping with her balance. But when I saw her tiredly blink while shaking her head does my body goes stunned with utter knowledge of realization.
"Are you drunk?" I blurt out, my face contorting into a rapid momentum as I search her face for the signs I accused her of. She looked pissed.
"why do people keep saying that? I am Elaine. Who the hell is drunk?" She groans as I shake my head, creases of tentative frown crowning my forehead. There was no scent of alcohol in her, instead she smelled of pleasant and fresh citrus.
But the one thing that I was absolutely sure that wasn't fresh was Elaines memory. So I pry to extract the reason behind it.
"What did you had tonight? Drinks? Food?" Her eyes lazily flutters with a lost look , like a puppy at my hurried enquiry. And damn that was the cutest aspect I had ever seen.
So I take it slow the next time I repeat. She looks at her shoes in immense concentration before lifting her gaze up.
"I had a pineapple cake. But later I was told that it had a_" then she gets on her tip toes as I lean slightly for her to lend my ears as she cups her hands to her mouth as she whispered.
"She told me they had it baked with a tree" as if she revealed a top secret, with a nod she resumes back to her intial position as she waited for my response.
It took me a while. Whilst figuring out a cake with tree as it's ingredient though it was spectacularly new even for an aspiring botanist like me, it didn't took me long enough to decrypt her words. With my eyes widening a fraction and a little hope palpitating somewhere for me to be wrong I ask.
"Weed?"
Like two spark of diamond spectrum they lit up. Her orbs gleamed with moral ecstasy, though I hardly expect her to even recall the depth behind the term morals right now. I watched her lips stretch into a what I predict was Cheshire cat grin, but the fact that she looked more like kitten while doing so was comforting.
"That was the word. You are so intellectual" again she got on her toes, now to reach my head as she patted the top of my hairs in appreciation. In other circumstance involving a different person, any disruption towards my hairs would've resulted in a pissed off Alex. But with her, I wanted her to keep repeating the procedure, weaving her hands gently over them.
Do I care that my desire was similar to that of universal yearing of a dog who wants to be petted?
No.
But I did cared about her. So fierce to the depth enough to feel the hurt in my gut. Did she wanted to forget me so bad to sink herself into a practice that she'll never approve of?
"Will you stop staring at me and kiss the spider already?" She drawled back my attention to her rapidly, before I could even indulge in a moment more of self hatred. With her, there was no time to think except to act. So I decided to do just that.
"I guess that's suppose to be kill and not kiss" I couldn't help the passive smile that touched my lips as she pouts. I gently push the bat away as I could sense her curious stare on me when I walked to the sink.
When I was young, I rendered my friendship with Mikes as nothing more than an experimental thing. Till primary I would provide him with decorative plants for his reptile cases and cisterns, while he would lend me his bugs to scare away the nannies who won't let me have candies.
It worked till I grew up and nannies became a thing of the past. But today, Mike's training was more than a mere bluff of childhood as I, with a skilled and qualified fingers helped the vermin to its port. It tingled my index, but was patient, as if a mutual agreement between us.
Once I was back in her room with a common sense of her trailing behind me with a safe distace. I Slide open the window as I let it go free by the strip of the sill, it detangles it's legs and bids us adieu, strawling out into the darkness.
And darkness Is the sole think I don't witness when I turn, dusting my hands. In its place I see light, that sparkled in her eyes with so much surprise and indebtedness.
Her cheeks were flushed and the comical smile, inspite of her state was so genuine that I bet I was no less than a superhero in her world for now.
And shamelessly my shoulder squared with pride on it's accord. Ploughing the reality of how much I was going to regret this by the morning to rest for a while.
"So valiant" she whispered breathily taking a step forward but stumbled as her the side of her calf conflicts with the foot of the bed.
In a reflex I help her again. I might as well glue my palms to her shoulders with the frequency of clumsiness she was manifestating.
"This is the jeans fault" she growls lowly, though her mention of jeans causes me to span my attention to her clothing for the first time since she knocked my forehead.
The skinny dark ripped jeans complimented her in right places and the punky Nirvana shirt hung loosely over her frame. Her ramble about how coarsely tight they were and her futile attempt to count holes on it became secondary as I admired the way it made her look.
Different but ho_
"There are so many holes in them. The biggest at the knees"
My colloquial thoughts blurred as she grabbed my attention while she wanted to make her point by bringing her knees up, there by ignoring the mutual relative distance between us which wasn't much. The world halted for a second when i felt the hit.
Wheezing a breath and biting my lips I inhaled sharply. My legs almost wobbly despite how much the manliness in me struggled, I still stood up blinking the tears away.
I deserve it. I tried compensating.
You do, my subconscious generously added his cameo
But what has the junior ever done to you? Except just belong.
"Why are you standing like that? And why are you trying to hide the fly of your pants?" Innocence streamed out of her tone as I forced a smile, my protective sheilds of a hand falling back to my sides as I gritted my teeth. The pain fading slowly, but surely.
"No worries. All fine." I assure as as she nods yawning.
"I can't sleep in these clothes. Need a change" with that she drags her feet in the direction of her rooms door confidently until I turn her in the designated space and guide her to the actual wardrobe.
"The wardrobe shifted itself I see" she grumbles impressed and then giggled at whatever enigmatic scenario that crossed her mind while I smiled subconsciously. So inappropriate thing to do at the moment yet so useless to avoid as it kept crawling back.
She takes the ample amount of time finding the clothes she required which was quite an accomplishment for a girl who was higher than the Mount Everest.
"Where are you going?" Stupidly I ask the obvious as I watch her angle herself towards the washroom.
She squints her eyes into slits as her pursed lips twitches in sour suspicion.
"You thought I'll change here? You aren't that lucky Mister. You are not even Lucky blue smith" with that she vanishes inside as I advise her to leave the lock open with a sigh.
Still frantic at her blunt boldness and dazed to the core i watch the plank of a door. A high Elaine was a package, that is a risk to my heart and health and many unmentionables.
My thoughts dives back to her words as she mentioned the young globally famous model. Sometimes I blemish my sanity to forge the fact that no matter how unique she was, she still had those hormones that makes her a girl.
It was proved many a times, while she fangirled over that musician or when she admired my best friends physique. Sure it was refreshingly annoying, but just to imagine such of her attention enough on me would send me to cloud nine. If only it was possible.
Done with her task she came out in a white t shirt and red sweat pants, looking like a vanilla frosted cake with cherry. Her face masked with boredom. She probably was the most sane first time weed consumer with enough dose of craziness only to safe guard her.
But I spoke too soon, five minutes later we were by her desk, as she sat comfortably on her swivel chair while I occupied the bed beside listening, as she explained a productive sum of algebra using the latest edition of vogues.
"Have you ever seen numbers in algebra?" Was her defense when I experimentally informed her that a celebrity magazine was comprised of alphabets and not numbers.
"You are high" I say to no one in particular.
"Now who is this high?" Only she can use words like valiant and intellectual, while confusing drunk and high to be a person. Cracking up a laugh I tuck a strand of her loose hair behind her ears with the free hand , she shivers and coils back as if the touch tickled her. With the other hand I place a cigarette in between my lips, but before I could get my lighter the bud Is plucked out.
Amused i watch her twirl them over her fingers, analyzing it's chassis intently under the study light. Clipping her lips in annoyance she turns to me and to my surprise she leans and places her hand on the side of my hip. Shocked to the bones I let her.
"You are going to ruin your lungs with these" sternly she says while giving my side a squeeze, I jump marginally at her actions but slowly gained my conscious thinking as I took in her concern.
The prospect of the day when I would get to correct Elaine Winter's was like the saying that involved the utopia of pigs and wings. But here I was, doing it at the moment.
"My lungs are here Elaine" I said dabbing my chest as she frowns pouting. Something flutters in me but my gaze was too fixed on those pink softness to care about what my inner monologues screamed at me.
"Then what's here?" She gave another press as I flinched, ducking on side simultaneously gathering my senses back.
"Ah I_ kidney. That's my kidney" I breath an answer as I held my next one in when her thumb softly traced trails above my shirt.
"Why does your kidney feels like a plank of brick?"
That's probably because those are my abs and you are doing an absolutely good job of teasing it to denseness with your touch.
"I feel so sleeply" she says it so low that I sparsely hear it. I watch her lay her cheek on the table, blowing a fatigued air. Making the strand of her hair from her face waver as she puffed her cheeks like a chipmunk.
"You know what Alex. I know I want to hate you." She blinks at the hue of shadow caused by the wares beside her. And those words casted an equal shadown to the little light I had felt for the moment. I knew this was too real to be true.
Tomorrow she'll wake up and I, no matter how foolish I may sound, want to escape before I see the way she'll see me once the drug was out from her system.
"But I can't remember why." The sadness in her assertion was more of a tired confession. But the next thing that she said left me so empty and speechless. I had no answer to that.
"Is it bad that I want it to be this way?" She had asked before her eyes drooped, taking her into a peaceful darkness were I wasn't involved.
I couldn't help but sit there and watch her after I tucked her to bed. I could keep doing this, watching her the the whole night and still it won't be enough to draw the complete perfection of her in my memory once I am gone.
There was no alternative.
I had to do this.
I lean down and kiss her head, Her skin cold and smooth against my lips as she stirs in her sleep.
I don't encourage the will in me. There was none to begin with. It was the weakest thread of decision and with her here, the weight and pull of longing was making it harder by the second. So I got to my feet and without trading a glance behind I walk out.
The click of the door shutting behind resonated, leaving me almost alone in the corridor.
Almost alone since I spot Clarissa by my rooms door. She turned on time to notice me as I took a step towards her.
"Where were you? ever heard of a phone before?" She hisses as I raise a brow at her. Clarissa was least bothered by my life, in fact we had mutual work relationship that involved her crazy contacts and scout team that she gathered discreetly by absorbing Ian's contacts, aside the widespread fact that she can effortlessly flirt with a horseshoe when she gets high, she was useful.
And since it's my father who keeps her father grounded and busy all the time doesn't go well with our friendship.
But when work was in question, especially when it involved snooping she was the right one.
"What are you doing here?" I ask sliding in my access card while she stands beside me with her hands on her waist while other drums impatiently on the wall.
"Get inside. It's urgent" I frown as I quikly open the door for her while she hurriedly shuffles in. Closing the door behind I frown.
"Will you just te_"
"We found him"
I stop dead, my eyes fixed on her, expecting a smug look. But when I saw the disturbed creases dotting her face ,it symbolised that something was wrong.
It had been three months since the accident. The very one that shackled me to the reality. Clarissa did her best to track the culprit down on my demand, But every try went futile. A month back I gave up.
"The car and the man. Both were found" she grumbles pacing as I gear my head up. All thoughts of self control vanishing strip by strip. Though my anger was an element of disgust, but when used on the right person it can do wonders.
"Take me to him. I have some question" gritting my teeth I say as she halts her pacing, she throws me a looks of blankness.
"I did it already"
"What?" I snap. But composed when she raises a brow at me.
"What am I suppose to do? You weren't picking up the calls" thrasing her arms in frustration she runs a hand through her curls. The way her posture stiffly moved, evidently it indicated that what ever she found made her uneasy.
"What is it?" I take a step forward as she sharply looks at the floor, her lips twisting in turmoil, a sarcastic smirk.
"He said he never tried to kill someone by the name Thomas Alexander White" her hoarse tone was confident but I shake my head in divergence.
"A culprit never accepts their crimes without some inflicted disorientation. And you know that better than anyone" at that she purses her lips down with a mocking nod.
"I do. And that's how he shared the image with me of the actual person who he was paid to kill that night" with that she grabbed my hand and shoved her mobile in them. The cold metal heated my skin with sparks of dread.
With a thunder inside my chest I turn the phone over.
Grainy but evident picture was that of a girl gazing at the sky from behind the glass panel. It was the image of the same girl I always paint my memory with.
It was Elaine.
***