Alex
I drag my body, calculated steps, slow and collected. My back straighter than a ruler and head held high. The surface of my shoes create a composed tap, softly against the polished marble floor. Straining my neck, I hold my chin up. I know giving into the instinct will leave me on floor.
I was tired.
I was hungover.
But to them I had to, for all these eyes I must be the young reliable heir with poise to satisfy their hunger. The protocol of the society.
They feed on good contacts, and any bad taste of someone is poisonous.
To them I was a walking pride. But I know what I was doing. I was dragging my body.
"Tylenol?" I hear Ed Question me, the envious easy going smile painted across his feature as he greets someone but subtly asks me as I keep grunting.
"Two of it" with a mock smile I let my eyes go wide as i look at him. He was not amused.
"What made you drink in the first place, you were good before" he questions again as we both simultaneously, in sync tip our head a noble balding elderly man who came up to us. Ed smiled, I didn't. I almost grimaced as a heavy shot of pain treks through my head.
But true to his enquiry, I had avoided any sort of thing that could make me regret it. Make me regret that I couldn't save myself for her.
The thought of forgetting the pain and hollowness made me ache for a distraction. But I never gave into the tease.
My alternatives even breached the lengths of the limits I had.
It involved forcing myself in Ed's and Lee's room because I wasn't able to sleep at night. I endured the pain when lee walked over me in his sleep adventure. I hanged out with them, and even suggested places to hang out whenever I felt like I should just hang myself.
They were skeptical at first, Ed even offered his side of bed, but I was content with floor and sleep bag.
That's what she would've done.
And if it were for me, Alex would've just dragged Ed by the collar and ordered him to sleep with me.
What are you saying?
Oh god! I hate hangovers.
I am going crazy. I pivot away. Searching the bar for a drink. Lemonade to precise, something that would help me with this.
Edmund falls on step with me, his clutch on my arm stopping me abruptly.
"You want to drink again?" he frowns, hissing.
With my lower teeth grazing my upper lip, I squint my eyes. Even the hospitable dim lights and breezy music were too heavy for my senses.
"No, something that could help. My head hurts Ed" His stoic features dissolves into sympathy. It felt good to be understood by someone. Swear to the best behavior I jostled up these past weeks, I have no idea what promoted me to drink today of all the days.
It was like a hunch, like a whisper that I should. Like today I'll need it.
And I wasn't able to abide.
We stood on the spot for some reason as I looked down at my shoe.
"Why do you still stick with me?" I look at Edmund with my head casted low, through the edge of my eyes.
His brows raised a bit, as he opened his mouth to say something but closed.
"I treat you both in the least friendly manner. Yet- yet you both seem to be there whenever I want it. Even when I don't ask for it. You both are idiots" getting angry at my own words I blurt candidly, the honesty leaked through my words today, and I wasn't able to stop it.
The height of oddity was when he watches me in a total mock amusement which leaves me wondering if he ever plans on telling me or expects me to telepathically understand his mind.
"Is that why you always acted strange? Thinking That I was just sticking around with you?" he crosses his arms across his chest, his eyes moving to now look ahead. We both were aware of the attention we received, the two most sought after and talked about heirs of the country. A reputation even we can't dismantle.
I don't answer him. He finds them in my silence.
"You are a bigger idiot" nonchalance, it oozed in his tone. It reminded me of myself.
"Last night I saw you steal the container of hidden candies from Lee's bag" I adjusted the collar of my shirt casually, while inside I cursed a bit. Of course Ed had an eye at the back of his head.
"I was hungry"
"You were concerned"
"That proves nothing. He will die early at that rate. And what a sweet death will that be" at that Ed had the audacity to snort.
"It was good when I talked less" I grumble under my breath as he chuckles.
"We are selfish Alex, we all are." He muses sighing. "I am the friend of person who is unaware that he fills in all the responsibility of a brotherhood and yet places himself low. Only because he is afraid of falling" blinking at the prospect of coming up with some defense I fail, because he was indeed right.
I never admitted their friendship so openly, and even if I did it lacked confidence because I thought- I believed they would get tired of me one day.
And leave me.
Like her.
She didn't leave because of you.
But she did leave right?
She asked for your faith. You can't give up on your only strength.
"Where's Lee?" I ask abruptly, distracting myself.
"Looking for your date" it takes me a good few second, and when I grasp on the realization behind it my head snaps in his direction.
"My date?" Ed strains his jaw, as slantly he turns to look at me as if he was expertly annoyed.
"Alex" he starts off as if he spoke to a child. "This Is a debutante ball, and we. As in the young participants are required to come with a date. Saw the invitation?"
I don't accept that I didn't. Since I lacked of an alibi to convince him that I was certainly here for multiple other reasons than that I was scared to be left alone would be a waste of time.
If I had the choice, I would've stayed home. But there were too many drinks in there for me to fight against.
"It was a last minute survey, we did find someone who was willing to let you escort her" Ed then proceeds to scan the area " There she is" he says as I glumly follow his line of vision to see a happy Lee Stride in our direction with a girl in turquoise gown that hugged her body in places that doesn't even needed to be hugged.
She was red head.
And of course she would agree.
She was scarlet.
"Alex- this is"
"Scarlet" I deadpan cutting off the futile attempt of Lee to introduce her. She lets out a breathy laugh as both Ed and Lee frown. Confused.
"You know each other?" Lee asks breaking the thick atmosphere as I look at the confident aura she had acquired for now. As if challenging me to break it off with honesty. I don't answer Lee, instead I tilt my head as I gave her a once over. Slow and icy.
She looks away when my eyes locks with hers, one of her hand caresses her bare elbow as she looks back at me.
"How's your girlfriend?" she purses her lips as the hazel orbs dilutes with a collected shock.
She never wanted the society to know. And she knows I won't think twice before bring it all down for her.
The relationship between us was something no one could interpret. Including ourselves.
She was there trying to be the shine in my darkness, her attempts to befriend me.
But she was messed up, her idea of friendship was when I proved a good subject for an ill psychological analysis.
She got into my brain to explore it, instead she ended up wrecking hers to the point that she stop loving men in general.
But the end was when she messed with my girl.
I can destroy her in turn to make me feel contended enough, but what can distort her more was the constant fear that I haven't done anything to her.
That was much more entertaining than the former.
A minute later we were left alone, Ed went to search for Hailey While Lee to persuade Clarissa to be his date. Something tells me that it wasn't going to be easy.
"You will never change" she says, her voice a grunted whisper as I smile. The one I save it for people like her, the one that makes them quiver.
"You'll be surprised scar" I sigh, her presence increasing the vileness as it lowered my dampened drunken aftermath. At least something good from this "I am back to my original hair color though"
Ed had called up a stylist to fix my hair. I wasn't bothered, in fact I was pretty impressed to have someone do it for me, the care I gave my scalp and follicles long forgotten to cope up with my pathetic days. But it was the chatter mouth of the man that made me want to shove the hair brush in his mouth.
For one whole hour he filled my ear about the girl who visited his spa that day with her grandmother. Told me the tale of some rich spoiled but gorgeous satans child who created a havoc.
Apparently it took three staffs to get her out of men's Tepidarium room to force her into waxing chair.
Though it intensified my headache, I kept my cool. The story was entertaining. Whoever the girl was, she knew what she wanted at the end. The deceased spirit of the man who couldn't shut up.
Examining my hair scarlet cripples her fingers up as if to touch, i let my head fall to side looking at her in warning as she rolled her eyes.
"You dyed the white strands as well" her orbs shone with blunt knowingness as she smirked "Insecurity?"
The corner of my lips curves into a smirk of own, for a girl who thinks she could figure me out so easily. she was terrible.
"peculiarity scar- it will make me stand out more that I already do"
It loses, the second of victory that surged in her as she snarls.
"you aren't as special as you give yourself credit for Alex" without giving her much of a heed I proceed to walk in the lane of bar counter, the lights brighter there and a lone bartender with his back to us in read and white uniform arranged the veils and bottles of magnums in racks. I order not waiting to see if he heard or not I turn to Scarlet who was to the least to say, fuming.
And then she say's something that spikes and tears the little control I had.
"Elaine left you. Is that not enough for you to know that you cannot be loved Alex" the tapster slides the drink by my elbow, I clutch at the square glass with flat surface still not looking at him when scarlet opens her mouth again. "But even I must say, you are way out of her league. It's a good thing she's gone"
The hold on the glass goes stiff as I grit my teeth, my gaze hard on her.
But before I could show her what her Spectre's are, something scrapes beneath the glass I held. Scowling I turn to look down, siding the Bordeaux my eyes falls upon the piece of white paper.
205
That's what it read. For a pathetic second perplexed I stared at it. The number. And then my eyes rose up, incredulous to the man's who served me. The familiar brown pair of Nathan had his head tilted examining me like a crucial morse code.
The sudden presence of possibility hits me as I blink rapidly, the act of breathing long forgotten as I watch him smugly turn back to his work.
Still dazed I turn back to scan the crowd, my eyes desperately searching for something.
Or rather someone.
In hasty rush of time it stops at a boy, clad in three piece tux straight to me. Mike stood at the farther end with his back resting against the wall as he took a sip of wine from his glass, his eyes even from afar fixated on me.
It was all it required me to snap out.
I look down at the number in my hand again.
I don't stop. I basically run out of the hall to the lobby as i ignored the calls of scarlet, her voice faded soon. The smooth chatters got dissolved by the own static beats of my heart as i rush out, almost stumbling over my feet.
This was a hotel.
And the digits. It must mean the one thing that directs you to the respected number plates.
The rooms.
"Which floor?" I breath unhealthily as the receptionist raises her surprised eyes to quizzically look at me "Room two zero five"
After some sluggishly irritating blinks she finally gets what my concern was
"Eight" she blurts out unproffisionally as I wave at her to hurry up.
Eight- the number gave me chills. And the elevator was just a bonus. It felt as if the time slowed down and my body was being pulled into its own accord as uselessly I kept pushing at the button of the respected floor. As if it might just speed up the process.
It was futile. It was irrational.
It was just the effect of her.
The effect which killed me by the seconds I was away from her, yet gave me life in equal lapse as my steps neared the door.
205
The silver font sophisticatedly curved upon the metallic black board.
A sliver of dreadful ecstasy vanquishes within me, until it left me in a gush of realization.
My hand instead, like the cemented legs moved as it coiled upon the cold lever.
It has to be her.
The thought left me paralyzed. But I will my mind to believe the faith I have in her. To trust the heart which was so sure that It encouraged me to open it. And if locked, destroy it down to hinges.
I obeyed, I pulled at it.
With a clink it opened. The sound, the easy way. She was never easy to find. Why so different tonight?
Chasing down the dryness in my throat with the little moisture i could conjure. The door swung wide open, into a dim lit room. I felt my feet move across the fleecy carpet. The sober lights opening up to a larger room with brightness now intact. Large queen size bed, plush and exotic décor, the resting slither of wind from the open glass door, the balcony.
It was a suite.
Recoiling a step back I scan the room. The empty room.
I stood by the partition glass wall with clamped jaw and strained gaze which stayed glued to the side lamp. The emptiness here was provoking, it sizzled a yawn, waking the sleeping anger within me. I had held it for so, so long. But tonight, I felt them blur into something that would've made her realize how bad I wanted her.
Will she be thrilled to see few of the hotels possession shredded and sacrificed to the vent of my madness for her?
She won't. She would hate it.
So I walk towards it, the lamp almost under my grasp as I feel it.
It was her scent. The fragrance which used to make me crave for her touch. The touch of her which used to drive me crazy.
"Alex"
The voice. Gentle and firm. It haunted me for nights. To have no clue when I would be hearing her call my name again.
I close my eyes, still not moving an inch.
A clank of heel resonates the silence. A if she took a hesitant step near me. Her essence more prominent. It was a tease, a need which made me want to give up on my sudden onset of stubbornness, to turn and never let her go.
To make her regret ever leaving me in the dark in the most pleasurable way possible.
My thoughts were blurred, they were dark and demanding. They were possessive and powerful.
Nothing that would leave her independent. The least thing she'll ever desire from me. she'll leave me if I ever plan on being the shackle she dreads.
"Look at me" I take in a deep breath as she says, a slight hint of difference in her tone. It was almost as if she demanded me. Ordered me.
"No"
"Why?"
Silence. Gritting my teeth I feel my toes curl inside the tough embrace of my dress shoes.
"I won't be able to stop from doing something that I would regret"
The world was serene, except for the silent chaos that were us. The tugs of wind from the open window, the perspiration of heat flowing through my veins.
And then ever so lightly I felt her finger graze above my fisted hand by side.
Her warm breath on my neck, as her scent held me captive.
Tantalizing.
"Then don't hold back" she whispers.
And I follow.
I whirl, as her innocent touch on me ceases, only for a second until I pull her closer to me by her waist. Nothing innocent about it.
Then I stop.
Lost in the storm that were her eyes. The smooth velvety black fabric a torture for the boy who craved for her skin.
So I bring my other hand to her bare shoulder, sinking in the smoothness of her as she watches me. Her slightly parted lips of a color and visual softness that even the most of extravagant of crimson flowers wouldn't bore.
I don't kiss them. I wait for them to answer me as I tuck the strand of loose hair behind her ear. Taking my sweet time to travel my hand from her shoulder to her cheeks as she closes her eyes breathing, as if she just realized that she should, in order to stay alive.
"Why?"
"I am sorry" I tug at her, our bodies closer. Not sparing even a hairs breath between us. It is how I want us to be. This time it's just me who'll decide. And she won't have any choice.
"Not the answer" I croak, my voice thick with laced emotion as i frown mildly, at the height we stood in. she was taller than before, her head reaching just below my chin. And that's when I notice her dress, the off shoulder gown, firm by the waist were I held her to flow down in layers hiding the heels beneath.
Something that I never thought to see her in.
And then I look back at her again, to actually see her this time. I drift back to memories, sinking and submerging to fish out that one time I had seen her this way. The way her eyes explored me inside out. The way it screamed as if it'll draw out your secrets if you even as of let your guard flinch.
So confident.
Insanely breathtaking.
I don't find it.
I don't find Her.
And everything pointed to one question that would solve it all. That's how I found myself speaking, desperate and fuming.
"Why? Why did you left me like that?" I struggle to keep my voice in check, but something told me she was prepared. As if expecting anything from this. From me. "you had no right to treat me that way" I whisper as her hand which once laid flat upon my chest rose to meet my cheeks, gentle in fashion as her eyes attentively roamed my face. In a sad glimmer.
"There were too many lies Alex. I was suffocating under their weight" abruptly I stop her, my hand taking hers by the small wrist as I slide it down.
"Then tell me" she blinks, her breathing a bit ragged. As if she was bracing herself "Tell me Elaine what the hell is it that has been hurting you so bad. Bad enough for you to feel the need to stay away from me"
"My name" she pauses, her lips pursed "The name you mentioned right now is not me. I am not Elaine, Alex i-"
"I don't care" I cut her off as she gasps in surprise, but composed herself when I continued "Who ever you are, you are mine. And trust me, if this ever happens again, you leaving me alone. I will die. I will fucking die. You understand"
Her eyes goes wide at the tone, and seething by my part. The restraint slowly on its undoing. The meaning behind my words so genuine even for my own ears.
With her palms she pushes me relatively, just enough to loosen my hold on her. But not untangle.
Entire time as she watched me.
"I was never away from you. I am closer to you in more ways than you can imagine. Because Elite could never be complete without Elzina and Elzina is never complete without you"
Tricks. It was the streaks of confusion of her utterance that tricked me in to finally let go of the hold I had in her. My Body numbing by the name falling from her lips. The name of the girl who was-
"Dead" a whisper at first, "sh- she is dead" it was my voice, I know it was. Uncertain and weak as she looked at me. Sharp and assured. Everything I wasn't.
Elzina was dead. I was a coward. That's the story. It should go this way. It should. It must.
But then she speaks again, annihilating every thing I've come to know. The name resounding from her lips like a spear to my heart.
"Elzina didn't die Alex. She survived-" my nails dug upon my skin as i fist them at the cruelty of life as I hear her shut all the scrapes of hope I had gathered over the time.
"-And you are looking at her"
***