May 31st 2019.
Dear Ryan:
Ohhh Ryan....your story is definitely one of my favorites.
You were the second boy I loved...even though we never dated, I caught feelings for you so quickly.
August 25th 2018.
I was 14 years old.
The first time I saw you was at my best friends house on her birthday.
The night before I had slept over at her house and the next morning you showed up.
I didn't see you until I walked down the stairs after getting ready for her party which was at the bowling alley.
You were sitting on the couch and we made eye contact as I finished my last step on the staircase, but I looked away quickly because I noticed how cute you were.
Later on I would find out you happened to be my best friends cousin!!
What a plot twist that was...
Our first conversation was in line for the sky walk.
We somehow struck a conversation and talked about how you play football and how I play softball and our bruises we get. It was a really great conversation honestly.
We talked a very long time and the more we talked the more I fell into your dark big brown eyes.
From then I thought I would make my move so I "accidentally" stayed around you the rest of the night.
We became friends!!
That night we all went back to your cousins house and she had a huge sleepover after.
We would play never have I ever in her room.
The questions went around the room until It was your turn to ask the question.
You were sitting in the corner of her room on the floor. And I was sitting on the end of the bed.
And you looked straight into my eyes and asked
"Never have I ever kissed a boy before"
And at that point I had all 10 fingers up still...and I'll never forget the smirk that left your lips.
There was some obvious tension in the room about that and everyone knew you were basically asking me that question.
You ended up having to live with your cousin (AKA my best friend) because of family problems at your home.
So as wrong as it was, I would frequently come over just to see you...because I liked you.
I obviously couldn't tell your cousin she would kill me.
So I secretly liked you in my own way.
You were always so protective over me and one time we were throwing a ball around and some glass broke
It was my fault the glass broke but you hurried and cleaned it because you knew I was scared to get in trouble.
And when we would play basketball all together outside I had looked at my wrist bc of a bracelet and you thought to hurt me so you stopped everything and asked if I was okay before proceeding.
We had really good moments together. And I always felt the feelings we had for each other. It was just hard to say it.
But then that December you got a girlfriend, and my heart sort of shattered.
But I still continued to come over because I wanted to see you.
I'll never forget we all went ice skating together at the local ice rink
And you brought her.
I was so jealous, but there wasn't anything I could do about it.
Until this happened.
We were putting on our shoes, and you sat down right next to me...we both put our skates on and you got up.
But you put your hand on my thigh and breathed in my ear. As you got up and left.
It left me in total disbelief, I mean your girlfriend was right there!!
But I brushed it off as an accident, because why would you do that?
But then there was New Year's Eve, your cousin threw this big party and my family was invited.
We had a lot of fun popping fireworks and playing basketball.
But then you got drunk.
And one last time we all went outside to play basketball and you grabbed my waist from behind and started squeezing it.
And again I was stupid, and I yelled "are you tickling me??"
And I think you got worried your cousin would find out so you backed away and asked me a question about basketball that I didn't understand.
But in the back of my mind you still had your girlfriend...yet you were doing all these things with me?
I didn't know what to think.
But I liked you so freaking much...
My family had to leave early because my idiot brother got really drunk and I started to cry because I was embarrassed.
And you comforted me...
But again, you were drunk...you weren't in your right mind..
February~
Me and your cousin stopped being friends...and I stopped seeing you.
Somehow the word got out that I liked you and you confronted me about it on an anonymous Snapchat app.
My heart dropped when I knew you found out.
Someone must've told you...and I know exactly who it was.
But at this point I didn't care
Her and I weren't friends anymore so the only thing I had to worry about was them talking trash about me.
My other best friend A got her first boyfriend and she wanted me to invite you to go to the movies on a double date.
And with a lot of courage and freaking out I actually did!!
And you said yes!!!
So we went to the movies together and I was so nervous that I was trembling.
This was the first date I ever been on with a boy and it was YOU!
someone I liked ALOT!!
You greeted me with your cute smiling eyes and told me you hadn't seen me in forever.
And I agreed.
It was awhile since we last saw each other~
You even bought me a vanilla bean frappe at Starbucks.
And you ordered one for yourself as well.
My heart was pounding because GOD I liked you so much.
I remember throughout the movie I couldn't focus...and I would look over at you and admire your pretty eyes...and your perfect nose...and beautiful hair..
After the movie we said our goodbyes.
But we didn't hug because you got scared about my mom being there and you felt shy.
(Although she didnt care)
But that was the last time I ever saw you...in person....the last time we said goodbye.
Because some reason we didn't keep in touch.
I mean we did...but not for long...but you started to change and got into drugs and I didn't want to surround myself with it....so I guess it was good for the both of us?
Just know....I really liked you.
A lot and I would count you as my first REAL crush...and i will probably never get over you no matter how hard I try....
2 years later~
Little did I know You would randomly follow me on Instagram...and we would get back in touch.
You weren't as cute as you were, you had cut all your hair off and you let yourself turn into a druggie...
Which breaks my heart...because you had everything going for you.
But at this point I moved to Florida already...and when I told you, you were so shocked.
But we kept in touch on Instagram...and we would send each other funny animal videos but that only went on for about a month...
I sent you one last video of my cats and for some reason you never answered till this day....
I found out from a friend that you had made a new account. But I thought it was best for me to leave it be, And that's when I realized.
Damn...I don't have feelings for you anymore, and I can move on....I hate that it took 3 years to figure it out.
So with this long story,
goodbye Ryan Luna~