Wednesday, May 18th 2022
Dear Fabian C~
It was April 8th 2022.
The school athletics were invited to a Major League Baseball game.
The Football team was sitting right behind the softball team.
Me and my teammate J had been planning to go to prom together...but she ended up asking a boy to go with her as a date.
So I was basically going to third wheel at that point.
So her and I made it a quest to find me a prom date.
So I asked her which one of the boys on the football team is single..
So she pointed out a few guys and then her finger landed on you.
And at first I didn't even keep you in mind because of how cute you were.
You were obviously way to good looking for me and I knew that from the start.
But the boy I ended up choosing J told me he just got out of a bad relationship.
So i said never mind and she practically forced me to choose you since she knew I thought you were really good looking.
So after stealing glances from you and seeing how hot you were.
I went for it.
I asked my friend V to ask you to prom for me because I was way to shy to do it.
I was so anxious to see what you would say about me...
But somehow the answer was positive and you gave V your Snapchat to give to me.
I was shocked, did you really think I was good enough for you?
I'm so mid....how would I have a chance?
My friend J told me that she asked you to prom a few weeks ago and you told her you were going with a group.
Wouldn't that be the same answer I would get if I asked you the same question??
Your phone was dead...so i had to wait until you got home and charged it to answer me.
I was sitting on the bar in my house in panic when you messaged me back.
We started having small talk and then you asked me why I would want to go to prom with you when I don't even know you.
My response to you was because I thought you were cute and I wanted to get to know you.
It took me ALOT of guts to send that message...because I've never been so straight forward with a guy before.
But you took it well and said thank you.
And told me you'd like to get to know me as well.
We then began to talk every single day.
Getting to know each other more and more
And I figured out how great of a person you are in that time span
We both love the same movies.
We both love the same music.
We've both never been in a Relationship before.
And we are both pretty shy And overthinkers.
We hit it off so well bc we liked all of the same things.
You even showed up to one of my games...
Although we were both to shy to talk to each other.
You still came to support me even though you left without saying hello.
April 19th 2022....
My 18th birthday~
I decided to have a small picnic with two of my friends at a Park..
But I invited you Very very last minute.
And The Park was an hour away and it was 7PM Tuesday on a school night.
I wasn't expecting you to actually come...but you did.
And it meant a lot to me...
You even went out of your way to buy me a gift...
This would be the first time we actually met each other.
My family and friends family all ended up having a talk
And my two friends told us to go walk around because he drove so far and we were already done with the picnic.
So we did...
Just the two of us took a walk around the Park looking at the city lights and watching the swans.
It was a nice walk, we got to get to know each other a little more and actually meet each other instead of just text messaging.
After we walked around the Park we walked back to our car where everyone was And you met my parents.
You guys hit it off very well and even my friends parents like you.
When it was time to leave you hugged me goodbye...and that was the first time we ever hugged.
My birthday couldn't have been more perfect!
After my birthday You showed up to every single one of my softball games until the end of season.
I'll never forget the feeling of seeing your face in the stands when I didn't know you were coming.
when I would look in the stands and see your face I would immediately get so excited knowing you made the effort to come to MY softball game to watch ME?
It felt so unreal...but it made me feel so happy.
You were just so cute and way out of my league I was shocked you gave me the time of day....
And the best part was after every game you would wait for me to come out and you would give me a hug...i always felt so special...
You would tell me how good I did and tell me how good of a pitcher I am.
You always praised me...
The closer prom got the more clingy you became. I found it so adorable.
You would always tell me you wanted my company.
And you wanted me to go visit you at work!
You even wanted me to go give you company in the football locker room while you waited for practice to start
But we both knew that wasn't allowed.
May 14th 2022
PROM
it's the day of prom and I am so nervous, I finally get to see you.
And take photos.
This will be the first time I ride in the car with a boy...I was so excited
When you got here you showed up at my door with flowers and chocolate.
You even made sure to get my favorite color (purple) in the flowers you bought. They were beautiful.
When we took photos we had such a good time.
And you even let me have the aux chord in the car on the way there.
We had pleasant conversation in the car.
And at prom we had a great time.
Anytime you would pull me in close to dance with me butterflies would scatter around my stomach.
I really really like you.
I told myself not to get attached to you...because if it wasn't going to be official I don't want to catch feelings
But I did...I did from the start, you're so cute, I know you're way to cute for me...but we have so much in common and we love the same things.
And I thought for sure you would become my first boyfriend
Especially because you met my parents and became close with my family.
It's all working out so well.
You even asked me to go to your football game this Thursday!
I can't wait to cheer you on!
On the drive home from prom you opened up to me a lot
You told me very personal situations and opened up to me about your family.
I was just listening to you and giving you advice along the way.
It was refreshing to know how comfortable you felt with me to open up like that.
And we both ended up having a very deep conversation.
You even joked with me on the way home as well.
And I won't lie...I loved looking at you.
Especially watching you drive in the night...your eyes would sparkle and you looked so handsome in your suit...
I think I accidentally fell for you pretty hard.
We finally got to my house and you asked if I wanted you to walk me to my door.
So I said yes and you did.
Once we got to my door I took a deep breath taking it all in before saying goodbye to you.
We hugged one last time and then I went inside.
May 19th 2022~
Thursday the day of the game.
I haven't really heard from you sense prom....
Where did you go?
How come you're being so dry with your texts.
Do you still want me to go to your football game today?
Im left with so many questions unanswered.
I messaged you today and you left me on deliver for 10 hours.
Yet your posting on your Instagram story and Snapchat story.
You even got on my friends Instagram live.
Why are you avoiding me?
All day today I'm left with questions....
I didn't think you were this kind of person...to ghost me without an explanation ?
Did I do something wrong at prom??
I really liked you, you were my definition of perfect....
You were responsible, caring, family oriented, respectful, and so cute....
And you're avoiding me~
I wish I could say it doesn't bother me just like how the rest didn't.
but for once this bothers me...it bothers me a lot.
I don't think I'll ever find someone like you...
I knew I shouldn't have gotten attached. I always had it in the back of my mind that this would happen to me once again.
I start to think...
"What's wrong with me?"
"Am I really this ugly??"
"Why do boys always do this to me after hanging out with me"
Maybe I'm just not meant to be in a relationship....
I'm too awkward and maybe I weirded him out.
How can a guy just lose feelings after a night.
I hate to admit it but I spent my entire day stressing over you and crying.
This is the first time I've ever done this....
I really thought you were perfect...and everyone else did as well.
I wish I would have cherished our goodbye hug the night of prom...I didn't know it would be our last...
I'm going to miss seeing your name pop up in my notifications when you message me.
I'm gonna miss looking forward to talking to you everyday.
I wish you would just tell me what I did wrong...because leaving me like this is making it so hard for me...
And I can't quite say goodbye on this page yet...because I haven't gotten over you.
So for now I will leave the ending blank.
5 months later~
Hello again, I've been thinking about you a lot recently, you're name always seems to come up in conversations and you always seem to cross my mind.
I finally started going to public school, and I've only talked to you once maybe twice.
But tonight in October 29th was so refreshing.
We were at a party and I was sitting alone and you decided to come sit next to me and made conversation with me.
It was the first time in a long time that we actually talked to each other again, of course I still like you a lot but I knew you'd be hard to get over, I mean you're the most attractive guy I've ever talked to.
But I know my place and you probably don't feel the same way.
but you doing this for me was very special, and ig I realized I'll never get over you, but I also realized that I'm not so scared to talk to you anymore and that I can also just talk to you like a friend.
But I think tonight was needed very much to just see where we were at with each other.
And I can firmly say we are just friends...and it's a one sided Like...
Sadly.
But When it was time for you to leave you gave me a hug, never did I think I'd be wrapped in your arms again.
So this time i cherished it I made sure to!! Bc I know it will never happen again.
So yea obviously I'm not able to say goodbye to you just yet....even though it's been so long.
So until then~
February 21st 2023.
Fabian, ive finally time where I can confidently say I have no feelings for you no more, you've recently tried to hangout with me again but I only felt small excitement! I finally realized that NO you weren't like the rest but you try to be like them, and you play with my feelings on purpose.
So finally after 9 long months, I can officially say
Goodbye Fabian Cruz