Mizuki puts down the last letter on the bed and he tries to gather his thoughts. Eren had found a dozen letters in a box under the bed and he and Eren had to sit down to read all of them. They were sitting crisscrossed with the box next to them.
All Mizuki could say or think at that moment was that this was so beyond messed up.
Mizuki recalled when he was younger he was told that 47 years ago things were calming down between Yarisha and Rivania. He remembered hearing that it lasted for three years and that people were even hoping for a peace treaty to take place.
But then Aziel Acosta murdered his grandmother and his grandfather, Akio challenged Aziel to a duel where they ended up killing each other.
But now Mizuki was starting to doubt that last bit.
The one thing he realized from these letters was that this war was fucking stupid.
"Eren we can do something with these letters, no?" Mizuki said as he looked up at Eren who was staring at the letter in his hand in a daze.
"What?"
"The Members who saw the fight between Aziel and Acosta never actually revealed what had happened, right? Everyone thinks they killed each other but what if it was a lie? What if they were covering up the truth?
And don't you think this whole war is pointless? So many people lost their lives and for what? Because of the fucking pride of the country?" Mizuki said all in one breath.
"You're right." Eren nodded. "This whole war is extremely stupid and pointless and I don't see why it's still going on either but what are we supposed to do? We're ordered to come here and kill each other and we do so. That's how it's always been."
"You can try to convince the Royal members to come attend a meeting at Rivania! And I can too-"
"No." Eren refused and Mizuki furrowed his brows.
"But why not? Think about it! If we show the letters and try to make them understand how fucking pointless everything is they might leave it alone. And I can convince-"
"It won't work, Mizuki." Eren said firmly and Mizuki felt a wave of anger hit him.
"How can you be so sure?" Mizuki said, his voice raising with irritation.
"Because I know my father and he won't fucking agree!" Eren yelled back.
"W-what?" Mizuki asked after a moment of silence, both of them staring at each with wide eyes.
"God fucking dammit Mizuki." Eren groaned as he buried his face in his knees. "I hate you, I hate you so much."
Mizuki crawled to Eren and he grabbed his face to make him face him. "No you don't."
"Why-why are you so pushy." Eren sounded like he was going to cry again and Mizuki felt himself crumble.
"I'm sorry." No he wasn't. "But I just don't understand you, Eren. One moment you're fine and the next you're like a ticking bomb."
"I just want you to let me in." Mizuki asked, he sounded like he was borderline begging but he couldn't find it in himself to care anymore.
"But why? You're so adamant about knowing everything about me when it doesn't matter. I don't matter Mizuki and I never will!" Eren screamed, pushing away Mizuki's hands from his face, making him flinch.
"Don't say that Eren. You do matter-especially to me. You matter a lot." Mizuki said before adding, "if I know a bit more about you then it would be really helpful you know?"
"Fine." Eren said as he looked at Mizuki dead in the eye. "My father is the king and I'm his son. I'm the crown prince."
Silence.
Mizuki stared at Eren with a gaping mouth and Eren stared back, panic brewing in his stomach.
"Say something." Eren begged but Mizuki was speechless, still trying to assimilate the enormity of what he's just been told.
"What do you want me to say?" Mizuki choked out, his mind still trying to process the words.
"You-you had told me that no one ever listens to you. That you can't change anything. How is that possible?" Mizuki asked his face contorted in bewilderment.
"It's because everyone in my country wish I wasn't the crown prince." Eren breathed out his voice laced with anger and hidden pain.
"What do you mean?" Mizuki asked scooting closer to Eren.
Eren tried to decide if it was worth telling Mizuki. A part of him didn't want to reveal anything at all. He could tell Mizuki to shut the fuck up and that would be the end of it. Or he could make up something stupid and let Mizuki believe it.
But when he looked at Mizuki's eyes he realized he didn't want to lie to him. Mizuki with his caring touch. Mizuki who was always looking out for him. Mizuki who sacrificed the blanket for him thinking he was never going to know. Mizuki who was always feeding him first. Mizuki who made him feel warm, and protected.
Mizuki who keeps the nightmares away.
"Will you not look at me when I tell you?" Eren requested and Mizuki's brows furrowed but he hesitantly nodded turning his back away from Eren.
Eren pulled his knees to his chest and after taking a deep breath to reassure himself that he could do this he started speaking. And Mizuki let him speak. He didn't interrupt with any stupid comments. He stayed with his back to Eren, just listening and Eren has never felt more grateful then he did at that moment.
Trigger warning: mention of suicide
"My parents got married out of convenience. They didn't love each other. At least my father never did. My mom, on the other hand did fall in love at some point.
After three years of being married my mom was finally pregnant with me. She was over the moon and when she went to my dad to tell him and he was also happy. He was finally going go have someone to take over for him when he sets his crown down. But during her whole pregnancy my mom was alone. Dad never took care of her.
The day she was giving birth to me he didn't show up. She was alone.
When my mom returned to the palace with me she found dad with another woman. His mistress. And she, she was pregnant too. My mom watched her husband dote on someone else for nine month all while trying to take care of me.
Everyone in the country preferred Marcella over my mom and they didn't bat an eye when my dad announced he was going to take a second wife. When Marcella gave birth to a son, to Aslan my dad had requested the elders of the country for Aslan to be be crown prince.
But he was refused because by law it's the first born who is crown prince.
When I was four- my mom- she killed herself."
Mizuki's eyes widened in shock, he hadn't expected that. Hearing the pain in Eren's voice when he said that made Mizuki want to turn around and see what kind of expression he was holding.
"Don't." Eren said when he felt Mizuki wanting to move. "It's okay just-just let me go on."
"I don't really remember my mom too much but I still have memories with her. I think my mom thought I was going to be fine if she was gone. She was probably thinking that I have a father, a brother and even another mom. She didn't think that dad was going to mistreat me.
But she was wrong.
As Aslan and I grew up we were treated very differently. Aslan was the golden boy and I was the boy everyone wished had never existed. It's unusual to hear that the citizens of a country are allowed to mistreat anyone from the royal family but if it was me, it was fine. As long as it's Eren and not Aslan.
My dad trained us both but Aslan more so. And so the more we grew up the stronger Aslan got. Aslan was always better then me. A better son, a better fighter and a better prince. He was taller stronger and he had the advantage of having my dad's approval. Despite my position, Aslan was always in the spotlight and I was always in the shadows.
The first time Aslan tried to kill me was when I was thirteen. He tried to strangle me with a pillow when I was sleeping. I managed to free myself and when I told my dad he didn't care. He said-he said that if I can't fight back then I wasn't fit to be king. He let Aslan do whatever he wanted.
After the first time there were many times where Aslan had tried to hurt me. I always somehow managed to escape or fight back but god, sometimes I wished I didn't.
I-I wished he would have just done it, maybe then everyone could be happy." Eren hadn't realized he had tears falling from his eyes until Mizuki turned around and gripped his face, wiping them away.
"Don't you ever say that."
Mizuki's voice was coated with rage, and his hands were shaking as he held Eren's face in them.
He gripped Eren by the waist and pulled him closer until he was nestled in his arms.
"I'm sorry." Mizuki whispered into Eren's hair, his own eyes brimming with tears.
"I-I shouldn't have pushed you. God, Eren I'm so sorry." He murmured pressing a kiss against Eren's head.
"You didn't force me, I wanted to tell you." Eren said, his voice muffled against Mizuki's chest but Mizuki still heard it.
"I want to kill them." Mizuki admitted as he tightened his arms around Eren, almost like he was going to disappear from his arms if he let go.
"Especially that fucking bitch, Aslan."
Eren laughed, a teary laugh. "Get in line."
Hello!
Thoughts?
This chapter was a literal nightmare to write but I'm so glad I'm done with it T-T.
-till next time