THE DAYS PASSED quickly. Every day was a mixture of being taught by a courtesy Auntie my uncle had apparently asked for from the Imperial Palace, visiting my aforementioned Uncle and Grandmother every morning and evening as an act of filial piety with my two cousins. And then before I knew it, it was a week after I arrived, with a whole new wardrobe, accessories and a general idea of how I was meant to behave and treat others that I was told to start attending lessons at the private study.
On the way there from Grandmother's house, Yunxuanâwho I had become quite close with, being my closest neighbourâfilled me in on the other lords and ladies studying in the private study. It was fairly common. Shangguan An, my uncle, had been able to find a great and renowned teacher to teach his children, and some families with close relations to ours had sent some of their children to attend the private study too.
"There are fifteen of us in total," Yunxuan announced, "at least right now. Usually there are seventeen, with Yunjun and Tianjin, but they left around two months ago and it will take some time before they return. Nine boys and six girls." She was wearing clothes that were far more plain than usual today, a simple pink garment with large, flowy sleeves and a hairpin that held up her hair in an elegant chignon, a silver ornament dangling down from the tip.
I wasn't dressed too badly myself. We'd discovered that some of Yunhua's clothes fit me, so I was borrowing from her wardrobe while my own was made. I'd chosen the least flamboyant of her clothes, a powder blue ruqun that seemed very new. No doubt it had not been worn many times beforeâthe colour was not at all one I could envision Yunhua in. She seemed to enjoy dressing boldly, in jewel colours that allowed her to stand out.
"Is that including me?" I asked.
"Yes," Yunxuan replied. "There are three other young ladies. They are all kind and gentle creatures, excellent people to befriend."
I trusted her opinion, I think, most of all out of everyone here. Grandmother was wonderful and pleasant, but I didn't think she viewed life similar to how I might. Yunxuan was the most similar in status to me here, as the daughter of a concubine. The way people treated her would be more akin to how they treated me, though I suppose she was still far above my status.
"I look forward to meeting them, then."
"You may struggle slightly with catching up," Yunxuan said, smoothing her sleeves, "but I think you won't have too much trouble with it after some time. It is not all that difficult. Grandmother has much faith in you, you seem to have charmed her wonderfully."
"I do not think it was me," I replied, tilting my head. But then the silver ornaments dangling on my head slapped into each other, and I immediately straightened my head again.
Yunxuan casted me a curious glance. "Still getting used to it?"
"I'm not used to wearing so many dangling ornaments."
"Some small movement is still alright," Yunxuan replied. "They are here to remind you to keep your composure, not to actually constrain your movement. You need not be careful. Keep your body as steady as possible without any large movement and you will be perfectly alright."
"Is that how you do it?"
"I'll confess that I've never found it particularly difficult. I've done it since I was a little girl, and been taught to do these things for as long. It is my second nature."
"Well, I have much to catch up to, then."
We were entering a section of the Shangguan Manor I had not previously visited. We passed through a series of round doorways and finally, a large courtyard with an open, pavilion style classroom. There was a desk at the front that must belong to the teacher, and around eight desks arranged in rows of two. Besides that was a panel.
"This side is for boys," Yunxuan explained. Behind that panel is where we sit.
We seemed to be the first to arrive. Yunxuan had told me that we were going almost half an hour earlier than normal so that the teacher could meet me, and so that I could be familiarised with my surroundings.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. This was my first venture into Luoyang society outside of my family. I could not make a poor impression.
"A few people to note." Yunxuan turned, slowing her head. "Huo Murong, the son and heir of the Earl of Zonghuai. He has an... interesting reputation around Luoyang. We tolerate him because, well, he is the heir of the Earl of Zonghuai and his father is a political ally of ours, but his personality can be a slight bit... eccentric. I suggest you ignore him, whatever he throws your way. Do not incite him."
"I shall not."
"Yuan Anren is another person to note."
"Yuan?" I asked, raising a brow. That was the surname of the current Emperor.
"Yes," Yunxuan replied with a firm nod. "He is the grandson of the Emperor's eldest brother."
Throughout our history, we'd always set the most virtuous, talented son as the heir. Being the eldest meant nothing if you did not show the talent.
"What kind of character does he have?"
"He is nice enough," Yunxuan replied, lowering her voice as we entered one of the side houses. "But he is still a member of the Imperial family, so watch what you say around him, won't you? I would hate for all of us to be beheaded because you accidentally offended him."
I blinked, nonplussed. "I would notâ"
Yunxuan let out a soft laugh. "I'm joking with you. Alright now. It is time for you to meet Master Wei. He is a most excellent teacher. Master Wei! It is Yunxuan, and I bring the newest addition to our little class."
A few moments later, a book boy came out of the inner room and summoned us inside.
Master Wei was all I'd expected. An elderly, frail man with white hair and wrinkled, pale, skin. There was a sense of wiseness to him, and it was not just the long beard. He glanced up upon our entry, his eyes landing first on Yunxuan and then on me.
"Minxi, is that right?"
"Yes, sir."
"An interesting name. A sensitive ray of light. Did your father choose it?"
"My mother, sir."
"Ah, fascinating. Well, I have been made aware that your education may not be up to par with what you may be taught in our lessons."
"I'm a quick learner, sir."
"No doubt you are. Still, if you face any difficulties, feel free to inform me. Or ask Yunxuan. She has always academically excelled. Even better than Yunhua, I think. You work harder than your older sister."
Yunxuan's voice was sweet as she replied, "She is far busier than I. I have nothing to do most of the day, so I spend it on revising materials. Da jie jie has to manage the household as well. How can we be compared?"
"I've always appreciated your humility, Yunxuan."
To which the girl curtsied. "Thank you for your compliments, Master Wei. I will continue trying to improve myself."
"I'm certain you will. But for now we will place our efforts on our dear Minxi here. Take it easy, I think. I will assign you some extra work to get started after today, but there shall be no rush." Master Wei surveyed me from head to toe once more. "Well, all shall be well. Yunxuan, why don't you show Minxi to her seat and around the study?"
"Of course, sir." Yunxuan bopped another small curtsy. I did the same, and followed her out of the small side house.
"Master Wei spends most of his time here," Yunxuan explained. "His wife died a few years ago and all his children are married, so he finds it quite boring at home. His son is a rising politician in court under our father."
"I see." I did not know what I was meant to make of that information. My brain was starting to struggle to keep up with all the words between words that people kept using with me here. I missed the straightforward way things were back home. I even missed my stepmother's way of talkingâat least when she abused me, she did so obviously, without any kind of clever concealment or wordplay.
Yunxuan did not seem bothered by my short response. She offered me a smile, the kind of sweet smile I'd been greeted with for the past few days, saying, "You need not worry about anything at all."
"I am not worried."
"That is good." Yunxuan raised her head. "Anning, do teach Yan'er how to set up the table. She is to take the one before mine. Yunjun's old seat."
Anning was one of Yunxuan's personal maids, a quiet girl around the same age as I was. She seemed to speak rarely, and her relationship with Yunxuan was far different from Yan'er's with mine. The distinction in their positions seemed far more obvious. Yan'er said that she'd been unable to pry a single piece of gossip out of Anning in the past few days. I was not surprised.
But the two maids headed to the desk in question while Yunxuan patted my hands and pulled me back out of the half-outdoor classroom. "How has life been here so far?"
"It has been wonderful," I told her earnestly. "I have been greeted with more splendour in the past few days than the past fourteen years of my life."
"Your coming-of-age ceremony is in two months, right?"
"Aye," I replied.
"I think Father, Yunhua and Grandmother have all agreed to keep you away from the public eye until then. So you have two months to make sure you are completely acceptable, and then you will start attending banquets and parties and the like. Do you think that is enough time?"
I blinked. "Two months... I think I can handle it."
Yunxuan nodded. "I told them I thought so too. I don't think you have too much to learn, if I am to be quite frank. Perhaps a few touch-ups in your manners here and there, and you'll have to improve your embroidery. Composing poems, drawing, those are all skills that can be developed in time. And, well, not everyone needs it."
"I'm not awful at either, I think."
"That's alright, then." Yunxuan sighed. "I know everyone might seem very cold around here, but we are glad for your arrival. After Yunjun and Tianjin left earlier this year, the entire manor has been very quiet. I love Yunhua dearly, but she is not company I want to keep for twenty-four hours a day. The entire city has been deprived of social activity for the past while, it seems, and I am stuck visiting the same few people again and again or loitering all day around my court. It is nice for the change in pace."
There was something about Yunxuan. I was sure she was speaking the truth, that she was saying what she thought in her own heart, but there was always the sense that everything she told me was for a reason. That every word that came out of her mouth had been carefully calculated to make sure she gained something out of it. She looked so innocent, like a doe that needed to be protected from the rest of the world, and she was even younger than I was, but it didn't feel that way. Talking to her was even more exhausting than talking to Yunhua, who was at least blunt about the way she felt regarding my arrival and very clearly did not think I was enough.
"I am glad to be a friend." To avoid trouble, I'd resorted to saying as little as I could. If I said nothing, there was nobody I'd offend. I was not clever enough to keep up with these people, so I would choose to not keep up at all. No one would hold it against me. They'd all dismiss it as shyness.
"Shangguan Yunxuan! I was not expecting to see you here so early."
We both turned to the source of the voice, and were greeted with a boy of around sixteen who seemed to have the wind in his steps. He had the brightest smile on his face, which was a handsome one: dark eyes, a thin face, prominent jaw and sharp nose.
"Xiao hou ye." Yunxuan dropped into a little curtsy, and I did the same. Little earl. Was this the boy she'd told me about, then? Huo Murong, son of the Earl of Zonghuai? From her description of him, I had not been expecting someone so... fair.
I felt his eyes on me, but did not introduce myself until he asked who I was. Bopping another curtsy, I replied, "I am a cousin of the Shangguans, my lord. My name is Fei Minxi."
"Oh, the cousin you were all speaking of!" Huo Murong nodded avidly. "Yes. I've heard about you. From Henan, yes?"
"Aye, my lord."
"No need for that. We're all equals here. Just call me Huo Murong."
I gave a small nod in return. Not that I would take him up on his promise. It was a bit improper.
Murong turned his attention back to Yunxuan. "Where is your sister? And the rest of our entourage?"
Yunxuan raised one brow, but whatever else she felt was carefully concealed, not an inch showing on her face. "Well, we are early."
"Ah, of course. A rare occurrence for me. I'm rarely here before the lesson starts."
Yunxuan lowered her head, choosing to stay quiet. I did the same. I tended to follow her example a lot these days. Her manners were more proper than Yunhua, in the sense that Yunhua didn't seem to follow any of the conventions. She could get away with it, I could not.
Huo Murong didn't seem to be needing an answer from either of us, though. There was a servant behind him, holding a bag of books and other materials. With a wave of Huo Murong's hand, he scurried to the classroom to drop everything off. Huo Murong watched with a grin.
"He's an efficient one."
"I have not seen him before," Yunxuan stated politely. "Is he new?"
Huo Murong nodded. "My fuqin dismissed my old servant, claimed he was leading me astray and whatnot. Absolute nonsense, but I'm not going to argue with the old man. At least this one is efficient."
Once again, I refrained from commenting. From what I've gleaned from Yunxuan, Huo Huo Murong was not someone who cared about his studies or worked hard. He seemed to be a wan ku zi di, a freeloading, irresponsible son who relied on his parents' money.
So far, it fit with what I saw. I didn't think it was the servant's problem.
"What is this?"
The voice was Yunhua's. I'd recognise her voice anywhere after merely hearing it for a few days. There was something about her voice. It was deeper than most girls our age, with a sense of maturity and richness that fit her appearance. Extremely unique and easy to identify. Yunxuan's words were slow and soft. Yunhua's were forceful and firm, without an ounce of hesitance in them.
Murong turned around. "Ah, the eldest Miss Shangguan."
Yunhua took a few steps forward before offering a slight bow. Yunxuan and I both curtsied to her, since she was older than us.
"Young earl Huo," Yunhua greeted, nodding to the two of us behind him. "You are early today."
"I know. Surprising, is it not?"
"Did your father beat you again?"
I blinked, nonplussed, eyes darting to Huo Murong's face. Surely...
But the lordling merely laughed, as if this was a normal occurrence. Yunxuan's face remained unchanged and unreadable. Yunhua raised one brow.
"He threatened to," Huo Murong said with mock sincerity. "My mother convinced him off of it."
"How unfortunate," Yunhua murmured. I blinked furiously. Even if Yunhua was the eldest daughter of the Grand Chancellor, Murong was the son of an earl. There was no way it was proper for her to speak to him like this. "I hope you've actually finished your work this time around so that Master Wei does not spend half our lesson berating you."
"Oh, am I wasting your time, Miss Shangguan?"
"You do it every day we have lessons, my lord."
"I thought you'd be grateful we spend a few less minutes listening to Master Wei's droning."
"It is disruptive and irresponsible."
"Since when have I ever been responsible, Miss Shangguan?"
There was something going on here that I did not quite understand. The way Yunhua was saying all of these things to Huo Murong, the way Huo Murong did not care at all. He took no offence.
Yunxuan's face still remained impassive, but her expression had turned more docile and obedient. She tended to do that around Yunhua. She must feel intimidated by her, because she took on a much firmer expression around me.
More people began to arrive then, and I was introduced to them one by one. Most of them were polite, though a few seemed to pay little to no attention to me. That was better than disgust, I supposed, though it was still a little disappointing.
I must seem like a fish out of water to them here. I certainly felt like one. The things they discussed, the people they talked about I'd never even heard of. I sat politely in my seat and waited for Master Wei to come out and begin the lessons.
Yunxuan attempted to include me into a few conversations, and I'd say a few things before phasing out. Yunhua watched me with a careful eye. I could not tell if she was watching out for me or inspecting me for any weakness and mistakes.
Either way, it added on a layer of unnecessary stress.
I tried my best not to squirm in my seat, staying still and staring down at the books laid down on the desk. Most of the students seemed to be around the ages of eleven to eighteen. Huo Murong seemed to be the eldest at seventeen.
It made sense. Most girls would be married between the ages of sixteen to eighteen. And older boys would not be studying in a private study like this oneâthey'd go seek other teachers, ones who taught people more specific things.
Murong was most likely here due to his lack of interest in studying. He seemed like that type of person who cared little about a career through the scholarly arts, but instead someone more than comfortable with relying on his inheritance and family's riches.
I wish I could be like that too. I wish I could rely on nothing but the money of my family and not have to worry about marrying well and high and into money. But I could not.
The lessons began. They were not as difficult as I'd imagined. There were places where I was confused, but I noted them all down and simply asked Yunxuan after class.
The lessons did not last too long. By time for lunch we were done and dusted with and Master Wei had us dismissed. Now we returned to our respective homes. Yunxuan was invited to pay a visit to a friend's home, and when she turned to Yunhua to seek permission, the older girl replied with a quick nod. "Go. Do not return too late."
I stood to join the crowd filing out of the schoolyard, but Yunhua called after me. "Cousin. A word?"
I slowed my pace to accommodate her, and she remained silent for a while before speaking. "You did well today."
"I said basically nothing."
"For you, that might be the best option. Remaining silent. It adds a certain air of mystery to you, I suppose, and you look clever enough it does not look like you're silent because you're terrified."
"Is that meant to be a compliment?"
Yunhua raised a brow. "Take it as you wish to."
"I shall take it as a compliment, then."
She glanced at me incredulously. "What got into you today? You're usually so meek and quiet."
"I don't think you like that."
That made her lips curl upwards. "Oh, you're a clever one. A chameleon, aren't you?"
"If it's what it takes to survive."
"Does it not kill you inside? Having to hold your tongue in front of my father and Grandmother? Because I could never do it."
"You've never been in my position." I stopped, turning to face her. "You seem to dislike me. Or at least look down on me."
"Can you blame me?" she asked nonchalantly, "with the way you've been acting? Like a sheep ready for slaughter?"
"I can assure you, I am anything but that."
"That remains to be seen. Right now, you've merely proven yourself as a sheep who knows some basic survival skills."
"You think of me so poorly."
"You have not given me much else to think with."
I let out a sigh. "I have some questions for you, biao jie, that I hope you will not mind answering."
"Depends on what they are."
"They are simple questions. Nothing intrusive, I think."
"Ask them and I will decide that."
"Why am I here?"
Yunhua gave her a cool glance. "You are family and Father decided you'd spent enough time languishing outside Luoyang."
"I've never even gotten a letter from you all in the past twelve or thirteen years. What changed now?"
"Perhaps we simply missed you. The mansion has been empty without Yunjun and Tianjin."
"We both know it's not as simple as that." Yan'er had gotten a hang of some information, and I'd pieced it together with what I knew.
"I suspect you've already gotten some answers of your own. Why don't you tell me why you're here?"
I turned to inspect the pond we were walking by before I slowly began, "There seems to be a rush. Suggesting this is some kind of timed effect. It has to do with my coming-of-age, so I assume this has something to do with my matrimonial prospects. You want me to marry someone in Luoyang, so you need me to be all ready in shape as soon as possible and out in society. That's all I've figured out."
"Do you know who we want you to marry?"
"That, is what I cannot figure out." I stopped and turned to face her. "I am dearly hoping it is not some old lord thrice my age who you wish to have a political alliance with."
"He will die quickly and you will inherit his money."
She said it with such a straight face I could not tell if she was joking or not. "Please tell me you're pulling my leg."
She gave me an annoyed glance. "Of course I am. We're not going to do that to you, we're not that wicked. There is no person specifically."
"Oh."
"Have you heard of the Imperial Bride Selection?"
"Xuanxiu?" I asked, turning to her, blinking. "There is no way... The Emperor is in his late forties."
"Not him. This Bride Selection is not only for him, though I don't think he'll be taking that many concubines. It's mostly for his sons and brothers. And their sons."
"Ah. You wish for me to wed one of them. But why me?"
"The Bride Selection only takes place once every three years, Cousin. This is an opportunity we will not give up."
"You already have three daughters."
"Both Yunjun and Yunxuan are too young for it. It pains me that Yunxuan cannot participateâshe is so utterly perfect, but she is too young. By the time it is her turn for a Selection, most of the princes will be too old, or they will still be too young to be her husband. Not a single prince in their right minds will pick Yunjun, and I am already promised."
"Oh? To?" I'd never heard of any engagement between her and anyone else.
"Four years ago," Yunhua explained softly and slowly, "the Emperor promised that I would marry the Crown Prince. It was not a formal declaration, but it has been frequently discussed between my father and the Emperor, and it has been established that I will be married to the Crown Prince as his Consort this Selection."
"Congratulations," I said, even though I wasn't necessarily sure it was a good thing. Marrying the Crown Prince...
There was a saying that the Palace was deeper than an ocean. And darker too. It was an endless abyss that sucked the life out of girls, kept them in four walls and locked them down forever. Of course this was said in the darkened corners where the Emperor's ears did not lurk, but it was still a well-known saying.
And I agreed with it. There were always concubines who miraculously died. Children were not people in the Palace, but instead chips for bargaining. A ladder to a higher position.
"And thus," Yunhua mused, "my hand shall also be unavailable. And that is where you come in. It would be best if you marry one of the other princes, I think. Or perhaps one of their cousins. Or even the Emperor's youngest brothers, the youngest of whom has only just reached twenty."
"I see."
"If you have any complaints about it, you ought to voice it now."
"No," I told her. "I came here intending to marry up. Perhaps not as high as a prince, but... high."
"For you," she murmured, "any marriage in Luoyang would be marrying high."
I ignored that. Yunhua seemed to have a keen idea of what was superior and inferior in her mind. A clear hierarchy. I was not from Luoyang, not from the capital, so I was inferior to everyone here. I did not think it was necessarily useful to point out that it wasn't true to her. She seemed to be someone who cared greatly about the ladder of status.
"Thank you for telling me the truth," I said instead. "I appreciate it greatly."
"What will you do with that information?" she asked curiously.
A smile was my response.
"I shall work harder, biao jie."