Today's the day.
My first last basketball game in high school.
It's surreal to me honestly.
I've been playing basketball for as long as I can remember. Playing it here, in San Diego, and travelling across the country for free. Soon, I will be playing at one of the best D1 Basketball Colleges in the country, with some of the best players in college.
My dad has never had the time to make it to my past basketball games because of how hard he works but he is here today. My other dad isn't because he's still across the country. I don't know where though.
Is it bad that I'm more eager to see if Ms. Reed actually showed up at this game rather than actually playing it?
I don't know if it's these feelings I have towards her or what.
But right now, I'm staring at myself in the old, rusty mirror, with my hands gripping on the end of the sink. I have my airpods in, listening to some rap, trying to lock in.
It's not working though. I can't lock in.
All I can think about is whether she is out there or not.
I'm trying my best to get it together. I don't play basketball to impress a crush, I play it because I fucking love the game and I always have and always will love the game.
So why do I feel the need to impress Ms. Reed right now?
I regret asking Ms. Reed to come to the game. My stomach is twisting in all the wrong ways and it's not because this is my first last game, but because I don't know if she actually came. Now I feel anxious, nervous, and sweaty. It's making me restless knowing that she might be out there not because she has to, but because she wants to.
Still in the back of my mind, all I can hear is Claudia and the words she told me last week and the days following.
I look down and at myself in the mirror one more time telling myself the same thing over and over again.
If she's here, then she's here, if she's not, then she's not,
I walk away from the mirror, huddling up with my team one last time before we go out there and play some motherfucking basketball.
I want to kill myself.
I slam my body down so hard on to the bench I think it might break. The Gatorade bottle in my hands is about to break because of how hard I'm holding it.
This is not how I expected the first quarter of the game to go. This is our home court and we're down 7 already.
I am playing like shit right now. My chest feels tight and I feel like I am about to have a panic attack. I hate the passes I'm making, the defense I'm doing, and my shots are just not falling through.
The second quarter just began and I've been sitting out for the last 5 minutes. My coach is telling me to relax and my shots will start to fall, but everything he is saying is everything I am not paying attention to.
I'm trying my hardest to breathe in and breathe out as steadily as I can as I make my way to the scores table to check back in.
As soon as I inbound the ball to my teammate, I see something in the crowd that I haven't seen all game so far.
I see someone.
Ms. Reed.
She's sitting away from the student section with another young female teacher who teaches here, her leg on top of the other, her hair curled and is obviously wearing her glasses. Except, she's not cheering, she's not smiling, just her same straight face on. Just watching.
Before I know it, our eyes meet and she gives me a tight zipped smile. Something I never expected she would do.
At this moment, something shifts in me.
Suddenly, all of the tension and fury I have vanishes away. The tension in my chest? Gone. The world outside of the 9 other people on the basketball court disappear.
Apart from Ms. Reed. She's shining as bright as ever to me.
I bring the ball up the court and my one teammate sets a screen for me. With the screen I gain a tiny bit of space and hit a deep, step back three and now I know:
I am locked in.
One player on the opposing team inbounds the ball to their teammate and as soon as it passes half court, my one teammate gets the steal from a sloppy pass, passes to me during the fast break, and I shoot behind the arc.
Second shot, cash.
As I made the three, I turn to Ms. Reed.
She's only watching me.
I send a wink to her and receive an eye roll from her as I make my way back to defense.
My teammate gets the rebound and passes to me. As I'm running the ball up the court, I slide in the paint and do a behind the back pass to my teammate who gets the ball in the basket.
The gym is electric now. Everyone's chanting, -mainly my name- my teammates are hyped, the energy is insane, but all I can focus on is the game.
And every time the ball leaves my hands whether it was me making a basket or getting an assist, I find her in the stands.
And every time she is still watching.
...
The game ended and we won.
Now I know I shouldn't care about stats but everyone who says they don't care is just lying to themselves. I ended up with 33 points, 13 assists, 11 rebounds, and 2 steals. So I would say it was a pretty successful game.
We all got super hyped back in the locker rooms and it made me realize how much I truly am going to miss this basketball squad. Unlike my volleyball team, I feel appreciated and recognized here and everyone seems like they truly care for one another. It's refreshing.
"Jules, what the hell was that?!"
"You were playing like Kobe in that one game!"
"Who were you showing out for with that damn triple double of yours?! Okay Nikola JokiÄ."
Everyone celebrates around me and I let them.
But during the end of the 4th quarter I noticed that Ms. Reed was gone from her spot and I didn't see her anymore. Maybe she got tired and/or wanted to beat the traffic. She should know that I would've wanted to talk to her after the game. But still, I appreciate the fact that she actually showed up.
As soon as I get my backpack and exit the locker room with my jersey still on, I get jump scared by Claudia, Maisie, and Max.
"Damn Jules this was one of the best games we've seen you play and that's saying something." Maisie gives me a smile and honestly I can't help myself but hug her. We resolved everything and are on good terms now.
"Yeah. Makes me wonder if there was someone out there you were showing out for." Claudia smirks as I push her lightly.
As much as I want to stay with them, I can't. "Hey look guys, I have to go meet my dad real quick but don't worry I will be back over to you guys after so we can get sushi."
That was a lie.
I wasn't going to my dad. Yes, he texted me but I was searching for someone else.
I scope the area of the hundreds of people still lingering in the gym, and I am literally about to give up. But I notice someone from the corner of my eye.
There she is. Ms. Reed, standing, looking around, as mighty as ever.
She turns and looks like she's about to exit the gymnasium but I quickly run up to her and stop her. "Ms. Reed!"
She stops in place and turns around and faces me, her expression unreadable. "Jules."
For some reason she looks different. There's nothing different about her though. It's because we're outside of school time. She looks less like my teacher and looks more like...like someone else.
"I can't believe you actually came." I seriously cannot believe it.
Ms. Reed exhales and it almost sounds like a laugh. "Well you asked me too."
I don't know what to do. I should just say 'thanks' and leave but I don't want to. I want to say more. I need to say more.
"Did you, did you like the game?" I feel stupid asking this question but I am genuinely curious.
There's a flicker in her eye but I'm to slow to catch on and figure out what it is. "The game was good. You were impressive Jules. I can now see why you chose this over volleyball. This..." Ms. Reed looks around. "This is where you're meant to be."
Well I've got tears somewhere and it's not from my eyes even after those words she just said.
It feels bizarre. Ms. Reed seems totally different than normally in school. The compliment she just gave me is enough to make me happy for the rest of my life. I don't want this feeling of adrenaline to end.
I feel like there's more she wants to say but she doesn't.
"Whelp, goodnight Jules. See you tomorrow." Her voice is quieter now.
Just like that, she's gone. Gone with the crowd of people exiting the gym.
I try to shake off the feeling that I'm feeling but I can't. I'm happy, I'm pumped, this feels like the most perfect moment ever.
There's just one more person that can make this perfect night even more perfect.
"Hey kiddo!"
I run over to my dad who opens his arms up for me so that I can hug him.
"I'm so proud of you Jules. You are the best player in the world." Me and my dad part and I'm honestly trying my hardest not to tear up. "I FaceTimed your dad during the game and he wanted me to tell you how much he misses and loves you and how much he can't wait to see you in a few weeks. He's also going to call you later."
I love my other dad. I miss him so much. It's been hard to talk with him when we both have busy schedules and live in different time zones. It's still a surprise to me where his business is but I will know in a few weeks.
"Thanks dad. You showing up today really means a lot to me."
I hug my dad again and he kisses the top of my head.
"Now stop wasting time with me and go out to eat with your friends."
I smile at my dad one more time and proceed to make my way to where my friends have been standing.
My head is still all over this place.
Ms. Reed was here. She saw me. She came for me. I had just played one of the best games in my entire life and it was all because of her. I know that's the reason.
The beginning of the game was difficult but I managed to have one of my best games. Still, all I can think about is Ms. Reed.
Authors Words:
Hope yall enjoyed this happier chapter. You guys def deserve it.
IK I said before the book was going to get more fast paced and it did for like a second but I promise, slowburn no more. Just get ready for the chapters ahead :)