WILLIAM'S TREMBLING hand rose towards the cafe doors, his heart thrumming in his chest as he pushed them open.
He stepped inside, his eyes scanning the room for a few moments. This cafe was infamous in the city, and he went there almost all the time when school was in session. Its friendly ambience and modern design made it the perfect place for him and Christian to catch up after a long day. He was used to seeing Christian's beaming face, involuntarily increasing his steps to sit down with the man as fast as possible. Today, when his eyes finally landed on Christian, he felt his whole body stiffen.
Christian looked up from his phone and glanced at William before dismissively waving him over. William thought that perhaps a break between the two men would reignite some passion in their relationship, but he was easily disappointed.
Maybe William had just gotten too used to Orion's dashing smile and crinkled eyes whenever he stepped into a room.
William took his seat in front of Christian. It was by the window, of course, because the two men had always enjoyed a good view. William found his interest piqued by the atmosphere and the sky, and Christian who was a painter, found his interest piqued by the busybodies and inanimate objects that filled the streets. William sat there silently as he waited for Christian to finally say something, but Christian kept his focus on his phone.
William cleared his throat, "I sent him away."
That finally made Christian look up. The stone muscles on his face began to relax, and he grinned at William politely. "Oh, good. Sorry, I didn't greet you properly." His smile grew. "I did think that it would be awkward of you to go on a date with me while you still had Mr. Homeless back at home."
William looked back toward the window. "He's gone, so," his voice cracked, and he needed to clear his throat again, "you don't need to worry about him anymore."
Christian reached out for William's hand, and when William stared at him, he relaxed. Christian's smiles were rare, but when he smiled it was dazzling. It was the type of smile that glittered, flashy and fashionable in every way.
But Orion's smile was warm. It stole the spotlight not with its dazzle factor, but with its homely essence.
"You know," Christian began, "I think our little breakup needed to happen."
"What?"
"It was like a test. We've been by each other's sides for years, and have never properly been apart or explored elsewhere. Now we know, that all the temptations in our lives couldn't keep us from coming back to each other. "
Christian said that everything William was told by his sister was a lie. So, what temptations was he talking about?
William frowned. "Temptations? I thought Henry was helping you with your art?"
Christian chuckled, but William didn't find anything funny. "Of course he is. But he's still.. attractive. That counts as a temptation, no?"
William let his gaze flow back toward the window. Toward the sky. William often did this to Christian when he didn't know what to say. Was he supposed to be happy that Christian had found another man attractive? He couldn't be, but he also didn't want to delve further into this topic because he had found Orion attractive as well.
William wouldn't even call Orion a "temptation". Yes, he used Orion to initiate a plan to get back together with Christian, but William had enjoyed Orion's company because of who he was, not what he looked like or what he did for him.
He didn't like using such a word to describe other people, and he didn't think that Orion would ever use that word to describe a person either.
William looked down at their clasped hands and slowly pulled his own away.
Silence ensued between the two men, and William could sense Christian's irritation rise. It was a skill he had obtained after spending eight years with him. The first tell-tale sign were his hands gripping his phone a little tighter, and his leg bouncing up and down under the table, occasionally hitting the bottom of it.
"Are you that upset? You must have really liked him, huh?"
"I don't know what you're talking about. I was quiet because I was just processing what you said about Henry."
Christian sighed in annoyance. "There's no need to worry about Henry, baby. If you're so worried, just know that you're much more of a tease than he is."
William clenched his jaw. It was true that he loved numerous parts of Christian, but sometimes the way he spoke irked him. He had forgotten moments like these, as they had been momentarily erased by his strong desire to experience all love, laughs, and good memories with Christian all over again.
"Okay, thanks."
Christian smiled at him once again. "No problem."
A waiter came and placed two glasses of water on the table that Christian had asked for beforehand, and as William took a sip, Christian spoke. "You didn't sleep with him right?"
Ouch.
"What? Why would I do that? Why do you feel the need to ask that?"
Christian shrugged. "I was just making sure. I literally saw him in your house. "
William placed the glass of water down. "Chris, what do you think of me? Where is this coming from?"
"You want me to be honest?"
"Yes!"
"I saw the way you looked at that guy when I visited you. It kind of pissed me off. All I ever asked you to do, was to look at me in that way. You threw a fit when I told you to look at me with love."
William gaped at him. He couldn't remember ever looking at Orion except to glance back at him whenever Christian was talking to him. "What look? I hardly even looked at him?"
"When he was introducing himself to me. It was so irritating." Christian placed his phone down. "He's a nice guy, really, but you look at him like you adore him."
William believed that Christian didn't understand. Orion was a sweet guy. Who wouldn't look at him with adoration?
Either way, William refused to believe that a single look told Christian that he had fallen in love with Orion in just a few weeks.
"I think you need to stop assuming things about me, Chris."
Christian scoffed. "I'm being honest with you because I love you, and I want you to know how I feel. I know it's hard for you to care about how other people feel, but I want you to listen."
"And how do you feel?" William's eyes began to sting as he ignored Christian's sly comment. He anticipated Christian's next words as his fingers clenched in his lap.
Christian stared at him for a few moments as he collected his thoughts. "I think you don't know what you want,"
"That's ridicâ"
"Actually, I think you purposely isolate yourself from others, yet want their company at the same time. That's how I felt when I was with you. Like you wanted me, but at the same time you wanted nothing to do with me. I think it's time that we actually talk about it, so we can just move on."
William's eyes no longer stung, but they were cloudy with tears.
Christian didn't stop. "I saw how you looked at him, and yet you chose me. William, I want to be with you but I need to know. Are you doing what you always do, or do you actually want to be with me for once?"
William quickly wiped his eyes. "Are you serious? I told you, I sent him away. Why are you being like this? Aren't my intentions clear?"
"You want to know why William?"
William nodded frustratedly.
"Because as soon as you got here, the first thing you felt like you had to tell me was that you sent him away. You didn't even look happy when you said it."
"Yes, because you were annoyed about himâ"
"And you've been looking out the window the entire time."
William felt heat simmer in his chest. "You've been on your phone Christian, you have no righâ"
Christian laughed miserably. "And you know why I was on my phone? I was getting prepared to show you this." Christian flipped his phone around, and William held his breath.
It was an art piece that Christian had made himself. The man in the painting was beautiful. His cheeks were rosy red, his curly hair blew with the gentle breeze, and he was staring at the sky up above. Christian had painted William.
William couldn't take his eyes off the stars in the painting. And when William purposely looked away from the painting without a word, Christian's jaw ticked.
William suddenly felt sick. "Uhm, I have toâ"
"I wanted you to be the first painting I used for my debut. I wanted to debut with you. But you're mind is clearly occupied with that damn guy."
William's back pressed into his chair as realization set in. Whenever he was with Orion, he couldn't help but think about how he felt like Christian had thrown their relationship away. How he needed to be with him again, because they had been with each other for so long. He missed the memories he had with Christian, not so much his attributes.
Now that he was with Christian, all he could do was think about how Orion had a sweet personality, a better smile, and a brilliant choice of words. He thought about the different sides of Orion he had learned about, and how he took a liking to each part of him. All he could do, was think about Orion's attributes despite the numerous memories they had made together.
After seeing the painting Christian made, he found himself thinking about who Orion was. The wisdom that he brought into this world, his easy acceptance of others, and his ability to appreciate life on Earth more than anyone else, despite not having lived a human life. William's stomach churned as he realized his mistake.
He was an idiot to assume that what he felt for Christian was love. Christian was the only one he had "loved" for eight years. They got along because they had a few similar interests, and got together because they were always around each other in an educational setting. Even if they hadn't dated, they had no choice but to be around each other.
Orion was a literal star from the sky, and William felt more like himself when he was around a being that technically wasn't even human.
William realized that the most potential for him to fall in love was with Orion.
William abruptly stood up, pushing his chair backwards so roughly it clanged with the chair behind him. "I..have to go."
And as William dashed out of the cafe, Christian rolled his eyes.