Alex- girlfriend

authors note at end, enjoy :)

I know beyond question or doubt I know that I don't have to point it out, it's pretty obvious. It's like knowing the sky is blue and fish live I the sea. It's just clear , so painfully obvious.

There was always this tug towards him, the moment when we were born it was always him. We'd stay up all night talking about anything, everything, he was my only friend. He always meant the world to me, he was the only one I care to tell everything to, the dark secrets, my dreams, and everything that has ever been on my mind.

I thought it was obvious.

Its been three weeks since the talk me and Theo had, or the one I forced him into, and its kind of have been a routine. We'd often spend the weekends alone in the same hotel we did it in, but every morning I'd wake up with my body aching and all alone. Then through out the week we'd barley talk unless we had to, I understand, he needs space. But I still miss him.

I guess that kind of obvious.

The way I told him everything, the way I'd watch him dance to like no one was watching or listening to him as he practiced his dumb pickup lines on the new girl at school. He was awkward and perfect, the worst kind of paradox and I don't even care. All I see is him, courageous, amazing, contagious. But why would I go and say the obvious?

"grades for the last nine weeks due by the end of the week, teachers email Mr. grey your final grades as son as possible." I ignored the intercom as I stared at the board in front of me, trying to keep my attention on the three questions.

1. what do you want to accomplish in three years?

2. where do you see yourself in 20 years?

3. are you ready for the future?

I hated everything I was feeling; every second was like a constant battle between my head and my heart. My wolf was not taking the last few weeks too well, he's on edge dealing with the wipe lash. I know it's not his fault, its his nature but I wish for one moment I'd don't have to share my head with him. I never know what me or him.

The ringing of the bell signaling the end of the day woke me from my trance. I grabbed my books and bag heading out of my class hoping to get to my truck before the traffic got too bad.

Graduation was right around the corner and I everyone was in a rush to get their grades in, sign year books, worrying about college but for me it was like everything was in slow motion. I already knew what I was doing for the rest of my life, so I was just waiting. Waiting for everything to end and start my new act of being –

"THEO"

My mind did a three sixty as I turned to follow the voice. My face heated up as I saw him walking with his friends who looked at the screaming girl coming towards them. I sighed as I watched laugh along with his friends, its been a while since I saw him laugh.

"hey" theo said as the girl reached him throwing her arms around his shoulders pulling him in for a kiss. I ignored the response of wanting to rip her head off, that wouldn't end well.

"babe "

It felt like my heart was stuck in my throat and my feet couldn't move, it felt dizzy almost minutes from passing out. the words filling my brain, replaying my a movie and im the audience. having no control over what is happening, wanting so bad to go to the screen and change everything i'm seeing but i can't.

"Fine . . . fine but when one of us moves on the other must move on too deal?"

"Moving on . . . Theo this is- "

"Deal ?!"

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes"

This is what he wants, he wants to move on.

I cant - - I have to. for him. My head is spinning like a top and I'm having trouble watching the way she touches him, hands around his neck, the same way I did. Did he see me when he saw her? does he think of me? us?

I cant stay here, I have to get out of here.

I finally forced my feet to move as I heard the voices of the complaining students that ran into me in the hall. Theo looked over at me, probably from the loud students behind me.

His face softens as he stared at me, knowing how I must be taking the scene before me, or maybe he didn't care.

I looked away not daring to keep the contact with his beautiful eyes, I struggled to not move towards him but I knew better. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

not a single word that described what I felt. Not one. It just said all the things I saw and heard and said. And they were very everyday things - nothing very unusual, it was normal a boy kissing a girl. Normal.

I wanted that for as long as I could remember, that was all my old heart wanted.

If you spend your life wanting something only to see it in the hands of someone else,  you think that you'll never have it, you'll never live your love story . . .

but suddenly you realized you had been living a love story all along – it was just one sided. It hit me like a ton of bricks, I was trying to figure it out but the truth the answer was right in front of me. It was so obvious.

The deepest pain I couldn't understand and  can't be put into words.

It's unspeakable.

And so obvious.

My old heart was waiting years for the right person, the only one designed to be mine, the only one I was designed to love. Now I don't understand what I was waiting for, someone that I'd love with every fiber of my being only to see them in the arms of someone else. Was this what I was destined to feel?

Maybe this is it, this is what I deserve, I had everything growing up and now the only thing I have ever wanted is something I can't have.

Its so obvious . . .

so painfully obvious . . .

i felt heartbreak

because I'm already in love with him.

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