XXVI: Where's the notebook?

《 ASPEN GRISWOLD 》

I blinked my eyes to adjust them to the sunshine, so bright and yellow after the amusement park. Still gasping, all my senses were fixed on Phoenix's hand in mine, his ragged breath. But then the woman, who had my other hand in hers, shrieked with joy.

“Oh, my darling sweetheart.” Birdy pulled Phoenix into a one-handed embrace, as her eyes filled with tears. She whispered something just for him, before tugging at my hand and engulfing me in the embrace as well. “And you, you too. You're both alright.”

I breathed in the floral scent of her perfume, relaxing a fraction. Pressed to my side, Phoenix's muscles remained taut and he was scrutinising Birdy's face like he couldn't believe she was real. I couldn't blame him, as I too had been certain I was going to die just minutes ago.

Only when Birdy pulled away from the hug, I noticed we had an audience. An entire crowd of people were watching us, not just a few bystanders hovering here and there. I had to blink again as I took in their faces, their wide, curious eyes. We were standing in a lawn, on a warm summer day.

“Levi?” Phoenix asked, the word coming out flat and disbelieving. I choked on an inhale, as I made a wild search for the owner of the name. I don't know what I felt once I spotted the familiar pillow of dark curls, and the dark eyes, alert behind his black rimmed glasses.

But I had no time to observe my feelings about Levi being there, as Phoenix, with a soft Oh, slumped to the ground, to sit on his knees. I was right next to him, but somehow it was Levi who kneeled to his side first. I tampered down an unjustified flare of anger, trying my best not to glare at the darker version of myself; tried and failed not to compare myself to him.

“Just so that we're clear, you didn't just sweep me off my feet.” I heard Phoenix saying to Levi.

To his ex, with whom I had, through Phoenix’s memory, realized I might not be as straight as I thought I was. I had grinded myself against him, again through Phoenix, and.. This was going to be so awkward. My face was burning as I thought about how Levi didn't know who I was, but how I knew such intimate facts about him.

Phoenix chuckled, a dry sound with a hint of humor, and murmured: “I fell on my ass just because we walked through some fucking weird mist that would have made even Stephen King's imagination pale in comparison.”

“Are you alright?” Levi asked, ignoring Phoenix's attempts at humor. He peered at Phoenix like he too could see right through the grins and the jokes.

“I'll survive.” Phoenix used my hand to lever himself back to his feet. Levi's gaze followed our joined hands, only then noticing me standing there. He gave me a quick once-over, his brows lifting when he noticed the similarities we had. Rain was right to say that I was Phoenix's type.

“Aspen.” I ground out. “Hi.”

“Hi, I'm Levi, Phoenix's..” Levi glanced at Phoenix, then back at me. “Friend.”

“This is interesting and all, but we should probably say something to those people too.” Phoenix pointed out, tilting his head towards the crowd.

Birdy was talking to them, but it wasn't enough to suffice their curiosity. I gave them an awkward wave and next to me Phoenix smiled in a way that was more like a grimace. It didn't stop the people from advancing us, swarming around Phoenix like he was something they had been reading about all their lives and never thought would see with their own eyes. And there was no hatred on their faces, just awe.

They gave Phoenix the hero's welcome, and I was content to let him bask in the glory. But that didn't mean I wasn't flattered when I was the first person his eyes seeked for. Not Levi, not Birdy, me. He held my hand when Birdy ushered us to the side, telling the others to give us a moment to adjust.

“Do they know this isn't a cult and that I'm not their leader?” Phoenix whispered into my ear, his hand around my shoulder. I chuckled. “I swear someone just fell on their knees and actually tried to kiss my feet..”

Phoenix had no need to swear, as I had seen it with my own eyes. A short, plump woman in a green summer dress had started weeping as she kneeled in front of Phoenix, reaching for his sneakers like he was her saviour. She had brushed her fingers over my knee as well, but hadn't tried to kiss my feet.

When I turned to look at Phoenix, his cheeks were flushed and his hair matted, the jaw-length waves golden in the sunlight. He was befuddled by the crowd's welcome, but also relieved and pleased by it.

I had no idea what was going on inside my own head. It was all too much and too soon after the bleak amusement park and the mist mimicking the screams of my sisters. I swallowed against the dryness in my throat, uncertain whether it was because I was thirsty or nervous.

“Please tell me this is real. That I'm not just dreaming.” Phoenix muttered. Maybe that was what his undertow of sadness, the sense that he was holding something back, was all about; he was afraid of trusting what he was seeing.

“We just walked out of there.” I remarked, my gaze sweeping across the lawn. The building behind our backs was a camp dining hall, judging by the rows and rows of tables behind the large windows. The sight of at least a hundred more people populating the hall made me sway on my feet. “I can't believe it actually worked.”

“I made room for you.” Birdy rejoined us before Phoenix could come up with an answer. She brushed Phoenix's hair off his face and clicked her tongue as she turned his chin from side to side. “What has it done to you?” It was a rhetorical question, as she went on without waiting for an answer: “I’m so sorry I couldn't get to you sooner.”

“I mean..” Phoenix drew a wide circle towards the crowded dining hall. His smile and the curve of his eyebrows showed how impressed he was. “You have been busy.”

“I know, right.” Birdy's grin was instant and proud, mixing with the lingering quilt in her eyes. “I don't know what it was, but I felt this nudge in my head to start gathering people here. I have been working day and night, but I've checked in on your dreamscape daily. Though, still, we were lucky that I happened to be there at the right time.”

“It feels like it's more than luck.” I pointed out in a soft whisper. Birdy glanced at me with a smile, then gestured for us to follow her inside.

Birdy took us to a secluded corner, where someone had spread two camping mattresses, a blue toiletry bag and two bottles of water. The moment Phoenix spotted the mattress closer to the wall, he slumped to sit on it with a deep sigh. I sat next to him, leaving the other mattress for Birdy.

Again, Phoenix nestled against me and rubbed the side of his head on my shoulder like a cat. I was aware of the foolish, overjoyed grin on my lips, but I didn't bother hide it. I recounted Phoenix's explanations from earlier the day, as he filled in a word here and there, fighting to keep his eyes open.

“Burn him?” Birdy gaped at me and Phoenix in turns. Her dark skin had gotten gray-ish after I mentioned her part in the plan. “Are you certain? Are you absolutely certain about it? Because if there's even a small chance.. I won't risk Phoenix like that.”

“The notebook said..” I trailed off, my gaze darting around. My heart sunk to the bottom of my stomach when I couldn't find what I was looking for. “Phoenix, where’s the notebook?”

“I dropped it.” Phoenix admitted. His eyes remained shut, but his brows knitted together as he said: “It's gone.”

“What do you mean, you dropped it?” I demanded. It was our chance, our only chance to find the answers that could get us out of here.

“It slipped from my hand when I grabbed your shirt in the mist, and then I didn't have time to search for it again.” Phoenix sighed and opened his eyes to slits. “Sorry.”

But if he had dropped it when I heard my sisters screaming, he had done so to keep me safe; if he had done so to keep me from running back to the amusement park, I had doomed us and the world. Once again, I had tried to help and failed everyone.

“And what is this notebook you're talking about exactly?” Birdy asked in a gentle tone. Her words put an end to my train of thought, my spiral of guilt. But not before Phoenix noticed the change in my demeanor.

He nudged my arm and smiled, telling Birdy and me: “I’m sure we already have everything we need to know. It was just a notebook, and a complete asshole on top of all that.”

“How can a.. Nevermind.” Birdy lifted her palms in the air, deciding it wasn't a conversation she wanted to invest our time right then. “Well..” She pulled off her glasses and rubbed at her eyes before putting the glasses back on, filling her lungs with a deep breath. “I better go have a chat with everyone, so you can catch your breath and rest before they get their hands on you.”

Then she was gone, and I was left with Phoenix. I was keenly aware of the seconds ticking by, and how I didn't have time for a rest, as I could wake up any moment. And still, I was reluctant to say no to a moment of peace for just the two of us.

“You should get some rest.” I murmured, ruffling Phoenix's hair as he grunted and opened his eyes with a suffering sigh. “They're not going anywhere, even if you take a nap.”

“You might.” Phoenix frowned. "But.." A mischievous smirk spread on his lips. “I'm game for cuddling.”

“I bet you are.” I chuckled, and pulled him to lie down by my side to hide the flush creeping up my face. I forgot all about Levi and the crowd waiting for us, the seconds passing by, when Phoenix tilted my face to the side and brought our lips together.