XXVII: I'm no hero

《 ASPEN GRISWOLD 》

My plan to trick Phoenix into taking a nap didn't work, but at least it gave us a moment to lie down. It was easy to forget our pressing issues as Phoenix snaked his hand under my shirt and let it rest on my stomach, the heat of his palm seeping into my skin.

"We should go now." I breathed, and Phoenix bit my lower lip to show just how much he supported the idea.

"Just one more minute." Phoenix insisted. I tucked Phoenix closer from the collar of his shirt and stole another quick kiss. Then I pulled back.

"We'll just have to get it over with." I told Phoenix, as he raked a hand through his hair and rolled onto his back. He looked so wretched I opened my mouth to grant him that minute.

"I'm no hero." Phoenix spoke first. "I'm just some random guy from Charlotte and I can barely take care of myself, let alone the entire fucking world."

"Hero or not, you do see that wherever you go, people rally around you?" Phoenix grunted, and I went on: "They're not looking for some Hercules or, I don't know, Superman, they just want someone who is stubborn enough to make a difference."

"Ugh, fiiine." Phoenix groaned and sat up. "But I'm still getting cult vibes from all of this, and it's creepy as fuck."

"Duly noted." I muttered and hopped up onto my feet, before giving myself a chance to lose courage, offering my hand to Phoenix. With a final sigh, he let me haul him up.

The dining hall echoed with voices, people laughing and having conversations in a myriad of languages. But the second we walked in, the crowd fell silent. Birdy rushed to us, guiding us in the centre of the ample space. As more people started to gather around us, all I wanted was to be alone with Phoenix again.

Their unflinching attention followed our every movement, turning my legs to jelly. I don't how I managed to stay upright as we climbed on one of the tables. It was the closest thing to a podium in the hall, and we needed one to reach even one half of our audience.

The last time I had seen that big a crowd, in the grandstand at a soccer game, was a lifetime ago.

"Let me start by saying that these two are under my protection. Nothing bad happens to them." Birdy peered at the crowd for objections. When there weren't any, she turned to explain to Phoenix and me, with that same carrying voice: "These people are what I call awake. They've chosen the real world over the dream's imitation of it."

I studied the clear-eyed faces, the benevolent expressions wherever my gaze landed. Some had a darker complex, some lighter; some were old and some young. All of these people, coexisting in peace. I hadn't thought I would ever get to see anything like that since the beginning of The After.

"It took me a while to figure out, but you have to be awake to see me here, on this side. You have to want to go home, back to your friends and families, more than you want to stay here, asleep." Birdy beamed at our audience. "All of these people know that we three are here to make it happen, to bring them back home."

Okay, it was a little bit like a cult.

When Birdy turned to face Phoenix, he cleared his throat. As he faced the crowd again, he clasped his hands together. Only Birdy and I were close enough to see how they trembled. I wouldn't have taken him for someone with stage fright, but then again, not every presentation had the future of the world depending on it.

"My name is Phoenix, but I guess you already knew that." He let out a dry chuckle, which was received with a few smiles in the audience. "You also know that I made the money disappear. And now you want to know why and how I did that. Well, it all started with a gay uncle.."

Phoenix's eyes sparkled when he recalled his favorite book, the one his uncle gave to him, and how he started to question the worth of money after reading it. The sparkle dimmed when he got to the part where he found his uncle dead in his garden. There was a tremor in his voice as he laid bare the truth about his bipolar disorder, and how it started after his uncle's passing.

"Then, sometime before The After, I was on the peak of a manic episode and, unfortunately, that was the time my ex stumbled upon me and wanted to talk things through." Phoenix's gaze shifted to Levi, and the intense eye contact they shared made my chest grow tight. "And.. long story short: instead of talking, I crashed his car and my parents disowned me."

Levi stared at Phoenix, unblinking, until the look in his eyes softened and his mouth curved to a smile. I didn't know what to make of that.

"I fell into another depressive episode, and the only thing that could get me up from that funk was the book my uncle gave me." Phoenix shrugged. "We, my friends and I, just wanted to do something good for the environment. It gave my life a meaning, and I felt better again. But.. it didn't stop there."

It made sense that Phoenix could withstand a month alone in the amusement park, whereas I would have lost my mind in less than a week. He had been struggling with his mind ever since he was a kid. No matter what Phoenix said, he wasn't just some random guy from Charlotte. All heroes had a tragic backstory, didn't they?

"I became convinced I could make money disappear from the world, and that it was going to be the thing that saved us all. It was supposed to be like any other delusional thought, but it actually worked." Phoenix glanced at me, a wry grin on his lips. "And the next thing I knew, everyone wanted me dead."

All I had done with my life was play soccer, sneer at my girlfriend's taste in books and buy overpriced frappuccinos. Then, at the first sign of misfortune, I turned half the world to gold. I was no hero, I was still little more than a villain.

"I.. I was one of those people." I chimed in. I dared to gaze at Levi, but the only sign of anger or shock was the slight furrow of his brows.

I launched into a story about my dad, and how I was convinced killing Phoenix would end the curse. By the time I got to the part where I met Willow and Pierre in the woods, and I got stuck explaining the details of our meals, I realized I was stalling.

"Phoenix didn't cause Gold fever. I did." My words caused a collective gasp in the crowd. I didn't cower when I took in their curiosity, meeting each of their stares. "It was all-"

My world grinded to halt, when my gaze landed on a pair of all too familiar green eyes. My mother was standing by the wall, away from the crowd. Her arm was around one of my sisters, keeping her from running to me, and with her free hand she clutched my other sister's shoulder. My mother. My sisters.

"But he saved our lives.." Phoenix's voice, as he took over, almost drowned under the humming in my ears. I couldn't tear my gaze from my mother, the wary amazement on her blanched face. I opened my mouth and closed it, as lost as a fish on the shore.

Seconds were minutes, minutes were hours, as I stared at them. I had never allowed myself to dream of the day I would get to see my family again. But there they were, and.. they knew. They knew they had turned to gold not because of Phoenix, but because of me.

Phoenix's hand on my shoulder brought me back to the stage, and I could make out his words again. I drew in a deep breath, then another, while he explained: "Aspen is still awake. I mean, he's awake on the other side. Or, well, technically on both sides.. But anyhow, he'll use his magic on the real side while I use mine on this side. We just need a little help to make that happen."

A murmur rose from the crowd, as people turned to speak to each other. Some were gaping at me, like they couldn't believe there was someone who could walk on both sides. And it was worlds better than anger or disappointment, so I didn't mind.

Levi asked: "How can we help? We're not magical, but I know I'll do whatever it takes to get out of here."

"We'll build a pyre." Phoenix sighed, swallowing back his unease. "With whatever wood we can get, just as long as it's big enough for.. the ceremony."

By then people had already started to demand more answers and offering their help. Birdy had taken charge of the questions, but Phoenix added a detail here and there.

"What's wrong?" Phoenix leaned closer, furrowing his brows at me.

Before I could open my mouth to answer, a pair of arms yanked me off the table. My stomach dropped as the solid ground slipped from underneath my feet, and behind me Phoenix made a sound that was much like an outcry.

But then I was standing on the ground and the same arms that had pulled me down, now wrapped around me, engulfing me into a tight embrace.

I knew who she was in an instant, and would have known even if I hadn't seen her just a moment ago. The touch was as familiar as breathing to me, as was the fresh scent of pure linen and her favorite ylang ylang essential oil, the one that always lingered in the manor after she took a bath.

"I'm so sorry, mom. I'm so, so sorry for what I've done." I couldn't keep the pleading edge off my voice as I threw my arms around her. I tried and failed to swallow back my tears as I echoed the same apologies over again.

"What are you sorry for?" My mother whispered, voice thick with tears. "I'm sorry you've had to go through all that without us. Without your family." Then, with unmistakable pride in her quiet tone: "You are my son, and you're a hero. You both are."

And with those words, with all these people looking up to us, some last spindle of guilt and shame dislodged from my chest. As soon as it was gone, I could breathe easier again.

----

Sorry it took me a bit longer with his chapter. I've been ill, and also kind of stuck with this chapter. It's still not as good as I'd hoped for, but I guess it'll have to do. :)