Chapter 65

WARNING: MATURE CONTENT!!! DON'T READ IF YOU'RE UNDERAGED OR IF YOU DON'T LIKE! 😅

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The sky thundered and lightnings flashed. A heavy drizzle descended down, slapping against the dark green lotus leaves. Their little dripping sounds were immediately drowned by the sound of the thundering waterfall. The ghostly gloom deepened. An icy wind blew.

Li Yan kissed Shen Nuo under the heavy drizzle until Shen Nuo's lips were red and swollen. A thin bloodline left the corner of Shen Nuo's lower lip but it was quickly washed away by the lashing drizzle.

The waters that dripped down their chins were mingled with their painful tears of two lifetimes. Only sorrow, pain, distress and anger...

Shen Nuo wrapped his shuddering arms around Li Yan's back, slowly pulling him closer, kissing so desperately that their scorching bodies carved into each other.

It was as if under that icy winds and cold drizzle of the evening, they seek warmth in each other's solace, intimately entangling themselves like this. When Li Yan broke the kiss to let Shen Nuo catch his loosing breath, Shen Nuo was already panting.

Their lips were so close that they were touching and brushing against each other with every slight move between them. Their nose tips were firmly pressed against each other. Li Yan was looking at Shen Nuo with red eyes.

Shen Nuo's lips were still trembling. "Li Yan..." He whispered hoarsely into Li Yan's lips, murmuring into each other's mouths. "You said you cared about me. Did you ever once asked me how... I would feel prisoned between the four walls of yours? Did you ever ask me what I would like to do... or what I want?"

When silence replied to this question, more and more tears poured down his eyes. His heart was beating wildly. He choked again. "All these times, did it ever occur to you how I would feel when you yell at me without cause or a reason?"

Li Yan did not say anything. But his moist eyes were narrowed as they continued to stare at Shen Nuo darkly. "It was you who made me into a monster, Shen Nuo..." His whisper was also utterly hoarse. "Didn't you say you want the divorce? Didn't you say you hated me? Didn't you say you regret our marriage?" That voice was wrenched with anger and sorrow.

Shen Nuo closed his trembling lashes, breathing hard. Tears left his eyes. His expression was very painful. "I -"

But Li Yan bit his lower lip neither hard nor soft. Shen Nuo gasped, feeling a freezing shudder run down his back. "Nnngh..."

Li Yan's eyes were bloodshot. "You once said you wish if you never married me. You said if it wasn't for Minghe, you would have already fled the palace. Didn't you? If it wasn't for hate, then what is it?"

Shen Nuo was was already shuddering as he weakly lied on the stone, leaning his lame back against the mossy stony wall behind him. His glassy eyes were fixed at Li Yan. His face looked a bit speechless. "So you... believed it all, just like that?"

Li Yan's eyes darkened. "Would you dare joke on something like that, Shen Nuo? Feelings are like toys for you, isn't it? So what if I'm the Emperor? Am I not also human?"

Shen Nuo who looked at Li Yan's face couldn't take it anymore. He pulled Li Yan closer and hugged him tightly with tears. His face was burried in Li Yan's chest. His shoulders trembled convulsively and low and broken sobs escaped his lips. "Let me speak first... I -"

"It was my wrong calculation even from the begining." Li Yan said in a broken voice. "Yes, I hurt you. I yelled at you. I forced you. I did everything I could do only to keep you by my side. I felt jealous when you were happy with others. I was afraid I might loose you. I was afraid you might not love me anymore..."

"You're an idiot, Li Yan." Shen Nuo whispered hoarsely. "You're the most stupid person I've ever seen. You hurt me this far without considering my feelings when the answer that you wanted from me had been with you all along?" He gulped. "Ask yourself! Will the blood promise work if I was cheating on you? You gave me the blood promise when I was eleven. And still I responded to you. Since then, though you might have forgotten in your stupid blindness, I've been always there!"

Li Yan was stunned. He felt as if stabbed. He did not know what to feel. His heart bled.

Shen Nuo slowly raised his narrowed eyes to Li Yan.  "But it's alright! And now you want to leave me as if nothing is there between us. You only cared for your feelings. Did you forget I lost my chastity to you? You can give me everything I lost but can you give me back my chastity that I lost to you!!?" He shouted out in pain. Tears welled down his face, scorching his frozen cheeks. He broke into a breathless cry, hiding his face in his palms. "No matter how you felt ignored, I also cared for you, Li Yan... I didn't even know why you hated me for a start. You didn't tell me anything. Have you ever thought what I would feel all along?"

Li Yan was silent for a long time. His eyes were tightly shut. Tears streamed down his eyes. He gulped and his adam's apple slid down his throat. When he opened his eyes slowly, they were already covered with a layer of fine blood vessels. "Nuo Nuo." He said in a hoarse whisper. "I'm sorry..."

Shen Nuo's lips trembled. "I will never forgive you for that, Li Yan, I -" He couldn't continue anymore. And the rest of his words were swallowed into his mouth. Li Yan slammed his lips against Shen Nuo again and kissed him furiously. He kissed him furiously like he had never kissed him before. Their lips entangled and tongues intertwined. It was as if they wanted to merge with the other person, never wanting to part. It was intense and passionate, but also bitter and painful.

Shen Nuo slowly slid his hands onto Li Yan's wet back, his shuddering fingertips drawing curves against that sensitive skin and Li Yan broke the kiss with a gasp. Their swollen and wet lips brushed against each other. Li Yan pressed his lips against Shen Nuo again, his strong arms around Shen Nuo's waist, pulling him closer, causing goosebumps to swarm on every inch upon Shen Nuo's skin as their bodies pressed.

Their clothes were wet and sticked onto their skin. There was no difference between clothed or nude.

For a long time, they kissed each other thirstily, pushing against each other. The drizzle became a lashing rain. The icy mists rose in curtains moving above the cold waters amid sleeping lilies. Shen Nuo shuddered violently. His fingertips trembled as they raked through Li Yan's wet hair. He moaned into Li Yan's kiss when Li Yan gently sucked his lips. Li Yan parted, tugging at Shen Nuo's lapels. "Do you want me to stop?"

Shen Nuo stared at Li Yan amid the rain. "That isn't something you should ask me now." His voice shuddered.

Li Yan grasped from his shoulders tightly. His breath was extremely heavy. "Shen Nuo. Then what do you want?"

Shen Nuo lowered his face blushing furiously. His palm that was at the back of Li Yan's head slid down to his chest, causing Li Yan to gasp stiffening. That hand then slowly slid down the waist and paused at the waist laces of Li Yan. Shen Nuo didn't speak a word. But the meaning was very clear.

Li Yan did not move his eyes away from him. His eyes were red. "But didn't you say you were underaged?" He asked in a hoarse voice.

Shen Nuo was now completely red. His face was scorching hot. He narrowed his eyes at Li Yan. "It's not like you haven't done anything to me before!" That voice was wrenched in bitterness. "You didn't mind doing anything to me when I was eleven. Did you care anything back then, no, right?"

Li Yan's heart bled. He hugged Shen Nuo tighter, pressing his wet forehead against Shen Nuo's forehead. He felt painful. Yes, once he did that shameless thing and nearly destroyed a child. Shen Nuo was only eleven. Li Yan did not know what to feel. All amid that pain, at the depths of his heart, it was also numb. "I'm sorry, ok?"

"But it's alright!" Shen Nuo said in a broken voice, looking at Li Yan with a bitter smile. "I'm already married to you anyway. So it doesn't matter, I guess. I'm ready..."

Li Yan shook his head and tears left his closed eye. His fingertips trembled. No. He shouldn't be doing this. He is a person to die. He cannot leave anything for Shen Nuo to regret.

Shen Nuo looked at him sadly and pursed his wet lip silently. His eyes were red and glassy. "Didn't you want this for a long time? Now I'm willing to give it to you not because I think I should pity you. Li Yan, I... I love you too..." That voice trailed into silence and Shen Nuo lowered his scorching face. "Zhanhua only marked me temporarily the both times he got me. I... I want you to mark me fully now, and make me only yours..."

"No." Li Yan said hoarsely, hugging Shen Nuo tighter. He pressed his lips against the top of Shen Nuo's head. "I don't have any lubricants right now. It will hurt."

"It's fine, as long as it's you." Shen Nuo smiled genuinely. "Even if it hurts, I would still like it."

Li Yan lowered his face to look at the person who was a foot shorter than him. "Are you sure?" He asked gulping. "Are you sure you won't regret this no matter what kind of hardships you might face in the future? I might not be beside you. Can you handle everything all by yourself?"

Shen Nuo was already feeling dizzy amid Li Yan's fragrance. "What do you mean by might not be beside you?" He asked hazily. "I would not regret tonight. Please make me yours. Li Yan, I love you!" He shut his eyes, tears falling down them. "Everything that you give me, I'll cherish it until the moment I die..." He slowly loosened his robes and waited for Li Yan.

Li Yan was silent for a long time. His eyes were covered with fine blood vessels. Then finally he pulled out his broad waist laces and blindfolded Shen Nuo's eyes with it. A shudder ran chilling down Shen Nuo's spine. Li Yan leaned forth and reached Shen Nuo's ear and his hot and scorching breath splayed burning Shen Nuo's neck.

"Don't beg me mercy later! You asked it for yourself!"

"Ok!" Shen Nuo said with a smile. But his lips trembled and fingertips shuddered. The wet laces gently got moist with his tears.

For a while, Shen Nuo was vaguely aware of the sudden freezing coldness as Li Yan removed his clothes. He couldn't help but shudder. This was his first time. He was also... very afraid. He had heard that the first time would be painful...

Shen Nuo couldn't see. He did not know when Li Yan got undressed himself. Few minutes later, the icy coldness of the deepening dusk was immediately replaced by the extremely hot, skin to skin contact with Li Yan.

Shen Nuo trembled violently in the stimulation as a heat gathered at his thighs. What was it? Anger? Pain? Embarrassment ? Satisfaction? Or ecstasy? He did not know. He twisted his body uncomfortably but Li Yan held him gently but firmly, pushing him further against the wet stony wall. "Nuo Nuo, don't move..." He heard Li Yan's hoarse whisper next to him. "If you don't move, it won't hurt much..."

Shen Nuo nodded anxiously. His heart was thundering inside him. No matter what, he couldn't get use to the strange feeling that devoured him to the marrow of his bones. He was afraid. "Wait!" He murmured in a trembling voice. "First, kiss me..."

Lightnings flashed brightening the entire territory of mountains. A loud thunder clapped above them with an earth shattering groan. Rain lashed down heavily upon them. But it did not matter.

So Li Yan sealed Shen Nuo's mouth with his, slowly squeezing his waist between Shen Nuo's legs. He slowly guided Shen Nuo's legs around his waist and Shen Nuo got the meaning and wrapped his shuddering legs around Li Yan's waist.

Shen Nuo only felt something extremely hot and hard press between his legs. By the moment Li Yan penetrated him, it gave him earth shattering pain. His lower body went numb and limp. His mind went instantly blank.

He forcefully broke the kiss and threw his head back, exposing his flushed supple throat, tightening his eyes and his lashes trembled convulsively. His entire body shuddered. "Noh! Don't move! It hurts!" He whimpered in a hoarse and a broken voice. Sobs escaped his lips.

His hands clenched onto the brim of the flat stone he was sitting on so tightly that his knuckles went pale in the pressure. His face was white in pain. Sweat beads frosted his temples. Tears bursted off his hazy red eyes.

Li Yan burried his head in Shen Nuo's neck. He gently pulled back and entered deeper. A stab of pain pierced Shen Nuo down his waist, making his entire body go limp in an instant. He started crying. But his voice drowned in the sound of rains and thunders. Only a painful weeping was heard, mixed with the sorrowful notes of falls that thundered down to the rocks infront of them.

So under the misty curtains of the falls, Li Yan marked Shen Nuo, his sharp teeth boring down Shen Nuo's neck, deeper than the mark make by Zhanhua. Blood lines left the mark. Shen Nuo trembled violently. Li Yan sucked the wound gently to ease off the pain.

Then he locked Shen Nuo's lips in his without further word. He kissed Shen Nuo furiously. Shen Nuo didn't hold back either. He kissed Li Yan back until their entangling tongues and lips felt numb.

Shen Nuo ran out of his breath soon. He felt dizzy and did not realize Li Yan had started moving inside him again. Li Yan thrusted in, neither slow nor quick but with each move, he entered deeper.

No. Shen Nuo wanted to see Li Yan. He raised his trembling arms to remove the laces binding his eyes. But Li Yan grasped from both his wrists and pressed them against the cold wall either side his head. Their slender fingers slowly intertwined with each other. Li Yan bit his lower lip. "Tonight, I will make you cry."

Tears felled down Shen Nuo's eyes. The pain he felt in his thighs slowly dissipated. Blood dripped down drop by drop, staining the wet stony floor from where they were deeply connected and flowed away in lines, along with Shen Nuo's virginity.

It was pain but also some other foreign feeling that made him feel strangely pleasured. Shen Nuo slowly realized that he has liked it. He had liked this man and had wanted this though he refused to admit it for two lifetimes.

Though they belonged to different timelines, still this person was from his previous birth. This person was once his husband, the person to whom he was bound with marriage. After recovering original Shen Nuo's memories, modern Shen Nuo didn't want to part with this person anymore.

He must have unknowingly endured it for nearly a month but now he could no longer. So he put aside all his sorrows and worries, threw his hands over Li Yan's shoulders and hugged him tightly.

Amid his convulsive shudders, he also helplessly cried. Yes, he ignored Li Yan for two lifetimes but now, no matter it was love or hate that is between them, Shen Nuo would not let go of him.

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Though I love writing intimate and passionate scenes, I hate writhing smut. Just jotted it down on a paper and typed here. Didn't even go for a recheck. 😅 You guys ignore if there are any mistakes, ok? And since you waited for so long, I decided to give one more chapter like this. 😭