Strangers again. (45)

Bella left the room.

As soon as I heard the door close, I burst into tears. They stream copiously down my face, but they offer no relief.

My heart feels like it's being crushed under an unbearable weight.

It's like I'm going to just fall apart in any moment.

Memories of her flood in my mind, and each one is like a knife twisting into the wound.

I keep recalling her voice, the warmth of her body... the eager and delicate way in which we made love...

Everything shattered into pieces now and it's only my fault.

If I can't even believe in myself, what can I believe in?

Not even in what we could have had.

And I can't stop thinking about the consequences.

And I can't stop thinking about how I'll be her ruin.

The only way to prevent that... the only way to do that is to stay away. To let her go.

Even if it kills me.

I clung to the shirt I was wearing, her shirt... in which I could smell her scent.

Tears fell down on it too, but I don't want to, and I don't dare to take it off.

I pressed my face deeper into the pillow, every sob was a cry for something I couldn't have.

I couldn't have her but I yearned for her.

Every inch my body yearned her and I couldn't do anything about it.

I closed my eyes and I see her, I fell asleep devastated at first light.

*BELLA'S POV*

This night I understood what it means to lose control of your own emotions.

And I'm not okay with that, definitely not okay with that.

I had never felt more exposed and vulnerable than this.

It's like my heart it's made of lead.

The dim light of this fucking resort barely guided me to my room but I was gasping for air, so I went to the balcony.

"Fuck me... Fuck me..." I muttered walking back and forth.

Pride and anger are bubbling within me like a fire I can't put out.

I sat down, trying to regain control of myself, but I couldn't fight the tears that were coming.

How everything slipped trough my fingers like that? Is it me?

I don't want to lose her, I'm not ready yet.

And I can't help but think about how I've hurt her.

The memory of her face and the hurt in her eyes...

I had pushed as far as I could go, and said things to her that I didn't mean. Fuck–I didn't mean it.

Just because I couldn't stop from snapping.

Just because my fucking pride got in the way.

What the hell is wrong with me?

She is probably hating me.

She must be.

And it would be easier if I hated her, to make this easier on myself.

But I don't.

I mean, how could I?

When everything that I have left is still burning for her.

God, it would be so much easier to just walk away, to pretend none of this meant anything. But it did.

She does.

Every damn moment it's her.

And no matter how hard I try, I can't fucking turn that off.

And what's worse? I don't even know if I deserve her anymore.

I couldn't sleep at night , I was just yearning for her body and us together in my bed.

ELLIE' POV

It's morning again, I'm all bruised, but the sun is shining.

It's 6:30 am, the pillow is still damp, it's dawning, and the first thing that comes to my mind is the sunrise we saw together in the terrace.

I walked slowly towards the bathroom.

My eyes were swollen and red and my hair was disheveled, from tossing and turning.

I carried myself to take a shower, which lasted an hour.

Tears mixed with water.

Picking up the phone, I knew there would be no text from her and there was no point in believing it.

There was another kind of text though.

And it was from Joe:

>

I forgot the world is still going despite the hollow in my chest and... today Joe and Leo are coming back.

I have to stitch myself up and pretending I'm okay, which is what I do best.

I put on some concealer to hide my dark circles, a dark blue dress, my Converse, and I head out.

I sit on a bench and stare out at the sea, it makes me calm down a little.

I closed my eyes, gasping for some fresh air as I hear my heart was beating in my

throat.

Suddenly I felt I was not alone...

I felt a strong desire inside me, something too strong to resist, and I know perfectly why...

I turn around and there's Bella.

She put herself at a proper distance from me, not daring to look at me, staring at an indefinite point in front of her.

Her wavy red hair, blowing in the wind, her arms folded.

She was wearing a dark blue strap dress with burgundy trims.

Oh, she was gorgeous like always.

She suddenly turned and looked at me; my heart stopped.

Her face looked tired, her eyes lightly red, her lashes slightly wet, her lips pressed together, her jaw clenched.

I think she is hating me.

She must definitely hate me.

Not a word was said, but there were a thousand and nothing haunts like the words left unsaid.

We end up being strangers again.

She's just a stranger I know everything about.

I lowered my gaze, holding back my tears.

In that moment I heard footsteps coming toward us.

I had to get up and pull myself together.

Pretending to be okay when I'm not.

Leo and Joe were coming toward us, he had already spread his arms wide for me.

I stood still, not daring to move.

He hugged me, as my hands were still resting on my hips.

"Kid..." He whispered into my ear.

His voice sends chills down my spine.

His arms don't bring me warmth.

I looked at Bella; she glanced in my way, her expression darkening like a storm, she turned away and hugged Leo as if she really needed an embrace.

I took a deep breath, feeling the insurgent distance.

"Finally reunited, girl..." Joe keep whispering, mischievously.

He came dangerously close to my lips, but I turned away, he end up kissing my neck.

I faked a smile. "You okay?"

"Yes, now." He muttered.

He tossed a hand on my shoulder, yanking me closer to his body.

He looked at Bella, then smiled— a cold smile that felt completely forced.

"Red." He greeted her as if it were a threat.

Bella didn't say anything back, but if a look can kill....

"Did you guys had breakfast?" Leo asked us when he came to greet me.

Bella and I both shooked our head.

"Let's have one together, shall we?" He continued.

Bella and I exchanged a quick, confused look as the tension hung in the air.

Before I knew it, Joe pulled me closer as we started to walk.

"I missed you so much, I can't wait to stay alone with you... let's just skip breakfast and go to our room..."

Our room....

I smiled nervously: "I'm actually hungry..." That was a lie.

"Next then." He smirked.

That's what it was supposed to be, right?

That's what I decided.

Yet, I feel bad just thinking about it.

~

Breakfast together was something that was not on my mind and was making me more nervous than I already was.

We sat at a table of four, Bella in front of me, Joe next to me.

Her face remained a mask of calm indifference, not a flicker of emotion crossing her features, but behind that, her big brown eyes betrayed an hidden storm.

"We fucking had a hella good time!" Joe laughed, putting his arm around my neck.

"And what you girls were up to?" He asked immediately after, his voice was sarcastic for some reason.

I can't help but start sweating cold.

"Oh–we had a pretty good time too. No worries."

Bella's voice interrupted that awkward silence.

She crossed her arms.

Her voice was sarcastic, but truth was within it.

"Hm, doesn't seem like it from your impassive expressions." Joe grinned.

I sighed hesitantly.

The tension in her jaw tightened.

"Well, you're wrong. We did have a lot of fun— probably more than you might be able to keep up with."

Again that sarcastic tone.

Shit.

My heart was bursting.

Joe narrowed his eyes at her, an annoyed grin on his face.

"Hm, is that so? Wait until you hear what we did."

"I'm all ears." She stated with a fake smile.

From her sarcastic face, it was obvious that she didn't care at all, nor she was pretending to hide it.

The boys began to talk about their marvelous trip over the vulcanos and the surf competitions....

Bella and I kept throwing strange glances to each other.

Fleeting looks full of unspoken words, mixed with wistfulness and frustration.

Neither of us understood a single word they were saying because we kept glancing at each other and then hiding from it.

And again. And again.

It's like a torture and a pleasure at the same time.

"Wow, can you believe it...?" She said sarcastically looking away, trying to stifle a laugh once they finished their storytelling.

Joe expression couldn't be more annoyed.

And I think she was amused by it.

"So, what about the boat... was it fun?" Leo dared to ask us.

I made a wistful smile: "It was actually the best thing..." I whispered.

Once again we exchanged a look that was both anguished and nostalgic, but I broke it, as I felt like crying.

The waiter interrupted us.

I unconsciously ordered the same things Joe ordered.

Bella's expression was alarmed about it or maybe I just imagined it...

Yeah, maybe I did.

I stared at the plate in front of me now, I don't want to eat, not that stuff at least.

"We should take the boat for the rest of these days too." Bella suddenly spoke.

Her voice unwavering.

What the hell? What she is up to?

Everyone, and I, turned to her with surprised faces.

"Why?" Joe asked urgently.

"To keep up with you two boys. Can't you handle that?"

She raised an eyebrow in a challenging way.

"Sure, I can." Joe affirmed.

He picked his phone up not daring to waste another minute: "In fact, I will do that immediately."

Bella shook her head, cutting him off.

"You should first ask if your girlfriend is okay with that." She stated.

She swallowed hard, her voice was calm but revealing the doubt she fought to keep hidden.

She looked at me, no longer a sarcastic grin in her face, her gaze steady and intense.

I know she is burning resentment toward me, and I can't blame her honestly, she has every reasons to.

But why this sudden request?

"I'm okay with that." I spoke.

I really don't know anymore what's going on through my mind.

That means stay close to her again, to feel the tension in our eyes, this longing mixed with resentment, but not for a second a negative answer crossed my mind.

Bella let out a sigh of relief, although her face betrayed a restrained tension.

Joe didn't even let me finish my breakfast (not that I was hungry) as he spoke urgently.

"Alright, I'm going to call for the boat, me and Ellie go to our room. See you guys."

He took my hand, making me get up but I didn't want to go.

I looked at Bella, her eyes followed my every move as her lips pressed tightly together.

I can tell we were both feeling helpless right now...

A/N

I HOPE you liked Bella's pov and the twisting of the story so far... 🔥🫠

Ps: you are free to hate on Joe's character FROM NOW AND FOREVER... AHAHAH 🫡🤐👊