Mid-Thirties Slightly Hot Mess Female Seeking Billionaire: Chapter 28

Ethan

Three weeks later.

‘So I’ve been going over the numbers and I think that we’re in a really great spot,’ Jackson says, but I’m barely able to concentrate on the words coming out of his mouth. ‘Hey, Ethan, are you listening to me?’ He asks, and I put my pen down.

‘Sorry, I was distracted. I was just thinking about what Lord Chambers said about…’

‘No you weren’t,’ Jackson says, leaning back in his chair and shaking his head.

‘Sorry. What?’

‘No, you weren’t thinking about anything Lord Chambers has to say.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘You’re thinking about Sarah from copywriting.’

‘No, I’m not.’

‘Sure you’re not. You’re not thinking about if she’s going to come back to the company?’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, Jackson.’

‘So you’re not concerned whatsoever about the fact that Sarah has not been into work for three weeks?’

‘She said she had a sick family member.’

‘She told you this directly?’

‘No, she told HR she needed to take some time off because she needed to visit with some family. She asked how many days off she had and I told HR to let her know that she could take off for as long as she wanted and it would be paid.’

‘Must be nice,’ Jackson says, smirking.

‘What? We are a family oriented company and…’

‘And so what happened between the two of you?’

He stares at me for a couple of seconds and I just shake my head. I feel sick to my stomach. I don’t even know how to tell him what happened. I don’t even know how to process it myself. When she told me she loved me, something in me had ignited and then deflated, because I just didn’t know if I was capable of handling emotions like that. I just didn’t know if I was capable of committing to someone. I didn’t know if I was capable of love.

‘Hey, you okay, Ethan?’ Jackson looks worried. ‘I know I tease you, but what really happened with Sarah?’

‘She told me she loved me.’ I look at him and make a face.

‘Whoa. She really is a hot mess, isn’t she?’ He says, shaking his head. ‘I cannot believe she said that to you. She barely knows you.’

‘Exactly,’ I say. ‘What is going on?’

‘How do you feel about her?’ He asks.

‘What do you mean how do I feel about her?’

‘I mean, even I’ve noticed that you are different.’

‘How am I different?’

‘I don’t know. You’re edgy. You are bitching and moaning. You’re not paying attention. You haven’t asked me once in the last couple of weeks what our profit margin is on our last investment or what…’

‘Look, I just don’t have time for this right now.’

‘It’s okay if you’re falling for her. You don’t have to hide it from me.’

‘I’m not falling for her. I just… Fine. I don’t know what I feel for her. I like being around her. She’s fun. She’s different. She’s quirky. Yeah, but I just cannot commit to anything. I cannot…’ I sigh. ‘You know what’s going on with my parents. It’s just a lot. My dad and my mom had the most fucked up relationship and I saw what it did to her and now he’s having another baby and it’s just not good. Relationships and love suck? They just…’ I pause. ‘I’m not even making sense, am I?’

‘I get it,’ Jackson says. ‘You’re scared to commit. You’re scared to give your heart and you’re scared to accept love because you see how twisted it can be. I understand that.’

‘I know. I just feel bad that she’s not talking to me and I want to see her, and I want to talk to her, and I want to apologize. What if she just never talks to me again?’

‘How would that make you feel?’ He asks.

‘Like fucking shit. I want to see her. Do you know how hard it’s been?’

‘What, to not call her?’

‘No, I’ve been calling her. She won’t answer.’

‘Did you leave a voicemail?’

‘No, I didn’t leave a voicemail because it never went to voicemail.’

‘Oh,’ he says, his eyes wide.

‘What do you mean oh?’

‘She blocked you, dude.’

‘What? What do you mean she blocked me?’

‘If you’re calling her and it’s not going to voicemail, it means she blocked you.’

‘Fuck. She blocked me. She hates me.’

‘Or maybe she just loves you so much that it hurts and she couldn’t deal with the fact that you might call her and talk some bullshit to her.’

‘Fuck., I screwed this up, didn’t I?’

‘Depends,’ he says.

‘On what?’ I ask.

‘If you do love her.’

‘I barely know her. I…’

‘Ethan.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Let’s be honest here.’

‘I’m always honest.’

‘Do you think that you love her?’

‘What do you mean do I think that I love her?’

‘Do you think that…’ He pauses as we hear a knock on the door.

‘Yeah,’ I call out.

Edith opens it. ‘Hi, Ethan?’ She looks hesitant.

‘Yeah. What is it?’

‘Your mom’s here.’

‘My mom?’ I jump up. Jackson looks surprised.

‘Yeah. Can I let her in?’

‘Sure,’ I say, rushing to the door.

My mom walks in and I feel nervous. Is she about to have another nervous breakdown?

‘Mom, is everything okay? Is dad okay? Is…’

‘I’m fine,’ she says, walking in, a bright smile on her face. ‘You look handsome.’

‘Thanks.’ I’m surprised by her words.

‘Jackson, darling.’ She walks over to him and gives him a hug as he stands up. ‘So good to see you.’

‘Always a pleasure to see you, Mrs. Rosser,’ he says, kissing both of her cheeks. ‘You look absolutely radiant.’

‘Why thank you,’ she giggles. ‘Can I have a seat?’

‘Of course, mom. Do you want anything?’

‘No, I’m good.’ She sits and looks around the office. ‘Wow. It looks very nice in here and that view,’ she says, looking out the window.

I chuckle slightly at her comment. It reminds me of what Sarah had said when she’d first come into the office.

‘What is it, dear?’ She asked me.

‘Oh, your comment. It just reminded me of someone I know.’

‘Oh?’ She looks curious but doesn’t say anything.

Jackson takes a seat again. ‘Someone I know as well?’

‘Perhaps,’ I say, glaring at him. I’m not going to continue the Sarah conversation with him now.

‘Would you like me to leave?’ Jackson goes to stand up again. ‘Is this a private conversation or…’

‘No, you can stay.’ She beams. ‘You are Ethan’s best friend, and I’m sure he doesn’t mind you being here.’

‘Not at all. I have no secrets from Jackson,’ I say.

‘You don’t?’ He asks, and I just roll my eyes.

‘What’s going on, mom?’

‘I just wanted you to know that I’m going to India.’

‘What?’ I frown slightly. ‘What happened? Do you need money? What is going on?’

‘I don’t need anything dear. I’m going on a yoga and meditation retreat.’

‘You’re doing what?’ My jaw drops. ‘I’m confused.’

‘I’m divorcing your father.’

‘You’re divorcing dad?’

‘He’s cheated on me for most of our marriage, he’s gaslit me. He’s been unfaithful. He’s hurt me and I’ve put up with it. I don’t know why. Maybe because I loved him. Maybe because I felt like I needed to give you a two-parent household, which I regret.’

‘What do you mean, mom?’

‘I mean, I think I did you a disservice by staying with dad.’

‘What?’

‘I’ve never seen you in love. I’ve never seen you in a relationship. I’ve never seen you even close to being married, and I think that’s because of what you’ve witnessed with me and your dad. All the nights and days I spent crying and the shopping and the arguments, it had an effect on you.’

I pressed my lips together and don’t say anything.

‘And I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for that. I didn’t know how to just be by myself. I didn’t know how to be a single mother looking after my son. I didn’t know how to not have a man by my side, and yet, you know what I realized?’

‘No.’ I shake my head.

‘I realized that even though I had your father, I was still alone. Even though I was a wife, I was still a single mom. Even though everyone thought I had it all, I had nothing.’

‘You had me,’ I say softly, remembering all those nights we sat on the couch and watched TV together. And the nights she read me books, and the nights she sang to me and the nights she was too tired and sad to even eat with me.

‘I could have been a better mom to you,’ she says, leaning forward and grabbing my hands. ‘You have been my everything. I love you so much, Ethan. You have been my savior, your father’s savior, your grandparent’s savior.’

‘My savior as well,’ Jackson says, and I look at him. ‘Your friendship means a lot to me,’ he says.

My heart expands and I nod because Jackson has also been my savior, the best friend a guy could ever ask for, but I don’t know how to let him know that just then.

‘I’m going to India because I’ve really gotten into yoga and I want to find myself. I want to find my purpose in life before it’s too late. I know the two of you see me as an old woman, but I still got some life left in me, yet.’ She giggles slightly and I frown.

Was my mom giggling like a little school girl? ‘But you’re divorcing dad?’

‘It’s been a long time coming,’ she says. ‘I haven’t been happy. He’s not been happy, and I don’t want this to be my life. I don’t want to be on my deathbed and wish I’d done a million things that I haven’t. It’s time for me to be strong. It’s time for me to be independent. It’s time for me to open my heart to the world, and I just hope that you can do the same thing.’

‘You want me to go to India and do yoga with you?’

‘No,’ she laughs. ‘I want you to let love into your life. I…’ She pauses. ‘Your grandparents told me that when you found out that dad had gotten someone pregnant, you told them you couldn’t go. You were at the hospital with someone.’

‘Yeah, and?’

‘Someone important,’ she says, looking at me with narrowed eyes.

‘Maybe. Why?’

‘Someone you love, possibly?’

I stare at her for a couple of seconds and then I look at Jackson. He is leaning forward as well.

I nod slowly. ‘As crazy as this is going to sound, maybe you’re right. Maybe I do love her, but maybe I lost her because I was a fool, and I broke her heart and ran away when she told me she loved me and fuck it.’ I slam my fist on the desk. ‘I think I screwed up.’

‘So you do love her.’ Jackson’s grinning now.

‘Shut up, Jackson. You knew I loved her.’

‘Of course, I knew you loved her. I knew you loved her from the very first moment,’ he says. ‘It was apparent.’

‘What do you mean it was apparent?’

‘I’m your best friend, dude. I knew the moment you saw her in that bar, you fell hook, line and sinker.’

‘Really?’ I chuckle and he nods.

‘I’ve never seen you look at a girl like that before and I’ve never seen one respond to you quite like that either.’

‘What? So you think you knew?’

‘Oh, I 100% knew.’ He laughs. ‘And by the way?’

‘Yeah?’

‘She never posted that personal ad.’

‘What do you mean she never posted it?’ I frown. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘All the posts for the company intranet, they go through me.’ He laughs. ‘Nothing goes public on our company site without my approval. Are you crazy? We’d have people complaining all the time.’

‘So wait, what?’ I gawk at him. ‘So you actually saw what she’d submitted or sent by mistake before it went live?’

‘Yeah,’ he laughs. ‘Perhaps.’

‘Why did you make that thing go live? What the hell were you thinking?’

‘I needed a way for you to become more invested in the situation. I know you, Ethan. You would have taken years to make a move. I just pushed it along.’

‘Oh my gosh, this is absolutely crazy. I don’t believe it.’

‘I think she sounds like a special girl,’ my mom says. ‘Someone I’d like to meet.’

‘She’s got me on block, so I don’t know how likely that’s going to be.’

‘I think if she’s the girl for you, it’ll work out,’ my mom says and stands up. ‘Anyway, I need to go shopping. I’ve got a lot to get done before I head out.’

‘When are you going?’ I say, feeling slightly sad. This is the first time my mom and I have really opened up to each other since I was a little kid and I’m kind of sad to see that she’s going.

‘Not until you work it out with your young lady,’ she says. ‘I want to meet her. I want to make sure I’m leaving you in good hands.’

‘Wait, what? I thought you were going sometime soon.’

‘I have a feeling it will be soon,’ she smiles. ‘But if it’s not, I can wait. I’ve been patient this long.’

‘Mom, you cannot wait on me, on my love life. I…’

‘I want to be there for you, Ethan. You’ve been here for me my entire life and I love you for it. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, son.’

‘Thanks mom. I love you.’

‘Now I’m going to go shopping.’

‘Is that your way of telling me to expect some large credit card bills at the end of the month?’ I laugh.

‘No,’ she shakes her head. ‘Those are only for emergencies now.’

‘What?’ I say in surprise.

‘I’ve got a little bit of money that I’ve been saving through the years, my emergency fund, and I’m going to use that. I need to stop relying on you for everything.’

‘Mom, it’s okay. I am…’

‘No, son. I want to see if I can get by myself. I’m fed up of having to depend on people. I want to see if I can traverse the world alone.’

‘Mom.’

‘I mean, if I need something and I don’t have the money, of course I’ll come to you, son, but let me just try this, okay?’

‘Okay,’ I say. ‘But you know money’s no issue. You know I’ve always got you.’

‘I know and that’s why I love you. You’re my safety blanket and I should have been yours.’

‘You were.’

‘I hope you know I’m always here for you.’

‘I know, mom.’ I get up and walk over to her and give her a big hug. She holds my face and looks at me.

‘My handsome, handsome boy. What are you still doing here?’

‘What? What are you talking about?’

‘Go and get your girl.’

‘What? Now?’

I look back at Jackson and he’s nodding. ‘In every good romance movie, the guy goes running down the street and finds the girl and declares his love for her, and maybe plays the guitar and sings a song,’ he says. ‘I think you should do all of the above.’

‘You think?’

‘Well, maybe not play the guitar and sing a song, but go and find her. Go and apologize. Tell her how you feel.’

‘I don’t even know where she is,’ I say, biting down on my lower lip.

‘I don’t know. I’m sure you can figure it out,’ he says. ‘I think you know her well enough to know the things she enjoys.’

‘Well, she enjoys songwriting and singing and…’ I laugh. ‘Dancing on a pole. She takes these pole dancing classes.’

‘You know where she takes them?’ He asks.

I think for a few moments and then think about being at her apartment and looking at the pole when she was dancing. My brain suddenly clicks as I think of a sticker that was on the edge of the pole that had the name of a dance studio.

‘I think I may know where she dances, but there’s no way that…’

‘You never know,’ he says. ‘If it’s meant to be.’

‘Am I really going to put my faith in if it’s meant to be?’ I ask him and he shrugs.

‘Do you believe in magic, Ethan?’

I stare at him and then I stare at my mom and shake my head. ‘No. I don’t know that I believe in magic, but I do believe in love, finally. And I do believe in Sarah and I believe in myself, and I believe we’re meant to be together. So I’ll see you guys later. I love you both, but I got to go and find my girl.’